Twenty-three years ago….
Bo stood on a large stage and quietly bent forward, smoothing the tiny wrinkles out of her cream and navy dress. She wanted to look perfect. It was an important day for her daddy. Or that's what they told her. The fabric of her dress sparkled and glistened, and the dark brown ringlets curled down her back swung as she moved under the bright spotlights.
On the floor at Bo's feet, Kenzi played with a doll, too young to know what was happening.
Looking around at the crowd standing before them, Bo heard the chants. Dennis. Dennis. That made her smile. It was a happy day. A big day indeed.
"Stop fidgeting, Bo," Her nanny whispered next to her.
Bo pouted and let her hands fall to her sides while Kenzi climbed to her feet and hugged Bo's leg.
Bo heard the tapping sound as the microphone came alive. "Senator Harvey Dennis!"
Her attention went to the audience as the crowd boomed in applause and cheers. Signs bearing the Dennis name were bobbing up and down amidst the sea of people.
Beaming, she watched as her daddy stepped out onto the stage, grinning and waving. Soon the roar of the audience caused Bo to cover her tiny ears to block out the noise.
The cold hands of her nanny wrapped around her hands and tugged them down to her sides again.
"Try not to act too happy or too nervous or too excited. We don't want anything negative to be caught on camera. Hundreds of pictures are going to capture your every move. And you don't want to make your daddy look bad, right? Just smile and stand still like a good little girl." One of the men that work for her daddy told her.
Confused, Bo froze in place, not sure what she should do. Then she glanced back at her dad. She stared in awe as he took his place in front of the wooden podium. Her daddy always told her that being a politician was a big deal, very important. She knew he was right.
After a minute, the noise had died down, and her father's strong voice carried through the speakers as he gave his prepared speech. Finally, Harvey turned around and motioned for Bo and Kenzi to come forward.
"I wouldn't be the man I am today, without my darling daughters..." Harvey paused to catch the effect his words had on the crowd.
The supporters cheered again, and Bo couldn't help but blush a little as the nanny walked her and Kenzi to her father's side.
Bo looked up at her daddy as he squeezed them close to him and waved to the crowd. "This is only the first step in a long journey, ladies, and gentlemen! The real work starts tomorrow!"
At that moment, Bo thought her father would always be her hero.
XXXXXX
It rained the day of Harvey Dennis' funeral. As if the universe itself was mourning his death. Bo welcomed the rain. It seemed befitting for the gloomy, sad day of well, a funeral. The elaborate service had been long, and exhausting with far too many people in attendance. Very important people, whom Bo didn't know at all, gave lots of long speeches. But she could picture her father in the crowd with a smile on his face, amused by all the attention, and words spoken about him.
At the cemetery, Bo huddled under an umbrella, Lauren at her side, clutching her hand. Lauren wore a dark suit and kept her eyes fixed ahead with a few tears in her eyes.
But Bo didn't cry, she looked stoic, damp hair brushing her shoulders as she lowered her head and sighed, thinking that they really should have rented some tents.
She had felt Lauren's eyes on her throughout the service, and she had squeezed her hand just a little tighter in response, each time. Lauren understood without a word that Bo didn't need words. She only needed her warmth, her touch. She was simply comforted by Lauren's presence.
For Bo, the funeral was an exercise of going through the motions for the sake of going through the motions. All she felt was empty, and out of sync. For all the obvious reasons, she'd never been a fan of funerals, not that she'd been to very many. But as a cop, she was surrounded by too much death on a daily basis. She couldn't help but wonder how many lives had been cut too short, and how much regret was felt within the gates of that place.
The ancient priest, or minister or preacher or whatever, presiding over Harvey's grave spoke of love, of family, of service. Bo simply wanted it to be done and over. She knew they had to do the religious part, but to her, the words felt hollow.
There were flags, and flowers everywhere, and behind the casket blown-up family photos. In the pictures, they appeared like a lovely, normal family. Bo's eyes landed on a picture of the three of them on the night of his first election. She stared at herself in her cream and navy dress and perfect curls. Her life had changed forever after that moment. Briefly, she thought that was the actual moment she had lost her father.
