Beta and Guest Writer: Legend Maker
The fact that this did not come out before Christmas is a parody of the delays on the final chapter of the real Infinite Crisis. Honest.
Part Four: Fifty-Two Shake-Up
December 24th
Vatican City, Rome
You'd think it would be relatively easy for Robin to rationalize doing a minor bit of harm to the Roman-Catholic Church, especially if said harm was in the service of a greater good. It wasn't like the church had clean hands anyway—there was plenty of dirt in their history that one could use to quash any guilt.
Like the Crusades. Or the Inquisition, which had less to do with heretics than with stealing property from Jews.
Never could find enough excuses to massacre Jews, until Hitler finally told a whopper too big for even the world, with all its small-minded, smug, self-righteous, cruel and sadistic people to swallow. How 'bout them National Socialists?
Or how they pretty much destroyed the Native Americans and stole everything from them. Or the South American people. Or the black people of Africa. And what probably would have happened to Asia if Japan hadn't beat them to the punch for the most part.
Or all the pedophiles that had snuck into the clergy.
The only logical conclusion is this: Clearly God is evil and deserves to die!
Wait, this isn't a Phillip Pullman fanfic? Oops.
The point was, despite all that, Robin had still felt somewhat bad breaking into the Vatican, sneaking through its hallways, avoiding guards and locating a series of increasingly more concealed doors until he'd found the stairway down into the room he now entered: a top-secret Vatican Bunker.
He'd learned about it on the Internet.
There wasn't much to say about it: it was made of stone, had a series of large columns running its length, and had enough light from some indeterminable source to see well enough.
Oh, and its walls were covered with wooden support beams. Far too many, actually. It wasn't like the room had any Feng Shui to begin with, but the amount was just ridiculous. Someone had clearly spent nights sweating over the concept of being buried alive.
There was only one exit, at the other end of the room. After checking for trip wires, floor switches disguised as stones, trigger lasers, security cameras, and the like, Robin headed across the room and entered.
At the end of that room stood the Myrrh, a small metal box placed on a simple stone platform.
And between it lay dozens of blades that swept from the ceiling and stabbed from the wall, tiny platforms nestled between them in which razor sharp poisoned spikes and jets of flame shot from the ground and walls at random intervals. Buzzsaws fired from hidden launches from various parts of the walls and ceilings, effortlessly passing into slits on the other side of their launching path, and long stone balls on metal chains swung around and in between the blades in perfect, repeating symmetry. The entire floor save the small platform Robin had entered on was covered in boiling, red-hot magma.
Robin immediately burned to death from the unbelievable heat coming off the lava. It was amazing he'd actually made it into the room…
Oh wait right, this is a piece of fiction. What's convection?
Still, there were all the traps Robin would have to avoid with precise, split second timing, with no extra lives or reset button if one caught him, and even considering the unreliable nature of death in this world, it would probably take at least a year before he popped up out of his grave.
Robin removed a launcher from his utility belt, aimed, and fired, launching a small metal dart across the room where it thudded lightly into the box the Myrrh was in, before removing another small device from his tools and pressing a button at the right time, activating the powerful magnet in the dart and pulling the box across the deadly gauntlet and into his waiting hands.
No, I don't know what gravity is. Please explain it to me.
Robin turned around, not even singed, and headed back out through the door.
"STOP RIGHT THERE."
Robin did, looking at the young man in front of him, clad in a long white shirt, black chain mail pants, and carrying a metal staff with a cross on the end.
"…Oh no." Robin said. "You."
"You did not expect this? Your devil-directed quest ends here, Robin. How dare you defile this…you do not look frightened. You really should look frightened." The cross-wielder said.
"…I didn't mean it in fear. I meant it in that I have completely blanked on who you are."
The young man's eyes bulged.
"I AM KID CRUSADER! SCOURGE OF ALL EVIL! I BATTLED YOUR CORRUPT, DEVIL-HABORING TEAM BUT A FEW MONTHS AGO!"
"Actually it was ten years. I mean…oh. Right. It was a few months ago this time."
"HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME DEVIL-WORSHIPPER! YOU WILL BURN!"
Robin stared.
"KID CRUSADER!" Kid Crusader 'helpfully' reminded.
"Oh right…look Kid, I'm not knocking you, but seeing how I didn't retain the slightest amount of memory of you, how dangerous can you be?"
"Your folly, demonspawn. I alone am a holy terror…and I am not alone…" Kid Crusader smirked triumphantly.
As they came from the shadows…which didn't hide them very well as a lot were wearing white, mixed with some blacks and golds, red crosses on their streamlined, form fitting white robes and on the masks covering their faces. Hundreds and hundreds of them, coming from every part of the room.
"Behold, the greatest of all our ranks in subtle skill, the elite of the Roman-Catholic Church Ninjitsu Unit. Your life ends here." Kid Crusader grinned.
