A/N oh gawds, the shameful moment when your fic is still based during Christmas and it's May... I AM SOOOOOO SORRY! To make up for my terrible absence (caused by school, joining a new club, several complications with my love life, and just in general, life) I've written a slightly longer, although much more angsty chapter. Please enjoy, and try not to hate me too much. I promise, my next update won't take as long! Now who wants to do the disclaimer?

Michael: I can do it!

Errrr, I'm not so sure that's a good-

Michael: Listen up assholes! If you think TwistedAngel owns vocaloids, you're an idiot. If you try to sue her for writing these fics, you're probably just a douchebag. So if you've got any problems, you can take them and shove them up your-

Thank you, Michael! Ehehehe, anyways... Warnings! Male x Male love, brief kissing, maybe some language, and angst. Lots and lots of angst. You don't like it? Well then don't read it. Remember to R&R, all opinions welcome, even flames.

Who Could It Be Now?

After a while, I raided the freezer, finding the ice-cream I wanted and grabbing a random piece of silverware- I didn't care if it was a spoon, a fork, or even a damn knife, as long as I could get the cold, calming treat into my belly. I sprawled out on the couch, sadly shoveling large bites into my mouth as tears rolled down my cheeks. As I ate, I struggled to remember the moments right before my death, but in truth, I couldn't even remember dying! Was it true? Had I really died on purpose? I tried to tell myself that I would never do something like that, because I had people who would be hurt so deeply if I did: my cousin, Akaito, my mother, my father, all my friends... But no matter how convinced I was of my innocence, I couldn't get Gakupo's words out of my head.

"You attempted to drive home, and while driving drunk, you called your home phone, leaving me a message to promise that you weren't doing anything stupid!"

He had been so angry, so convinced that I had killed myself… was he right? No! Of course he wasn't right, I thought. But I wasn't so sure.

"Even if he was telling the truth, that gave him no right to treat me the way he did," I growled under my breath. Grumbling to myself I angrily shoved another bite of ice-cream into my mouth, hardly waiting to swallow before chasing the bite down with another scoop. Before I knew it, a dull pain exploded behind my eyes, making me cry. With a moan, I pressed my fingers to my temples, pushing hard as if I could squeeze the pain out of my head. After a few moments, the pain subsided, leaving me panting. Brain-freeze, the cruel avenger of ice-cream, I thought wryly. Glaring at the tub of ice-cream, I abandoned it in favor of going in to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. Just as I found where the cups were, there was a knock at the door, making me jerk slightly in surprise.

"Who can it be now?" Men at Work asked through the radio. Who indeed? With a sigh, I went back in to the living room, opening the door a bit reluctantly. Upon seeing who it was however, I slammed it shut, angry all over again.

"Go away, asshole!" I shouted.

"Come on, let me in! I'm sorry," the angel said back. I snorted. That crazy bastard was sorry? Should've thought of that before he told me I was in hell! "Kaito, please? I really am sorry; we got off on the wrong foot. Please let me in so I can apologize properly." I was tempted to ignore the angel until he left, but something stopped me… maybe it was his tone of voice. He spoke so softly, guilt threaded through his voice in an almost tangible way. Was he really sorry? Hesitantly, I opened the door to find out. "Ah, there you are," he said with a grin. I fought the urge to look at him with anything but contempt in my eyes.

"You told me I was in hell," I said. His smile faded before he looked down, shuffling his feet. With how small and young he looked, he might as well have been a child apologizing to his mother for breaking her favorite lamp. It was impossible not to soften my gaze.

"I am sorry about that. I was just joking, but I guess it affected you more than I thought it would. I was wondering if you wanted to start over. Here, I'll go first," he said, looking up. With a bright, professional smile, he said, "Hello, and welcome to Heaven. My name is Michael, and for the next week, I will be your guide. Is there anything you wanted to know, or anyone specific that you wanted to see? I can take to see relatives you've lost before you yourself came to join us in this wonderful place." The way he spoke was so perky and chipper that I couldn't help myself- a bark of laughter found its way out of me, making him frown.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," I giggled, hiding my mouth with my hand. He rolled his eyes, shrugging. Feeling bad, I stepped to the side. "How about you come in and we start over again?" He considered this for a moment before taking me up on the offer and walking in.

