Torin returns to the desk once more, drink and bottle in hand. The terminal's green beams scan her and the recording continues from when she left the room.
"As you can see," she holds up the bottle and glass toward the screen, "I found my elixir of truth. I can hear you say, 'Torin alcohol won't solve anything, but...'" she takes a drink.
The thickness of the liquid is notably light, as if it was carbonated. At first the taste is akin to black current—musty yet strangely sweet- then as she swallows it seems to morph into something completely different. The after taste is atrocious, and almost causes Torin to gag. She closes her eyes and waits for the feeling to pass.
"And you're right, it won't, but I don't need anything solved. I just want to be numb to it all. There is just so much pressure put on me and my crew. Everywhere I go, everyone knows who I am and everyone expects me to be able to save them. I can't save everyone, fu-"she catches herself and lets out a small chuckle, amending, "hell, I can't even save myself sometimes." Her mind flashes to the image of the star field she saw when she lost her life over two years ago.
Usually the memories come as sharp outburst of intense images with sounds, all of it thrown together and chaotic. When she tries to concentrate and focus on the memory, the images blur and the sounds become muffled as if being heard through a helmet with a malfunctioning breather.
"Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is the SSV Normandy! We've suffered heavy damage for an unknown enemy," Joker's voice can be heard above the sounds of exploding consoles.
"Distress beacon is ready for launch. Do you think the Alliance will get here in time?" This voice is always the hardest to clarify. Sometimes it sounds like Alenko, other times Williams. When she turns to answer, the person's face is blocked by sparks coming from exposed wires.
"I'm not doing this just so they can find our frozen corpses! Get to the damn shuttles! That's an order! I'll haul Joker's crippled ass out of here." Her voice is calm with a strong sense of authority.
The sounds of destruction disappear as she makes her way toward the ship's cockpit. This area is exposed to the vastness of space, and allows Torin to see Alchera. From orbit the planet looks magnificent, and she can't help but take it in for a moment. She knows the surface is nothing but ice and rock, but from here it looks like a prefect marble of blue, grays and purples.
A part of the ship floats by and brings her back to her mission. She steps carefully, ensuring her Zero G connections engages. The only sound is her boots as the lock into place. She knows the sound is really just her mind putting a sound to the vibration she feels, but it is reassuring never-the-less.
Up ahead she sees the cockpit, the entrance covered by a force field keeping Joker in a gravity influenced area. She can see his hands moving rapidly over the consoles, trying to save what is left of Normandy.
"Come on Joker, we have to get out of here."
"No I won't abandon Normandy I can still save her." His voice is intense as he continues to frantically work the controls.
"The Normandy is dead, just like us if we don't get the hell out of here."
Torin reaches for Joker and pulls him from his console, ignoring his brittle bone syndrome, and focusing on his life. To her, a few broken bones trumps out a vaporized body, and thus she just drags him to the life pod.
"Easy there, Commander!"
"Suck it up Joker, you've had it easy in that pilot seat. Now shut up and strap in!" She pushes him into the pod just as another shot rocks the Normandy, causing her boots to loose connection.
She tries to grip onto the ship when the explosion rocks everything and sends her sailing away from any sort of life line. She can see the Normandy in pieces all around, pods heading toward the planet, and then a large flash.
Then the memory starts to go into slow motion. There is no sound just a steady kurrrrr (inhale), thump, thump, kusssh (exhale). Torin finds her vision distorted, and unable to see anything clearly. Her eyes blink slowly trying to clear so to orientate herself. She can somewhat make out her body against the background of the planet. She reaches toward her right shoulder to activate her distress beacon, and that is when she hears it. Kuhissss, thump, thump,kuhissss. She tries to reach behind to check the breather, to ensure closure, to stop the leak. Kuhissss thump thump thump thump kuhisssss. Her heart is racing she knows this will use more oxygen but she can't bring herself to calm down. She can't reach. She can't stop the leak. She is finding it harder to breath and tunnel vision is setting in. She tries to focus on the stars, but all she can see is...
Torin shakes herself out of the memory and finds she is short of breath and sweaty.
"It's not natural that I am here. I DIED out there, mom, and yet here I stand. I didn't choose to be here. I accepted my fate. I don't want to face that again, but I do with every damn mission I go on. I face my own death and the possibility of my crews' death.." She pours another glass of ethanol and shoots it down, this time it goes down smoothly.