AN: okay. Some of this might be very intense…should I change the rating to R? I can't really decide.

On another note, I am SOOO sorry my stupid updates have been taking SOOO long. Freshman year is very hectic, but I realized just the other day that it's been more then a month since I updated this fic, and even more with the others. For those who read my other fics (which you should!) Don't worry, I'll get on them soon too. For the rest of you, here you go!

To my lovely, patient reviewers:

Knight who says ni:

All right Mum. Hehe. Thanks

MissBlueAngel:

Thanks a bunch! I appreciate when readers are fans of more than one fic.

Kay:

Hope this chapter does that for you J

Ohawhim:

Thanks, sorry about the cliffie (but now don't you want to read this chapter more?? Hehe)

Lord Amber:

Oops, that was a typo. That's interesting that her name means flower of the heart. Hmm I'll try and incorporate that somewhere. J

PruneJuice:

Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I will email you when I am complete with the English version.

AmourLily:

Thanks so much, here's an update.

Susan:

Giggles…I know.

Moon Archer:

Yay! Someone who likes the flashbacks. Thanks.

Whimsical Archer.

Thanks!

Jade:

It's all revealed in this chapter. If you're still confused, review with your question and I'll answer it in the next chappie.

Thanks to all who reviewed, it REALLY makes my day! If it's not too much trouble, tell me what you think of this chappie too.

And on with the show!

Chapter 4

"You're so much more beautiful than your mother," His hot breath actually sent a chill down her spine when he gasped into her face, "Sexier. Hotter…Oh, god…"

She just let him do it now. She knew it would hurt more if she struggled. She knew he would hurt her if she struggled.

He rolled off of her, and she choked back tears in her when he didn't leave.

No more, please…my bones are tired, my flesh is cold, my heart is dead…

"Your mother is in the way, in the way of what could be between us." He brought his hand to her cheek, running his finger up to her temple, and running a hand through her silverish blond hair, and she held in the feeling to scream. "Don't worry baby, I'll take care of it. I'll take care of her. And then we can live happily ever after, okay?"

His brown eyes pierced into her, showing the lust he'd pressed into her the first day he'd seen her pretty face, the day her mother and him got married. She could feel her insides burn from his intensity, and she could barely choke down her horror.

Every night. Every night he'd come in. Fleur had not saved enough money yet to leave home, and of course her mother did not support her in that department, not wanting to let her out of her grip yet, so Fleur still lived at home. She was a waitress at the wizarding restaurant in the city during the day, and her mother worked nights as a nurse at a Witch's retirement home. Little Gabrielle went to bed around nine most nights, except on Saturdays when Mama did not work, and they all sat around and played chess, bouncing lazy talk off each other's ears. But, every other night, he'd come to greet here around ten, smiling like a man who had just shot ten rabbits, and saw another frolicking across the field.

Since the day he'd married her mother, every time they were ever alone, he'd rape her.

Perhaps it wasn't rape anymore. He didn't have to put a gun to her head, or beat her down onto the bed, or threaten to abandon her mother. No, she just lay right down and let him do what he wanted, so tired of fighting.

Maybe it was good he did this, so she could finally understand her mother's words. Men were nothing but violent pigs. They were capable of lust and want but never love. Never.

She didn't want to fight him, was too tired to make sure he didn't actually "take care of her mother." He wouldn't actually do anything. He had an easy ride right now: a wife during the day to cook and clean and fuss over him, and a young woman to fuck at night. Isn't that what every man dreamed of having?

But no, apparently that wasn't good enough for him. He had to have Fleur every second.

But she didn't care. She was a stupid, selfish bitch who didn't care for anyone else but herself.

She knew that when she came home to the ministry of magic the next day with pitying eyes, assuring her it would all be all right, they all felt terrible.

She knew that when she saw them drag her dead mother away in a bag, like trash to the curb.

She knew that when she saw him smiling like a maniac when they cuffed him up for questioning. His eyes glowing with that same light…and something else. Success.

