"Haruno-san?" Startled, she stopped mid scribble and looked up. A light haired male shinobi stood unsurely before the door, his hands clasped before him nervously. "The kazekage-sama has requested your presence at the dinner table."
Dinner? She looked behind her out the window—saw the sun setting. How the devil had she skipped lunch?
Reading her thoughts, he spoke quietly. "I tried to call you for lunch and you said you'd be down in a minute." He paused with a flush. "Hours passed but I did not wish to persist."
She stood, running her hands over her face, trying to rip her mind away from the loads of information she'd been drinking. "Forgive me, my mind was elsewhere." She grabbed her forehead protector and tied it quickly over her right arm, her temples aching too much for her to tie her hair up. She walked over to him briskly, fiddling with her loose hair nervously as he led her to the dining hall.
When she entered she saw Gaara sitting at the head of the table alone, the room dimly lit with the soft glow of oil lamps atop each of the pillars about them. The light looked like liquid gold shifting across the cream colored marble floor—and she realized it was his sand.
He must be upset, she thought with a twinge of worry in her belly. She walked over to him, smiling when he lifted his green gaze. The sand moved to pull out a chair for her and she giggled to herself as she sat. "Afternoon," She murmured, watching his expression carefully.
He nodded silently towards the food before them.
Shiratama anmitsu? She reached for the bowl greedily, grabbing the small container of syrup and pouring it on generously. She bit her lip as she tried to find a way to ask what was plaguing him, his sand still shifting about the room restlessly.
"Are you going to eat?"
He shook his head.
She dug into her bowl and swallowed a spoonful with relish. "Has something happened to upset you, Gaara-kun?"
He looked up at her and blinked owlishly. He gathered his composure, seemed to realize that he was using his sand again. The sand slid back into the gourd propped against the table beside him. "Forgive me. I do not feel well."
She put the bowl down instantly, all business. "Where do you feel discomfort?" She stood, her hands glowing green as she reached towards him.
He shut his eyes when her small hands ran over his chest, and she felt him shudder. "I just have a head ache."
He jerked his eyes open when she slid her leg between his—and she pushed his chair back so that she could stand completely before him. He looked up at her incredulously and she only smiled a little at his expression. She lifted her hands to his neck and jaw. "Your blood pressure is a little high." Her fingertips began to massage his temples and he made a soft sound in the back of his throat—almost a growl, not quite a groan.
"That feels…"
She grinned now. "Amazing, right? I give them to Kaka-sensei and Sasuke-kun when they over use their sharingan. They whine when I stop. Have you ever scratched a dogs ear and they started thumping their leg? It's kinda what they do but they try to hide it." She ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the texture. His hair was surprisingly thick, and it felt good as she tugged it experimentally. She remembered the words he'd confessed to her earlier and her smile slipped away.
"I dreamt of people not being afraid of touching me. I dreamt of being touched the way everyone else was—hugs, handshakes, even being shoved or having my hair ruffled the way father would do to Temari and Kankuro. I just wanted to know what affection felt like."
She ruffled his hair for good measure giggling when he cracked an eye open in question. "You've never had your hair ruffled, Gaara-kun?"
He closed his eye again, smirking. "Never."
"How does it feel?"
He inhaled deeply, his voice rough. "Like I could fall asleep."
She frowned. "Have you not been sleeping well?"
"An hour or two a day at most."
She tsked disapprovingly, removing her hands and crossing her arms over her chest, giving him her best scowl. "Lack of sleep is what is making your head hurt and your blood pressure sky rocket." She sat back in her chair and grabbed her spoon again. "I thought it was only the shukaku that prevented you from sleeping?" She tapped the spoon against her bottom lip thoughtfully.
"Denying myself sleep was a lifelong habit." He slid his chair forward. "I find it difficult to relax. If I do manage to fall asleep I usually wake within an hour drenched in sweat and plagued with nightmares."
She put her spoon into the now empty bowl and slid it onto the table. "If you'd let me, I could help you." He looked up at her in question. He was attractive; she admitted to herself, had thought it plenty of times when he stood about with his stony expression and his smirks. But now, with his eyes bewildered, expressive, the line of his mouth soft and slightly parted, he was strikingly handsome.
Her pulse sped up and she looked away, discreetly clearing her throat. "I have several special teas I can make. I can give you chakra massages and as a last resort I can actually force you to sleep." She grinned to herself, remembering the time they'd been on a mission and Naruto had continuously whined that he was not sleepy at all and wanted everyone else to stay awake with him.