Robin stared. Vatican Ninjas?
"Awwwwwww…I was hoping for a "Holy Ninjas, Batman!" before my very much holy ninjas filled you full of holes." Kid Crusader said.
Robin continued staring.
"MY NAME IS KID CRUSADER!"
Still nothing.
"WHAT?"
"…Ninjas?" Robin said, as he continued staring dumbly. "Vatican…NINJAS…now…this is…I'm…okay, the only way this is even CONCIEVABLY possible is that you were a clan of ninjas that were converted during the abortive influx of Portuguese missionaries during the time of the Shogunate, which, considering that was followed by a purge of all Christians on the islands…"
"That would mean that any remaining Catholics would have to, oh I don't know, DISAPPEAR? If only there were people devoted to the art of stealth! A hypothetical class of people, hired as assassins and saboteurs, perhaps you could call them by the Japanese word for invisible." Kid Crusader said.
"…okay Altar Boy…"
"KID CRUSADER!"
"Whatever. You have a point, but not much of one." Robin said, as he pulled out his staff. "All I know is this: if I'm taking down Vatican Ninjas, this is officially the best Christmas ever."
"KILL THE INFIDEL!" Kid Crusader roared.
"I'm Lutheran, you jackass!"
Kid Crusader blinked. "KILL THE HERETIC!" He pointed at Robin, and the ninjas surged forth, light glittering off their blades…
And Robin swung his staff up and down, slamming it onto the ground as hard as he could.
The ninjas all fell from their leaps like they'd been struck down by God himself, crashing down onto the ground in large, unmoving heaps.
"…Oh man. Conservation of Ninjitsu is even worse than I thought." Robin said. Kid Crusader looked like he was going to have a stroke, his mighty league of assassins all cut down by one blow that hadn't even HIT them.
"WHAT DEVIL-GIVEN POWER IS THIS!?!?!?"
Robin chuckled. "It's just a trope. The Law of Inverse Ninja Strength, or Threat 1/N, where N number of Ninjas. In this case it was so diluted that the minor shockwave from my ground strike knocked them all out."
"…you're making that up." Kid Crusader said.
"No really. It's why Batgirl was pretty much invincible until she joined the League of Assassins. All the other ninjas were robbing her of her Ninjitsu powers. Either that, or drugs really do rot your brain."
"I thought that was because the writer was stupid."
"No no, that's the fourth-wall breaking reason. This is the rational, later writer's retcon." Robin said.
"Ah…uh…THEN I SHALL SMITE YOU MYSELF!" Kid Crusader said as he swung his staff up.
"Look Christian Lad, I think we ought to take a page from the Bible and turn the other chee-" THWACK
Robin was smacked in the face by one of the ninjas. Robin beat him up and threw him towards Altar Boy… I mean, Kid Crusader, who stepped out of the way.
"POWER OF GOD INFUSE ME!!!!!!!!" Kid Crusader bellowed, and suddenly his staff burst into flame as radiant white energy began swirling around the teenage zealot.
"…Oh no, not the Level In Badass. Not For Captain Catholic." Robin whined.
"MY NAME IS KID CRUSADER. REMEMBER IT, SO YOU CAN TELL LUFICER WHO SENT YOU!" Kid Crusader bellowed.
And the ground exploded beneath him as he flew at Robin, his blazing body and staff smashing across Robin's chest and sending him flying even as Kid Crusader zapped past him, and then in a bullet-time ballet stopped and spun back towards Robin, smashing him across the room and through one of the stone pillars, and even as Robin exited that Kid Crusader was next to him again as he split his staff in two and spun, smashing Robin with repeated blows in the helicopter whirl and sending him flying up high as Kid Crusader blazed after him, his staff splitting into ten pieces and flying away and zapping back, smashing a series of arcing blazing lines across Robin before they flew up and re-assembled in Kid Crusader's hands as he lanced down and smashed Robin into the ground, the ground exploding and sending Robin flying back up into the air as Kid Crusader backflipped off the impact, braced himself against another pillar, and flew through the air, smashing past Robin as an explosive wave of holy fire blazed in his wake and caught Robin, the blasts smashing across his body and sending him flying back into the middle of the room, bouncing off the floor again as Kid Crusader bounced off the opposing wall, slashing past Robin in another fluid bullet-time motion, and then landed and swung his staff up and down as Robin's whole body was at the center of a massive explosion as Kid Crusader's eyes burned and a red cross blazed on his back and in fire all around the room.
That massive run-on sentence slammed into Robin, and he hit the ground, just as the energy left Kid Crusader. He turned and looked at his fallen enemy.
All was silent.
And then Robin got up. A white energy rope burst from the wall, tripped him, and vanished.
Robin muttered and got up again.