Her mother was dead because she hadn't had the guts to keep fighting. Because she thought this was just the price of being beautiful…

She wasn't going to let that happen again.

Months and months ago, they'd lowered her into the ground. She wanted to follow her, she really did…but that would be selfish again.

It was obvious what had been the cause of all this, wasn't it? Her mother had told her. Beauty is a gift, waste it, and it's a curse.

It was a curse, a curse that needed to be lifted. Her stupid stepfather wouldn't have thought he loved her if she was not beautiful. Her mother she'd never understood wouldn't have been blasted by the wizard hit man Dominic had hired because he knew just a gunshot wouldn't get her gone for good. Her little sister wouldn't be the most confused little girl in the world.

She wouldn't have had to do all those stupid pageants and strive to have to best marks, be the best player on the team, to be the person her mother wanted to go back to being.

Everything bad that had happened in her life, and to others in her life, had been because of the stupid veela blood coursing through her veins. None of this would have happened if she hadn't been so goddamned "Belle".

She sat on her floor, lighting her wand with a spell, then blowing it out. Again and again.

Was she going to do it or not?

She had seen a muggle woman once on the street when she was a young girl. She'd been terrified of her. Her skin was covered in burn marks, puffing and wrinkled, like an alligator or an elephant. All of her body parts looked like they'd melted off and burned for a little while before being pressed back onto her body.

"Oh, honey, it's not polite to stare. That woman's obviously been through an accident with fire. How…tragic." Her Maman had hissed at Fleur, glancing at the woman out of the corner of her eyes with disgust, obviously not finding it "tragic" at all.

If she only was as hideous as that woman, it would solve it all.

She was ready. She pointed the wand at herself, muttering the curse that could only be lifted by her, that prevented any injuries that would happen in the next ten hours to be healed by magic.

She knew there was nothing much they could do for burning in the muggle world (that woman being proof) so she knew no one could fix her.

She looked at the bottle next to her, reading "Gasoline." She'd bought it with muggle money from the gas station near where she worked. She tipped it above her frizzless head, the cool, sticky liquid pouring down her face. She closed her eyes and mouth, and let lit her wand on fire.

She swore that when the flames engulfed her, she didn't feel a thing. She didn't even scream.

But her sister did, when she found her sister on fire on her carpet. Nothing burning but her. Obviously she'd put anti burning charms on the room.

And when she poured water on her sister, killing the flames, although she would never admit it aloud, it was obvious her sister had done it on purpose.

Fleur breathed quickly, blinking back tears. She couldn't cry here, in front of Nino, or he would think she was crazy (perhaps she was) and she'd be stuck in St. Mungo's forever. No, she did as she always did, and swallowed it down.

She smiled weakly at Nino, and he stopped staring at her, and went back to Gabrielle who was speaking of her time at Hogwarts, a new school for her.

"You were right, Fleur, 'ogwarts was much different then Beauxbatons…"

"You've been to Hogwarts?" asked Nino, grinning curiously at her.

She nodded, jumping away from the memories that stung and back into the conversation.

"Yes. Surely you know of the Triwizard Tournament?" Fleur asked, and he nodded, "Well, my seventh year I participated as one of the…four champions."

"Four?" He said, smiling.

"Surely you remember the circumstances with Mr. 'Arry Potter. It was all over the papers."

"Oh, yes. Who hasn't heard of Harry Potter?" He laughed, and Fleur nodded, "You were one of the champions? That is very impressive."

"Back in my school days, yes." She said, laughing too, "But, that was a while ago…"

"Still, tell me about it. I'm interested now." He was giving her a dimpled face that made Fleur want to smile as wide as he was.

"Well, Harry Potter was very, very nice. He saved Gabrielle here even though he could have left her behind. Very brave, Harry Potter," she said, and Gabrielle nodded.

"As I would have expected. I mean, he did save us all from You Know Who just a few months ago, did he not?" Nino said nodding as well, and taking a gulp of his coffee.

