I quickly established a routine. Every day I would travel into town and situate myself in that same damp alleyway and wait for her, breathing a sigh of relief every time I saw her there. It was a very fortunate coincidence that she was there every time I went to see her; it was almost as if she knew I would be there, waiting for her. But she gave no indication that she was aware of my presence – she went about her business as usual; browsing the market, occasionally greeting a passing acquaintance.

And so this practice went on, ever since that fateful night I had realised that I loved her.

Of course, Carlisle and Esme were fully aware of my abnormal behaviour. They questioned me countless times on my frequent trips into town, pleading with me to stay away from "that place", for fear of me hurting someone. But I would not be dissuaded. I casually dismissed their worries, reassuring them that no harm would befall anyone while I was in town. Other times I snapped at them, insisting that they stop prying into my business and then storming out of the house in a huff. I always returned home shortly afterwards, for the guilt would soon melt away my anger and compel me to apologise. Deep down I knew that they were right; that it would be prudent for me to stay away from the town.

But I didn't care. She had become a need; like what oxygen was to humans, what blood was to me. It was as if whenever I was away from her, a deep void would form within me, getting bigger with every passing minute that we were separated. Her absence made me ache, grieve – a pain that would only subside when I saw her face, breathed in her delectable scent. I ignored my thirst – or, tried to, at least – and went to town every day in order to see her. No matter how much it called to me; screamed, begged for me to surrender and attack her, I would not do it. Even if it caused me excruciating pain and discomfort – and it often did – I would not take another human life. I couldn't bear it if I lost control and killed her; I utilized all of my self-control in order to control my thirst.

I only noticed that it was raining after I had stepped outside into the front garden. I was preparing to go into town once again, as I did every morning. I went back inside to retrieve my coat, and once again went out into the freezing cold. The rain was coming down heavily now, but I ignored it and strode down the path towards town. Already the hole inside me was closing slightly, fed with the knowledge that I would see her soon. I resisted the urge to run there – that would surely expose my species. Even so, I quickened my pace slightly and bent my head against the wind, eager to get to town faster.

I finally reached the city, happy to be amongst the buzz of the townsfolk and familiar shops and buildings. I weaved my way through the crowds of people eager to get out of the rain and found my alleyway. I sat on the soaked ground and leaned against the brick wall, waiting.

It was not long before I smelled her. She was nearby. Even after having inhaled her scent countless times, I still managed to be swept away by the sweet fragrance. It was delicate and rather floral – it reminded me of a meadow. I sat on my hands quickly, as the familiar thirst threatened to overpower me once more. I peered out from the alleyway and saw her browsing the stalls that lined the streets. She was even more beautiful than before; if that was possible. Her hair was wet, despite her rain jacket and hood, and she looked oddly flushed, as if she'd been running. Her big, chocolate eyes seemed brighter today, though still had that same shade of irritation and restraint behind them. I wished I knew why she seemed so troubled, but as I couldn't hear her thoughts, the answer to her distress would always elude me. It was maddening.

I instead turned my attention to her heartbeat. I concentrated on the rhythmic beating that was so clear in my ears – it was as if she was standing right next to me. It was oddly relaxing, her heartbeat. It soothed my mind and filled the void inside me, sealing it until the time came when I would have to return home. The blood pulsing through her veins had a strange calming effect also. I could hear everything clearly, despite the pounding rain and shrill voices of the townspeople.

The sharp sound of a small girl snapped me out of my daze. She was around seven, and was holding onto her mother's hand, pointing at me. I shifted so that I was out of sight, but that did nothing to stop her questioning. She tugged at her mother's hand and yelled, "Mummy! Mummy, why is that boy sitting there staring at that lady?"

Her mother hushed her child and told her not to speak of such nonsense, but nonetheless looked in the direction that her daughter was pointing. She couldn't see anything. But the little girl persisted and kept yelling, "But Mummy, I swear he's there! He's there, honest!" Her mother finally led her away, all the while shushing her and begging for her to stop making a scene.

My eyes flashed to her. She didn't appear to have noticed anything – she was still browsing the stalls and smiling pleasantly to the shopkeeper. I breathed a sigh of relief and was deeply grateful that she hadn't detected any abnormality in her surroundings.

It occurred to me now that, to passers by, I must look like a pervert. I had never paid much attention to their thoughts – mine were usually preoccupied. But now that I listened, a common assumption was that I was mentally corrupt; especially in the minds of women. I was not a voyeur; despite people's suspicions. But, all the same, I shifted my gaze and scanned the marketplace, so as not to stare at her for a prolonged period of time. Still, I found myself continuing to gaze at her surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye. She was still browsing, completely unaware of my presence. I eventually gave up trying to look away from her and once again focused my attention on her. I was still staring, marvelling at her splendour, when the most unexpected and amazing thing happened.

She looked at me.

My heart – the metaphorical one, of course – stopped. I was sure that if it could beat at all it would have ceased. Our eyes only met for a split second, but it felt like an eternity. Her deep, brown eyes gazed back into mine and I distinctly saw a flash of shock and realisation in them. I had no time to wonder as to why – I was lost in a stupor. It was possible I may have imagined it – but I would swear I heard her gasp slightly. I listened for her heart and heard it beat erratically; her breathing had also quickened. I was unable to move – the intensity of her stare had me rooted to the ground. Not that I wanted to move; I was happy to sit here and look into her eyes forever. She blushed and the blood rushed to her cheeks and tinted them – I nearly died. Her eyes twinkled in a way that had nothing to do with the rain, and seemed to smile back at me. I was utterly entranced by her gaze; it was possible that I loved her even more.

