Disclaimer: I do not own Boku No Hero Academia.
CHAPTER IV – OUT OF HIS ASHES
Tomura was at the bar hideout he had started to spent so much time at. He was alone - who knew where Kurogiri was strolling around again - and stood behind the counter in front of all the strong alcoholic liquids. He had wanted to try something out, but had stopped in his tracks when he had noticed his reflection in the mirror. Tomura remembered reading various explanations on why it was a tradition to put up a mirror behind the counter. The first one had been to make it look like there were more bottles, simply meaning more variety and more alcohol. 'More' was always equated with 'good' when it came to the simplistic nature of humans.
The second spoke about cowboys watching out for dangers and he didn't quite remember the last one, probably something about calming down aggressive customers but he wasn't sure.
He then smiled, thinking about all the crap he read upon for Sensei's various assignments. His master had always given a lot of weight to different subjects. Tomura had exceeded everyone of his teacher's expectations, no matter the subject. He preferred math over languages and history and this preference was reflected in his choice of videogames as well.
When Tomura looked at himself, he couldn't help but cringe. The boy wasn't wearing Father, which didn't help dealing with his anxiety. He had turned fourteen not too long ago and had caught up in height, literally growing more than twenty inches for what felt like overnight. But the sudden increase in height had come with the cost of him becoming underweight, though Kurogiri had assured him, that he would gain back some pounds with coming years. He would later find out to be wrong. Tomura would never be a healthy young man, neither in body nor in mind.
He normally couldn't stand looking at himself for more than a few seconds, but he was caught in his thoughts.
Sensei had always been so patient with him, yet Tomura was not ready. He never seemed to be ready for anything. Why exactly had All for One chosen him?
Why, why why!
What was so special about him?
Was it his quirk? No, All for One could have just taken that.
Maybe All for One had just seen his potential after taking him in: Tomura had been so eager to learn, curious like a cat, hungry for all knowledge.
But according to Sensei, he had slacked off.
It had frustrated Tomura to hear these words, although he knew they were true. He was only letting his master down.
A long time ago, there had been nothing but kindness between the two. Now, All for One seemed constantly disappointed and angry with him. It was okay though, because like his father, his master was older and therefore wiser. All for One didn't punish him like his father used to, but even if he chose to, Tomura would take the lesson gladly. He kept telling himself, that when father had hurt him, it had been to protect him. It had been, because his father had loved him. And that if Sensei would punish him, it would be for those very same reasons.
Somewhere deep in his heart, he knew that there was something wrong with him for thinking that way, but he shut it down by remembering the coldness of the streets, when no one had helped him. Negative attention was better than no attention.
However All for One never hurt him, even when he was disappointed. Tomura's thoughts wandered to the older man.
If the teenager had to describe his master with three words, he would have chosen 'strong', 'intelligent' and 'leading', words who didn't fit him at all. He didn't quite understand what society viewed as beautiful or ugly, but he knew that All for One would have counted as handsome. Tomura, however? He doubted it. His skin was dry and patchy and his face laced with two prominent scars. He was sickly pale, his hair was the colour of old and bland, his scarlet red eyes the only beautiful looking, distinguishable feature.
Where was Father? He wanted to hide his disgusting face.
The kid looked down at his hands and he slowly put them around his neck, pinkie fingers raised. It was something he had been wondering for so long; was his quirk going to work on him? Would he really die if he just put his last fingers down?
The pressure cutting of the air felt good, almost as good as when Father covered his face. His heartbeat quickened.
Tomura had always thought that he wanted to die, but when it came to it, he could never go through with it – another thing that frustrated him, one in so many.
Just do it, for fucks sake!, he screamed at himself in his mind.
"Pathetic! You're not my son!", he remembered a big, big hand, so much bigger than his own, slapping him hard.
Tomura wanted to cry.
For once in your miserable life, just do something right!, it wouldn't kill him, he was convinced. But Tomura couldn't do it.
He let his hands fall back at his sides.
Angry. Dissapointed. Frustrated. Depressed.
Then he punched the mirror.
The shining shards drilled into his knuckles and dozens of bottles came flying to shatter on the wooden floor. A disgusting smell of different alcoholics mixed together, filled the room and Tomura's breathed hard. The teenager stared at the mess he had made and when he gazed back into the mirror, tears glittered in the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away with the back of his hand, pulled up his black hoodie and left. Kurogiri would be mad, but he didn't care.
Many hours later, Tomura sat in his room.