"…wow, I actually feel better." He commented.
Now it was Kid Crusader's turn to stare in complete, stupefied silence.
Then again, silence didn't stay with these types for long.
"HOW! HOW!?!?!??!?! THAT ASSAULT IS FROM THE LORD ALMIGHTY HIMSELF! IT WOULD HAVE BROKEN NERON!"
"Uh…good thing I got two wafers for communion this week?" Robin said lamely.
"YOU WILL NOT DEFY ME AND MY FAITH! YOU WILL SUFFER NO MATTER WHAT INFERNAL TRICKS YOU HAVE!" Kid Crusader screamed, as he started swinging his staff again.
"Hey wait you…!" Robin yelled.
As Kid Crusader smashed the only remaining stable platform that was left in the room after his ridiculous pastiche of SNK SDM's and the roof proceeded to cave in.
Robin recoiled from the falling wreckage (fortunately for him it was a rather localized cave in, and by localized I mean it only fell on Kid Crusader's head) and then coughed as he tried to wave the dust away.
"If only those who would warp and abuse faith would more often be so suitably hoisted by their own petard." Robin commented.
"YOU FOOL!" Kid Crusader yelled as he re-appeared, surrounding by the debris he had dodged and avoided. "WHAT IS FALLING DEBRIS TO ONE WHO HAS THE POWER OF…!!!!"
And then a golden Buddha lost and buried centuries ago and finally dislodged from its long time resting place fell from the ceiling and ker-whammed itself onto Kid Crusader's head. The zealot collapsed with a light groan.
"…I think I'd better leave now." Robin said, as he turned and headed back through the entrance he'd come through earlier. "Y'know, that was a ridiculous fight. What's sad is, if DC made half as much sense nowadays, they might actually be competitive with Marvel."
And Robin headed off, leaving behind the bested form of Choir Boy.
"KID CRUSADER!"
Whatever.
Arcing through the sky at ten times the speed of sound, Batman found it a bit difficult to reach to his belt and find his JLA communicator without having the wind rip his arm off. But he eventually managed it, and pulled the device to his mouth. "Batman to the Justice League. Come in Justice League."
The voice of Black Canary—the JLA's current leader—crackled over the device. "Batman, what's going on? Why are you treating your com like an old fashioned CB radio?"
"Moving… at mach ten…," Batman said. "Blood rushing to buttocks. Cannot think terribly clearly. Must talk like.. cliché comic book character. Over."
"Mach ten?" Canary sounded surprised. "Where are you going?"
"The North Pole. Dinah, tell Bruce, Clark, John, Jefferson, Diana, Bruce, Wally, Mari, Kendra, and John to get here as fast as possible. We're facing a new villain called Lou Alexander. I don't know what his goals are, but it involves Santa Claus and turning Robin evil."
"Again!?"
"I know, I know." Batman sighed. "Tell the JLA to follow my signal or otherwise Christmas could be ruined—for everyone."
"Great Scott, Bruce. It's Christmas Eve!" cried Black Canary. "I'll get Bruce, Clark, John, Jefferson, Diana, Bruce, Wally, Mari, Kendra, and John to get moving, and I'll contact Karen and tell her to send the JSA as well. No villain with an oddly familiar name is going to ruin Christmas on my watch."
Batman clicked the communicator off. He silently wondered why the fact that Connor Hawke and Green Arrow were both dead hadn't already ruined Christmas in the eyes of Black Canary.
Incidentally, the ability of the JLA to mobilize was far greater than Batman's ability to ride a flying reindeer at mach ten, and so, they got there about five minutes after Batman did. Not only the JLA, but the Justice Society of America as well—the first superhero team that had disbanded during the House Un-American Activities Committee hearings, but got back together in the late 20th century. They had recently had a membership drive, recruiting legacy heroes such as Earth-22 Superman, Mr. America, Judomaster, and Starman, among others.
Their current membership was 583 and growing.
The approximately 600 heroes gathered outside the gates to the North Pole. Batman bristled at the amount of power. Some of the people there had had never even seen before. One of them was a girl wearing a purple hooded cloak, purple bodysuit, with black gloves and boots. Batman would certainly never let anyone like that patrol around in his town. She'd spoil everything.
Batman surveyed the area where Rudolph had dropped him off. It was the same place Clark had taken them a few days ago, but now, black smoke seemed to be pouring from nothing, as if great furnaces had been lit inside a cloaking field.
Wonder Woman—this time clad in full amazon body armor with a built-in heating system—approached Batman and Superman. Superman glanced down at Rudolph, and the Reindeer backed away.
"How are we going to get in here?" Wonder Woman asked.
"I've got an idea," Superman said, "but it's kind of radical. A cloaking field basically is a lie, right? It tells people that something which is there is not. So if we wrapped your Golden Lasso around the cloaking field, it would have to tell us the truth."