"It looks like Gakupo's rearranged the furniture since the last time I was here," he said thoughtfully. I looked at him in surprise.

'You know Gakupo? Are you friends with him?" I asked. He nodded, chuckling.

"Yeah, Gakupo is one of the few people who can stand my, uh, antics." I smiled slightly.

"That sounds like him. Usually, he's pretty accepting. He always did like the weird ones..." The angel snorted.

"Yeah, I've noticed that…." He sat down on the couch and I followed suit, sitting on the opposite side so it wouldn't be awkward. Groaning, Michael, rolled his shoulders in discomfort.

"Are you alright?" I asked, concerned. He nodded, waving me off.

"I just hate restraining myself all the time. You don't mind if I stretch out, do you?" I assumed he meant having to keep his wings squeezed closed, he had had them open when I first met him and it would surely be more comfortable, so I nodded.

"Of course, make yourself comfortable," I said kindly. He smiled with gratitude, standing.

"Thanks." And with that, he blinded me with a flash of light, making me gasp. Everything went white and I put my hands out instinctively, in case something tried to hit me. "Sorry about that, I should've told you to close your eyes," a different voice said. I flinched when I felt the couch dip back down, indicating that Michael-or whoever was there now- had sat down. He- because the voice was definitely male- took my hands and put them in my lap, chuckling with guilt. "I always forget about that part."

"Wh-what happened, I can't see," I said, my voice small and meek. A hand patted my shoulder comfortingly and I leaned into the touch, wanting anything I could use to distinguish location with.

"A lot of angels have two forms, one childish and one grown. It's sort of uncomfortable to be in my childlike form, but I forgot that when I'm changing like that, there's nothing to stop you from seeing my true form, and it blinds humans," he said softly. My breathing hitched when he said blind, and he hurried to elaborate. "Don't worry, it's only temporary. You'll be able to see in a few moments. You're just lucky you didn't see God while he was changing like that- you might have exploded." Even as he spoke, the whiteness dimmed and bit by bit, the living room came in to focus. When I sighed in relief, Michael laughed. "Better?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but froze upon seeing the more grown up version of the angel next to me.

He was absolutely gorgeous.

His skin was a beautiful shade of tan, as though he spent every day in the sun, perhaps swimming or even just napping outside. His jaw was squared, but gently so, and came to a chin lightly dusted in a dark brown, as if he had forgotten to shave when he woke up. His cheekbones sat fairly high upon his face, but not so high that he looked like a horse and his cheeks had the slightest contour, making his face aesthetically interesting rather than blandly round. He had a perfect, straight nose that was neither too small nor too big, and underneath that nose was a pair of full, pale pink lips, held only just apart as if he wanted to ask a question but was too shy. But he wasn't shy, and you could see that in his confident eyes, which were a soft yet vivid shade of blue and seemed to hold an everlasting grin. And to top all of this off- literally- was a soft mass of thick, large curls that framed his face held a natural healthy sheen, not the shine of sweat or grease.

I had the strangest urge to tangle my fingers in those curls….

Wait, what?! No, no, no, that is not what I want to do, not when Gakupo could come home any minute! What would he say, what would he think? He'd hate me….

Michael brought me out of my thoughts, saying "Heh, hey, what are you looking at, something on my face?" I shook my head fervently, breaking out of my stupor.

"Uh, uh no. I was just surprised is all, I didn't think you'd be so… I mean, uh…." Dammit! Why can't I say anything? He only laughed, nodding.

"It's alright, a lot of people are surprised when they see me like this. But don't be fooled. I'm still the same asshole, just in prettier packaging." I almost groaned at the mention of packages. Get it together, Kaito!

"Well, hey, it's kind of late, almost past suppertime really," I started, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. I was planning on telling him that he should head home, but when he began to pout- barely pushing out his bottom lip- I caved. "If you're hungry, I can go cook us something to eat, and we can get to know each other better. If you want, that is," I hastily added. He brightened up immediately, nodding.

"That sounds great!"

