Chapter 4

Rebuild

In the gully out in No-Man's Land, the Reds and Blues got to work on fixing up the jeep and recreating their old Warthog. Zelos climbed into the driver's seat to wait for the go, Genis went off a short distance for a quick nap and Kratos and Presea were now working on the underside of the jeep.

"Combatir, hold the light right there." Kratos said, working on tightening some of the bolts.

Presea nodded and shined the flashlight on his face. "No, not on me, on that. Why would I need the light on my face?"

"Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny!?" Presea asked, pointing at a component. "Ooh, ooh, and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?"

Kratos quickly slapped her hand away. "Don't touch anything. Okay fellas, I think I've got it. Give her a crank." But he got no response. "Guys? ...Hey, what the hell are you knuckleheads doing up there?"

"No, I don't think getting new rims for the jeep's a good idea." Sheena said, in yet another argument.

"Oh come on!" Zelos said, "If we all pitch in, we can get some spinners, some kickass subs, hydraulics!"

Lloyd agreed. "I'm in."

"Why?" Sheena asked.

"Uh, for style?"

"For chicks!"

Sheena pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance "First off, Presea, Lualdi, and I are the only girls you guys know, and secondly, there's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive."

"What, suddenly you're a pessimist?"

"Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on Earth for them." Lloyd said.

"He's right."

"All my life I've had girls tell me, 'not if you were the last man on Earth.' Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweet-ass pimped out ride, bitch." Lloyd said, high-fiving Zelos.

Kratos stood up from under the jeep with a glare. "If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle."

"Oh yeah, right, here let me try." Zelos said starting up the jeep. It moved a couple of feet with a grind...and a huge scream of pain from Presea.

"Ya-ya-YAAAOOUWWWWW!"

Kratos quickly got under to check "Holy shit, Combatir, are you okay?!"

"I was just, petting, the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can... and part of my hand went with it."

"Oh crap." he said, getting under the jeep again.

"Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make." Lloyd said wistfully

Kratos started helping Presea get her hand free from the metal components. "Combatir, I told you not to touch anything. You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!"

Sheena hopped up in the passenger seat of the jeep.

Zelos looked at her. "Hey, what're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep." she responded.

"What're we, on a date? Get in the back." Zelos scowled.

"Aww, is someone shy?" she teased.

"Sheena..." he said, reaching for his handgun.

"Alright, alright, asshole." she said getting out.

"Will you two shut up?" Kratos said, standing up with Presea. "We need to get this thing fixed."

"I feel dizzy, Sarge..."

"Oh, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood, you just need some orange juice." he assured her.

"What's the rush on getting this thing fixed, anyway?" Lloyd asked.

"Listen dirtbag." Kratos started poking his finger at Lloyd's chest, "I know on Blue Team you like to lollygag a bit-"

"There is no Blue Team." Lloyd interrupted, slapping Kratos' hand. "It's all a lie. Red and Blue are the same."

Zelos rolled his eyes. "Aw, don't start that crap again."

"You sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff." Sheena said, then added in a sarcastic tone, "The government put a chip in my brain."

"The President can hear my thoughts." Zelos added.

"We never landed on the sun." Presea threw in.

"They put fluoride in my water!" Zelos mocked.

"Actually, that one's true." Sheena pointed out.

"It is?" Zelos asked, raising an eyebrow. "No wonder I listen to so much pop music."

"We're fixing the jeep because we need to be prepared. Just as our enemies are no doubt preparing to attack us at this very moment." Kratos said, matter-of-factly.

"But you guys think I'm your enemy, and I'm not preparing to do anything. 'Cept get L-A-I-D." He noticed the silent looks on everyone's face before adding, "Laid."

Zelos was the only one that spoke up. "Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak."

Some miles away, Mithos/Tenebrae had managed to repair Aska's head as best he could then they'd discovered a large complex further down the beach and were now exploring the rusted hallways.

"Hahahaha, yes." Tenebrae chortled as he stood by a window. "This place will do nicely for an evil lair. It's diabolically designed!"

