"Three days. What the hell is he doing out there?" Jim slammed the communicator down on the table, the look in his face one even Spock wouldn't be able to decipher completely. For the first time in quite a while he felt overly worried and afraid. Of course, contrary to popular belief, he actually worried a lot: about their mission, about the people who believed in him, about his friends, and of course, he had even worried about Bones before. But he had always been confident that the older man would make it: he was strong, skilled, and had an iron will to survive. But he had promised to show up. Jim knew the other man wanted to leave this planet as badly as they wanted and there was absolutely nothing that should be able to keep him from reaching San Francisco in time, not if he took the route he had planned for him.
"I bet it's that kid he was talking about," he muttered as he began pacing his office once again. Not that he was in any way jealous, but it surprised him that some stranger should be able to find a way into the doctor's heart. It had taken him weeks to get the doctor to trust him completely; it seemed impossible that someone should get there in a few days.
He imagined what Spock would say right now, how he would tell him not to worry, because it was the doctor's own decision if he joined their journey or if he stayed. But Jim couldn't accept it. How could he leave his best friend on a planet where his life would be a short, cruel one, if they had the chance to find something better? Together? With a sigh he turned to face the door and considered to go out and search his boyfriend, though he knew exactly how the other would react to his 'illogical amount of sorrow and worry', as he used to describe it.
"From what you have told me, the doctor should be more than capable of reaching this facility in time, Jim. Should he not make it, he has most likely decided to stay. Whatever reason he has, I am not sure you would be able to convince him otherwise, considering he is a 'grumpy and headstrong' person." He sighed again, sitting down on the edge of his desk, pinching the top of his nose in thought. What if he just went to collect the older man? They probably didn't have the time, Uhura was almost finished with translating and Spock had already locked himself away to meditate, so he would be able to seek out whatever they were looking for. Sulu was busy getting the shuttle ready to leave, once they found it out and everybody else was getting ready to leave. Pike had ordered everyone to move their belongings on the ship and get used to their positions on the ship.
Time. Only a few weeks ago they had enough of it. Now they were running out and nothing Jim could do would change that. He didn't want them to leave without Bones. Spock wouldn't let him stay here; he was the Captain, the most important person on that ship, because he was the one the people trusted in. Would he not leave with them, they would think he was sending them away to a place he never actually believed in. "Damnit Bones! You're a doctor not a babysitter!" He hit his desk in frustration, just as someone knocked on the door. "What is it?" His voice was harsher than he had actually planned and he regretted it immediately, as Miss Janice Rand entered, looking almost unsettled by his tone.
"Sorry, Janice. What is it?" He asked her, the best apologetic smile he could muster on his face, as he grabbed the communication device from his desk. "Miss Uhura wants to see you, sir. She said she has finally translated and decoded the last part of the transmission she was working on." With a jump he was on his feet, grabbing the poor woman's shoulders in excitement. "This is great news! Go and tell her I'll be down there in an instant!" The feeling of triumph mixed with the anxiety inside his mind as he watched her go. Now it all depended on Spock to find their compass and on them to bring him here without damaging it. And to hope that it was still out there and not destroyed by the rain, or something else.
"C'mon Bones." He tried it tried to reach his friend, but the connection was dead. Either the other's device was destroyed, or he had lost it somewhere, because there was no way he wouldn't answer if he could. With a curse on his lips he buried the communicator in his pocket before leaving his office, his hurried steps echoing loudly through the corridor.
As he finally reached the conference room where Nyota had been working on the transmission for the past few days, he once again found every single member of his team gathered, with the only exception that Spock was missing this time, obviously occupied by trying to find their device. But this time, nobody seemed as cheerful as he had expected. Instead, one could almost feel the sorrow and tension in the air. "What is it?" he said, frowning as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him, before he approached the large table. The silence was even more unsettling than the loud arguing he had witnessed earlier. Pike gestured him to join him and Sulu.
"You have been informed that the talented Miss Uhura has been able to translate the last part of our transmission? And I think you figured that Mister Spock has already begun searching for our ticket out of here?" Jim nodded lightly, looking from one face to the other because he wasn't quite sure what to make of the worried expressions. "Yeah. Means we can finally get our map and the last codes to make it out of here, right?" This time it was Uhura who spoke up, rounding the table, in her hand something that looked like a printed photograph.
"Well it would be way easier if what we are looking for really was just a piece of information, or a device." She paused, earning a nod from Pike, who looked like all his hopes had been crushed underneath a whole mountains of 'but's. "What do you mean it's not a thing?" Jim looked around in confusion. "Why can't you just tell me what's up? There's no reason to make it a huge secret you know!"
