Chapter 4; Morning Mayhem

I was half asleep when I could feel an empty space that should've been filled by Jack. I gently laid my arm behind me to make sure I was alone. I sighed realizing I was, in fact, alone. I moved my hand back tucking it under my head and shutting my eyes. I lay there for a few more minutes, realizing what today is. I let out a long groan before sitting up. I reached my arms up toward the ceiling, pushing my legs out straight. I threw the covers off me and climbed out of bed.

I wandered down stairs, finding Jack in the kitchen. "Morning" He smiled sipping his tall glass of milk.

I ran my hand through my messy hair. "Morning" I smiled back grabbing a glass out of the cabinet. I grabbed the Orange Juice from the fridge and poured it into my glass and went to sit at the dining room table. I sipped my juice in silence as I let my mind wander. Today was the day, the day it all would finally sink in. She would be put six feet under. I couldn't lie to myself anymore after today, it was now my reality. The only woman I ever knew to be something of a mother to me was gone.

I was scared shitless, I didn't want to try to figure out my life without her. I wasn't ready, but it seemed as though I didn't have a choice. I held back the tears, my throat got tighter and tighter. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just burst into tears. I tried to do it quietly but it wasn't long before I started to sniffle loud and gasp for air.

Jack walked into the dining room and stared at me, it was like he didn't know what to do. I looked back at him and shook my head. "I can't believe it, Jack. She's really gone!" I cried. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to take slow deep breaths.

I felt his hands wrap around me from behind my chair. "I know, Riley, I know. It's okay, don't cry, it's going to be okay." He lulled letting go of me. I opened my eyes and seen that he was sitting beside me now, he placed his hand over mine. "I know it's hard, but remember what we talked about last night. If I can't cry, neither can you, fucker." He gave me a small comforting smile.

I giggled to myself and nodded. I used my free hand to wipe the tears from my face. "Thank you, Jackie" I smiled.

He removed his hand and nodded. He got up from the chair and pushed it back under the table. "I'm going to go take a shower, if you want you can head on back to your house so you can get ready and I'll come get you when it's time to go."

"Okay, let me just grab my bag –" I stopped myself mid-sentence realizing I didn't remember where I put my bag. "Shit" I muttered. "Where is my bag at Jack?" I asked placing my hand on my forehead racking my brain to remember.

He chuckled and smiled, "In my room. I grabbed it for you last night when we were bringing you in. You probably don't remember…" He laughed.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, awesome, thank you. I didn't even think about it at all."

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, you were pretty wasted. I'm surprise you didn't puke all over yourself. I've never seen you that drunk!" He shrugged, "You kept up with the boys though." He smiled.

I laughed, "Yeah, I've never been that drunk before. I'm surprised I don't have a hangover!"

"The advil probably helped." He grinned.

"Probably" I agreed with a smile. "I guess I should get going, I don't want to have to rush to get ready." I explained walking to put my glass in the sink. He extended his arm out, asking for a good-bye hug. I looked up at him somewhat surprised before I stood on my tip-toes wrapping my arms around his neck. He gently nestled his chin into the curve between my neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist.

He released me and I shrunk back to my normal height. He looked down at me, his crystal gray-blue eyes shimmering. I pulled my lips into a small smile. "Be careful, Rye." He warned. I nodded before heading upstairs to grab my things. After I had gathered everything up, I walked back down and headed for the door, Jack was already out of the kitchen and in the bathroom with the shower running.

I followed out the door and to my house. I walked slowly, carefully watching everything around me. When I was close enough to my house I rummaged through my purse for my house key, quickly unlocking my door and walking in. I closed the door as soon as I made it in and locked it back. I walked up the stairs to my room and scanned the clothes in my closet for an outfit. "Black, black, something black" I muttered flipping through the different items of clothing. "Ah-ha!" I exclaimed pulling out a black strapless dress. I sifted through more clothes to find a black cardigan. I laid the outfit on my bed and grabbed panties and a bra from my drawer.

I went into my bathroom and turned the hot water on, then shifted it to the shower. I undressed and put my hand into the shower to see if the water was warm enough. Seeing that it was, I stepped into the shower. Letting the water cover me and drown out all my thoughts or worries, if it was washing them all away. I let my mind go blank, thinking about nothing, completely empty. I washed my hair, my body and lastly my face. I stood in the water until it started to run cold. I quickly jumped out and grabbed a towel and walked back into my bedroom.

I sat on my bed for a few minutes, just taking it all in. I didn't want to go; I didn't think I could handle it. I take that back I knew I couldn't handle it. I couldn't be a coward either, what did Bobby tell me last night? I need to keep up with the boy, that's what I was going to do, I was going to suck it up and deal. They were going, so should I. I slipped into my dress, pulling on my cardigan afterward. I went back into the bathroom and twisted my bangs before pinning them back out of my face. I looked myself over in the mirror, deciding whether or not I should wear makeup. I laughed at myself once I realized what I was talking about.

I thought skipping makeup all together was the best idea. I returned to my bedroom and started gathering things for my purse. I made sure I placed a few dollars in my wallet and a pack of tissues as well. I grabbed my flats from my closet and slipped them on. I heard something coming from downstairs. It sounded like someone came in the front door, I swallowed hard and my mind began to race.

"Jack?" I called stepping toward the door. Silence was the only thing that answered me. "Fuck" I whispered terrified. "Jack, it's not funny, if it's you speak up." I shouted. I could only imagine how much my voice squeaked. I heard something; someone was coming up the stairs. "Shit, shit, oh shit" I breathed looking around the room for something I could use as a weapon. I panicked and unplugged the lamp from my bedside table; I could hit the robber over the head with it. They weren't walking up steps anymore, now they were coming down the hall. I walked over to the door and stood against the wall, invisible to the person until they were close enough for me to hit them with the lamp. I took a deep breath as they stepped into my view, they walked through the door and I swung.

