Cruel reality
Author: FOXOReily
Summary: Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.
Rated: R
Categories: Angst, Drama
Characters: Brian, Michael, David
Warnings: None
Completed: Yes
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Chapter 4
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Brian irritatingly sighed inside of his jeep. He was at a loss. Vic was the most understanding person who always watched over their relationship affirmatively. When pushed from the only understanding person, and refused, Brian completely felt having stood alone. Since Michael left, he put distance deliberately with the people who connected him with Michael. Because, spending time with them was let him feel absence of Michael even more. Brian knew what he used the way wasn't indubitably intelligent. The result of the action that he fetched is this. Nobody will want to let him see Michael. The reason is because he is sure to hurt Michael again. However, Brian could not but still trust Vic's words.
(Like Vic said, probably Michael will give to me call. Michael can't help see me if Michael is coming to here.)
Brian decided to think so to encourage himself. He was reading all the email which had been sent from Michael till it stopped at last. Brian is memorizing what happened to Michael's life in Portland minutely, until Michael gives up contact with Brian. At first, he expected that Michael would return immediately. However, Michael seemed to get acclimated to new environment much more smoothly than Brian thought. Michael found work that deserve him for the first time and has begun to build substantial life. Brian was glad and truly delighted for Michael. Still Brian predicted after all David stifle Michael at selfish manipulation of him. To David, how to treating Michael in Pittsburgh was almost management. Actually, Brian thought that David locks up Michael into their house, and maybe even didn't want to let him work. When took them into account, as for this Michael's first earnest relationship, Brian thought after all they soon break up. However, unfortunately for Brian, David had a lot of worrying in Portland to other than Michael. He had to take care of his son and ex wife, and the administration of the new workplace was waiting him. David had to pay attention to those things either. They distracted David's mind and gave freedom to Michael moderately. For them, the entire situation worked to good course. Then, Brian could not but reconsider his shallow expectation.
(Michael may not come back. Michael is not my Mikey anymore...)
He shivered with the fact. If it was possible, he wanted to take back Michael. However, when he stared at the present of his own he is living with Justin and his responsibility didn't seem to disappear unless Justin left Brian by his will. After a series of cases, Justin's father abandoned his whole family and didn't even care. It was their family problem, but, Brian could not but accept that he owe one end of the responsibility of the whole story. Also he accepted Justin for own will to twice more than once. What he made situation must have tormented Michael than him. If it is a one-night-stand's trick, Brian can do excuse it to Michael and himself. However, he can't do excuse to Michael about relationship with Justin. Brian began it in front of Michael's face.
(And now, Michael will not wish I drive away Justin.)
Brian was sure of it. Michael was instilled in Debbie like that.
(Justin is good for Brian. Brian loves Justin. You have David. Love good doctor. He is the man for you. Shit...)
The appearance of Justin led their life to the totally unplanned development. Brian regretted that he has got deeply involved in Justin carelessly. Brian has given everybody an excuse to tear off him from Michael. However, it already happens and is unrecoverable anymore.
(If that's the case, what can I give Michael? Is it the noble friendship? Is it all we can have in now? What do I expect from him? What does he expect from me? What did he want to talk about with me? When I saw him, what do I want to talk about?)
Brian wasn't even sure what his own wish is anymore. However, Michael's presence was necessary for him. It is not reason or logic. Brian knew sooner or later he couldn't function if he continues living under present conditions.
"Mikey, call me. Just call me."
Brian repeated it just like a mantra inside of the jeep having been sat down.
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After disconnect Brian's call, Vic knew that his cell-phone caught a call from Emmett. Vic sighed and pushed a reply button.
"Hey, Em. What's up?"
"I hear your voice and can suppose it. Brian already called you, does he?"
"You certainly will have already known."
Vic chuckled and nodded.
"Did you beat the shit out of Brian in a diner? Though he doesn't remember even that he met Michael last night, he seems to think that he said a terrible thing to Michael because you deadly blame him."
"Oh, actually, isn't it right? When Michael returned to us from a backroom, he was awfully depressed."
Worry and indignation mingled at Emmett's voice. Vic answered it while scratching at his nape.
"Um, Michael didn't talk to me in detail, but probably I think Brian couldn't do even coherent conversation with him."
"Yeah, probably. But I can say that his blunder disappointed Michael at least. After all Michael is his only faithful best friend. By the way, did you see Michael today?"
