Chapter 4
When Louisa was woken the next morning by the unmistakable signs that her son needed her, Martin had already left the house. Louisa sighed, while she was feeding and cradling her son.
"Peter, can you tell me what we can do to help your Daddy? You're as much his son as mine. Maybe you can understand him?" She only heard him burping, but that wasn't a helpful answer. Louisa kept cradling her son.
Then she went down to have some breakfast. There was no sign that Martin had eaten anything at all. Louisa prepared her first lonely breakfast since Peter's birth. She thought about the short talk last night.
She suddenly panicked, as she feared Martin might have left her for good without a word. She let her toast drop onto the plate and rushed upstairs. She entered Martin's room and stood nailed to the doorstep. She sighed relieved as she saw all of his belongings still there. Obviously he intended to come back, if for nothing else but to pick up his clothes.
Just then she heard a knock on the door. She rushed downstairs, hoping it would be Martin. Opening the door, she gasped out disappointedly.
"Good Morning, Louisa." Mary said cheerfully.
"Oh, Good Morning, Mary. Sorry for the welcome. It wasn't personal. Come in."
"And where is our good little boy this morning?"
"Sleeping. Would you like something first – tea, coffee?"
"A coffee would be nice."
Louisa fumbled around while Mary placed herself at the kitchen table. Louisa put a mug in front of both of them, then stared out of the window. First they drank in silence.
"Have you settled in already?" Louisa finally asked, still staring out of the window.
"That's not too difficult. The villagers are really nice to us, and you surely have a beautiful spot here. Perhaps you don't even notice how gorgeous it is when you've lived here for all of your life."
"I know that, and I really love this place." Louisa turned towards her midwife. "But don't let it fool you. It's not always as nice as this. Just wait for the winter, when the gales make the sea look as if it's boiling, crashing the waves against the rocks."
"Winter is bleak everywhere."
"But it doesn't transform London the way it transforms Portwenn. I've lived in London. I spent the last winter in London." Louisa sighed. "I even missed the storms."
"Now you're back and little Peter can grow up here. Must be a beautiful spot for children."
"It sure is. You have the whole village to support you and the whole Cornish countryside for a playground. Your Tommy's a lovely child. You must be very proud."
"It's the only child William and I have together. We both have two kids each from former relationships."
"What happened to them?"
"Oh, my former partner was an arsehole and I realised I couldn't trust him with children. He simply lied whenever it suited him."
"I know the feeling." Louisa sighed.
"That's why you broke up?" Mary asked concerned.
"What? Why?"
"Oh, I just heard that you and your partner had broken up and just came together after the birth."
"Oh, you mean Martin! No, he's as honest as the day's long. He's absolutely dependable and brutally honest. He couldn't lie even if his life depended on it."
"I thought…"
"No, my father. He was a cheat and liar and thief. My mother took the easy way out. She couldn't stand his lies anymore and so she left, without us children. Dad brought us up, the best he could."
"So maybe you understand why I had to leave my partner, keeping my boys away from him?"
"Wise decision. What about William's wife?"
"She died in a car crash."
"Sorry to hear." Louisa sighed. Those bloody cars. "Speaking of cars – is he preparing a funeral at the moment?"
"I think you know he is. Speaking of it, I promised William that I'd speak with you. He is concerned about Dr. Ellingham."
"Why, what has Martin done?"
"Nothing. That's why he is so concerned."
"You mean he isn't organising the funeral at all?" Louisa asked in shock.
"He's planning the funeral alright, but as far as I understood it, he's doing it in the same way he would settle any deal. He doesn't seem to care, doesn't seem to mourn. However, William doesn't think that it is cold-heartedness on his side, even if some villagers think…"
"Yes, they think he's a cold-hearted, arrogant bastard and tosser. I know the sneering remarks."
"Well, William thinks he just doesn't know how to mourn and is afraid he will miss his opportunity to say goodbye properly because of that. I promised him that I'd talk to you."
Louisa sighed. "Your William's a sweet man, and he has a deep knowledge of human nature." Louisa sipped her tea. "I tried to talk with Martin about it. I really tried. He just clammed up and turned away." Louisa got up and walked towards the window. "This morning he must have left early. I didn't see him at all." Louisa turned around to face Mary. She had to get things off her chest, and Mary seemed to be a good listener. "Actually, he declared last night that he'll move out, as he would just be a burden to me. Of course he isn't, he's a big help, but now he needs support and doesn't want me to give it. He said I have enough on my plate with Peter already."