He was just about to annex the newly, conquered federal city state, when someone knocked at the door. He ignored it and checked the number of rounds he had played, as well as the current status of gold. He wasn't really doing too well.
All for One's protégé had been at this game for a few hours now and he was getting closer to the modern epoch, where he should be able to use his main city's trump card to half all the military costs. Right now, all the other states were furious about his warmongering and would gear up and prepare themselves to be attacked. He wasn't planning on doing it now though; his Gatling guns were costly and couldn't travel more than two fields per round because he had completely neglected building roads in his territory. If he could only build some WWI bombers already-
The someone at the other side of the door knocked again.
"What!", he snapped, not turning to look at who opened it.
"Shigaraki Tomura.", it was Kurogiri's voice he was hearing, "Sensei wishes to see you."
Annoyed, Tomura paused the game and turned to look at the dark nebula standing in the doorframe.
"Why?"
It was hard to read Kurogiri, but Tomura thought that right now, he didn't look too amused.
"Do not let Sensei wait.", the fog-man wearing a suit dodged Tomura's question.
"Wha-wait!", Tomura called but Kurogiri had already closed the door again.
Stupid, stupid Kurogiri!
Tomura quick-saved the game and bent down to get the red chucks underneath his desk, then bumped his head at the hard wood of the table when sitting up. He cursed, rubbed his head and put on his shoes.
The teenager then passed the mirror in his room while walking towards the door and noticed that his shirt was full of chip crumbs. He quickly patted them away. Sensei didn't mind his unkempt hair or the dry patches of his skin, but he didn't like food particles and Tomura briefly wondered, if he had ever seen All for One eat. He couldn't say for sure.
He stepped through the door and entered the big office, where All for One usually did his work whenever he came to this apartment, which wasn't often these days. The room was clean and well-lit, unlike Tomura's room which was a mess of toys, books and plastic bags full of soda cans and food containers. Not that Tomura preferred cluttered dark places over clean and tidy ones, but his room was kind of a sanctuary and he wasn't excited about the thought of someone cleaning and touching all his stuff. And he sure as hell wasn't going to do it himself.
All for One sat in that big expensive office chair, elbows on the table and hands folded while he stared at Tomura.
"Sensei.", he gave some warmth into the greeting, hoping to see his master smile at him.
"Tomura.", his master greeted him back, cold and uncaring. Tomura dropped his gaze in frustration.
"What happened to your hand?"
The boy looked down at it, his knuckles a mix of red and yellow.
"It's infected, we will have to clean it.", Kurogiri said.
"You called for me?", Tomura ignored the question and Kurogiri's comment and his master nodded.
"It's time to put your quirk to good use."
The boy then started to scratch his neck, confused on what was about to come.
"You look tired."
Tomura glanced at the clock hanging in the office and his eyes widened. It was eleven o'clock in the morning, he had been back from the bar the day before at around five pm.
"I'm sorry, Sensei.", he sincerely apologized.
"I don't care for any of your apologies. Go to sleep. I will call for you.", All for One said and waved him away. Tomura wanted to defend himself but knew better and left the office without a word.
Back in his room, he threw himself face-forward onto the bed, unchanged with his shoes on and his wound still dirty. When he couldn't hold his air any longer, he turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling while scratching his neck. Sleep caught him soon and sooner that he would have liked, Kurogiri was waking him up again.
After the third time of Kurogiri calling his name, Tomura lost it and turned to face the nebula, his eyes bloodshot and deadly.
"Fuck off already!", he screamed and turned his back to the man standing in his doorframe.
"Sensei doesn't like to wait, Shigaraki Tomura. Do not disappoint him.", Kurogiri said, his voice always calm yet confident, closing the door. Those words reached the kid and he stood up, his legs weak and a headache plaguing him. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a sip of water, but there was no time now. He left his room in the same clothes he had been wearing for three days straight now and jogged to his master's office. The door was closed and from outside, Tomura could hear various voices.
So he wouldn't be alone.
Why was he here again? Ah yes, Sensei wanted to "to put his quirk to good use", whatever that meant.
Tomura entered, and all eyes including Sensei's, shot to him and the room went abruptly silent. The small office was filled with All for One's lackeys, members of "The Union"; people who would help him on his way of becoming the greatest of all villains and the heir to his master's throne.
"Welcome, Shigaraki Tomura.", Sensei spoke to him with his surname first, something he always did in front of others.
"What the fuck is going on here?", he asked and his hands shot up to his neck and scratched hard.