"Fuck!" I heard a familiar voice yelp. I gasped, realizing it was Jack. "Jesus Christ, Riley!" He yelled holding his nose. "Was that really necessary?" He demanded looking at me furious.

I grew angry after hearing his tone. "Yeah, it was, you fucking prick!" I shouted placing the lamp on the floor. "You need to quit coming into my damn house! I mean I know the extra key is at Ma's but shit! That doesn't give you the right to use it as you please!" I snapped crossing my arms across my chest.

He removed his hand and looked down at it. It held a pool of blood. "Great" he muttered looking down at it. "What the fuck do I do now?" He questioned looking over to me.

I looked at him, his eyes pleading with me. I stepped closer to him, grabbed his hand and placing it back over his nose before shoving his head back and guiding him into my bathroom. I snatched some toilet paper from the roll and placed it over his nose, replacing his bloody hand with the other clean one. "Tilt your head back, dickweed!" I instructed when he tried to look in the mirror. I put the toilet seat down "Sit" I said pushing him back onto it.

I grabbed the peroxide, two tampons and a washcloth from my bathroom closet. "I'm sorry, Riles." Jack frowned.

I shoved his head back and stood over him. "You're going to be even sorrier when I bust your damn lip in a second. Now, hold your damn head back so I can clean it and stop the bleeding." I took the washcloth and poured some peroxide on it and wiped his nose making sure to get the edges too. "Now relax" I told him after I figured the bleeding had stopped. It was still flowing pretty good, so I decided to try something new.

I started unwrapping the tampons and his eyes grew wide. "What the fuck are you doing, Riley?"

"Shut up or it's going up your ass!" I threated pulling them out of the holders. I quickly but gently shoved them up his nostrils.

He furrowed his eyebrows together. "But why?" He begged with puppy dog eyes.

"It's going to help Jack." I assured him with a grin.

He shook his head and chuckled. "You just like making me look like a dumbass…" He corrected with a straight face.

"Maybe" I agreed throwing the trash away before leaving the bathroom. "Wash your hands" I reminded him double checking that I had everything in my purse.

After washing his hands he returned to my room, pausing at my dresser to look at an old photo of us I had framed. "Holy shit, this is ancient!" he said holding it in his hands.

I looked up and laughed realizing he had taken the tampons out of his nose. "Yeah, it's back when we were like 13 or something."

"Yep" He laughed placing it back where he found it. "My God, look at this one!" He grinned picking up a photo of all six of us. "We look so adult!" He noted, "Bobby and Jerry probably were about to move out of Ma's house when this was taken. I remember Angel was talking about joining the military about this time too!"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's about right because that was taken the right before the third and last time my dad would be going to prison." I remembered that photo so than the other one but not only for the reasons about my dad. We were all together then, we all looked so happy, like a real family.

He put it back and turned to look at me. "Ready?" He asked pulling his lips into a small smile.

I sighed, "I think so." I muttered slinging my purse over my shoulder.

He nodded and followed me as I walked downstairs. I shut off a few of my lights before we left. I walked side by side Jack to Ma's. We were silent, I caught him looking at me though, studying me almost. I kept quiet and looked straight forward. He walked ahead of me so he could open the front door, allowing me to walk in before him.

Bobby stood in the middle of the kitchen catching sight of us as we walked in. "What the hell do I look like, Jack? A fucking taxi driver?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "You look like a huge penis to me" I retorted with a small shrug. Jack busted out into laughter.

Bobby's eyes grew narrow, boy did he look pissed. "If you weren't a girl, I'd gut you like a fucking fish!" He snapped pointing his finger at me.

I nodded. "Are we leaving or what?" I asked looking at Bobby then at Jack. Bobby let out an agitated scoff before snatching up his coat and walking out of the house, shutting the door hard behind him. "My God, he is the pissiest fucker I have ever met!" I scowled walking toward the door.

Jack laughed and shut the door behind us. We walked out to the car and found that Bobby hadn't gotten in yet. "Riley, you're riding shotgun." He informed me slipping into the driver's seat. Jack climbed into the back seat without question, I wouldn't be that easy though and Bobby knew that.

"Why am I sitting up front?" I demanded setting my purse in my lap before shutting the door.

Bobby laughed, "So I can pop you every time you're a smartass."

I grinned. "Well, isn't that nice." I retorted feeling a hand against my arm just a few moments later. "Ouch, that kind of hurt!" I whined rubbing my arm where Bobby had slapped me.

"Do not fucking hit her again, Bobby." Jack advised with a cold stare.

Bobby cocked his head to the side. "And what are you going to do if I don't?" I glanced back at Jack, he was on edge. He looked angry, that was an emotion I hadn't seen on him in quite a few years. Jack never got angry, at least not since he'd been a teen or older.

"I'm going to kick your ass, that's what." Jack growled clinching his fists tighter.

"I'll pull over right now if you really feel that way, Jackie!" Bobby laughed.

"Both of you!" I shouted, "Shut the fuck up. Bobby you're a fucking idiot! Stop acting all big and bad, I know you won't actually do anything." I turned to look at Jack, "I can handle it, Jackie. I'm a big girl" I smiled, "Thank you though." I turned back around to find Bobby staring me down. "Could you stop staring at me and drive?" I ordered before looking straight ahead ignoring him.

A few moments later we arrived at the funeral home and all got out. I walked close behind them, dreading the next couple of hours. It was going to feel like eternity and I was sure everyone knew that.