Emmett asked eagerly. Vic nodded as looking towards a bedroom from the couch of the living room.
"Well...I'm here with Michael now. Unfortunately he was worn out by a hangover and the flight you know that he is hard to deal with and various events of last night, but he was apologizing to you two."
"Thanks God. We don't have any problem if we know that Michael is in the safety. However, it may have been a misfortune for him that he didn't meet Debbie in a diner. Anyway she is losing her temper so badly."
"I can imagine it."
Vic snickered in his slight explosion of the last night. It was very pleasant thing that he buried Debbie into unknown doubt that she cannot arrive at an answer.
"Do Michael and Debbie hold any problem? Are they quarreling or anything?"
Emmett asked anxiously. Vic denied it as rubbing his chin.
"Uhm...No, they don't quarrel. But slightly complicated circumstances affect this. Debbie always interrupted Michael's life in every meaning. You know well too."
Vic muttered circumspectly.
"For example, about his sex life? Honey, I wonder why Michael hasn't begun to melt in embarrassment so far."
"Aww, it's practice, Em. To Michael those were a matter of daily practice."
"Yeah, it will be so."
Emmett wanted to get all out of Vic, but he knew well Vic would speak nothing above it. Probably Michael may speak something to him later if it gives a serious problem. Emmett decided to think patiently. It didn't seem to be a pleasant topic at least.
"Anyway, could you tell Michael call me if he revives from a hangover, or want him to stop at the apartment where he lived before? Today I'm free all day long because of the Sabbath of my right hand."
"Sure, I tell it to Michael."
Vic guaranteed it willingly, and they hung up each other. However, Vic wasn't able to have conviction to whether Michael's physical condition can recover so as to be able to move.
He went back to the bedroom and drew the chair of a writing desk located beside a bed and sat quietly not to make a noise. Vic inspected the pale features of the dearest nephew carefully. He didn't seem to be healthy at all, but apparently Michael seems to sleep peacefully. The medicines which Michael brought seemed to be useful somehow to ease his pain.
"Absolutely, this is not fair. God, why must you do such cruel treatment to Michael?"
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Michael moved his body gingerly on the bed. His limbs seemed to accept honestly his transmission from an unreliable brain.
"Michael, did you wake up?"
When Vic's calm voice asked, Michael nodded and stretched his body.
"Yeah, I revived somehow."
"Good."
Vic sat on the edge of the bed and combed Michael's entangled black curls at his fingers.
"So, are you ready for hearing my report?"
"It depend on what you do have report to me."
Michael looked up at a face of his uncle who sat down on his next.
"Oh, I see...Is it Brian?"
"Yes, I received a phone from him. Brian said he wants to see you. Besides, so desperately. Well, I can say in a way he seems to crush by the situation that he and his people created. I think he is doing almost suffocation."
Vic muttered and shook his head sympathetically. Michael nodded sadly.
"But I cannot save him."
"He'll come through it. It may take time, but he'll and should get over reality."
"I know eventually he extricate himself from it."
Michael sighed and promoted Vic.
"Aaaaand?"
"You got call from Emmett too. I said to him that you were exhausted from a hangover. He wants call if you recovered. Or he wants you to come his apartment. He seems to be the Sabbath of the right hand today."
"I see."
Michael raised his body slowly while having the giggles.
"How about mother?"
"It's so weird, but we got no communication from her. However, according to the report from Emmett, she seems to have been awfully mad. Do you have intention to go to the old house with me?"
Vic asked as stroking Michael's back. Michael nodded to his uncle after having thought during a little.
"Well, I should go with you. That may be the best thing that I can do. But I don't intend to tell the truth to mother. I want to decide it at least after ascertaining how she reacts."
"I support your decision overall. But you must not forget a fact that she is your mother. No matter what she loves you."
"I know, Uncle Vic. You don't have to worry about that."
Michael smiled at Vic softly.
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Inside of the car that is heading to the old house Michael played with his cell-phone in his hands. Time to think a little was necessary for him until he called Brian. Various thought was complicated at inside of Michael's heart. He can't deny that inwardly there is the desire that wants to confide all to Brian. Michael didn't want to leave here having remained regret. However, he had to suppress himself. The vivid revelation is not a beautiful thing. It doesn't become the profit of Brian. He had to become cautious.
