Alice had not called Uncas' parents yet to thank them for their Christmas gifts. She was unsure whether Uncas had informed them of their break-up and did not wish to be caught in an awkward situation. But it was the height of discourtesy not to express her gratitude and send her greetings. With a palpitating heart, Alice dialled Uncas' childhood home in Boston.
"Hello?" Chingachcook's gravelly voice boomed from the other side. Alice swallowed nervously, "Hello, it's Alice." They exchanged pleasantries before Helene came on the line. Alice had a similar conversation with her and was about to hang up when Helene commented anxiously, "Something happened between the two of you, am I right? Uncas called on Christmas morning and did not mention you at all. I asked him whether he was in London and he said he was working."
Alice bit her lip, "We decided to take a break from each other to think things through." Helene exhaled disappointedly, "My husband was right then. I do hope things work out between you both." With that, she instructed Alice to take care of herself and they ended the call. Alice sighed desolately. She loved Helene and Chingachcook to bits - so did her family. Slipping on her coat, she left for the Mannings'.
"I think you should try dating other people." Shana announced around a mouthful of Alice's homemade shepherd's pie. Alice gaped at her, " I beg your pardon?" "You don't need my pardon - you heard right. You should date other people. There is no point in moping around. You can mull over your situation and have fun at the same time." Shana suggested. "They are taking a temporary break, not breaking up for good." Dan huffed, gobbling down the remnants of his pasta. His wife glared at him, "Well, dear Uncas didn't give any deadline so I'm assuming he'll be fine with Alice going out with other people in the meantime." "I can't believe I'm hearing this. Alice, don't let my wife pollute your mind." Dan crowed as he left the table to get beer from the kitchen.
When Dan was out of earshot, Shana leaned towards Alice conspiratorially, "I mean it, Alice. Get out there and date some hot, passionate men." Alice rolled her eyes, "I don't see how that is going to help me think things through." Shana grew serious, "Life can be funny. You may not know what is missing until it is really missing, or maybe you'll discover that it is better left missed. Uncas is a good man, but he isn't the only good man out there. If he honestly isn't the man you want to spend the rest of your life with - this is the best time to find out." Alice muttered, "I don't want anyone else." "Then what stopped you from saying so to Uncas? Then why didn't you shout 'Yes!' immediately when he asked you to marry him?" Shana challenged.
When Alice remained stubbornly silent, Shana pursued, "Deep down in your heart, you aren't sure, are you? Is it his job? You knew what he was doing for a living when you agreed to date him." "It's not just about his job!" Alice burst out. Then what is it that is stopping you from having the one of greatest guys on this side of America from putting a ring on your finger and giving you his name?" Shana exclaimed, throwing up her hands in dramatic fashion. " I don't know! I just..." Alice covered her head with her hands. "Then you gotta find out. Do that, and decide whether you want Uncas back in your life. You owe yourself that much. You owe him that much." Shana beseeched. Flummoxed, Alice contemplated on Shana's suggestion. Was Shana right?
Six weeks later
"Happy to be home?" Uncas flashed a weary grin at his mother, "Not this way." He gestured pointedly at his crutch and bandages around his middle and arms. He had broken his left leg and had gotten injured by shrapnel on a mission two weeks ago while trying to save a fellow SEAL during an unexpected ambush. He was fortunate the shrapnel missed all his major arteries and organs but he was going to be out of action for at least the next two months. He was temporarily relieved of his duties and once he was back in the U.S, he had boarded the next available flight to Boston.
Chingachcook had barely blinked at the sight of his limping son while Helene immediately started boiling herbal concoctions known to have healing powers - something she learnt from her late mother-in-law. Uncas was sitting at the porch of his childhood home, his leg propped on a chair. "Why are you here?" Helene asked brusquely. Uncas grimaced - Helene was not known for her tactfulness - as he answered, " Where else should I be?" " In D.C begging Alice to come back to you so I won't have to see you brooding outdoors in the middle of a snowstorm?" his traitorous mother quipped without missing a beat.
Uncas refused to be baited by Helene so he stubbornly kept his gaze on the snow-covered tree in front of him. "She called a few days after New Year and when I asked whether something was wrong between the two of you, she admitted that both of you had agreed to spend some time apart." his mother went on doggedly. Uncas suppressed a groan - once Helene sank her teeth into something, she never let go. Fortunately, Chingachcook joined them and Helene excused herself with a exasperated shake of her head.