Kakashi had distracted him with the lure of showing him a new, dangerous ninjutsu only Sasuke had managed to learn—and she'd grabbed the back of his neck, sending her chakra into him. He'd gone limp instantly.
And woken completely oblivious to what had happened.
"I do not think it would help."
She looked at him, saw his sand begin to sift about the room and she smiled softly. It was a rather cute nervous quirk, she admitted privately. Or, it would be if she didn't know what that pretty sand could do. "Why?"
He sighed. "Several medics have given me sleep aids. They've never once worked."
She felt her chest puff out slightly, knew she was being arrogant. "I was trained by Tsunade-shishou." She drank from her cup—sputtered a bit when the bitter wine filled her mouth. "I know some teas that could knock a beast of a man out with just a teaspoon and while this is only a matter of opinion—shared by most if not all of Konoha—my chakra massages could lull a wounded bear to sleep."
He smirked at her again. "Then I accept your offer."
She nodded haughtily. "You're welcome." She grabbed an apple and bit into it. "Now eat—nothing spicy!" She demanded and with a rueful shake of his head, he obeyed.
A few more hours of reading and writing and Sakura had to stretch her legs. She walked out into the hall and after several minutes found herself wandering aimlessly. Her neck felt tight and achy, the unmarked skin where Orochimaru had bit her a bit hotter than the rest of her. She pressed her fingertips to it again, searching with her chakra for any damage or foreign bodies.
But for the millionth time she found absolutely nothing.
She'd been confused before but she wasn't any longer. He had bit her. He'd done something to her body, placed a malicious, nigh invisible jutsu upon it that would activate when it came into contact with its target.
Sasuke-kun.
"You'll be a good messenger."
Could she risk seeing him again? Would it react to his chakra? Would it trigger with his sharingan? He said he'd help Sasuke and himself but how? Maybe it would cure his insanity but Orochimaru would slip into Sasuke in the process, lying dormant until he could overtake his body. Waiting like a parasite inside of her until it could latch onto its next host.
She thought of a white worm sliding around her insides and took a deep breath, ignored the way her stomach quivered.
She needed to write a letter to Konoha.
It was nightfall when Gaara found himself restlessly prowling in his bedroom. He was satisfyingly full, his head still swimming pleasurably from her scalp massage. It had made the meetings and paperwork much more bearable.
He could probably sleep now if he got into bed but the thought of Sakura touching him again, of her fussing over him the way everyone else was too frightened to do with him kept him awake.
He sat on the window seat with a heavy sigh. He touched his hair experimentally, shutting his eyes.
She was a bit demanding, he thought, outspoken and short tempered. But as he remembered her gentle questioning, the soft smiles she'd given him, the unique scent of lavender and something else that seemed to belong to only her, he knew that she was also a gentle, soft woman.
And while her softness appealed to him immensely, what fascinated him the most was the boldness of her touches, the lack of fear she showed when they touched or when she saw his sand move about them unconsciously.
Was this what friendship felt like?
Why did it feel so different from what he'd ever felt with Naruto?
"Gaara-kun?" There was a soft knock at his door. "It's me." She called softly.
Gaara-kun. He bit back his smile and waved his hand, opening the door with his sand. She carried a small porcelain tea cup and plate, the herbal aroma striking him as she walked towards him with a hesitant smile. "I brought the beast taming tea." She announced, holding it before him.
Smirking, he nodded and murmured a thanks as he accepted it. She sat in the small space beside him, lifting her bare feet to the seat and hugging her knees. She propped her chin atop them and watched him solemnly.
He took a tentative sip, giving her a questioning look at her nervousness.
"You were raving mad and blood thirsty. You were completely insane. You murdered for pleasure." Her small fingertips traced invisible patterns on the sides of her legs. "And now you're as expressive as a rock." She looked out the window, gazed down at his village expressionlessly. "You're soft spoken and calm. I know the blood thirst came from the shukaku but as you said, lifelong habits are hard to break."
He knew what she was asking. He rested the tiny cup on his thigh. "It took time…and an incredible amount of self-control." He felt her gaze on him but he kept his eyes on the very small, very fragile cup within his large hands. "I…made many mistakes. I lost control several times." The cup clattered, giving away his trembling, and he grimaced. "I was irrationally angry for the slightest of reasons. But I—" He swallowed. "I thought if I could restrain myself, if I could show people that I had changed and that I wouldn't hurt them they'd eventually come to see me as a friend. I thought I could persuade someone to care for me, that I could be deserving of affection. When they didn't immediately trust me I reacted violently." He forced himself to take another drink. "I thought maybe I could form bonds and not feel so…disconnected. But then I realized that with all I've done I was a fool to think anyone could ever trust me, or love me. I didn't deserve anything. Feeling alone is what made me so insane in the first place but being alone is what I deserve for killing so many innocent people."