Batman blinked. "Clark, that was brilliant!"
"But my lasso is only thirty feet long!" said Wonder Woman. "There's no way we can wrap the whole thing around a huge North Pole."
At this point, several of the smarter members of the DC pantheon approached, including Michael Holt (Mister Terrific) and John Henry Irons (Steel). Together with Batman, they began putting their brains together to figure out how to remedy their problem.
Dooo Dooo Doo Dudu Doo Doo Doooo, began the Jeopardy music.
Unfortunately for Alex Luthor, isolated inside the North Pole complex, he didn't overhear the conversation of DC's Big Three, nor the plans of their greatest minds. He was too busy fighting off Little Boy Blue—who, as it turned out, was the real traitor rather than Pikachu.
Alan Quartermain blasted his rifle at Boy Blue, but the fabled horn blower dodged out of the way and smacked the opium addict with the hilt of his sword.
Rorschach pulled a rocket launcher from Santa's store and blasted Boy Blue off a battlement, where he fell and landed flat in the snow.
Luthor realized that it wasn't a rocket launcher, but a bazooka that wrapped presents with the touch of a trigger. Boy Blue was down below the hastily-erected fortress, unconscious when Alex got there. Pikachu was by his side, while Quartermain and Psycho Pirate began interrogating Sinbad to make sure the mythical sailor was loyal.
"Who sent you?" Alex barked.
"That's classified Fabletown information. The sheriff will tear me to pieces if I reveal anything, and I assure you that's a fate far worse than anything you can pull off."
"Blast!" Alex cried, eyeing the growing number of heroes outside his gates. (The JSA had swelled another 200 members since they arrived at the North Pole.) "Pikachu, finish him off. I must attend to the JLA."
Alex took off, and Pikachu moved closer to the tied-up fable.
Suddenly Boy Blue's eyes snapped open, and he vanished from within the wrapping-paper restraints, appearing a few feet away. His sword lashed out.
SNICKER SNACK!
Pikachu flew backwards, his head and torso separating as they flew through the air. "Piii." Said the rodent as it fell and died.
"NO!" Alex snarled. He darted over towards where Boy Blue was standing, but the fable simply said a word into his Blue Cloak and vanished from Alex's sight. Alex stumbled forward, kneeling in the bloodstained snow and picking up the two halves of Pikachu. "PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!" Alex cried, energy crackling across his body.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Alex began to sob. I picked the wrong one to condone… and the wrong one to condemn. Now his ally was dead and the traitor had escaped.
"Everyone who crosses me will pay for this!" Alex snarled, turning to the Justice League and the growing Justice Society. "Starting with those heroes! I just wish that Drake boy would get here soon with the Holy Items."
Alexander Luthor grabbed the glove that hooked up to the North Pole machine. His idea was simple: Destroy the heroes one by one until they got scared and ran away. Dan DiDio used a similar stratagem, except that he was trying to scare away certain groups of fans instead of the heroes themselves.
He walked to the gates, opened them, and picked a hero nobody would miss at first, just to break the ice.
"Wonder Woman should do," Alex said. "She herself admits that her action figures never sell as well as those of Batman or Superman."
Unfortunately, Luthor forgot to check to see whether the glove was set to 'vaporize'; it wasn't. It was still on the "Quantum Split" setting that he had used to get Supermanboy Prime's attention. (Speaking of Supermanboy Prime, where was he? He should be on the New Earth Universe by now. How long could it take to travel from one infinitely large empty space to another infinitely large empty space?)
Regardless, the end result was this: the beam lanced out and slammed into Wonder Woman. She cried out, and then… simply fractured, 51 alternate clones spewing forth from the original.
Many were similar, such as the Wonder Woman of the New Frontier Universe, and the Wonder Women of Earth-1 and Earth-2. Some were quite different, such as the dead skeleton of Dane of the Manazons, Wonder Man. Nonetheless, nearly all of them had one thing in common.
"LASSSOS!" Batman, Mr. Terrific, and Superman all exclaimed at once.
Luthor blinked. Lassos? Why are lassos a good thing?
Flash quickly answered his question, darting around the North Pole complex cloaking field in light speed, tying the lassos of the 52 unconscious and/or dead Wonder Women together into a huge rope that surrounded the entire base.
Superman's theory proved correct: The cloaking device shorted out, forced to stop lying about what was sitting there at the North Pole.
The heroes stared blankly at their unmasked foe.
"Great Hera!" said Wonder Woman of New Earth, getting up and rubbing her head. "Our enemy is none other than Alexander Luthor."
Power Girl flew up and grabbed the golden-clad would-be savior by his shirt. "You've got a lot to answer for!" she hissed. "My boob hole has shrunk thirty-nine percent since you and your little brat changed history, and that can only mean one thing!"