Father and son stared wordlessly into the swirling snow for a few minutes. "Your mother is right." Chingachcook finally spoke, not looking at Uncas. When his son did not respond, he resumed, "You should be in D.C - not hiding here." "I'm recuperating." Uncas grumbled. "It was your idea." It was not a question, but a statement. "Yes." came the clipped reply. "And? Now you can't bear to go back to D.C because she isn't there waiting for you?" Chingachcook mused cynically.
"The idea of marrying me doesn't appeal to her." Uncas confessed stonily. His father pursed his lips thoughtfully, "Why would it? She knows nothing about you besides what you allow her to know." When Uncas flushed darkly, Chingachcook knew he had struck a raw nerve. "Does she know the reason, the story behind your every scar?" Uncas' jaw turned taut. "You want everything she has to give; but are you willing to give her everything of yourself, even the bad?" his father questioned sagely. He knew his son well, too well.
An hour later, Uncas was still sitting outside, the snow falling heavier than before. "Are you willing to give her everything of yourself, even the bad?"
"How's your steak?" Alice snapped out of her reverie and focused on the smiling man in front of her. Alice had taken Shana's advice and well, made herself a little more available. Most of the men she knew were aware that her boyfriend's work took him away from her side quite a bit so they would ask her out occasionally. Over the last six weeks, she had accepted quite a number of dinner dates on weekdays, saving weekends for herself or the Mannings. This was the first time she had agreed to a dinner date on Saturday - and with Nick. Her colleague probably had surmised that she was no longer with Uncas and had been discreetly stepping up on his advances though simultaneously respecting her space and privacy.
"It's good. How's yours?" Alice returned his smile, but her mind was somewhere else. Uncas. They patronised this restaurant often because Uncas loved the steak here. He would order the same thing every time and Alice would try to persuade him to choose something else. He never obliged. He was not a picky eater but when he liked something, he was near religious about it. Alice had ordered his favourite cut - just because.
When he was away on assignments or deployed, she rued his absence but somehow she always knew he would eventually come back to her. True, there was a small probability he would never return at all but she knew with all her heart and from him that the SEALs never left any of their brothers behind. Funny how that notion had not comforted her then - but infinitely comforted her now. Presently, the possibility of he never coming back to her when he was out there somewhere... was awful, unbearable. She would gladly take an injured Uncas anytime to an existence without he in it... Alice closed her eyes briefly. That was it, was it not? To embrace everything he was rather than nit-pick and bemoan what she envisioned him to be. Was that what he was trying to tell her before he left? "What do you want from me, Alice?"
"It was a good idea to make reservations." Becca acknowledged as she and Uncas waited to be seated at the steak restaurant they were going to have dinner, which was packed to the rafters, with diners milling around the bar. "Can't get a table here without a reservation." Uncas murmured emphatically. He had returned to D.C the week before after spending a week in Boston. Becca had been the one who helped triage his wounds together with the medic when he had gotten injured and he had offered to buy dinner by a way of thanking her. The spook was a knock-out tonight in a snug-fitting black wool dress and grey knee-high boots, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.
Over the last few months spent together, Uncas realised belatedly Becca would not hesitate elevating their relationship to another level if he was equally keen. They were alike in so many ways and understood each other's jobs intrinsically. Uncas recognised that Becca was a very attractive woman and that they would make a rather handsome couple. But she did not tugged at his heartstrings to the point of physical, bittersweet pain like Alice did. Becca's megawatt smile did not turn his heart upside down and her touch did not make him melt or his heart beat faster. She just did not. Every time Alice smiled or touched him, Uncas lost a bit of himself to her, wanting to wrap her in his arms and never let go. But he had let her go... and now he was suffering from the repercussions.
Uncas was about to order his usual when he decided to order something else. Alice would be so proud, he thought randomly. Becca rattled off their order to the waiter as Uncas sank back in his chair and automatically surveyed his surroundings, grid by grid. A job hazard, but he was certain Becca was doing the same. He was sweeping the far corner of the busy space when he froze. Alice. She was sitting across Nick, partially hidden by a pillar. She was smiling and nodding earnestly as Nick gestured and conversed animatedly. How different the attorney was from himself. Uncas was never animated, his actions and gestures all efficient and practical, without an ounce of redundancy. How boring he must be in comparison to Nick...
