Thanks for the lovely comments, you guys! Onto Loki ... poor tortured Loki ;-)

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I am yet determined to see this place through new eyes. To walk around the familiar pathways as if I've never been here, except perhaps only in a dream. And so far, I have failed miserably. I see how things could, at times, turn out well … but I never allow them to. I could spend time with my brother, fall back into our easy back and forth … I could meet the new person in his life. I could converse with possible new friends, but I cannot. Here, all I do is ruin …

He needed to write it down. He needed to leave Jane's dilapidated flat, go back to his laptop, and record all of his thoughts … but he still stood on the porch. He didn't want her to leave ... he didn't want to stop talking to her just yet.

She seemed so … very independent. As if she could be at ease anywhere … she didn't need anyone by her side to make her feel more comfortable. She came and went as she pleased. It was just another thing that he'd discovered was so very attractive about her. In a manner of hours, he'd managed to fuck up what could have been a fortuitous meeting filled with promise. And now, she was standing in front of him, firing off deserved insults, and yet … also revealing that perhaps she didn't completely hate him … or at least that he wasn't a total lost cause.

"I know that you make a hell of a first impression," she said ... "and I know that you seem very dark and broody and sullen for someone who has all of his limbs, all of his hair still … a cool brother like Thor, and a book on 'Time's 50 Best Books of the Decade' list."

So she did know of him … as an author. That, or she'd googled him on her phone between the coffee shop and Jane's house. Either was possible. Did it matter?

As the wind blew bits of his hair into his face again, her brows, turned downward in anger, suddenly softened. It was as though she'd been looking at something blurry and it suddenly came into focus. "Not to mention some killer cheekbones," she said, as if she realized that she'd just looked at him for the first time. "And symmetrical facial structure …"

Well that was new. Of all the things women have said to him over the years … "symmetrical facial structure" was probably one the more clinical sort-of compliments on his looks that he'd gotten, but certainly not unwelcome.

"Sorry, I've studied figure drawing for way too many semesters … I'm always mapping that stuff out in my head, I'm sure you can relate with the ... you know, writing stuff." She looked down, blushing and shaking her hair out with her hand. It was a nervous gesture. She was nervous and flushed.

He began to open his mouth to tell her that he understood what she meant, and that he'd been doing it all day ... but she looked back up, the look of annoyance had returned to her eyes. "Anyway. You seem like the type of person who only focuses on what they don't have, instead of seeing what they do have. Grow up, Loki."

It was as if she could read him like an open book, which was most alarming. She could see the person that he was, the person that used to live in this town, the person he turned into when he came back … but she couldn't see everything he'd been through, she couldn't see the evolution that would result. She didn't know him. Though he hadn't given her much reason to want to get to know him in any meaningful way. But still, his obvious transparency … and regression, angered him. And in typical Loki fashion, when he was angry with himself, he was angry with everyone else even more so.

He stepped in front of her and bent down, intending to seem imposing, in control … but he noticed her blue eyes as they locked with his … she did not look away. Blue was thought to have been one of the "cool" colors, along with purple … green. Cold. But the blue of her eyes reflected warmth somehow. Jumping in those pools, you'd know the water was perfect.

He was momentarily a bit distracted ... he was supposed to be in control. "You should not make assumptions about me. As the great Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, 'Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not …"

He stopped. She looked as if she could laugh. "Hm. Well, as the great Justin Timberlake said … 'Cry me a river.'"

She turned and walked away. Again. She was very good at making exits, he had to commend her for it.

He then recited the words again ... this time finishing the line of Longfellow poetry he'd started … to no one. To the wind. "Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not … and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."

~~*...*~~

The house was out past town and into the country … after driving on the 2-lane highway for a ways, Loki turned onto a questionable gravel road, twisting and turning up a hill. He reminded himself not to come anywhere near this place in the winter. Nestled in a wooded Appalachian paradise, was Dr. Banner's place. A hunting lodge with no hunting. It was a bit like a log cabin on steroids, a sort of refuge. Or as much of one as could be found around here.

Bruce Banner opened the door, looking a bit tired and like he hadn't seen the daylight in a while, squinting at the sun light … even though it was setting. "Why are you alone?" he asked.

"Thor needed to see to the new girl he's dating. It's fine," Loki said, as he walked into the barely lit open room.

Banner rubbed his head, making his dark hair specked with grey, stand up in places. "No, it's not fine. You're supposed to have a companion with you at all times, until you know that you can handle being around everything that triggers you," he said, as he motioned for him to sit down in an overstuffed easy chair. Everything in the house was meant to be a comfort. It was Bruce's sanctuary.