Putting her father to rest made her feel disconnected. Between the waves of numbness, there was a sense of loss, certainly. But she didn't cry, didn't show it. She wanted to be strong for her sister, for her wife. She had to be the rock so that they could count on her strength, cry on her shoulder.
Kenzi stood next to her, under her own umbrella, leaning against Hale, weeping into his shoulder. Her father had been so excited for his first grandchild. Her chest constricted as she thought about all the things Kenzi and her boy would never experience with Harvey, of all the things they would miss out on. She gulped for air as she tore her eyes away from her pregnant sister.
Bo glanced over her shoulder and saw her friends standing in the back, keeping a respectful distance. Dyson and Tamsin stood side by side, dressed in their uniforms with solemn expressions. Next to Dyson, Ciara held Marshall in her arms. She gave her a gentle smile when their eyes met. Good friends were hard to come by, and Bo was thankful to have so many caring people around her.
Her attention moved over to the crowd of people crammed at the gate, hoping to catch a glimpse of the late senator. A senator's death was a big deal, and her father had been very popular, so it didn't surprise her that people had shown up to watch.
Then, her eyes moved to the press that lined the entrance. She hated the media. All of them. What a great story they had in their hands. Such a tragedy for them to splash everywhere. The doctors said it was a heart attack that killed her father. But Bo couldn't come to grips with that diagnosis. He was young, only fifty-three, healthy, fit. Never had any heart problems. Ever. She could just picture those reporters foaming at the mouth for the story. Not only did Senator Dennis unexpectedly die from a heart attack, in the middle of an election year, but he was also broke. His multimillion-dollar fortune was gone, and immediately rumors began to surface. Gambling debt, drugs, bribes, call girls, bad investments, on and on the media speculated. Nothing made sense. It all sounded insane to her.
Anger twisted through Bo's gut, and she wanted to lash out at them, to tell them to fuck off. None of them knew her father or cared that her sister was pregnant and obviously destroyed by the loss. They didn't care that Kenzi's son would never know his grandfather, or that her wife had sworn off her own parents and had taken up the Dennis family as her own. All they wanted was a juicy story.
With three gentle squeezes on her hand, Lauren took Bo's attention away from the reporters, and she turned back around.
The wind picked up, whipping passed them, and Bo shivered just as the priest, or whoever met her eyes. "Remember him as the generous, caring man he was, all the work he did for his community and family. And do not grieve, for his soul is at peace, and he will finally join his wife…"
Bo zoned out as he read from his script and tilted her head back to gaze up at the top of the umbrella. She listened and watched as the raindrops ran down, rhythmically above her. She wanted nothing to do with this man's words. She wanted to punch the man for his superficial sermon. His empty words were meaningless to her, to her family.
Finally, he quieted, and they all watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. It felt harsh to force mourners to watch that part, though, Bo supposed, it was meant to be difficult. A way to force them all to face the reality and finality of the death.
He made an announcement that all could come forward to the grave to give their final respects.
Moving forward, Bo threw a single, long-stemmed rose on the polished mahogany coffin. For a few moments, she just stared, lost in the bleakness of happenstance, of what could never be recovered, never regained. Lauren tossed her rose next to hers, before placing her hand on Bo's back. The gentle way Lauren touched her relaxed her and broke through her dark thoughts.
Next, Kenzi and Hale stepped toward them. Hale tipped the umbrella so Kenzi could toss her rose on the coffin. With a trembling hand, she reached down, stroking her stomach as Hale tossed in his rose. A tear slipped down her face, and she made eye contact with Bo.
As Bo held Kenzi's gaze, for the first time, her own eyes started to fill with tears. The flash of camera lights covered Bo's eyes. She cringed, and the tears disappeared. She shifted her eyes away from Kenzi, looked at all the flowers, and then jerked her head away back at the reporters. She couldn't look at it anymore, couldn't be there anymore.
Bo stepped aside and the wet earth squished beneath her footsteps. She glanced down at her mud-splattered pants and then lifted her head to watch as the sea of black made its way up to the grave that would permanently mark her father's death. Bo couldn't help noticing the whispers, the sidelong glances at her and her sister.