"Dale Eaglesham is a more competent pencilier than Ed Benes or Michael Turner?" Alex asked.
"Well, yes, but it also means it's all your fault!" Power Girl threw Alex into the snow. "Besides, you killed a lot of people. That makes you fair game."
Power Girl's eyes began to crackle with heat vision energy, but suddenly a fist slammed into her face and she fell, slamming hard into the snow-and-ice covered ground. Power Girl looked up, as did the other mass of heroes. (The Justice Society had over 1500 members by this point.)
All of them gasped, because 52 teenagers floated above them.
Fifty-Two copies of Supermanboy-Prime.
The sadistic teenager smiled. "I got your message, Alex. I got it loud and clear."
Alex Luthor's heart turned to ice. He'd forgotten how wicked Supermanboy had become, and began to wonder whether summoning him—let alone 52 of him—was a good idea. He would no doubt demand that Alex restore Earth-Prime to him.
"You know the drill, Clark," Alex said. "Stall the heroes while I await the moment we can create the perfect Earth."
Supermanboy Prime—the one that seemed to be the leader—licked his lips. "It will be my pleasure."
The Justice Society and JLA charged forward, the flight-enabled heroes arcing skyward to face down the 52 Kryptonians. The legion of Supermanboys charged as well, and chaos soon erupted.
But chaos would give Alex all the time he needed.
Earth-22 Superman and ten different Wonder Womans (Wonder Women?) all charged towards the nearest Supermanboy Prime. The over-powered Kryptonian psychopath snarled something about all those heroes being stupid and weak.
Eleven fists promptly slammed into his mouth. (And if you think that defies the laws of physics, please recall that Supermanboy himself altered history.. by punching it.)
A furious battle broke out, fists and legs flying at large percentages of lightspeed as that Supermanboy clashed with his six opponents.
The other 51 Supermanboys flew into the fray, randomly killing any weak hero stupid enough to cross their paths. But the Justice Society's swelling ranks kept a steady flow of reinforcements to the side of the good guys, and with over 1500 already fighting, the forces seemed almost even for now.
Stargirl and Grace Choi (newly resurrected) began furiously attacking their foe, Stargirl using her gravity rod to mess up Supermanboy's flight path as Grace sat on his shoulders and furiously pounded the top of his head.
Not far from there, Wildcat and Jay Garrick helped three incredibly powerful young rookie heroes beat the stuffing out of another Supermanboy. One of them, wearing a green dress, kicked Supermanboy into the air, where he was promptly hit by an energy beam from Alan Scott.
Alan, Jay, and Wildcat all surrounded the three young girls. "You three are great! What are your names?"
"My name's Blossom," said the girl in red. "These are my sisters Bubbles and Buttercup and we're—"
"New members of the JSA," Alan said, handing them three JSA communicators.
Not far from there, a psychedelically painted van tore through a group of zombies cosplaying as Marvel Comics heroes that had joined the fray, apparently having gotten lost on their way to a convention.
A large brown Great Dane and four teenagers piled out. "Like, Zoinks, man, this has gotten way too crazy for us, Scoob."
"Reah, Raggy."
The other human male of the group, a blond man in a white shirt and blue ascot, shook his head. "We can't just leave this unsolved. Let's split up gang."
"Fred, this is no time to split up," the nearby purple-clad red-head said.
"Hey you!" Shouted Starman of Earth-22, flying over towards the odd quintet. "I know you guys! You solve mysteries, right?"
"Reah!" said the dog.
"Wow," Starman thought aloud. "Either I'm crazier than I thought I was, or that dog just talked to me."
"Oh, that's just Scooby," the tall male in the green shirt said.
"Do you guys have any supervillain-smashing credentials?" Starman asked. "I'm in a really good mood today, by the way. It's almost Christmas and the day after Christmas is Wednesday, which means I get sloppy joes. It's like two Christmases at once."
Fred eyed the large-universe-clad superhero oddly. "Well, we did help Batman and Robin take down the Joker and the Penguin a couple times."
"Wow, you went up against the Joker and lived!" Starman gasped. "I knew you guys were great." He handed the five JSA communicators. "Welcome to the JSA, gang!"
On the other side of the battle, Flash and Green Lantern went against. Supermanboy Prime and a strange incarnation of Santa Claus—one that had machine guns and machetes as weapons.
"You know, I'm definitely not telling my kids about this," Wally West said as he dodged bullets. "I know the idea of getting a lump of coal is a bit strange, but at least it won't put them in mortal terror."
Green Lantern blasted the Santa away and then hacked uselessly at Supermanboy Prime's invulnerable flesh.
"Flash, this isn't our Santa. It's the Santa of Earth-31, the Dark Knight Returns universe."