"So you think he has left?"
"No, he can't have. His things are still here. I checked."
"So where can he be?"
"I've no idea. I would have said he's at Joan's farm, but now there's no point. He has no one else to confide in. No friends, no family. She was his only support. More than I ever was – maybe more than I can ever be."
"Then William's right, he is devastated."
"He would never show it. He doesn't show his feelings. He only told me he loved me once, and that was only after I made him drunk deliberately."
"William says it's essential that he takes his time to say goodbye properly. He just doesn't listen. Can you talk to him?"
"I can try, but I doubt he will listen to me either."
"What do you mean? What kind of relationship is this?"
Louisa sighed. "That's a good question." She sipped her tea, then looked over to Mary. "If you know the answer, you can tell me."
Mary laid her hand on Louisa's. In her job, she had come across all kind of relationships. Abusing fathers, dominating mothers to pregnant teenage girls, mentally disturbed women endangering their children and even husbands that harassed her while their wives were giving birth to their children.
"Tell me, Louisa. What is the problem between you two? You know, caring for a child is more than feeding and burping him and changing his nappy. Most of all it's providing a safe environment to grow up in."
"Martin tries. He really does."
"Tries to do what?"
Louisa made a vague motion, waving her hand in the air. "Oh, the whole fathering business. You can tell by his screwed up nose that the smell of the nappy is utterly disgusting to him. He is very sensitive to smells. But he changes the nappy without any comment."
"He hardly talks to anyone, and he surely doesn't know what to say to a baby, but knowing that the sound of the voice is important for the development of children, he talks to Peter. He describes to him everything he does, not knowing what else he could say."
"Martin's a stickler about his night sleep, but when I prepare the bottles, he gets up in the night and takes over feeding him every few hours."
"Since I've been out of hospital I've not had to prepare one single meal – before last night, that is – as he took over the kitchen duties without being asked and without a single word of complaint."
Mary squeezed Louisa's hand. "Sounds like the perfect partner, so far, but…"
Louisa sighed "Yeah, sounds great when you talk about it, and I probably shouldn't be complaining."
"That's not what I mean, but I noticed you sleep apart?"
"Well, we…never mind."
"Come on, get it off your chest. There is something bothering you, and if it affects the partnership of the parents, it sooner or later affects the child. So I'm really just asking out of professional concern. I'm not the gossiping type."
Louisa looked into the encouraging eyes of her midwife. She was right. Louisa had to talk to someone, and now that she couldn't confide in Joan anymore…
"See, it's always been difficult with Martin. Between Martin and me."
"What's so difficult? You're not sure if you love him, is that it?"
"Well, yes….or…no, not really."
"That makes it a lot clearer." Mary smiled towards Louisa, giving her hand another squeeze.
"I shouldn't have made him a father. It's not his sort of thing." Louisa walked over to her son, sleeping peacefully.
"So you trapped him into the pregnancy?"
Louisa looked shocked towards Mary and only her sleeping son prevented her from shouting towards her that she would never do such a thing. Instead, she vigorously shook her head. Then, in a low voice confessed. "No, I suppose we just got carried away." Louisa smiled down at the result of their moment of passion.
"Martin is such a stiff shirt, and always repressed – and he got carried away once in his life…and now look at the consequence?"
"So he wanted an abortion?"
"I wasn't around when that would have been an option."
"But you supposed that he would?"
Louisa sighed. She thought back at what he had said when she turned up on his doorstep – and then about how he turned out to be with his son. Finally, she shrugged her shoulder, shaking her head slightly.
"I really don't know. Martin's such a mystery to me."
"But there must have been something that brought you together. Something that makes you two stay together."
"Are we?"
"What?"
"Are we both staying together?"
Mary watched her client going over to the window to stare over the harbour.
"You see the stone cottage at the other side? That's where he used to have his surgery. He still owns the house, getting rent from the current GP. That's where he used to live. Before he moved out to go to London." Louisa sighed, then turned around. "But this is not London."
"Does he have any regrets?"
"Funny thing – I don't know."
"But you must talk?"
"Sure – what we will have for dinner, if another check-up is due, which alterations to the house will be necessary next to make it child-proof. Things like that."
Mary looked in disbelief. Sure, she had seen all sorts of relationships – but these two people didn't even relate to each other.
To be continued…