He lifted the cup to his lips and forced himself to drink the rest of the tea with several burning gulps. He set the cup and plate down on the nightstand. She hadn't been bluffing when she'd called it the beast taming tea. He was already finding it difficult to keep his eyes open.
Her small hand gripped his tightly. He turned, finding her gaze shimmering with unshed tears. When she spoke her words were shaky. "What you did…" She shut her eyes, seemed to be trapped inside of a memory. "What you've done wasn't you."
He felt as if she'd punched him, breathless and off balance. "Sakura…why are you crying?"
She sniffled, her green eyes shimmering beautifully. "I'm sorry. I've been a bit of a cry baby lately." She reached out and wrapped her thin arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder. "It's just what you said—you must be in so much pain." He felt the dampness of her tears seep through his black sleep shirt and slip over his skin. "Temari and Kankuro love you, Gaara-kun. When I'm with them they talk about you all the time. They look so happy, so proud. The villagers are even more adoring of you." Her fingers bunched the fabric in his shirt. "Matsuri-chan even asked me how it felt to be in your arms. She seemed envious—she called me blessed to have been so near you." Her giggle was watery. "What you were was a child possessed by a demon. You cannot blame yourself for reacting the way you did. It wasn't you. You were damned from the moment you were born but you clawed out."
She was crying for him?
Slowly, his hands lifted, tentatively touching her sides.
It touched him, more deeply then he'd ever admit, to have her cry the tears he couldn't. That she would be moved so by his pain.
She didn't move away.
He spread his fingers across her ribs, marveling at her slightness, then touched her lower back.
Still, she stayed.
Gently, unsurely, he pulled her closer.
She moved, getting on her knees and embracing him fully, his cheek pressing against hers, his arms now tight around her, holding her to him firmly.
His hands were trembling. His sand was shifting about the room wildly. He needed to step back. "Sakura…"
"Get used to it." She bit out. "I'm going to hug you whenever I get the urge. I'm going to hug you whenever you feel sad. I'll use my strength against you if I have to. I'll hug you in front of the entire village."
He smiled, letting out a dark, shaky chuckle. "If you must."
She nodded, pulled away—and he felt his hands clutch her to him reflexively. She went very still and he inhaled unsteadily. He really didn't know what he was thinking at the moment. He wasn't quite sure if the tea contained something else that muddled his judgment so fantastically and before he knew it his hand found the back of her neck.
"Gaara—?"
He tugged her head down gently, captured her soft mouth with his. He felt a lick of heat unfurl in the pit of his stomach, his pulse jumping when he heard—felt—her soft gasp. Her chest was flush against his, pressed so tightly he could feel the thrumming of her heart. His fingers sifted softly through her hair and he angled his mouth over hers uncertainly.
In a flash she ripped away from him, his hands grasping air where her soft body had been. She was standing several feet away, her back pressed against the wall opposite from him. Her eyes were huge in their shock, her fingers curled over her mouth in horror.
"Gaara—I'm sorry. I love Sasuke-kun." Her voice grew shaky. "I've always loved Sasuke-kun."
He averted his gaze, clenched his fists. "Aa."
"I can't…Sasuke-kun was supposed to be my first kiss."
Gaara shut his eyes. "I was not thinking. It was a mistake. The tea has muddled my thoughts. Please, forgive me."
He saw her arms drop to her sides from the corner of his eye. "Oh—oh! Of course, the tea, it has an alcohol like effect of relaxing the drinker, lowering inhibitions. It causes grogginess. Added with your insomnia of course you're going to be all out of sorts." She cleared her throat. "Goodnight, Gaara-kun. Let's…not remember this in the morning."
She left his bedroom like a terrified mouse.
He threw himself across his bed and tried to forget who he was. It seemed that, yet again, he would not sleep at all.
Notes: 96bittersweetblackcat-Thank you! I think I might have messaged you (can you tell I'm new here?) but I just wanted to repeat my appreciation for your review!
jellybeansinabottle-You have no idea how happy I am that you enjoyed it ^.^ I hope you continue to do so.
KARASU25-I'm actually torn between the two. I mean I decided this was going to be a GaaSaku fic but you have no idea how tempted I am.
But on that note the next chapter is probably going to have a bit more SasuSaku. You are forewarned.