Michael realized that he registered Brian's number with the first of the speed dial even to his new cell-phone. He smiled bitterly and pressed cell-phone to his ear. Brian replied by one call so that he was waiting for it so long.
"...Mikey?"
When Brian's uncertain voice reached his ear, Michael almost cried.
"Hey, Brian. You don't take any influence yet, do you?"
"I'm sober almost as same as time I was born to the ground. Mikey, what you saw last night...I know I showed you disgraceful behavior..."
"Brian, I did a surprise on you. Plus, the thing which I watched there wasn't a new thing for me. But I was upset a little because I hadn't seen it for a long time."
Michael muttered awkwardly.
"That's all."
"I thought that you were the hallucination that I watched. It is ridiculous really. You know, you had better to stop forgiving me so easily."
"You don't have to mind it."
"Yes, I have to."
Brian said in a decisive tone. And he continued talking before awkward silence came.
"Where are you now?"
"Actually, I am in the car. I'm on my way to the Novotnys with Uncle Vic. I have to say to Hello' to ma. I know it was most dangerous thing, but I deferred visiting her."
"I knew that you were the brave man."
Brian muttered as smiling. And he heard Michael's voice suggesting it to him.
"It is the Sunday night. Don't you join us?"
"Ahhh, Mikey. Do you want to punish me? It's hard to say that I am the favorite person of Debbie."
"Of course you can choose it. But if you come to her house we can meet each other early. Probably it will be the tomorrow night that we can meet if you reject this suggestion. In addition, you can bring Justin if a reinforcement is necessary for you."
"Alright. But, Justin? I don't know...he is not here now, besides."
"Okay, then. Anyway he has ability to scent out the place where you are. Wherever he is, he'll appear after all."
Michael said playfully. It was no laughing joke for him, but Brian decided to ignore it.
"I'm on my way to there already. Mikey, I'm glad that you gave me phone."
"Me too. We'll see you soon."
Vic stole a glance at a state of Michael who hung up. He measured what his nephew is thinking about.
"Did you invite Justin too? Huh?"
"You must not blame me even if I'm so sweet. It's lip service. However, I really think that Justin appears there after all even if I don't invite him."
"Do you mean Deb?"
"Sunshine is her favorite. And he is her comfort now. I don't mind Justin. Isn't it nice thing that watch his recovery?"
Michael smiled at Vic. Vic shrugged his shoulders as returning his attention to the road.
"You'll watch disgustingly cheerful Justin."
When they arrived at the Novotnys, inside of the house was still keeping silence.
"We have one hour or so, until her return."
Vic checked his watch and told Michael. Michael looked around in his good old house. He noticed there is hardly change within his memory. The diverse ornaments that his mother's miscellaneous hobbies were reflected. And then the space where the photograph of his father dead in a war was enshrined, only there is orderly like an altar. Michael felt mysterious sense of incongruity whenever he watched them, but, he felt nostalgic even the sense of incongruity now.
"Michael, aren't you tired? You can take a rest in your old room till she returns."
Vic patted Michael's shoulder and pulled back Michael from his recollection. Michael smiled meaningfully without watching his uncle's face.
"Did you do something for me?"
"Oh, well...I cleaned room approximately. I put some big dust in order and put back the thing which there should have been there."
"Uncle Vic, you didn't have to do that for me."
"No, I needed to do it for me."
Vic said to Michael as moving towards a kitchen.
"You don't need to be afraid of anything. There is just the room which you spent in old days. It is not anything else except it. Nothing harms to you."
"Thank you, Uncle Vic. By the way, may I take some my junk with me?"
Michael hesitatingly asked Vic from the entrance of the kitchen. Vic shrugged his shoulders while taking out a container of the linguine from a shelf.
"It's all yours. You don't need permission."
"OK, I'm in the upstairs. Call me if you need some help. I learned a good useful recipe from Laurie and David."
"Hm, they must be matching a white clam sauce with linguine."
Vic smirked and shook his head.
"Actually, the combination is not bad."
"Exactly! I had to admit that it was delicious. It was a huge shock in my life that I had to know that all of the life wasn't made with a marinara sauce."
Michael left the place as giggling. Vic was watching nephew's back until disappear to the direction of stairs.
