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Chapter 4

She sits heavily on her bunk, ripping off her mask and throwing it to the floor. As she watches it skitter wildly across the smooth surface, she has the urge to stomp on it. That, of course, would draw suspicion and put the entire mission in jeopardy, but at this point, perhaps the mission is failing anyway. "Dying" was hard enough, leaving behind her loved ones, becoming an entirely different person, but seeing what's happening to Jaime and Garfield and Bart…she can't take that. La'gaan's capture was hard enough to hear; that had never been part of the plan. Now, with three more as prisoners, she's regretting ever getting involved. Putting her safety on the line and putting other's safety on the line are two entirely different things, especially when the others are just kids.

She snorts to herself, wondering when she got so old, when they all got so old. The Team she had joined is all grown up, and it makes her ache a little to think about.

"Tigress."

Wearily, she addresses her cohort. "Kaldur'ahm."

"We must talk," he says, closing the door.

Offering a small smirk, she muses, "Now, Kaldur'ahm, what will people think if we are alone together?"

"You have been quite busy today."

Face falling, she asks, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You ended the speedster's experiment early; you allowed him to speak with the Blue Beetle; you intervened between Tommy Terror and Beast Boy."

"You know their names," she can't help but hiss, glaring at him. "You can call them their names."

He blinks, as though coming out of a trance, and Artemis regrets acting so harshly. Spending a year in this guise cannot be easy on him, and shifting from loyal son of Black Manta to hero must not come so quickly anymore. "My apologizes. You are right."

"But you're still going to tell me everything I did was wrong, aren't you?"

"Compassion is dangerous," he explains, sitting beside her. "You are supposed to be a ruthless assassin. Straying too far from that can risk the operation."

"I didn't sign up to watch my teammates get tortured," she protests quietly, surprised how natural the word "teammates" feels.

"I know," he sighs. "And I know it is difficult, but it must be done. Too much is at stake."

"They're killing them," she whispers, voice constricted, thinking about Jaime and Bart on those operating tables being poked and prodding, thinking about a bloodied and bruised Garfield. She decides it's not the best time to tell him that she'd almost, almost apologized to the shape-shifter, held back only by her duty as a hero.

"We need them alive."

Shaking her head, she objects, "They're still getting hurt."

"They are strong. They can handle it."

He speaks like a general, the one he insisted he wasn't after the failed simulation so many lifetimes ago, back when the Team was new and the aliens weren't real. She wishes he was still just a soldier.

"When do they begin experimenting on Garfield?"

"In two day's time."

"Why later than the others?"

Kaldur'ahm stares at his hands, eyeing faded scars Artemis had never known were there. "I convinced them that it would be more beneficial to observe him in a natural environment before proceeding with the testing."

"Well, Tommy Terror finds it beneficial for his fighting…" Her voice trails off as her mind replays his words. "What are they going to do to him?"

"They plan on extracting the Meta-Gene. They believe his is perhaps the most advanced, and they want to see how it influences his organs."

"And how will they do that?" she questions, disliking his approach to her question.

"They will remove his organs."

It's barely audible, but the information echoes around the room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating in her mind. "They plan on killing him."

"Artemis—"

"Do not Artemis me," she snarls, getting to her feet. "You knew what they were going to do to him and you didn't think to get him out of here?"

"It could not be done, not without—"

"Jeopardizing the mission," she finishes, unable to hide the disgust.

"We have not come this far to fail now," he protests. "We have finally discovered the Light's new ally, infiltration seems near—"

"And the only sacrifice is a thirteen-year-old boy," she interjects.

"The Team will rescue them before it comes to that," he insists.

"It's been four days; how much longer are they going to wait?"

"Nightwing has no other choice—finding us too quickly is suspicious, and the Team is most-likely shaken after the incident."

The incident. When she obliterated the Cave, the place where they trained and grew and became a family. Their lifeline, their safe haven, their home.

"It's not fair," she whispers. "Everyone else has to suffer because of what we're doing."

"We are heroes. All of us. And whatever must be done for the good of the world, will be done."

"Not that any of them know they're suffering for the good of the world." The words erupt from her mouth, working without orders from her brain. "Not that any of them know you're not evil and I'm not dead. Not that any of them know that the Cave had to be destroyed. Not that La'gaan and Jaime and Bart know that they have to be experimented on. Not that Garfield knows that he must be beaten by Tommy Terror."

"I understand that this seems wrong—"

"It doesn't seem wrong; it is wrong!" The composure she forced herself to maintain evaporates as her fears and regrets and doubts rage within her. "Jesus Christ, the life of a child is on the line and we're not doing anything!"

Strong hands grip her shoulder. "Listen to me," he commands, using his leader voice from all the lifetimes ago, and it calms her down, just enough for him to continue. "No one will die. I swear to you that no one is going to die."

"How can you be so sure?" she asks, and even she can hear the weakness. "How can you stay so collected through all of this?"

Silver eyes meet hazy grey, and, for a fleeting instant, his webbed fingers trail gently along her cheek. "Because I must."

With that, he turns and leaves the room, and Artemis returns to her bed, staring at the cold metal surrounding her.

He's wrong. There have already been deaths. The Kaldur she knew, the big brother, the leader, the one who balanced order with compassion, is no more. He is still Kaldur'ahm and he is still Aqualad, but it's not the same. His calm, ever-patient smile no longer graces his face, even when it is just the two of them, and she has no hopes of its return. Something broke within him, and it's so buried, so concealed, that it cannot be fixed.

Nightwing is no longer Robin. Sure, technically, he hasn't been for two years, but it's more than that. Even as Blüdhaven's hero, even after the second Robin's murder, he had still been the younger brother. He cackled and trolled and been the ninja they had all come to love. Now he's so serious, so mature, and she knows he must still smile and laugh, but it's not enough, not even close to enough, and that scares her so much because he's cracking before her eyes and there's nothing she can do.

In a way, she's dead, too. She had spent years avoiding become a villain, dodging her destiny, and yet here she is, Tigress. It doesn't count because it's all pretend, but nothing is ever truly fake, and she wonders how long she can play this part until Artemis fades.

She would never consider anyone on the Team, old or new, innocent, because they've seen too much and know too much for that, but she longs for the times before this mission, before she realized how cruel and how sick this world was. Years of training under her father should have taught her this, and the fact that it didn't sends a small tremor through her body.

Burying her head under the pillow, she takes a few deep breaths and forces her mind to relax. Within an hour, she manages sleep. In her dreams, she and her teammates are young again and innocent for the first time.