"As a student of feng-shui, I can tell you that this house is 88% good luck." Mithos' voice said from his reflection. "Also, very breezy… and I like the floor plan."

"Quiet, you fool!" Tenebrae snapped.

"Nomás quiero un cuarto solo para mí." (I just want my own room.) Aska spoke from under Tenebrae's arm. "No me gusto compartir con el vacío." (I hate sharing with the vacuum.)

Tenebrae trudged further down the halls. "Hello, is anyone home? Don't be alarmed, we're only here to KILL YOU and take all your possessions!" He stopped by another window and waited for a response. None came. "Excellent! No doubt our very presence has scared everyone away! Muahahahahaaa!"

"Why don't we just see if this place is listed by a licensed real estate agent?"

"Oh shut up!" Tenebrae snapped.

"But we don't even know if it's been inspected recently." Mithos argued. "It could need foundation work."

"Podría tener el molde." (It could have mold.) Aska added.

"Both of you shut up!" Tenebrae shouted. "We're moving in and that's final. It has machine gun turrets, two living quarters with ample closet space, and a short commute to my secret laboratory! It's perfect."

"Yeah." Mithos agreed begrudgingly. "But what about the school district?"

"No tenemos ningún niños." (We have no children.) Aska pointed out.

"It's important to think about resale value, Aska." Mithos replied.

"Resale value?" Tenebrae cried out. "Our plan is to rule the world, not make prudent investments."

"Es importante tener un plan del retraso." (It's important to have a fallback plan.) Aska explained.

"Oh shut up." Tenebrae scowled as he set off down the hall again. "We're moving in, that's final."

He then entered a room and came across a computer console.

"Hey look, a computer." Mithos cried out as he placed Aska's head on a nearby block. "Now I can finally update my blog!"

"Tenes un weblog?" (You have a blog?) Aska asked.

"Yeah, it's great." Mithos chuckled. "It's just like being a real journalist, but without all the hassle of stuff like liability and accuracy."

"No." Tenebrae shouted from his reflection on the screen. "I need that computer for compiling evil formulas, and to rebuild the weather machine… also to download music. Hahaha!"

As Mithos started typing on the keyboard to get the computer running, Aska called out, "Quien quiere un postal de googlé invita?" (Does anyone want a g-mail invite?)

"Ooh, I do!"

"Tengo cuarenta mil a dar. Es muy exclusivo." (I only have 40,000. It's very exclusive.)

As the computer booted up, Tenebrae looked around in concern. "Where's the mouse thingy?"

"It has one of those red rubber dot thingies on the keyboard." Mithos explained, pointing it out. "That's way better than a mouse. I call it a nubbin. Who wants to touch my nubbin?"

A few days go by, like they usually do, They spent most of their time fixing the place up to make it look like it was something you could actually live in.

"Yes, this place is coming along nicely. Excellent work repairing the turrets, Lopez."Tenebrae complimented.

"Gracias. El trabajar manual me encanta." (Thank you. I find manual labor stimulating.)

"I still say a flowerbox would have been a bit more neighborly." Mithos said.

"Oh shut up you fool!"

"Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives."

"Get out of my head!"Tenebrae yelled, grabbing his head.

"Technically it's my head." Mithos pointed out. "But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?"

"Shut up!"

What they didn't realize is that they weren't alone. A soldier in red armor was walking up towards the fortress, who had apparently been questing to find the flag again.

"At last! My pilgrimage is over! I have reached the promised land!"

Tenebrae heard the voice. "Who is that?" He ran toward the ledge to get a good look at the figure. He recognized it as the crazy Red Zealot from Flanoir Island. "Oh no. Not this buffoon! How did he get here?"

"Él estaba cerca de la bomba, cuando quemó." (He probably was blown nearby by the bomb.) Aska theorized.

"Hello." Tenebrae called down. "What do you want?"

"The disembodied voice of God!" The Zealot knelt to the ground in prayer. "I hear you Holy One! I have made it to the temple and await your command!"

Tenebrae rolled his eyes at the idiocy of this nutjob. "Up here- Helloooo. Red Moron. Eyes up, chop-chop!"

