Finally, I decided to update this. Yeah, my mind hasn't been in the most humorous mood lately. So, I'll try my best here.
I don't own Tales of Symphonia or Weird Al references or myspace or anything else. No weasels were harmed in the making of this chapter.
Chapter 4: Weasel Stomping Day
Thus, our hippies set out on their bikes through the Triet dessert. Unfortunately, as we all know, areas such as Triet are rich in oil. At least, as rich places could get in Sylvarant as they were indeed running out of oil. Anyway, back to the story. So, they were riding through the Triet dessert when there was an oil spill.
"Damn it!" shouted Lloyd, when he and Genis came to the street. "What the hell?"
Suddenly, a stranger appeared from the crowd. It was another hippie!
"Hey man," greeted Genis.
"Hey man," greeted the hippie. Sadly, they were both stoned at the time and completely forgot that they had ever greeted each other. Thus, they started over again.
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
"Hey man."
And Lloyd, who for the past few days had completely forgotten to take his medicine, lashed out. "Cut the crap and tell me what the hell happened here!"
"Whoa man, you should open yourself to the universe," said the newfound stranger.
"Yeah, man, I mean seriously man, don't go lashing out at people, man," Genis explained.
"Well, man, it seems like there was a oil spill man," said their newfound friend. "See you man."
"Yeah, miss you man," said Genis.
"See you around man."
"Yeah, see you man."
"Nice knowing you man."
"I know what you're saying man."
"Always will man."
"Bye man!"
"Bye man!"
Soon, our hippies would discover that indeed it was an oil spill as they soon saw people throwing themselves into the streets with buckets in their hands.
"Whoa man," said Genis, who had stopped for a "bathroom" break recently.
"What the hell?" said Lloyd who seemed to enjoy saying hell today.
Indeed, people were throwing oil in their buckets, attempting to fill them as much as possible. And you may ask: "What does this have to do with the story?" And if you don't ask that, then you obviously are one of our devoted fans who would never doubt us. But back to the question: "What does this have to do with the story?" Absolutely nothing. But anyway, on the way to Triet, they noticed several dead weasels in the road.
"I have a bad feeling about this," said Lloyd, who had recently taken his CSD medication and had gained a few IQ points for doing so.
Suddenly, what appeared to be two drunken men came out in the middle of the road. They were just on the outskirts of Triet at this time.
"Faces filled with joy and cheer,
What a magical time of year,
Howdy Ho! It's weasel stomping day!" They sang.
"What the hell?" asked Lloyd.
"Man, these people in Triet have weird celebrations man," said Genis as they entered the city.
As they biked on, they noticed that all the lawns seem strange as they were white. And now you may ask: "How could they have lawns in the dessert?" Well, what does this look like, math class? Just pay attention and that question won't matter. Anyway, suddenly two more drunken men forced Viking helmets on Genis and Lloyd.
"Put your Viking helmet on,
Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn,
Don't you know, it's weasel stomping day?"
"Wait a minute!" shouted Lloyd. "That's on June 31! There's no such thing!"
"Hey man, did you check the calendar?" asked Genis, holding up a calendar. Lloyd looked and indeed, there it was: Weasel stomping day, June 31.
"All the little girls and boys,
Love that wonderful crunching noise,
You'll know what this day's all about,
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out!"
"No way!" shouted Lloyd as he watched the sickening sight. "It's sick, right Genis?" But his angsty speech would soon be interrupted by a loud crunching noise. He looked over. Genis was wearing the huge boots of a weasel stomper.
"Man, aw man, it got away man," he said, following the fleeing weasel with his eyes. He joined in with the others singing.
"So come along and have a laugh (man),
Snap their weasely spines in half (man),
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away (man),
Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping day! (Man)."
"Genis stop singing!" shouted Lloyd. "Why do you have to "man" after every word?"
"Well, man, I dunno man, it seems like a man, a habit man," said Genis, attempting to stomp on another weasel. This time, he only hit the tail.
Lloyd didn't know how long he could resist the sound of crunching weasels for much longer.
"People love them down the street, (man)
Crushing weasels beneath their feet (man),
Why do we do it, who can say? (Man),
But it's such a festive holiday (man)."
"Damn it Genis, shouldn't we find Colette?" asked Lloyd, stepping over a dead weasel.
"Well, man, just check her myspace man," said Genis, trying to find another weasel.
"So let the stomping fun begin (man),
Bash their weasely skulls right in, (man)
It's tradition, that makes it okay (man),"
"Hey, that's an idea!" shouted Lloyd, pulling out his laptop. Now, if he could only find a place to load the internet.
"Hey every one, it's Weasel stomping (man),
We'll have fun on Weasel stomping (man),
Put your gun down, it's Weasel stomping (man),
Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel stomping day! (Man),"
Sadly, our in denial hippy Lloyd has slow internet access, so he would have nothing to distract him from the Weasel stomping around him.
"Weasel stomping day (Man)
Hey! (Man)"
As they repeated the song, Lloyd loaded up the myspace page. He immediately felt sick. Colette had put up a huge picture of Kratos under her "friends page." Ignoring the screeching noises behind him he checked her latest blog.
"OMFG! I am lyk, travlng w/ te hottest man evr to wlk the face of the erth. He is totally my style and his name is Kratos. K is like into me I mean lyk I have him on my frnds page. I wil sooo be his gf in lyk 2 days. Pos. srry about tat. Rain is totally anying. She just wants k for herself. Lol. Lyk k b interested in r. I mean toetally. Ha, k would do anyting 4 me. Hes taking me 2 strbucks 2morrow. Omfg. Lol!"
"Oh, my god," was all that Lloyd could say. "If someone made a fanfiction with that many spelling mistakes, the site would get rid of it. But wait, she's going to Starbucks? Could that mean that's where she's getting her cell phone updated?" Lloyd would ponder this while Genis would enjoy the Triet tradition of Weasel stomping day.
Geez, writing Colette's blog hurt. Anyway, please don't flame me, for one every time you flame another Mary sue is created in a first story, for another, for another, yes, I know the song is morbid. But Weird Al created it, not me, so please don't hate mail me because it doesn't belong to me. Thank you.