"I'm fine, I assure you."

"And yet you came here," he said, also sitting down.

"Am I not allowed to visit a friend?" Loki asked, visibly twitchy, his eyes darting around everywhere, taking everything in.

"Sure, but you're going to tell me why you're actually alone … something happened, I can practically smell the crazy on you."

Loki frowned, irritated. "Should you be calling me crazy?"

Bruce smiled lazily. "It's a joke, Loki … that's one of your problems, you know? You take things too personally."

He sighed. "Yes, yes I know. One of my many deficiencies. Shall we talk about all the others as well?"

"Have you gone to see your father yet?"

"We're jumping right to that, are we?"

"There's no use in avoiding it, Loki."

He rubbed his eyes with both hands. "No. I have not. I just arrived here this morning."

Bruce looked sympathetic. "You know I'm not going to push you to do anything before you're ready … but you shouldn't dance around it for too long."

"I know this."

"So … what happened."

Loki leaned back in the chair. "As soon as I got off the plane, Thor wanted me to go see about a couple of girls." He could hear Banner give a soft disapproving "hmph". "One was the girl he's been seeing the past few weeks, since he arrived here, she's a resident … the other was her friend, who is apparently starting grad school in a few days."

"And?"

Loki shrugged. "And I thought it would be like any of the other hundred-plus times he's tried to do the same thing, with women who could only manage one or two word sentences when I asked them questions … and who only wanted to be with a football star anyway."

"You know you're not supposed to be making assumptions … one of the four agreements," Bruce said.

Loki rolled his eyes. "A few months of study isn't going to undo three decades of pattern."

"Agreed. Go on."

"But you are right. I should not have made such assumptions. They were by far and away the most intelligent women I've ever seen him with. I don't know what to say for him other than … bravo! Bravissimo, Thor. Again."

"Stop it."

Loki rubbed at his eyes again. "I made a complete ass of myself. I apologized, but if things work about between Jane and Thor, she will probably never have a good opinion of me. And her friend …" Loki fell back against the chair and closed his eyes.

Bruce smiled slightly. "Do you like her?"

He kept his eyes closed. "Does it matter? She probably hates me."

"Hey, at least you apologized. That's a sign of growth, right there."

"It doesn't change the fact that she probably still hates me."

"Sure it does."

Loki opened his eyes. "How so?"

"At least she knows you're capable of admitting when you're wrong. That's a big thing for you, and you shouldn't dismiss it."

"She doesn't know that."

Bruce looked at him suspiciously. "I haven't seen you care about a girl in a very long time … how long has it been?"

Loki gave a harsh laugh. "It's definitely been over a year."

"And you've kept your plant alive?"

"Yes, she is thriving."

"And your snake?"

"He's fine. I don't know … are snakes ever sad? They're snakes."

"How's Fenrir?"

Loki sighed, he already missed Fenrir. "I brought them all over from London ... but after a stop at my New York apartment, I left them with Coulson, as I didn't plan on staying here very long. I'm sure he's fine … Fenrir likes Coulson for some odd reason."

"You should send for them … you know you're going to be staying here awhile. You might as well admit it."

"I know. It was wishful thinking."

Bruce smiled. "So you've managed to keep a plant, a snake, and dog, alive for 8 months or so … do you feel like you're ready for a relationship? Can you keep one of those alive?"

Loki shook his head. "That's certainly putting the cart before the horse. There's the small matter of the girl hating me that might put a damper on any future relationship."

"Things could change."

"Probably not. That is the tragedy of my life."

Bruce shook his head. "You need to get some perspective, Loki. You pissing off a girl is not a tragedy. Now, the families I treat out past the University area? Like when criminally uneducated mothers give their babies Mountain Dew in their bottles, making it so that their teeth grow in rotten? That's a tragedy. Maybe you should come out there with me sometime."

Asgardia itself was a rich area, but it was completely dependent on the university. If the college wasn't there, the town would probably be just as poor as much of the rest of Appalachia. There was serious poverty that went unnoticed by most of the country, because it wasn't in the cities, in full view. It was up in the mountains, tucked away. Bruce helped to treat the poorest of the families, giving them medical care. "I don't know how I could be of any help," Loki said.

Bruce shook his head. "We could always use help."

"I'll think about it."

"I'll take that."

Loki sat up and scooted to the edge of the chair. "What's wrong with me? My mind is this jumbled … thing."

"I don't know. I'm not that kind of doctor."

"Maybe you should have been a therapist."

Bruce shook his head. "No … I don't have the … temperament."