"Let's get out of here," Bo said, her voice tight and low. "I can't stand this. We don't need all these damn people looking at us right now."
"You read my mind." Kenzi took Bo's hand, looked at the grave with fresh tears in her eyes. "Goodbye, dad. We will miss you." She whispered.
The family walked away from the casket, allowing everyone else in line to say their goodbyes. Hand and hand, together, they headed for the limo they had rented so they could all ride together, walking away from Harvey Dennis for the very last time.
XXXXX
About four years ago…
Smiling, Bo watched Kenzi and Hale walk onto the dance floor. The wedding band started to play, and lots of couples were taking to the dance floor. But Bo couldn't find her date, her girlfriend. As far as Bo could tell, she seemed to have vanished completely. Lauren's disappearance was making her so anxious she was practically jumping out of her skin.
She walked with purpose to the ladies' room, but as she passed by the dance floor, Dyson called her name.
"Have you seen my girlfriend?" Bo asked, her unpleasant mood written all over her face.
He shook his head in answer, and then asked, "What's wrong? You seem on edge."
"I'm just peachy, Dyson. Thanks for asking." She replied, sarcastically. "My girlfriend only kicked me out of my home. And now Kenzi's leaving on her honeymoon…."
"You and Lauren are so confusing. She kicked you out, but you're still together?"
Bo took a deep breath, glanced briefly at her feet, and then returned her gaze to Dyson. "She needs space." She did angry air quotes around the word space. "What the hell does that mean? I just want to see her, spend time with her. She thinks her career is the only thing that matters. Her entire world revolves around being a doctor, her studying. I feel like she keeps pushing me to the side."
Dyson rolled up his sleeves with his critical eyes on Bo. "What did you expect when you started dating a doctor? She worked her whole life for this. She's driven and very focused, and she never hid that part of herself from you."
"I knew you would take her side. I get you two have a lot of history, but I thought you were also my friend."
"It's not a matter of choosing sides," He answered. "If forced, I will always choose Lauren, no matter what. I know Lauren well enough to tell when she's working through something. And right now, she's working through something big, and it has everything to do with you. Because of what you did…"
Hearing the accusation in Dyson's voice, Bo's head jerked like he had slapped her. "I was drunk." She ground her teeth, as she glared at him. "And I really thought we were broken up."
He tugged at his tie, loosening it. "So, the first thing you did was sleep with someone else?" He wrinkled his face in revulsion. "And Ryan? Really?"
Bo could feel the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, and she willed them not to fall. She felt herself cracking. Afraid she would shatter completely, she turned angry. "Lauren ripped my heart out. Ripped my heart out of my chest, and shredded it in front of me. What the hell is a break?" She threw her arms up in frustration. "I don't understand that. How can she claim I cheated on her when SHE asked for a break?"
Dyson just shrugged, and Bo felt her anger flare once more.
"I've given her everything. Everything she wants, and when things get tough…she just walked away like I was nothing to her. She's my world, and she left me when all I asked for from her was time. Time together."
Dyson sighed impatiently. "So, what do you want?"
Bo always thought she was a relatively strong person, but with her relationship in limbo she saw how frail and weak she truly was.
"I want my girlfriend. Nothing else. There's nothing more important to me than Lauren." Her voice cracked on the last half of her answer.
Dyson stepped closer to Bo and whispered. "Then stop making this all about you and how you feel." He turned and walked away from her.
Later, Bo found Lauren standing at the bar, alone. She was leaning on her elbows with her face buried in her hands.
"Hey, beautiful, wanna dance?" Bo asked from behind Lauren. In her five-inch heels, she towered over Lauren. Her confidence wavered momentarily, but then she placed her hands on Lauren's shoulders.
Lauren didn't turn around, and there was a beat of silence, heavy, uncomfortable.
In an attempt to defuse the tension, Bo stroked her thumb over Lauren's skin, and whispered into her ear, "Want me to order you a drink?"
Lauren squared her shoulders, stepped away from Bo. "No thanks." Her voice was carefully controlled.