Nyota looked as if she felt a very strong urge to punch him right now, but instead she just continued. "What I wanted to say, is that we have no idea if our 'compass' is still alive." Jim opened his mouth to say something, but the words were stuck inside his throat, as the woman showed him the photo in her hands. And suddenly he understood why everybody was so fucking desperate right now. He felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife, only to rub salt into his wound right after pulling it out again. Wonderful. Now his best friend was somewhere, obviously not interested in joining them anymore and their last hope of getting away from this planet was probably already lying somewhere, empty eyes staring into the sky and all the information lost beyond recall.
"Fuck."
Three days. Three days had passed since he had talked to Jim, ever since he had found the kid in that alley. Two days since he had first fucked him. McCoy hadn't intended to stay; he should've been in SanFran by now but instead he was lying here, naked and next to this Russian genius in a bed that wasn't his. One more day. That's what he had said. Just one more day to make sure the kid wouldn't die without a fighting chance. And every day he had found another excuse. Not that he was in any way able to fool the kid, or himself, but it was necessary. Leonard wasn't ready to admit what exactly he was doing here.
He couldn't go. With a sigh he turned around to look at his newfound lover, or rather at the soft curve of his back, as he was lying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow. He wouldn't be able to let go of this one. The kid had something that chained the doctor to him, and it wasn't just the mind blowing sex. Well maybe it was part of the whole issue, but he was fascinating to the older man. The way Pavel wanted to know everything about whatever topic he chose. The way he looked at him when Leonard began telling about his life, about how the world was before the apocalypse, about the places he had visited. Or simply about the way the sky looked: the wonderful fluffy white clouds or the stars. The kid knew none of that. He had never seen a thing of the world before The Great Catastrophe, locked away in that facility in southern Russia, all alone with the computers and books he had been forced to work with.
Leonard had tried to ban the word from his mind, but there was no other way to describe what he was feeling for the kid. It was love. He had never loved anybody like this before, even though he believed to have loved his wife and daughter above everything else. It was a different kind of love, not such a gentle and sweet love, but a possessive one. Whenever he looked at the kid, he wanted to have him close, wanted to make sure there was nothing else but him on his mind. He wanted to show Pasha the world and at the same time protect him from everything else that might cause him any harm. He knew he wouldn't be able to let him go. They would either leave this planet together, or they were staying here. Even if it meant a short life in a dead wasteland, it was better than being on a ship, or finding another planet without him by his side.
He shook his head. Hell, when had he become such a romantic person? Leonard ran his fingers over the smooth skin, tracing his spine until he arrived at Pasha's neck. He had noticed the huge scar before; the scar that was unable to hide the tattoo completely that had been underneath it. He wasn't able to call it ugly, after all, every part of this lean body was perfect. But it looked so painful, as if someone had tried to cut the tattoo out with a knife that was barely sharp enough to tear through the skin. The sight alone made him mad, made him want to hurt and to kill because no one should do something like that to a child like him. He leant forward to kiss the uneven skin, trailing the edges with his tongue. From the way the scar looked, he almost suspected the kid to have cut it out himself, over his shoulder, trying to erase the memory that was inked into his skin.
"Zey gawe et to me vhen I vas fiwe." The doctor paused to look up but the kid still hadn't moved, still hiding his face in the pillow. He eyed the tattoo again. Only the first letter was left; whoever had tried to cut it out had obviously stopped there, probably because of the huge blood loss such a wound caused. "Tell me about it." He whispered, stroking the other's hair. "Don't force yourself but I'd like to hear the story behind it."
"I first zought I had done somezeng vrong or maybe zat zere vas a fire somevhere because zey voke me up in ze middle of ze night…
He was still a child, big questioning eyes staring at the guards who had thrown him out of bed and forced him to leave his small room. He didn't even have the time to slip into his shoes because they told him to hurry up. The stone under his feet was cold as he followed the guard, aware that every misstep would have its consequences. He was shivering, hugging himself, to get at least a little bit of warmth, but it was futile. They led him to a small room, one he had never been in before, with a door made of steel. It looked a bit like the one he was sent to whenever he had a headache or felt otherwise sick, and yet very different from the large room with the computers and large screens. The door opened with a high pitched sound and he was pushed inside. 'Lay down.' The man gestured towards an iron table and Pavel complied without a word, shivering even more because the metal was terribly cold against his bare skin.