"Hos hos hos!" Cried Santa, pouncing on Green Lantern and beating the snot out of him. GL stabbed the psychotic Santa with a green-energy sword and threw him off.
"Are you dense?" Santa demanded. "Are you retarded or something? I'm the Dadgum Jolly Saint Nick!"
Green Lantern arched an eyebrow, while Flash punched Santa-31 in the face and tore the magic bag of presents from Santa's bandolier.
"Hold Supermanboy still for a minute, I'm going to make him pay for turning Bart into an emo adult, just like I made Inertia pay for getting him killed."
Robin's snowmobile flew airborne over the glacier and arced towards the North-Pole meeting point where Lou Alexander had instructed him to come. The bag containing the Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh was tucked securely into the compartment on the back of the vehicle.
The snowmobile slammed into the ground and kept going; Robin saw Lou Alexander standing not far up ahead and slowed down. Robin realized that not far, smoke was billowing from strange buildings, and a huge battle involving super powers was going on down below.
"I got the items, Lou," Robin said, and handed Lou the bag. "Now bring me back Conner. Pretty please."
Lou took the bag and pressed a button, causing a tall slender candy-cane striped pole to emerge from the ground with a metallic head at the top. Alex removed a strange machine the size of a basketball from the top.
"TIM! NOOO!"
Robin jerked his head towards the site of the big battle to see Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman standing in front of him, glaring at Lou Alexander as though he were some long-dead foe returned to cause them harm.
"That's not who you think it is," Batman said. "Robin, don't give him what he wants from you. His promises are lies—just like the cake!"
"Robin has already giving me everything I need," Lou said, holding up the small mechanical device. A pair of compartments opened and in inserted the Myrrh and Frankincense. Several slots opened on top, and Lou inserted the Holy Coins one at a time.
Suddenly, a brilliant flash of light surrounded them, and Robin fell on his butt. When the light vanished, Lou Alexander was gone. In his place:
"ALEXANDER LUTHOR!" Robin cried. "I should have known it was you, you fiend. You're not really going to bring Conner and my parents back—you were just going to use me to alter history again."
Luthor looked over at him and shrugged. "Actually, I was going to bring them back. I mean, creating a perfect Earth and resurrecting the father and best friend of one of it's greatest heroes aren't really mutually exclusive goals, you know."
"I knew it!" Robin growled. Then he blinked. "Wait, what?"
"I said, I was actually going to resurrect them. It won't cost me anything and you have been a faithful idiot."
"Don't listen to him!" Wonder Woman said. "I know he's lying. I'm the spirit of truth, remember."
Superman frowned. "No, actually, Diana, I can hear Luthor's heartbeat. He's really being upfront about this one."
Batman smacked himself in the face. "Clark," he growled.
Superman scratched his head and smile nervously. "Oh, right, sorry."
Luthor shrugged. "It doesn't matter anyway. He hovered up and put the machine back on top of the North Pole. "This device is a brand new model of my Universal Tuning Fork that I used during the Infinite Crisis."
"Impossible!" Batman said. "It's the size of a basketball."
"You fool!" Alex said. "On Earth Prime, computer power doubles ever eighteen months. But here in the DCU, it doubles every five minutes. A computer the size of a basketball is all I need with today's technology!"
"And what good does it being here at the North Pole cause you?" Batman demanded. "Why now, why ruin Christmas for your mad schemes?"
"Every year," Luthor began a long-winded expository speech, "at the stroke of midnight Christmas Day, all the magicians and cosmic entitles that call Earth home relinquish the majority of the magic to Santa Claus so that he can make and deliver presents to all the world before the kiddies wake up. I intend to harness that magic and use it to alter history. But for that, I needed some Christmas artifacts in my machine. I had Robin here collect the most powerful of them all."
Robin frowned. "And here I thought the worst case scenario was that you were a cheapskate antiquities collector with a flare for the dramatic."
Wonder Woman stepped forward. "Alex! We'll never let you get away with this."
Alex Luthor laughed. "What? You think I'd tell you my entire plan if I thought you still had an opportunity to stop it? Comparing me to the great villains, I'm Ozymandias, not Dr. Drakken. I already did it—five minutes ago. In fact, you just watched me, so the idea that you think you could stop me is pretty puzzling."
Superman blurred forward, ready to punch Alex and tear the machine from the North Pole.
But before he got there, the clock struck midnight. Aurora Borealis surged, colors swirling around and arcing down into the machine. It began glowing brightly, and the magic beams slammed into Superman and sent him careening into a glacier.
"Yes!" Alex cried. "Yes! I'm experiencing pure, untamed joy and loving every minute of it! The world will soon by mine!"
Robin stared at the surging magical energy and fell to his knees. Some common clichés rushed through his mind, and he settled on the one he thought most appropriate: "What have I done?"
