I AM SO SORRY. THESE PAST MONTHS HAVE BEEN NUTS. I HOPE YOU STILL ARE THERE.
Chapter Four:
Rory got in the car and sat for a minute. This anger that has been inside for 10 years just came out. All she wanted was to be there for her mom and then go back to Chicago. She just needed to be anywhere but here. She knew only one place where she could disappear for a while.
Jess kept driving. He wanted to leave, to get away from the pain. But he knew if he did, that Rory would never forgive him. So, he drove around Stars Hollow. Figuring out what he would say to her. How he would say he missed her, how losing her was the one thing he regrets most of all. How he knew he would never be able to settle down with anyone but her. It took him till now to realize that. He parked to go sit on the bridge to find that she was already there. Looking like a lost princess.
"I remember finding you here after the dance-a-thon. After Dean broke up with you because of me." Rory looked at him with a tear-stained face. "What do you want Jess?"
"I don't know, Rory. Nothing I say can take back what happened. I wish I could. You. Losing you is my biggest regret. Leaving had nothing to do with you or Stars Hollow or Luke. I just feel lost because I was. I was screwing everything up so I thought everyone would be better off if I left." Rory looked at him. Confused. "Why couldn't you talk to me? At least tell me you were leaving. You called and said nothing. It hurt, Jess. Knowing that I wasn't every worth a goodbye."
It made him think about the first time he left town, after the accident. How Rory Gilmore skipped school to go to New York where they spent the whole day together. Just to say goodbye. He didn't even tell her he loved her.
"If I saw you, I never would have left. And at the time, I felt like it was the right thing to do. I love you, Rory. But if I wouldn't have left, I wouldn't be who I am today." Rory looked at him. Angry. "If you wouldn't have left, there would have been no Dean. There would have been no Logan."
"Rory, you don't know that."
"Neither do you."
They both sat in silence in silence for a moment.
Jess smiled to himself, "Do you remember when we came out here the day you decided you were going to Yale? I found you laying here." Rory started laughing, "You said 'You are such a cliché, Gilmore.' You helped me decide on Yale." "No, I told you to do what you felt was right," Jess corrected, "I think about that day all the time. We were happy. One day, where we just put aside our insecurities." "I wish it could be like that all the time." "It could be." Rory looked at him with her big blue eyes. "Jess…."
"Rory, listen. Please. I don't expect you to forgive me for everything I did. But, I will spend forever making it up to you." "Jess, slow down. I forgave you a long time ago. I did but, I still remember how it felt to lose you. Over and over again." Rory said, with guilt. "I wish I could forget it and move forward with. But, I don't know if I can." Jess looked away. Trying to hide the hurt written all over his face.
Jess took a step forward. He took her face and made it to where both of their foreheads were touching. If Jess didn't walk away now, he would be more of a mess than he already is. Making Rory feeling worse that he knew that she did. He kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, Rory." And with that he turned and didn't look back. Couldn't look back.