A woeful tale of misery and oppression

by Real1Swear

So this is a nice little parody of Kylo Ren's upbringing. Loosely based of tweets by the Emo Kylo Ren account so all credit that is due to them. I'm just doing this for fun, any situations you want to see leave a review or mail me. A dash of Reylo but very lowkey. Also Hux is gay because why not.

4. Chapter 4: Hot Topic

Author's Note: 30 VIEWS OMG

'Roses are red, R2 is blue…

If I was force,

I'd be with you'

-Kylo Ren

"Are you sure I shouldn't write it with my fancy calligraphy pen Hux?"

"No you don't want to look like you put so much effort into it. Anyway so Phasma said she was having people round and I was wondering-"

"Yeah but I don't really need to try and be mysterious and dark and detached, I already am. Plus she needs to know how committed I am to her I mean it's all or nothing there is no in-between."

Hux and I look at each other and say "Only a Sith deals in absolutes" in unison and I am reminded that as much of a pain he is he is a good guy to have around.

"So anyway Phasma obviously thinks we are a thing so I told her I had a boyfriend and that the boyfriend was you so you have to pretend to be my boyfriend till I get a real one."

I hate Hux so much.

I'm still mad at Hux for making me be his pretend boyfriend so I go to Hot Topic myself. This is my place of worship but not in a nerdy fan-boy way I just really like looking at all the little models of Darth Vader. People look at me weird when I tell them he's my Grandpa but they are mere mortals unlike myself.

One of the display cases has a very graphic depiction of a mockery on Darth Vader. This isn't ok.

None of the sales people will listen to me they need to take this thing down.

Sometimes I get very mad and it's not my fault whatever I do is totally out of my control I would just like to make that very very clear.

"Hux I need you to call Hot Topic and get them to let me back in they're not answering to my tweets."

"What did you do this time." His voice is equally as irritating over the phone.

"It wasn't my fault."

"What did you do."

"No one got hurt this time that's a bonus-"

"Ren."

"I slashed a display a bit with my lightsabre but can I again state it was not my fault AND no one got hurt."

"There's a hot topic across town next to the old ice rink."

"Ok good I never liked this one anyway."

I walk across town, but when I get there the store is closed. The night is cold and dark. The irony burns like my knee. I got an booboo when I slashed the display.

Pain is power.