"Congratulations, Hamtaro, you've just become a member of the JSA!"
The small hamster took the communicator and smiled.
Batman—not the Batman who had confronted Luthor at the North Pole pole, but the one who had rushed off to help Santa, kicked down the stable door. "Santa!" he cried. Then he remembered that Santa's cell was surrounded by outer space and therefore, nobody could hear him scream.
Batman took a step into the stables, when Rorschach suddenly came out of the closet nearby. "Hurm. End of the line," he said. "Obvious in hindsight."
"Kovacs, let me through or I'll make you eat the ink in that mask of yours."
"Hurm. Unlikely." Rorschach stepped forward, punching at Batman. Batman blocked and tried to parry, but Rorschach counter parried and hit Batman in the face. Batman kneed him in the stomach and lunged forward, beating him with a flurry of punches. Rorschach stepped back and kicked Batman in the groin—which didn't hurt as bad as falling from three stories did, but was still rather painful—and grabbed a wooden plank from the wall to smack Batman across the head. The Dark Knight moved in, grabbing and immobilizing Rorschach's arm and delivering a powerful blow to the face.
"Hurm. Should have seen that coming," Rorschach said. "Obvious in hindsight."
"Congratulations, Chuck Noris. You've just been accepted into the JSA."
Chuck Noris shook his head. "No. I accepted you."
Little Boy Blue ran forward, bouncing off Chuck Noris's head and laying his sword into one of the Supermanboy-Prime duplicates. His sword flashed.
SNICKER-SNACK!
That Supermanboy fell, sliced in half. The half that contained the head took off the ground and flew towards Chuck Noris, knocking the elderly martial artist down and continuing on. Eventually he would bleed out and die, but until then it was still a threat.
"Say," Alan Scott said, "How would you like to join the JSA? We're on a membership drive right now."
Kryptonians and magic don't really mix. It's not so much any natural aversion to magic—it's just that magic negates the supernatural advantages that Kryptonians have. A magic sword cuts a Kryptonian and a human just the same. Consequently, Santa's magic bag of presents can entrap a Kryptonian just as well as it can a human.
Flash grabbed one of the Supermanboys in said bag, and began running at light speed, all over the world.
"Here's some Christmas presents!" Flash said as he scooped up a large chunk of Russia's nuclear arsenal, armed it, and dumped it into the bag. He grabbed it and kept running, darting through the Amazon Rainforest and scooping up a school of piranha as he darted along the river. "Now that your flesh is good and cooked, here are some friends to share the feast with."
Supermanboy-Prime screamed some obscenities from within the bag as the fish began tearing at his singed flesh.
Flash ran on, throwing in any random barbed object he could find, eventually tossing a certain hotel heiress and her best friend in as well. "NOT THAT!" Supermanboy-Prime cried. "Anything but them!"
Flash smiled and ran on, grabbing a few choice television personalities and a rather large group of porcupines to stuff in the bag as well.
"Say uncle!" he said.
"UNCLE! UNCLE!" Supermanboy-Prime whined from within Santa's bag. "UNCCULL"
"Uncool?" Flash said. "Yes, you are very uncool. I can fix that."
He promptly darted by the Flash Museum and grabbed one of Captain Cold's freezing guns setting it to 'explode' and tossing it in the bag. "Now you're cool."
Batman slammed Rorschach against the walls. Rorschach snarled and began wailing on the much-taller Batman's face, having to jump to reach it. They both fell backward and slammed into one of the cell doors—and immediately, it broke, shattering inwards; suddenly, there was vacuum. Batman looked around, and realized that he was in space.
"It's okay," he thought. "I'm Batman, and I can breath in space."
Rorschach was not so lucky, however, and he went tumbling off into the distance, slowly dying as he tumbled. Batman felt sorry for him, but couldn't help him at this point. He looked up and he saw Santa, chained to an asteroid not far from where he was. Batman pulled two cans of Bat-Shark Repellant from his belt and began spraying them, using the aerosol repellant as a propellant, sending him self arching towards the asteroid.
He arrived minutes later, pulling out a Batarang and using it to slice the chains off of Santa. "It's okay," he said. "I'm here. I got your message."
Santa hugged him. "Thank you, Bruce. Thank you so much!"
Batman and Santa ran out of the stables and into the chaos. The quickly freed the War Elves from their prisons and sent them into battle against the Legion of Supermanboys and the other allies that Alex Luthor had summoned from across all creation.
"Batman, we have to get over there and stop Luthor," Santa said. "Come to me, Rudolph!"
The Red-Nosed Reindeer pulled his bloody antler from the abdomen of a zombie and ran over towards Santa.
"Take me to the Pole," Santa cried as he and Batman mounted the poor beast. Rudolph took off, arcing towards the pole machine.