He looked up and noticed Tenebrae. "Oh. Greetings!" he said as he got to his feet. "Are you the gatekeeper of the temple?

"Us? No, we just moved in." Mithos told him. "Can you help us move a couch? And do you know any good restaurants nearby?"

Tenebrae quickly covered his mouth. "Just a second." he looked at his reflection to talk to Mithos. "Listen you fool, let me handle this."

"I don't know, you haven't been the best choice when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try." Mithos suggested.

"Nonsense! With the proper handling, this fellow will make an excellent stooge. And I'm the one here with the most experience training stooges. Isn't that right, Aska?"

"Nyuk, nyuk."

"You see?"

Mithos sighed resentfully. "Okay, you can handle this, but I get to hang my motivational posters in the living room. Hang in there kitty!"

"Deal. But I'm telling you that cat will never make it to Friday." After the schizophrenic conversation ended, he turned back to the courtyard to talk to the Zealot. "Yes, I am the guardian of the temple. What do you want?"

"I have traveled great distances, in search of enlightenment!"

"Reaaally, that's perfect. We have tons of that in here, but listen. We just can't let anyone in who wants to get in, so goodbye."He waved his hand in a 'shoo-shoo' manner and started to walk away.

"Wait! I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to gain entrance." the Zealot cried.

"Psst, ask him what he knows about gardening." Mithos whispered.

"Pregúnteles si él desea sus hombros." (Ask him if we can have his shoulders.) Aska suggested.

"Maybe he knows how to use that computer we found."

Tenebrae sighed a bit, but gave and pressed a button to open the main gates to let the Zealot in.

"Alright then come on in. We'll think of something."He then gave a snigger which turned into a chuckle and evolved into a full-blown laugh.

"En túnel es abajo. Usted va a soplaro." (Tone it down. You're going to blow it.) Aska hissed.

He wasn't heard since Tenebrae was still laughing.

"Ese es demasiado." (OK, now that's just too much.)

At last, Tenebrae ran out of breath after laughing for 5 minutes straight and he reached for Aska when he spotted movement out the corner of his turned around and caught a split second glimpse of a black figure disappear from view behind a pillar. "What was that?" he whispered. He picked up Aska and turned away then looked back again. "Aha!"But the figure wasn't there.

He turned his body right round then spun round again. "AHA!" Still no one there, so he started to make for the door. "Minding my own business, slowly walking away and… HAA, I got you!" He whirled right round, but fortune wasn't on his side. "Oh, forget it…" he gave up and walked back in.

Back in the giant desert, everyone was still trying their best to search for any life. Lloyd, Genis and Presea went off to see if they could find Emil while Zelos and Sheena went on patrol, testing out the new jeep. 2 and a half hours on patrol, Zelos and Sheena were walking back to the little makeshift camp, where Kratos was seen relaxing a bit, and noticed the two coming up.

"Wilder, Fujibayashi, where have you two been?" Kratos asked.

"Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge." Sheena said.

"Did you find something?" he then noticed that they didn't have the car with them. "Wait a minute, where's the jeep?"

Both of them shuffled their feet nervously. "Yeah, it's like this." Zelos started.

"Wilder... I just built that jeep, I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed." Kratos said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking...or you can stop listening."

"Wilder!" he yelled as a vein started to show in his head.

"Relax, It's not destroyed Sarge, the engine just quit." Sheena said, trying to calm her CO down just a bit.

"And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?" he asked, in a slightly calmer, but still irritated voice.

"Duh, getting the jeep outta the ditch." Zelos replied.

"What was the jeep doing in a ditch?"

"Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, and that's re-enacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever." Zelos stated, pretty irritated.

"Oh, for the love of God." Kratos said, covering his face.

"Sheena was driving." Zelos quickly said.

"No I wasn't, I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!"

The two of them argued all the way back to the jeep, with Kratos in tow. He checked over everything on the jeep. It seemed fine. He checked the dials and found the problem.

"Wait a second, you guys, this thing isn't busted, it's just outta gas." Kratos reported.