Alice's hair fell in waves down her back and Uncas could see she was wearing her mauve silk dress. Beautiful. She was beautiful. And she was in the company of another man, while he was in the company of another woman. His throat constricted and he drew a painful breath. "Do you want to say hi?" Becca's knowing voice interrupted his thoughts. "It's all right." he muttered as he downed his wine. Becca nodded amiably and did not comment further. She watched resignedly as his eyes flitted in Alice's direction every few seconds. The months apart did nothing to dilute his feelings for his former girlfriend - he was obviously still very much in love with her.
Alice excused herself to go to the restroom. As she cut across the crowded room, she looked around aimlessly, and nearly tripped when her gaze clashed with an achingly familiar one. Uncas. He was back. His hair had grown out and he looked thinner. She could not decipher the expression in his eyes as he was too far away. Her gaze slid to his companion and her heart dropped to her toes with a loud thud. He was with Becca, who looked absolutely stunning. They looked perfect together. Pain, hurt and regret ripped through her, but pride made her straighten her shoulders. Lifting her chin, she marched towards the restroom without another backward glance.
Uncas noticed the change in Alice's demeanour when she discovered he was with Becca. He cursed inwardly but then again, he was bound to run into her at some point in time. He had been avoiding visiting Shana and Dan at their place, choosing to meet them outside their home. Alice looked as if she wanted to talk to him but had changed her mind upon seeing he was not alone. What did she want to say to him?
Alice was relieved Nick had not noticed Uncas' presence or the fact she was fidgeting distractedly in her chair. She refused to look in Uncas' direction again. When it was time to leave, Alice could not be more eager. She offered to retrieve their coats from the cloakroom while Nick paid the bill. Alice stepped into the crammed cloakroom and halted abruptly. Uncas was in front of her, leaning heavily on a crutch, his left leg in a cast. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing bandages on both arms. She could pick out more bandages around his middle through his shirt. He was struggling to put his arm through the sleeve of the jacket, and she could see sweat beading his brow from his profile. He hissed in pain as he painstakingly wriggled his arm through one sleeve - he had another to go. Alice's felt herself getting choked up as she watched him fight waves of agony just to put on his coat.
It would be dawn by the time he managed to wear his coat, Uncas thought sourly. He had settled the cheque, while Becca had gone to the restroom. He decided to grab their coats in the meantime - which was a stupid idea since he could barely put on this coat. The painkillers were wearing out and he was due to take his next dose when he returned home. His left leg suddenly buckled under him and just when Uncas thought he was going to crumple like a rag doll on the floor, he felt a pair of arms slip around his waist and hold him steady. "I've got you." a gentle voice assured him.
Alice. Keeping one arm firmly around his waist, she came around to his front, her head bowed. Silently, she carefully tucked his other arm into the sleeve. She pulled the lapels of his coat together, her hands brushing his hair, and paused. He smelled... like home and everything wonderful in life. Alice inhaled raggedly as tears threatened to fall. She belted his coat, taking her time because... she missed him like hell and childishly wished they could stay in the cloakroom forever. She could feel his eyes on the top of her head as she finished dressing him. Without looking up, she asked in a tiny voice, "Which coat is hers?"
The hurt in her voice was evident and Uncas felt it like a physical blow. "Alice..." he dragged out the syllables of her name. She finally lifted her head and looked at him squarely in the eye. Uncas' gut clenched and his jaw flexed when he saw her eyes swimming with unshed tears. She missed him... just as much he missed her - he was certain of that. "Alice..." he reiterated, not knowing what else to say. Her lips parted, " I -"
"Alice?" Nick's voice interrupted them and Alice took a step backward. She quickly grabbed Nick's coat and hers, and scurried around Uncas. "I have our coats. Let's go." She said, pasting a bright smile on her face. Nick looked astounded to see Uncas but gathered his wits, "Hello, Uncas. How are you?" "Fine, thank you." Uncas replied civilly, all traces of softness gone from his voice. With a brisk nod, he snatched Becca's coat from the hanger and hobbled past them with as much dignity as he could muster.
"Did you know he was back?" Nick inquired curiously as he drove Alice home. "No." Alice answered curtly and that was the last word she uttered until they reached the driveway of her apartment. She thanked him for dinner and bid farewell, aware she should invite him to her home for coffee. But she did not. Once she was in her apartment, she dropped down on her couch, her mind racing. Was Uncas dating Becca or was it just a casual dinner? Uncas did not do casual dinners with women, but Becca was an exception. This was a woman who fought alongside him. Alice had seen him stiffen at the sight of Nick, appearing ill at ease. Alice recalled Uncas' comment on how she would give Nick the time of day if she was not with him. Alice punched the cushion in annoyance - she hated that his prediction had come true.
