Chapter 4: What I Left Behind

I never wanted to say goodbye.

The moment I was Reaped for the games, I knew my fate was sealed. No one under the age of fifteen has ever come out of the games alive, and I don't think I'll be the first. I don't even want to be the first. If Ryder had to die for me to live, I would never forgive myself, even though I would die in a heartbeat to save him. I wish I could see him right now, to thank him for all of this. But he'd have to get through a lot of peacekeepers first, seeing as he is a tribute now. I hope my parents aren't too upset, and that my friends won't miss me. I've always hated saying goodbye, but it will be the last time I see my parents and friends.

"Oh Addy," My mother has already started to cry. She hugs me tight and I wish she would never let go. My father remains silent, but I can see the tears streaming down his face. Even he could not stop the peacekeepers from bringing me to the stage. No one can stop anything the Capitol seems to do anyways. My mother starts to ramble on about what a perfect child I have always been, but if I were perfect, why would I be given death? I must have done something wrong, but Ryder didn't. He volunteered to try to help me live through this. They tell me that they are proud of me no matter what, whether I come in first or twenty fourth.

But that's when they say something that surprises me. My father breaks his silence to tell me that I can do it. I hear all about how smart and strong I am, but I'm sure others are as well. Anything I do, I'm sure there will be someone in the games who can do it better. I'm just a fourteen year old girl who has lived an easy life. The only thing that could get me out of the arena would be some good luck. Even that wouldn't be good luck - Ryder would be dead. Oh Ryder, I think to myself. I never realized that my tone is almost identical to my mother's. Before I know it, my parents are leaving, and I am alone.

"We love you Addy. Always."

I am already in tears before my friends visit me. Though I have many, only those in my closest circle come to visit me - Merona, Fora, Heather, and Vivian. I can see through their fake smiles about the beautiful Capitol that they are upset about this unfortunate situation. Once Heather starts to cry, everyone does.

"I think the saddest part was when that Ryder boy volunteered. I didn't know he cared about you, or really anyone that much," States Merona, as if Ryder was some robot who felt nothing.

"He cares about me more than any of you could ever fathom. And if you are going to sit here and act as if Ryder doesn't have feelings, then I don't want you sitting here!" I scream, "Get out. You don't deserve to be here if you are going to talk about him like that," I see their eyes widen with fear, and they run out before I get any angrier.

As I sob alone in the room, I realized that I forgot about my necklace. As I take it off, I am able to think that for a moment, everything will be alright. Though my actual heart is broken, this heart necklace that Ryder gave me remains whole. He worked so many extra hours this summer to get me this, and he probably sacrificed a couple of meals along the way just to find the money for it as well. He always seems to feel the need to provide for me, despite him living in poverty. It's heartwarming yet insanely heartbreaking that he would go through so much just to buy something for me. This will be my token in the games.

When Ryder comes in to my room, he slams the door tight and is panting heavily. He holds me close as he tries to wipe the tears from my face, but each time he does so, new ones reappear.

"How did you get in here?" I inquire. Tributes are not usually allowed to be alone or unmonitored.

"I...got into...a fight..with...the...peacekeepers...at your...door...and I...knocked...them...out," He can barely finish the sentence. I try to help him lift his arms above his head to make the breathing a bit easier. Peacekeepers are usually very strong and come from richer districts. While I'm impressed that he was able to do this, I'm worried about the repercussions of him being in this room with me.

"Just breath Ryder, okay? In through your nose and out through your mouth," I kiss him on the cheek as he nods back at me to acknowledges my instructions. He is swaying back and forth and he looks a little dizzy. I'm worried he may faint, so I get him to sit down.

He's still breathing hard, but I think he's okay to answer my question. It's a question I simply can't wait any longer to ask.

"Why did you volunteer Ryder?" He gives a little chuckle as if I asked him what color the sky was.

"That's an easy...question. Because I love...you and would do...anything for you. There's no...way I would ever... put my life before yours," He answers and wraps me in his ever warm body. I didn't notice how hot this room was before. I wish I could open a window, but there are none present. The room is stifling because there are no openings, since Ryder closed the door and all.

"But I feel the same way about you," I try to let him know. I don't think he realizes how much he matters to me.

"It's not like anyone else does. Addy, everyone loves you, not just me. No one would care too much if I was gone. This will not be the last time you see District Ten, and I can promise you that," I start crying at this. I can't deal with the fact that both of us, or maybe one of us if we're lucky, will be dead.

"BUT RYDER! IF I LOST YOU I WOULD HAVE NOTHING! I WOULD BE NOTHING!" I scream louder than I ever have before. This surprises him, and now he is crying too.

"I am nothing Addy. You are something. You are something very special, and you can't forget that," That's when the door breaks down, and eight peacekeepers barge in to the room to take Ryder away from me. It's my fault for speaking too loudly and I feel terrible.

"He didn't try to hurt you did he?" Obviously not, but they don't know Ryder like I do.

"Are you kidding me right now? Addy happens to be the love of my life, and you tried to take her away. She's all I have, so if you would leave us alone for me to comfort her, maybe you could actually consider yourself a good person," Tears pour out of his eyes with the peacekeepers showing no sympathy.

"You can talk to her all you want in the arena. Now get out of her room!" Ryder punches and hits the peacekeepers as they take him away but there are too many. It hurts my heart each time they punch and hit him back. He didn't deserve this.

Why would he go through so much pain for a small chance in keeping me alive?

Author's Note: This chapter brought me so many feels writing. I fell in love with Addy and Ryder the moment I created them but writing them makes me love them so much more!

Yours Truly,

CuriousClove :)