Loki looked confused. "Then what are we doing now?"

Bruce shrugged. "We're just one ex-raging coke fiend and one heroin addict … trying to support each other. The only difference is, I have a few more years of sobriety under my belt."

~~*...*~~

Loki stayed with Bruce for the night, as he was too tired to go back to his parent's house and do any writing. It would have to wait. He'd been up for too many hours, traveling in the early morning, and then dealing with the emotional ups and downs of the day. After a dinner consisting of a simple pasta made with vegetables from Bruce's garden, there was the meditation, of course. You couldn't get out of it if you stayed with Bruce. Morning and night. They'd sat out on the porch, listening to the sounds of the late-August wooded countryside, and practiced stillness. Bruce of course, was a master of lotus-pose at this point, but Loki always had trouble sitting in such a way, with his long legs … it became a distraction after a while. Bruce said that he needed to push through the distraction … but that was easier said than done, as Loki was nearly a foot taller than Bruce, and thus his limbs were a bit longer. As soon as he lay down on the bed, in the loft that was reserved for guests, he fell into a deep sleep ... and had to admit, he felt much better than he had when he arrived.

But then Bruce woke him up at daybreak for tai chi, and Loki wondered what the hell had possessed him to stay, knowing that of course, this is what would happen. How could he forget. Bruce had a strict a regimen of practice for keeping himself centered at all times, and Loki admired him for it. But Loki also liked to sleep in on the weekends, and anyone who tried to mess with that, usually ended up sorry for it. But Bruce was different. You couldn't say no to the guy, because at the end of the day, he was just trying to help a brother out. And it was nice to watch the sun rise, the light dancing through the trees ... as they practiced their silent and fluid movements, setting a tone of peace for the day. Or at least attempting to.

After his legs burned from the tai chi, and after downing about a pot of coffee, Loki borrowed one of Bruce's laptops. He sat at the kitchen table, in order to write down the things he'd worked out in his head over the past 12 hours. He logged into his cloud and brought up his precious documents, furiously typing away ... but after a while, he grew distracted, his mind wandering elsewhere. On a whim, he decided to look up Darcy's blog … as masochism was a bit of a hobby.

As soon as the page came into view, he was surprisingly impressed. The site was beautifully designed … sleek and simple. Interesting imagery. Of course, she was an artist of some sort, so she would know about the aesthetics of a good website. He looked at her picture in the right hand corner, under the header. She was in a Rosie the Riveter-type pose, holding a whisk and a paint brush ... one eyebrow raised as she grinned seductively. The photo, the site, everything looked very professional … maybe she really was a popular blogger?

But then he read the first few sentences of the featured post, which had been published very early in the morning.

Loki suddenly stood up from the table. "Oh, gods!" He brought his hands to his face.

"What?" Bruce walked over to look at the computer screen, from where he had been standing at the counter, preparing breakfast.

...

August 30

So I met the douchiest guy alive yesterday. A straight-up douche. No really, he's the actual spokesperson for MASSENGILL. They must pay him very well because he is on, like he never breaks character …

...

Bruce started laughing. "Is that about you?"

"Oh, no."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Oh, gods."

Loki stood frozen as Bruce scrolled through the post, cracking up every few seconds.

"This looks like a pretty damn good recipe you inspired," he said, chuckling. "We should try it … I have most of the ingredients. Bacon, lettuce, tomato ... maybe not the avocado, though."

Loki didn't really want to know what it was. "What is it?"

Bruce shook his head, still reading, still laughing. "Wow, I really like this girl ... it looks like a play off of a 'BLT'. But this is a BL … T&A. Emphasis on the 'T', she says."

"T&A?"

"Tits & ass? Come on now Loki …"

"Yes, yes, I know … but, oh gods."

"Don't worry, she doesn't say who you are." Bruce kept scrolling through the post. "But she already has tons of commenters asking who is 'the guy that inspired a bit of cooking on a late 'SUMMER'S EVE'," he bent over with laughter.

"Oh, gods." Loki began to pace. "Coulson can't find out about this … but he always does. It's as if he has a team of spies working under him to make sure he knows about any potential bad press about his clients, before they even know it."

Right on cue, his phone rang. He took it out of his back pocket. Coulson.

Loki growled in frustration.

Bruce hadn't stopped laughing.

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AN: I know I have non-American readers, so I know that not all of our brands are going to be the same ... so if you don't know what Massengill and Summer's Eve are, a quick google search will fill you in ;-)

Next up: Darcy's post with the BLT&A (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and Avocado) ... and some Steve Rodgers. I love me some Steve Rodgers.