You Make Me Wanna

I made hamburgers, something simple but still tasty, and we sat down to eat. I absently wondered when Gakupo was coming home. But as I talked with Michael, Gakupo was slowly pushed to the back of my mind. As we ate, the angel made me smile, made me laugh and I loved it. A small part of me felt guilty for enjoying someone's company so thoroughly when I had a boyfriend, but the other, much larger part was too busy with being enthralled every time Michael gave me a compliment to be guilty. I knew that technically I wasn't cheating… but when I was rendered a blushing, giggling moron just because the angel gave me a particularly bright smile, it was hard not to feel like a lying bastard.

Michael must have noticed my distress because a moment after I stopped laughing, I felt a warm hand on my knee. I bit my lip at the contact, wanting to move away from the heat his hand radiated through my jeans, but I stayed still, looking him in the eye.

"What's wrong, Kaito?" he asked softly. I shrugged nervously, chuckling.

"You make me wanna leave the one I'm with, start a new relationship with you," Usher crooned from the radio. Not helping, douchebag, I thought to myself.

"Nothing, I just…" I trailed off, unsure of how to continue. I knew I should tell him that I couldn't do this- but what exactly was this? We weren't getting drunk, we weren't kissing, we definitely weren't fucking, so what was the problem? "Heh, it's nothing," I said with a smile.

He grinned, pulling his hand away. "You know, it's Christmas Eve, why don't we drink some wine to celebrate, huh? Just until Gakupo comes home." Well, scratch the not getting drunk point, I thought to myself. I knew what my answer should have been: no, I'm afraid that's not a good idea, how about we play Chutes and Ladders instead?

But somehow, I felt my lips forming a much different response. "Yeah, that sounds great. I'll get the glasses if you can find the wine." And just like that, I ruined any chance of Gakupo and I ever getting over our little spat from earlier.
Friend of Mine Gakupo POV

I wandered around the small portion of heaven I was familiar with, cursing under my breath. That bastard, why did he have to die?!

"All I wanted was for him to move on, to have a life and be happy- oh… oh!" Suddenly, I realized what I had done, how I had hurt the most important person of my… existence. Even if he had killed himself on purpose, he had done it to be with me, to be happy, and if all I wanted was for him to be happy, then I had no right to yell at him, no right at all…. I had to go back, I had to apologize for what I had done. I almost ran home, but stopped myself, shaking my head at my stupidity. Hailing a carriage, I told the man where I lived. "Please hurry." Soon, I was home, standing in front of my door. What should I do? Do I knock, or just walk in? Deciding to just walk in, I opened the door, calling out to Kaito.

"Baby? Babe I'm so sorry, I-" I froze in my tracks, eyes widened at seeing Kaito, the owner of my heart, heatedly making out with a very grown up Michael. They immediately broke apart, staring at me like a pair of deer caught in headlights.

Then: "Gakupo? Oh God, Gaku I can explain!" Kaito hurried to untangle himself from the angel, falling onto the carpet as he tried to make his way to me. I didn't miss the way his words were slurred, nor did I miss the empty wine bottle on the floor. Miss all three of the empty wine bottles I should say. I struggled to find my voice as Kaito struggled to find his balance, a surprised huh finding its way past my lips as Kaito found his way to his feet.

"Babe?" I should have been raging. I should have been yelling and screaming and kicking Michael's ass for doing this to me, kicking Kaito's ass out for doing this to me… and yet all I could say was one broken, confused word.

"Gaku, I- we, uh…. We got drunk and you didn't come home and Michael was- I was- oh God I'm so sorry!" Kaito moaned, latching onto me. His arms wrapped themselves tightly around my waist, but I made no move to reciprocate the embrace. I know he said more than that, but all I was really aware of was that he was sobbing into my shirt, soaking my front with salty tears.

This infuriated me.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly. Kaito looked up in confusion, tears leaking from his big blue eyes in an almost endearing way, despite the situation. I repeated myself, pushing him away. "Why are you crying? I'm the one who walked in on you, the love of my life and my death, kissing who I thought was my best friend." At least Michael had the decency to look somewhat guilty about that. Taking a deep breath, I stepped further in to the living room, forcing Kaito to move back. "I don't understand why that's making you cry." He sputtered for a moment, unsure of how to respond. When he opened his mouth to speak, I held up my hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear it right now, not on-" I stopped, looking down at my watch nodding. "We're not doing this on Christmas." I turned to the angel, beginning to quiver with fury as I noticed his rather ruffled appearance, particularly his half unbuttoned shirt.