Before he received and answer, someone opened the door behind him and when Tomura turned around to look at the intruder, he saw two guys holding a tied up figure, struggling hopelessly to get free.
"Who is he?", he demanded to know, looking at his master and then back to the man who was fighting in vain.
"Does it matter? I want you to let him disappear, Shigaraki Tomura."
"What?", was all Tomura could say, although he had perfectly understood. All for One wanted him to do to the man what he had done to his father. He wanted Tomura, a fourteen year old boy, to turn another man he had never met, into dust.
"It's time to put your quirk to good use."
"Do it."
Tomura cleared his throat and nodded. He slowly stepped in front of the whining man, who had suddenly stopped struggling, like accepting that there was no escape out of this. Tomura reached for the man's shoulder, his own hand shaking. Images of his father crumbling to pieces in front of him shot through his mind. His father's blood in his hair, on his arms, his clothes and on those tiny hands.
Some part in him screamed, telling him stop. It was Tenko, cute little Tenko with no shoes onand with fresh wounds on his upper lip and over his right eye. Tenko, the embodiement of his innocence and weakness.
He needed to get rid of Tenko so that he could fully embrace the identity All for One had given him. Maybe, if he could finally get rid of what was holding him back, Sensei would like him again.
"What are you waiting for?"
"Nothing.", Tomura said and with new motivation fuelling him, he grabbed the man's shoulder.
Tenko may have died that day, but out of his ashes, Tomura had arisen.
Tomura opened his eyes, the man's agonizing screams still echoing in his ears. It had been the first man he had willingly killed. He had vomited his guts out after that, but Sensei's affection had returned and it was all Tomura had ever wanted.
He remembered the months after that event: His master bringing him one guy after the other, all kinds of different human beings he could lay his hands on. It got easier with time and soon Tomura stopped counting. Out of some of the victims, he had made his costume: Hands holding him where his father used to grab him, giving him warmth and punishment at the same time. One hand grabbing his hair, three holding each of his arms and shoulders, two big ones on his rips and the last of his victims he had given the honour to hold him around the neck. It had been around that time that All Might had beaten his master and ruined his face, so that he had to be connected to a machine to survive.
Tomura still didn't feel any remorse for killing those people. Whatever he had done, he had done for affection and survival. Sensei only kept the strong; the weak, he got rid of. There was nothing to get rid off with Tomura, he had gotten rid of the weak part in him by himself.
I am not weak.
I am not weak.
Then why do you wish to be Tenko again?, his own voice asked him in his mind.
Shut up., he didn't want to be Tenko.
Still, he wondered why this memory came back to him at a time like this? He hadn't thought about it for years and now could see everything so vividly whenever he closed his eyes.
The drugs' effect was fading and Tomura felt like slowly awakening from a coma. He moved from the mattress, touching the cold floor with his fingertips first.
How long had it been since he had last used his quirk? Did he miss it? Wasn't it so much easier to live without a destructive quirk as his?
He had to admit, that with every person he had killed, a part of his sanity had died with them. And now the last of it was starting to fade more and more with every day he had to spend here in this cell.
Tomura looked down at his feet, red chucks covering them. He smiled.
Don't be happy about it, idiot.
All Might had given him these and thrown him into a panic attack with it, he shouldn't have been thankful! All Might was the enemy.
Enemy.
Enemy.
Enemy.
He didn't save you.
None of them saved you.
They didn't want you.
You're nothing to them.
Still, it wouldn't hurt him to keep the shoes on. The floor was cold after all.
Nobody wants you.
You're alone.
I want to die.
The door then opened and as expected, All Might stepped in. Tomura couldn't help but grin at the man he wanted to kill.
Show him how insane you are and he'll blame himself!
Hurt him in every way possible!
There's only Sensei and yourself.
...
...
Who are you kidding? You're not strong. They're already breaking you. You will rot in here.
End note: After moving, waiting for a working internet connection and doing endless chores, it's finally up. A shorter one, but I couldn't break the next chapter.
A few things: I am just writing this as I go, only for fun and to keep you people reading entertained. If I'd re-read all the written chapters, I'd probably change them completely so I just update grammar mistakes I happen to see. I guess I just want to say that I hope the story is more or less consistent.
Regarding character writing, I have a feeling that Tomura is a bit ooc. I'm not really doing this on purpose but it's hard to write someone we don't know anything about.
If I keep this length, I think it will be wrapped up in around 20-25 chapters.
Answer to SnowKitsune (Guest): I am so glad you're enjoying! Thank you so very much for your kind words, I am honoured! : )))