"That poor boy has been through too much for his age," Fleur said sadly, "The tournament was a very strange experience."

She thought of how her mother had reacted when she lost. Oh, that had not been a good day. She cut her some slack because a boy had died, but still had that furiously disappointed look in her eyes.

"Where did you go to school, Nino? I would have known you if you went to Beuxbatons." Fleur didn't really want to think about her own school days anymore.

"Ah, I was not born in France. I've only lived here since graduation."

"Where did you live before, then?" Gabrielle asked, adding a fifth pack of sugar to her coffee. Fleur smiled lightly, wondering why Gabrielle had wanted to go out to coffee in the first place since she despised the drink. Perhaps she thought it was mature, or something…

"I attended a small all boys' school in Russia. My mother was from France, so I was raised speaking it, since my father left when I was young."

"If your mother and you both spoke French, why did you live in Russia?" Fleur thought she'd dig a little deeper into his business since he'd be plunging into hers all day.

"My mother was one of the Ministry's look outs for Dark Magic after the downfall of You Know Who in the early eighties. They were still a bit paranoid You Know Who might be somewhere, if not his followers, rebuilding strength. After a few a years, they let the assignment go, but my mother wanted me to finish my schooling in Russia, so she found work with the Russian Ministry." He said it all very quickly, and Fleur was surprised he told her so much.

"Was your father Russian?"

He nodded solemnly, and Fleur noted, a bit bitterly.

"I'm guessing you speak Russian?" Gabrielle popped in after a bit of ominous silence from her side of the table.

"Fluently."

"You're a lot more interesting than I am! I can barely speak English, and I'm living in England" She laughed, and Nino's grim face gained its warmth again.

"Oh, well, it always takes a while to pick up on a language, don't you think, Fleur?"

Fleur smiled, "Of course. It took me six years at Beauxbatons to learn English. And I speak it…well, not very well."

As the chitter chatter continued, Fleur couldn't seem to squash her curiosity in Nino. Couldn't help but stare intently when he spoke, care what he talked about. Couldn't help but feel something warm wash over her when he smiled, a shiver goose bump her skin when he look at her.

Fleur had never been a girl who got crushes. There wouldn't have been much point in it. Men were sniveling morons, and if she really wanted a boyfriend, or a lover, or any type of a relationship with a man, she could flash her smile, and flip her hair, and they'd be mad for her. Not that she had ever wanted anything like that.

But now…now that any romantic relationship seemed completely impossible, it seemed so much more desirable, so much more intriguing. If someone loved her the way she looked now, then they had seen something different in her. Something inside, beneath burnt skin, a fake smile, and teary blue eyes. It meant that they were different than all the men she'd come to understand. It meant they loved her for her, and not because of looks.

Her whole life, everything had been centered around the way people looked, the way she looked. Looks, looks, outside, appearance, beauty, ugliness. That was all everyone in the world cared about, wasn't it?

But it didn't seem like it, when Nino smiled her, like he could see nothing but her heart pumping, like he could see down into her soul and see it wasn't ugly like the rest of her. Like he could see something different than everyone else did…

It was a weird thing to conclude after only knowing someone for a few hours, and knowing little about them, but she decided it was about time to draw positive conclusions about people. I mean, that's what normal sane girls did when they met blokes, wasn't it?

She was beginning to get bored with self pity, playing with people's hearts the way he had done to her. She was getting tired of being treated like a baby, she was beginning to miss the color now that she had seen it again, now that she had felt it swirl in the pit of her stomach, churn in her heart.

She was beginning to get bored with her old life, so she decided she was going to say good bye to it today, or at least try to.

Disclaimer:

Okay, I don't own anything you recognize from the book. The thing Fleur did to herself was slightly inspired by Girl, Interrupted. Um, the line "my bones are tired" are from a song by Jewel "Daddy" off the only album I like by her, "Pieces of you" Go review now, please. And I promise the next update won't take as freakin long!

Love,

May l.