They stared at each other; Bo wondered what Lauren was thinking, and she wished she'd just tell her. Ten seconds turned into thirty, then sixty. Stare, that's all Lauren did. Assessing her.
"Why did you even come?" Bo snapped, not able to stop herself when the silence became too much. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." She added, backtracking quickly. "I'm happy you're here."
Lauren's features softened, and her eyes widened, sadness churning in its depths. Her expression was heartbreaking, and tears stung Bo's eyes as she stared at Lauren. Her beautiful, warm, heartfelt, incredible girl was broken, and it was all Bo's fault.
"I'm going home," Lauren stated, coldly. "I have an early shift tomorrow."
"I'll take you home." Bo offered with a smile.
Lauren opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it quickly. After a quick shake of her head, she marched away from Bo.
Bo lost herself in the music for awhile, willing her brain to not overthink Lauren's behavior. A few songs later, she ordered a drink.
The tequila burned Bo's throat and settled like a brick in her stomach. She felt Harvey's eyes on her as she ordered a second. Her father had talking points for every conversation, and Bo wasn't in the mood to hear his opinion about her relationship.
"Everything all right?" Senator Dennis asked coming to stand next to her.
Bo stared at the bar, her stomach made queasy and sick by his question, or maybe it was the alcohol. She felt like a disappointment. Because she was, to Lauren, to herself. "Yes." She lied, mumbling under her breath.
Harvey stared at Bo for a beat, his forehead wrinkling slightly. "Hmm. And where is the lovely Lauren this evening?" He asked as if knowing exactly what was on Bo's mind.
Bo looked up and saw genuine concern in his expression. She studied him in his tailored black suit, white shirt, and the little flag on his lapel. "Do you believe in second chances?" She asked, ignoring the Lauren question.
Her father smiled a politician's smile. "Depends. Sometimes, there can be no second chances in life, but, in time, there can be healing. The most you can do is move on and hope for the best. One day, Bo. One day at a time."
Bo leaned back on the bar top, and her eyes scanned over the couples on the dance floor. She felt like a failure. Like she had lost Lauren forever. "I don't know what to do." She said, more to herself than her father. "I keep screwing up."
"Bo, there's a time to fight, and there's a time to bow out graciously, and let go. You need to decide what time this is." His tone was soft. It was the voice he'd used when she was a kid.
Bo snapped her eyes to him as she considered his words. She held years of resentment toward her father for his decision to choose his career over his family. And she wondered if she had unfairly transferred some of that resentment to Lauren. But Lauren wasn't Harvey, and she would never choose her career over her. Somehow, Bo had lost that knowledge along the way and became completely wrapped up in her own feelings.
"I'm going to fight for what I believe in. I'm going to fight like hell to get back what I lost," Bo stated with a renewed sense of determination to fix her relationship.
As Bo turned back around and signaled the bartender for another drink, Harvey said, "The best things in life will happen despite not having all the answers. It will come down to nothing but a feeling, an instinct you can't explain."
"Uh-huh," Bo muttered. Then, she tilted her head back and let the alcohol burn down her throat.
"You were such a tough little girl. I never had to worry about you. Do you remember when you insisted on taking off your training wheels when you were only four?"
Bo rolled her eyes reflexively, because what she did as a child was the least of her worries at that moment. "No."
"You would fall over and over again. But you always got back up. Until finally you succeeded without anyone's help." He was smiling at the memory of Bo as a little girl. "You've grown into such a strong, capable woman, Bo. I'm very proud of you, and I know you can get through anything. You deserve happiness and don't settle for less." He kissed Bo's cheek, which startled her. "Remember that you've always got to get back up."
Harvey stepped away and looked back at his daughter. "I love you, my dear."
XXXXX
Inside the limo, they all did a lot of staring. Staring out the window, at the floor, at their hands. They kept their eyes fixed on different objects without speaking. Their thoughts lingered in the past, on Harvey. The gloomy, unhappy laden air was nearly overwhelming for all four of them.
Across from Bo and Lauren, Kenzi snuggled tightly next to Hale and wiped away some straggling tears. Every so often, Lauren would caress Bo's arm or press a loving kiss to her cheek.