"It runs on gas?" Zelos asked confused.

"Of course not moron, where are we gonna get gasoline?" Kratos barked. "I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy."

"So if it runs on solar power, then why is it dead, sir?" Sheena asked confused.

"You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours." he answered. As he was about to start pushing the jeep, he stopped for a second and looked at the two. "Wait, what were you two doing parked in the shade for two hours?" he asked with his brow raised.

Zelos and Sheena instantly went wide-eyed. "Well I can tell you what we weren't doing..."

"You know what, I don't want to know." Kratos said, not wanting to hear the answer. He was always slightly suspicious of Zelos and Sheena but really didn't want to confirm his thoughts. "Come on, help me push this thing in the sunlight." Zelos and Sheena got behind the jeep and waited for the signal. "One, two, three!"

Sheena and Kratos pushed with all of their might.

"Hurrrr..."

"Hurrrrniaaa."

Zelos, like the lazy jackass he is, leaned on the jeep. "Hurr. Man this thing weighs a ton. Holy crap. Wowzers."

"Dumbass." Sheena glared.

"Oh right."

All three of them finally managed to push it into the sun. While Zelos and Sheena rested their muscles, Kratos glanced at the front of the jeep. "Wilder, what happened to this fender?"

"It was like that when we took it out!" Zelos proclaimed.

"And where's the hubcap? I gotta buy those in sets of four." Kratos said, looking at where the hubcap should be.

"Man, this neighborhood's really going to crap."

Sheena checked the dials and noticed they were starting to go up. "Jeep's getting power." Almost instantly, the engine started, and so did the radio. It started playing that crappy Mexican Polka song, the same one their old Warthog did.

"Turn that crap off." Kratos requested.

Sheena flicked it off, but the second she did a female voice was heard coming through. "Come in, does anyone hear me? Over."

"What the..." Kratos cried out, knowing the voice. "Who's that?"

"This is Freelancer Luin, looking for anyone from the Blood Gulch Outposts, do you read? Over."

Zelos snapped his fingers. "It's that chick from the blue team."

"Hang up on her." Sheena voted.

"Good idea."

But as he reached for the radio, Marta continued her transmission. "I have found Tenebrae's base. I repeat; I have found Tenebrae's base."

"Tenebrae?" Kratos cried out. "Son of a-"

"Where is she?" Sheena yelled.

"They seemed to be holed up in some kind of a fortress." Marta explained without really hearing them. "I'm not sure how I got here or how they built it, but if you can read this, I need you get to me as fast as you can."

As she continued describing her whereabouts, the Reds quickly jumped into action.

"Maybe we could use the radio to triangulate her position." Zelos suggested.

"How?" Sheena pointed out. "We only have one radio. We would need a third point to triangulate."

"Okay." Zelos replied. "Well, let's just pick a point between her and us."

"What?" Sheena shouted. "That's not a triangle, you idiot. That's a line!"

"Right, a line that we'll follow straight to Lualdi." Zelos concluded. "It's the perfect mathematical plan!"

Sheena sighed and face-palmed herself. "Hey Zelos, why don't you just stick to criticizing other peoples plans instead of coming up with your own?"

"It does seem to be my talent." Zelos admitted.

Kratos meanwhile was examining the back of the jeep. "I could simulate a third radio by using some of this sand, and the heat from the jeep's tailpipe to make an enormous refractory lens. And then-"

"Or we could just listen to the coordinates she's sending." Zelos interrupted, getting back to what he does best.

At that moment, Marta gave out her instructions. "My coordinates are two two niner delta, by one point three seven gamma."

"Uh, yeah, we could do that too." Sheena muttered.

As they set off to find the others, Simmons noticed the despondent look on her CO's face. "What's wrong, Sarge?"

"Nothing."

"You really wanted to make the lens, didn't you?" Sheena asked.

"You're damn right!" Kratos snapped.

"Well, we can make it later, when we have more time." she suggested.

"Oh, don't patronize me."

Behind them, Marta finished her transmission. "I need you guys to come right away… Or better yet, send someone who can fight."