Holding on to Forever

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

So glad to hear how interested you are in the story - yes Morgan is in for a rough ride!

As always I'm happy to have feedback on on improvements I can make, especially any technical differences between UK and USA.

I am so sorry for how long this has taken but I have had a manic fortnight. I will try to get another chapter written and edited this week but can't promise. Timings for updates with not be consistent. I am writing this as I can and it is difficult to write, and therapeutic, due to personal experience. Please be patient with me.

. . .

Derek placed the mugs down in front of his sister's before returning to collect his own. He didn't want another one but he needed something to keep him going and he still hadn't the stomach to eat. Taking a seat he looked at Des first. She was wracked, her eyes red and bloodshot, blatantly showing the signs of all the crying she had done. As she slumped over the mug of steaming coffee he could see the next tear wasn't far. Her hands shook as she tried to hug the mug, causing a trickle of coffee to trace the side. Derek's gaze moved to his big sister, Sarah. Her jaw tense as she fought desperately to hold it all together. He'd seen this strength in her before, many years ago when their father had died. He knew she would put everyone else first, and save her own feelings for when she was alone. Sat between them he knew he was swinging between the two poles. On the outside he was trying to maintain a stoic calm yet the tears leaked out. He wanted to be strong but knew he was crumbling.

The three sat in silence. They had the house to themselves as Fran had left for her volunteering stint at the Community Centre. They had asked her to stay home, but she had been adamant that life carries on as usual. She didn't want anyone to know she was ill, stating that she couldn't put up with the pity.

Taking a tentative sip of his coffee, Derek took a sideways look at each sister. Sighing he decided to be the one to break the silence. "So . . . how long are we ignoring this?"

Both looked at him.

"Mom has lung cancer." He realised he had just said it out loud for the first time and it hit him hard. Hearing his own voice say the words made it real, like a slap to his face. He rapidly dragged his hands down his face to swipe away the tears. "Sarah you were with her, what do we do? What do we need to know?"

"D, I've told you everything already. Telling you again won't change it!'" Sarah replied, the desperation creeping into her voice.

"Ok," Derek's hands shot up in defence, "It's not sinking in. I don't know what I need to do. How can I help? I hate feeling so helpless."

"There is nothing you can do. You go back to the BAU and visit when you can. We can be here for the appointments and such."

Whoa, another slap to the face. Derek slumped back in his chair and glared at his sister, making it clear he was not happy with what she had just said.

"DON'T SHUT ME OUT!" he growled.

Sarah rolled her eyes. Des began to cry again, sobbing as she bit onto her hand. "Please don't argue," she begged.

"Then don't shut me out," Derek leant forward again, lacing his fingers together. "I want to help."

Sarah pushed her cup away and leant in. "I am not shutting you out. I am trying to be practical. You have a thriving career and live miles away. You can't travel back and forth. We're here. Though, while we are all here, I will be honest with you. I am leaving work."

Des looked up in disbelief, "Sorry, what? Since when?"

"I have been thinking about it for a while, before this," she waved her hand round vaguely. "Derek, you have got where you want to be, what you have always worked for. Des you have just got a promotion, it's perfect for you. I'm at a dead end. I don't want anymore responsibility, I don't want to work longer hours, but I do what time with my family. I am willing to help Mom. I can get her to the appointments and do what needs doing round the house. I'm not trying to push you out. I just want to do what I can."

"We all do," Derek said as he took both sisters' hands simultaneously. "We want to be there for her. Do this together."

"I get that Derek," Sarah said, rubbing her face in the same way her brother did. "I'm not trying to deny either of you, I am just saying I'm willing to be here for the day to day. Then maybe we could look at doing some of the bigger things together."

"Like what?" Des asks.

"You know Mom is going to have to cancel that vacation you had planned with her, coz of treatment. Maybe we could plan something together, that we could all do."

"I could definitely look into that and plan something out," Des nodded, wiping away the tears, seeming pleased to have something to focus on.

Derek seemed to be nodding, "It's been a while since we've all been away together." Then he giggled, "Remember the first time Mom took us to the beach after Pop died."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "No beach vacations! Never . . . ever . . . ever . . . again with you two."

"Come on big sis, it wasn't that bad."

"DON'T!" Sarah warned.

"I don't remember it, what happened?"

By now Derek was laughing hard, tears streaking his face at the memory. "You tell her Sarah," he snorted.

"No way, if she can't remember then it's one less person I need to threaten into silence. And if you don't want to lose parts of your anatomy that I'm sure you use too frequently you'll keep quiet."

"Please D, tell me! Please!" Des begged, shimmying round beside him, fluttering her eyelashes, "I need some mud I can throw at her, she knows far too much about me!"

"You shouldn't have been such a wild teenager! Only gave me ammunition," Sarah mocked.

Derek nearly choked as he struggled to breath through the laughter as the familiar bickering and teasing of their childhood rose. Des pouting comically as Sarah glared him into submission. For the first time since his sister had called he actually felt like they could get through this together.