Bo's eyes met Lauren's for a brief moment before settling onto Kenzi's when she spoke, "Do you remember that summer dad took us on the campaign trail?"
Bo nodded, immediately recalling the memory.
"You kept sneaking off and hiding in the other buses. Remember?"
Silently, Bo nodded again. There was heartbreak haunting Kenzi's eyes, and Bo didn't expect it to fade anytime soon.
Kenzi gathered a deep breath, held it in, and responded on an exhale. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why were you always running away?"
Bo didn't say anything. She blinked. Watched Kenzi. And then blinked again. "He brought us along for the photo opportunities, nothing more. I didn't want to be used as a prop. I don't like being treated like public property."
Sensing Bo's growing tension, Lauren reached out and grabbed Bo's hand, pulling it to her lap.
Kenzi gave a weak smile, her eyes losing focus. "It never bothered me as much as you." She rubbed her stomach in slow circles. "Maybe because I don't remember what it was like before, it was the only life I knew."
Hale wrapped his arm around Kenzi and kissed her cheek.
Bo's father hadn't been uncaring or unkind. He had been a great dad actually. When he was around, which hadn't been much. Growing up, Bo understood the work her dad did was important, but it still bothered her that it came before his family. He had disappointed her so many times that, eventually, she stopped expecting anything from him at all.
Bo fiddled with Lauren's fingers, debating what to say. The truth. Sure why not.
"When I was little Harvey Dennis was my world. But then he got elected to office, and I realized that his focus, his priorities, HIS entire world revolved around his image, the next campaign, and his voters." Bo looked out the tinted window and sighed. "He left us on the sidelines. He never made time for us, unless it was for a photo op or a fundraiser."
"His work was important to him," Kenzi said, resting her hand on Hale's leg. "I don't believe that you know this, but you and dad always had a special bond, a special relationship. Maybe the first child always does."
Bo didn't believe that but decided against arguing with her sister about it.
"He was a good man. One of a kind." Hale said, stroking Kenzi's stomach. "He always encouraged you in your career." He kissed Kenzi's temple and then started murmuring loving words against her skin.
All the talk about her father weighed heavily on Bo's chest. She began feeling more helpless. More lost. More confused.
Silent in her thoughts Lauren glanced over to Bo. When their eyes locked, she mouthed, "I love you" and nothing else. Always patient, always caring, Lauren knew Bo would talk about things eventually, but she wouldn't push it. That is what she needed, Lauren's calming support. No pressure, just Lauren by her side.
Bo answered by kissing the back of Lauren's hand.
"Whatever dad's failings, he was the only parent we had. He wasn't an ideal father, but I always knew I could rely on him for the important stuff. And now…" Kenzi fell silent and buried her face in Hale's body. "He's gone. Gone forever. And he'll never meet his grandson. Life can really suck sometimes."
Feeling suddenly hot, Bo rolled the window down and leaned her head out, needing the fresh air. She closed her eyes and let the raindrops hit her face. It was oddly soothing.
"No matter what age, death touches us all at one time or another. We're all helpless against what's written in the stars. All we can do is honor his memory." Hale's words were heartfelt, but Bo barely heard him as the wind and rain ran over her ears.
Eventually, all the attempts at conversation gave way to silence again.
XXXXX
The funeral reception was at Kenzi's home. It was a much lighter affair, as the worst part was over. Even the rain had stopped, the skies cleared and the day turned bright and sunny.
When most of the funeral-goers had left, Bo slipped outside. Each step provided distance, and the more distance she put between herself and the crowd, the easier it became to breathe. She really couldn't get away fast enough. She needed air.
She leaned against the back of the limo, alone. She was exhausted from all the people that kept coming up to her, and hugging her, and holding her hands, telling her about what a wonderful man her father was, how sorry they were for her, all the stuff people say at funerals. They all wanted to share stories as they reminisced through their grief. She knew they were being sincere, but still it left her drained.