There were instruments he didn't know, things he had never seen in his life, and the longer he had to wait the more anxious he got. He was scared. Every sound made him flinch, as he twisted his neck to be able to watch the door. Another man entered, one he had never seen before. The smile on his lips was a friendly one, faked though, but at least he didn't look as grim and mean as the others. Pavel relaxed a bit, tried to smile back through his tears and asked what was going on. But the man didn't answer; instead he gripped the boy's neck and forced his head down until his forehead was pressed against the table. He couldn't see what the man was doing, only heard him rustling behind the table and then a faint humming. "Relax," the deep voice said next to his ear. Then the pain began.
He screamed. He had never before felt such a horrible pain, it was as if his skin was being ripped open and sewn shut again. The taste of blood made him cough and he would've thrown up if there was anything in his stomach. He struggled, trying to get away but the man's grip just tightened until he couldn't breathe anymore. The pain and the lack of air were too much for him and he was thankful for the darkness that engulfed him, pulling him away from the tears, his raw throat, and the pain in his neck.
"Ze next zing I know is zat I voke up in my room and I only vanted to die because eweryzeng hurt and I had a horrible heedache. And vhen I looked into ze mirror I saw ze mark on my neck." The doctor could feel him tense up and continued to caress his hair and neck, running a long finger over the scar. "Did you cut it out yourself?" The Russian nodded and Leonard felt another wave of sympathy and an irrational feeling of guilt taking over his mind. "Da. I did not vant to be reminded of vhat… of vho I vas and vhen I met Irina, I asked her for a knife. She gawe et to me but told me not to do anyzeng stupid. I found a broken mirror somevhere and tried to get rid of et. But I did not finish. Et vas bleeding too much and I lost consciousness again."
Leonard felt a lump in his throat and for the first time in years, he had no words left to say. There was so much pain in the kid's words, so much pain and defeat. Like he had accepted that he would never get rid of his past, that there would always be something to remind him of what he had gone through. That he never had a family or a childhood like he was supposed to. "I- I'll call Jim. Give me a moment." Pavel still didn't look up but nodded again and the doctor hurried to crawl out of the bed without crushing him in the process. There was no need to explain anything further, after all he had told the kid everything about Jim and his friends, how the man had saved him and had become his best friend.
Searching his bag for the communication device, he heard the wolves again. But right now he had more important matters to take care of. The comm showed at least five messages from his friend and Leonard felt bad for ignoring Jim so completely while he had been occupied with falling for a kid he had just met.
"Bones?" The other man sounded tired, surprised and relieved at the same time and his 'Who else, kid?' was followed by a moment of silence. The doctor could almost see the other's frown, the way his eyebrows were knitted and lips pressed together, once he heard the angry tone in his voice. "What the hell are you doing out there?! You should be here by now! You promised to hurry up! We're almost ready, we know what we're looking for and once Spock finds it, we're outta here! So please tell me that you're only a few hours away!" He felt a pang of regret, as he shook his head. "I'm about three days from your position." Another moment of silence. "You won't come." Leonard heard the shock and disbelief in his voice but he wouldn't back down right now. "No."
"It's this kid of yours, right? The guy has drugged you or something, Bones! There's no way you want to stay here, remember? You lost your wife and your little Joanna and now you're acting like a teenager just because you found someone to fuck?! Hell if I knew you were so desperate I would've volunteered, even if Spock would've probably killed you afterwards! You will leave the kid and get your fucking ass here, alright!" Leonard felt anger bubble up in his chest, but his voice stayed calm, cool, and controlled. "I wasn't desperate. Damnit Jim, it's my decision whether I stay on this godforsaken planet or not and you have no right to tell me otherwise. If you want to go, go. I wish you a hell load of good luck but I won't come." He didn't regret his choice of words, not for a second. Instead he felt his anger growing once the other man started shouting at him. "Of course it's your decision! Just as it was my decision to not leave you to die next to your daughter. But maybe I've done the wrong thing. Maybe I shouldn't have saved you because you obviously don't want to live if you give everything up just for a stranger. I'm glad we won't meet again because I really want to kill you myself right now…" And thus the connection was dead.
Leonard stood there for a little moment, staring at the small device in his hand, before he turned around and threw it against the wall. "Goddamnit Jim!" He felt angry and relieved at the same time. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He had done the right thing. There was no way the others would wait for him but it was possible that Jim would try and fetch him somehow.
A minute passed until he felt able to return to the kid. His anger was practically melting away at the mere thought of spooning the Russian and going back to sleep for a little while. A small smile made its way to his lips, as he climbed the stairs. But instead of finding the other the way he had left him, comfortably lying in the bed, he found him sitting on the edge, fully dressed in his ripped shirt and bloody jeans. The look on his face was one that sent a wave of panic through the older man. He had never before seen him so serious and anxious. Fear and something else he couldn't identify were clearly visible on his features.
"I haff to tell you somezeng…"