Michael hesitated about entering his room even if he heard what Vic said to him. He doesn't scare to seeing change. Still it was scary that the memory of far-off days was going to dig up his sealed thought. However, he accepts it and has to let it go. Michael opened a door slowly and turned on the switch of the light of the room.
Michael watched the work that his uncle accomplished and smiled. He must have had a hard time to put back this room. Michael walks to a window and touched the Captain Astro's curtain at his hand quietly. The touch of worn cloth seemed to totally touching his own stiff heart. Michael sighed shakily and looked around the room. Before returning to Portland, he had a lot of thing that have to dispose. He needed to settle his some leftover work.
Michael opened small closet's door and climbed on a low stepladder. And carefully moved a panel of the ceiling to aside. Several old notebooks were piled to the ceiling at same condition where he hid it in old days. Quickly Michael took them down and pushed it into the old knapsack that was to the corner of the closet. He didn't need to watch the contents of the notebook. He knew enough what was written there. And several comic books. Michael packed all and walked to the front of the corkboard next. Removing a photograph of him with Brian, and placed it between notebooks. Michael threw away all things left to the corkboard to the garbage can after he recollected memory of the passed days. He opened the clothing storage box of the step of the bed next, and Michael took out one magazine. Of course it was IT. His precious secret memory turned into a disgusting past as soon as Brian exposed it to friends. Unfortunately Michael cannot deny that feeling. He put the magazine in garbage can and finally exhaled breath having been held. Michael never looked back toward his old room. Carrying knapsack and garbage can, he went down downstairs quietly. He threw a knapsack onto the sofa of the living room and grabbed only garbage can. Michael took out a matchbox from the drawer of cupboard and passed through the entrance and went toward the backyard.
(Those are burn and become ash. Nothing is left.)
Michael thought darkly. It felt like very clean method. He lit a match and dropped it in garbage can. An old magazine and the papers were given fire in no time and burn redly and smoked and it became mere ash at last.
"You should pour water into there not to spread fire to your mother's house that made with cardboard."
Slowly Michael turned around for the voice that he heard from his rear.
"Hey, Brian."
"Did you begin general cleaning as soon as you arrived at your old house?"
Brian's voice wasn't clear than the voice that he remembered and was muffled. Brian's expression is unreadable. Michael felt his mind irritated a little.
"I just needed to do rearranging personal life. Because I think, that I can't often come to this house anymore."
"What are you burning?"
"The things which became unnecessary for me."
Michael shrugged his shoulders and looked up at the face of taller man.
"Was such a worthless thing what you wanted to say to me that when you saw me? You almost begged me."
"Mikey...When did you become so scathing?"
Uncomfortably, Brian murmured. Michael didn't let his attitude soften.
"I don't know. Though had been seven months since you saw me, don't you give your best friend even a hug?"
"I think you're really pissed at me."
"Whatever you think."
They stared at each other intensely. At the next moment, Michael recognized that his sight became full of Brian and his embrace wrapped him tightly.
"God...Mikey, I missed you so much...!"
Brian savored greedily touch of Michael's body and his unique sweet scent. Nobody can replace Michael. Brian keenly realized his stupidity.
"Then why didn't you pick up my phone if you missed me so much?"
Michael couldn't do even breath in a strong embrace of Brian.
"I can't tell you why, but I just...I didn't think that you preferred David to me."
"What?"
"I felt having been betrayed to you."
"But you said to me that I should go."
Michael pulled back his body a little and stared at Brian's hazel eyes. Brian shook his head slightly.
"Yeah, I remember that, but it wasn't my real intention. I'm the master of denial, you know that."
"Maybe..."
Michael muttered.
"I may have known that. However, after all I would go to David. That time, even if you said anything to me outside sickroom of Justin, nothing was changed practically."
"Oh, yeah?"
Brian whispered as burying his tip of nose in Michael's soft raven-black tresses.
"After all did you go to David even if I said to you that I love you?"
"You never say that."
"I said it a few seconds ago, didn't I?"
Brian traced Michael's smooth cheeks with the pad of his thumb while staring at Michael's enraged face.
"You asshole..."
Michael's mutter was blocked by Brian's passionate kiss. Instead of not being tender at all, that kiss was desperate and violent and naked love and relentless lust. Michael had to grasp fabric of Brian's shirt at his hands firmly not to sink to the ground.
(Brian, you were too late. You were fucking too late...)
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--T B C--