And, alas, she finally looked away. I inhaled sharply and realised that I had ceased to breathe without noticing. I looked down and also noticed that I was still sitting on my hands – they were numb. I let out a shaky laugh and knew that I must look a fool to her; sitting on my hands in the rain in a dank alleyway. I stood up and freed my hands, only to stumble and collapse against the brick wall.

Oh, angel, what have you done to me? I thought wanly.

I waited until the strength had returned to my legs and stood upright once more. I could no longer smell her blood, so I thought it safe to move again without fear of incapacitation. I walked gracefully through the rain, taking no notice of my dripping hair that was obscuring my vision, my soaking clothes that were plastered to my skin. As soon as I was far away enough from the town I broke into a run, once again experiencing the familiar feeling of exhilaration. The rain was a blur as I ran, becoming nothing but a screen of mist and spray around me.

I reached home and entered silently, stopping to look in the hallway mirror at my features. It was only when I saw my eyes that I knew I was thirsty. But something about them told me that it wasn't just simple thirst that could be satiated with a few forest creatures; it was murderous, ravenous thirst. Realising that I needed to hunt immediately, I turned around and headed for the front door. I had one hand on the doorknob when Esme's voice came from behind me.

"Edward?"

I gave a small sigh and turned around to face my mother. I was too desperate to go hunt to read her thoughts, so I just let her voice them of her own accord.

"Edward, I've been meaning to talk to you for some time. Will you sit?" she gestured to two comfortable looking armchairs behind her. I nodded and followed her into the living room, taking a seat opposite her. She looked concerned.

It was a moment before she spoke. "Edward, what's going on?"

I knew what the question was in reference to. My behaviour, of late had been unusual, distant. I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid this interrogation, but I still decided to play dumb.

"What do you mean?"

Esme raised her eyebrows a fraction. "I think you know exactly what I mean."

I still didn't speak, so she continued.

"Venturing into town every day, not bothering to tell Carlisle or me what's going on. And when we ask, avoiding the questions and acting as if nothing is wrong. Edward, you can't expect me to believe that we haven't noticed your behaviour." She was attempting to be stern, but I could still see the concern in her eyes.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"You wouldn't understand," I said, my voice muffled slightly.

"Try me."

I looked up, my hands still covering all except my eyes. I sighed again and deliberated for a while. Esme would have found out sooner or later, even without hearing Carlisle's version. I dropped my hands and folded them in my lap, took a deep breath and spoke.

"Do you remember the first time I went out hunting since…since then?" I asked. Esme was not puzzled by my vague inquiry; she nodded.

"While hunting, I saw someone; a girl. She was utterly beautiful, I – I couldn't look away. She didn't notice me, but kept walking and then finally disappeared; thank God she didn't, because we surely would have been exposed." I paused. "The next morning I went into town to try and clear my head, for she was all I could think of. But she was there again, this time with a man, her father. They were arguing about something – I couldn't figure out what. I listened to his thoughts and they only puzzled me further. But when I tried to listen to hers, I found nothing. I couldn't read her mind.

"I realised how thirsty I had become while watching her, so I went on another hunt. She made me unbelievably thirsty, Esme. I knew that it would be impossible then, to try and avoid her. I tried everything to distract myself, but nothing proved helpful. I finally gave up trying to stay away from her and travelled into town once again. She was there again, this time with one of her friends. I just sat there, staring at her. Her scent – it's tantalising. I had to employ all of my self-control in order not to attack her. And, as bad as she was for my health, she was also essential to it. I began to ache whenever I was away from her. That is why I went to town every day, why I was so disrespectful towards you and Carlisle – because I needed to see her. I don't even know her, but Esme…I'm in love with her."

My voice had become a whisper, barely audible. Esme said nothing the whole time I was speaking. She just sat there, looking at me with wide eyes. I didn't try and read her thoughts – I was still lost in mine. I looked down at my hands and waited for her to say something.

"Edward…" Esme's voice was a low whisper also, but still clear in my ears. "Edward, I had no idea…"

I still didn't say anything. Esme regained her equanimity and spoke again, this time in a stronger voice.

"This girl you speak of," she said slowly, "Carlisle treated her mother, Renee Swan, for the flu recently."

This was news to me. My eyes flashed to Esme, shocked. Carlisle had treated her mother? I thought, surprised. Why ever didn't he tell me?

"She told Carlisle about herself – her family. She has a husband and a daughter, who you are already familiar with. Her daughter prefers people to call her by her abbreviated name – Bella." Esme frowned and looked thoughtful. "Carlisle told me about her before, but I had no idea she was the girl you were referring to…" She trailed off.

The thirst that had been growing within me now clawed at my insides, begging to be satisfied. I drew myself back into reality and turned my attention to Esme.

"Please excuse me, Esme, I really must go hunt," I said, rising from my chair. She, too, rose. I turned around and headed eagerly for the front door. But, once again, Esme's warm voice floated through the air and made me halt.

"Edward, before you go." I was growing more impatient by the second. "Edward, let me give you a piece of advice." Her voice was sincere; I turned to face her and looked at her curiously.

"Please, don't get too close to her. I know it's hard, but trust me when I say that it is in your best interests to stay away from her. You put yourself – and her – in immense danger, and I know you would never forgive yourself if you hurt her. So, please, Edward, just try," she begged, deep concern in her golden eyes. I nodded and, with one last fleeting look at her anxious face, exited the house.

My thirst threatened to overpower me at any moment, but I managed to contain it until I reached the forest.

Esme was right, of course. I knew deep in my heart – the metaphorical one – that no good could ever come of me getting close to her. But I simply couldn't help it. I was a horrible, selfish person, and I knew that as much I would try to stay away from her, I would always return. Any attempt to rid her from my thoughts, my life, would be in vain. But, regardless of my feelings, I had to try; for her sake.