Uncas shut the door loudly behind him. Becca, as astute as ever, had driven him straight home after dinner. She had kissed his cheek and said, " Till the next mission, Silver Fox." She was magnanimous enough not to throw a fuss over the fact that her dinner date had been occupied by another woman the entire evening. Wobbling over to the TV console, he yanked open the last drawer, running his fingers over the stack of files. He had never told Alice about the way he remembered his fallen SEAL brothers. "Does she know the reason, the story behind your every scar?"
Since Uncas had met Alice, he thought that he had been irreproachably open with Alice. He never failed to let her know how he felt about her, how much she meant to him... but never more than that. Each time she ventured into a discussion of his work, he clamped up. She had given up after a few tries, figuring everything he did was classified and he had not corrected her. In retrospect, Uncas had been afraid what Alice would think of him if she knew what exactly his work entailed, how he psychologically managed his missions.
Uncas had been prepared to embrace all of Alice, but had not given her a chance to embrace all of him. He had been cheating her from the start, keeping the scale tipped in his favour. "She knows nothing about you besides what you allow her to know." So true. Alice had been wanting to know more of him, wanting more of him, but he had consciously kept parts of himself from her, thinking that demonstrating his love for her through action would suffice. It did not - Alice wanted more. When he asked her what she wanted from him, she could not answer because she believed that there was nothing more he was willing to give of himself. It was not her fault - it was his. It was not his job that was driving a wedge between them - it was him.
A line from a love blessing his father had recited at his Mohican's cousin wedding a few years ago struck Uncas: "Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you." Uncas swallowed hard. Now he fully understood why Alice refused to move in with him and refused his proposal. They had been living their own parallel separate lives without knowing, coming together to live yet another seemingly cosy, convenient life when the occasion called for it, one that excluded all emotional baggage and insecurities. It was tiring to keep switching between the various lives. She had not seen the point in moving in with him when she felt their lives could not converge at any point, let alone spending the rest of her life with her. How could he be such a dumb ass?
Alice waited for the kettle to boil. Cora had sat down for a long chat when she was in London last. When Alice complained that there was so many things she did not know about Uncas, Cora had frowned, "Have you ever asked him about those things?" Alice never had - and that was her mistake. She assumed so many things about Uncas, about their relationship...that assumption had become her default excuse and solution for any problem that cropped out between them. She assumed his work was classified, she assumed he would balk if she probed further... He knew her very well - but did not know all of her very well. When he tried to probe deeper, she had shunned him, assuming he would continue to be happy and satisfied maintaining status quo. She had assumed wrong this time - Uncas had chosen to walk away.
The doorbell shrilled and Alice jumped. Who could be calling at such a late hour? She trotted over to the door and squinted through the peephole. Uncas. She quickly turned the lock and wrenched the door open. He stood there, his hair mussed by the wind, his cheeks reddened with cold, his breath uneven. His cast and crutch were dry despite the snow - he had taken a cab. They gazed at each other for the second time in that evening, the second time in almost three months.
"I-" Uncas started, but could not continue. As he looked at Alice, he was overwhelmed with emotion. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to explain why he never shared his SEAL experiences with her, he wanted to say he missed like crazy, he wanted to say he understood her decisions... he did not know where to start. "Alice -" He tried again, his fingers gripping his crutch like a lifeline. Alice took a step closer - her eyes wet, her bottom lip quivering. She knew.
Throughout the last three years, Uncas was the one who always made the first move, even during a disagreement. He would let her be but never failed to give her an easy opening for her to reconcile with him. The last time he had returned from his assignment in the middle of the night, she had cut him off coldly but still he had gone to her, saying and showing how much he had missed her. It dawned on Alice just how much leeway he had given her, understanding her enough to know she would never make the first move. He always chose to make the first move in order to keep their relationship going, to keep them going.
But this time she would make the first move - though technically he had made the first move by coming over to her house. Alice took another step closer until her head bumped his chin. She slid her arms around his waist, feeling him shudder at her touch. A hot tear dropped on her shoulder, seeping through her thin shirt. She hugged him tighter and whispered, "I've got you."