"Heh, uh, marry Christmas?" he asked guiltily. I glared, pointing behind me.

"I want you out of my house," I snapped. Kaito watched me fearfully as Michael got up. As he passed me, he stopped.

"Gakupo, don't get mad at him, alright? It's not his fault it's mine. You know how I get, and he's such a cute little bugger, I couldn't help myself. You can be mad at me, but you know that one day we're all gonna laugh this off, right?" he asked, his large wings rustling hopefully. I nodded solemnly.

"Yeah. But it is not this day," I murmured, looking away. (To anyone who gets the Lord of the Rings reference, I'm sorry, I just had to! ;D) He sighed, and then left. Soon, it was just me and Kaito in the room. I looked at him and he flinched, as if expecting me to blow up on him. And I wanted to, but the feelings of hurt and betrayal choked me, stopping any words from leaving my throat. After a few moments of our intense staring contest, I shook my head with a tired sigh, walking out of the door. As I left, even above Kaito's anguished sob I could hear the radio mourning my discovery.

"But she betrayed me. I caught her with him coming in from outta town Tell me why?" Kelly Price moaned.

N/R

After what happened, Gakupo didn't come home until the next evening. Despite how tired I was, I couldn't let myself sleep. I didn't deserve to sleep, not after what I had done to him. When he walked in from the door, I jumped up from the couch, falling to my knees in front of him.

"Gakupo, I can't even begin to explain to you how sorry I am. I can't make you understand the guilt that's tearing me apart. You should never forgive me, you should kick me out of your house, out of your life… but I have to ask your forgiveness," I said, preparing for his yells. But he didn't yell, and that confused me. I felt his calloused hand- rough from splitting so much wood when he was younger- cup my chin, gently forcing me to look up at him. "Gaku…?" I asked, perplexed He only smiled sadly, moving his hand to take mine and pull me up.

"Baby, I told you, we don't need to do this on Christmas. Now come on, I've got a present for you," he whispered softly, stroking my hair as he pulled me close. I gasped, unable to process his words.

"Gakupo, how can you just brush what I did off like that, you should hate me, you should-" he cut me off with a finger against my lips.

"We don't have to talk about it now, alright?" he said, pulling me to the couch. I let myself be seated, looking at him with my brows furled. He pulled something wrapped in light blue tissue paper from his pocket, smiling. "When I went down to the world of the living I gave you this. But then right after, you died, so it took a bit of searching for to find again. I just wanted you to have this back." He handed me the object and I slowly unwrapped it, feeling tears run down my cheeks. Why was he doing this, why wasn't he yelling and screaming at me?

Why wasn't he breaking up with me?

"Do you like it?" he asked quietly. I looked at the small circular locket in my hand. On the face of the locket was a small sapphire that glinted at me in a much too cheerful way. On the inside was a lock of purple hair, Gakupo's. It was tied together with a single strand of blue hair, mine. Resisting the urge to sob, I nodded fervently.

"It's beautiful." And I don't deserve this, I thought morosely. Then I looked up, sniffing. "Gakupo, please. We can't just ignore what happened last night. We need to talk." He bowed his head in a slow nod.

"If you insist…" he mumbled. Despite agreeing to talk, we sat silently for a few more moments. Then he said "I love you, with all of my heart. And I just want you to be happy, so…. I think that you should go be with Michael. I know he'd love you, and he's kind of an ass sometimes, but he always treats the people he cares about right." My heart literally skipped a beat, maybe even two. So he is breaking up with me….

I opened my mouth to argue, my hands twitching with the need to shake him and tell him that all I wanted was him, Gakupo Kamui! But I stopped, biting my lip. I didn't deserve Gakupo, not after what I had done. He obviously wanted me gone, and was trying to tell me without being harsh about it. After what I had done to him, if he wanted me gone then the least I could do was… go. Slipping the locket on, I nodded, looking down.

"There's a carriage outside waiting. Just tell him you need to find Michael, the angel, and he'll take you where you need to be," he said. Numbly, I got up, heading to the door. I walked slowly, hoping that maybe he would call out and tell me that he didn't mean it, that he was willing to forgive me if I swore to never hurt him again, and I would have more than willingly made that swear- but he didn't call out. And before I knew it, I was out the door, heading to the carriage.