Holding a long, hand-rolled joint between her thumb and forefinger, she debated lighting it. The last time she'd indulged was after Lauren told her she wanted a break. At first, she had only wanted to mellow out, but then she had gotten so high and drunk that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Even then, remembering that night filled her with so much shame. And marijuana could turn into a crutch, an escape, and one she had vowed she wouldn't use again after that night.
With a shrug, she lit the end. She drew in a lungful and coughed. After a smaller puff, it went down smoother.
Bo checked over her shoulder when she heard footsteps approaching. She watched Lauren emerge gracefully into her view.
"Are you smoking pot?" Lauren asked, her gaze dropped to Bo's hand.
"Yeah. You caught me." Bo laughed for several seconds when her laughter trailed off she cleared her throat, and asked, "You want some?"
Lauren shook her head no, and leaned against the limo next to Bo.
They sat there for a moment in silence. It felt good just to sit there outside with her wife, not having to be polite, not having to talk.
Lauren's eyes fixed on Bo. They were the same eyes that had affected her so intensely the first moment she saw her, their brilliance and expressiveness capturing her attention immediately.
Lauren's eyes spoke volumes, but she didn't say anything; she waited patiently for Bo to speak first.
Bo took a long pull from the joint, and then tilted her head back to blow out the smoke. "Do you know that in the last three days I've been asked 232 times 'how are you?' by different people?"
"Is that right," Lauren grinned at Bo and nudged her shoulder. "So, how are you?" She asked, teasing Bo a little to break down her armor.
Bo smiled at that. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm sad, but I'm not devastated like Kenzi. I think something's wrong with me. Am I really so callous?"
Lauren's eyes illuminated with understanding, and she smiled supportively. "Grief manifests itself differently in everyone. Try not to measure your response against others. There is no proper behavior when it comes to dealing with the finality of not seeing someone you care about ever again."
Lauren's rational perspective made Bo feel a little better. "Kenzi's in so much pain. It's excruciating to watch and not be able to do anything about it."
"You can't be responsible for everyone, Bo. I know you have this innate need to protect those you love, but don't think you can do anything more than just be there for her."
Bo swiped a frustrated hand over her eyes though no tears had fallen. "For me, it's a very strange feeling, and a lot to adapt to."
"Well, is that helping?" Lauren asked, nodding her head to the joint.
Bo stared at the lit end for a long moment. "Not really." When Bo glanced back at Lauren, her brown eyes were so focused and intense that she held her breath. "You're here. That's enough. You're what I need." She pulled in more smoke. "Harvey was always a big fan of yours. He admired you for your work ethic and brilliance."
Lauren smiled and glanced at her feet, but lifted her eyes when Bo spoke again.
"I keep thinking that none of us really knew Harvey Dennis. The man, I mean." Bo said quietly, thinking about his missing fortune, and the possible secrets he had.
"When you meet with his lawyer you might get more answers."
The joint stilled in Bo's hand for several seconds before she flicked it away. "I guess."
Lauren situated herself more comfortably beside Bo so that they were shoulder to shoulder, both leaning against the limo. The heat of Lauren's body soothed Bo, and she was again grateful for her presence.
"Lauren, sometimes, we get so busy with work. Both of us. And it's easy to get wrapped up in that and forget to actually live. But I never want us to forget how to live, how to be happy. I want us to always enjoy the little things, like great parties with friends, telling jokes and laughing. Even the little things that seem cheesy like sunsets."
Lauren tilted her head slightly, looking at Bo again. "I can't think of anything better than that."
Lauren and Bo stayed outside, talking a bit and just being together quietly for the rest of the reception. Lauren understood without saying that Bo wasn't in the mood to go back inside.
"Look the sun's setting," Lauren said, flashing Bo a bright smile and turning toward the sunset.
Bo rested her head on Lauren's shoulder as her eyes turned to the sky. The sun was just setting, filling the sky with the most vivid, splashes of purples and oranges. The awe-inspiring sunset was a peaceful ending to a hard, overwhelming day. And once the sun had disappeared, Bo finally broke down and cried on Lauren's shoulder.
XXXXX
AN
Next up: Bo and Kenzi meet with Harvey's lawyer.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.