Luthor raised a hand and felt the energy crackling through him. "Excellent!" he cried. A beam lanced out and a huge rift in space-time formed overhead, bigger than the moon and hovering less than a mile above the surface of the world.
"Now to resurrect the complete multiverse once again—instead of these Fifty-Two hollow imitations."
Just then, Santa and Batman came charging from overhead, Rudolph careening wildly under the weight of the two men. Alex snarled, blasting at them with a beam of magic that sent Rudolph off course. Batman and Santa fell into the snow below, but struggled to their feet and climbed up the hill. Santa drew a sword from his boot and Batman cracked his knuckles. They both dive-tackled the mad universe-restarter and tumbled down the hill.
Santa attacked with the falchion, while Batman punched and kicked furiously.
"Where are Wonder Woman and Batman?" Batman demanded, punching at Luthor's face. Luthor dodged and jabbed at Batman's gut, then kicked him away.
"They left to go help the JSA and JLA." Luthor said. "I told them that I'd surrender if Superboy-Prime lost and they actually believed me. Hah."
"You fiend!" Santa snarled, slicing at Alex Luthor's head.. Luthor dodged, but lost a chunk of his curly red hair in the process. Luthor tore into Santa, delivering punch after punch into his big jolly belly.
Batman kicked him in the back, but Alex flipped forward and landed on his feet. "How did you get so good at Martial Arts?" asked Batman.
"Hah!" Alex smiled. "Where do you think all of Cassandra Cain's skills went?"
"For those of you keeping track at home," said Cass, "that's the second explanation for my nerfication this chapter."
Superman's eyes opened slowly, and his first impression was an overwhelming sense of redness. He didn't know what it was at first, but he knew he felt awfully funny. He slowly pushed himself up, and looked down at the red light. Finally, he realized that the light was Rudolph's nose.
But why did it make him so nervous? Superman staggered to his feet and began trying to place the feeling. It was vaguely familiar… a tingling sensation that covered his whole body.
Suddenly, he glanced back down at the Reindeer. "If the Third Kryptonian arrived on Earth in 1938, and given a year for Rudolph's nose to become famous—and if Rudolph first appeared in 1939."
Superman goggled. "Oh no! That means that Rudolph's nose was made red—by Red Kryptonite!"
"What did you just say?"
Superman glanced down to see a small boy dressed in some sort of quasi-Victorian costume with an equally old-fashioned haircut. At first Superman thought he was an elf, but he was a bit too tall and his ears not pointed enough.
"Um… I said Red Kryptonite," Superman said.
"Oh," the boy looked dejected. "I was hoping you said berries and cream."
He promptly ran away.
"What did you just say!?" came another voice.
Superman looked up to see Luthor, Batman, and Santa Claus staring at him. The tingling in body grew stronger. "Rudolph's nose," Superman said. "It's Red Kryptonite!"
"This is bad," Batman said. "Red Kryptonite has an unpredictable and random effect on Superman. He could turn into a dragon, lose his voice, or become a Pikachu for all I know about the patterns."
Luthor's eyes lit up when Batman said the word Pikachu, then began to water.
"Great Scott!" cried Santa Claus.
Superman cried out as pain wracked his body, and the Man of Steel bent, falling to his knees and clenching his fists, grinding his teeth in pain. His fingers extended into long gangly tentacles, his costume ripping as his body swelled to unbelievable proportions. He glared up at the giant rift in space above him, and cried out one last time.
Superman vanished in a flash of light, and in his place, a monstrous entity hovered, tentacles and spiked maws covering its surface.
The monster floated over to the rift in reality and latched onto the side—as much as anyone can latch onto the side of a hole—and began sucking the rift into himself. As Superman did this, his body began to swell, growing larger and larger as it consumed the ball.
Reality itself seemed to warp as Superman grew larger, and Alex charged. "You're not eating my rift in space-time!" he cried.
A tentacle lashed out and grabbed Luthor, pulling the villain into the monster's massive toothy maw, and the glove that connected to the reality tuning fork machine jerked off and fell into the snow at the North Pole.
Where Robin promptly picked it up.
Batman approached him. "Tim, what are you doing?"
"Before I destroy that freak and save the universe, I want to give myself the greatest Christmas present ever. I want my parents and Conner back. And Bart, and Stephanie."
"Who?" Batman asked.
"Emo Flash and Spoiler."
"Ah, right." Batman shook his head. "But you can't, Tim. Bringing your friends back may start out as a noble cause, but it's not. I'm not sure why it isn't, but it's not."
"I don't care." Tim turned and began to use the realty glove.
Batman ran forward, leaping into the air; Robin dove out of the way and pulled out his staff. "You want to fight me, Bruce, then fight me!"
Batman charged forward, performing a powerful kick towards him. Robin tried to counter, but before he could, an arrow slammed into Batman's foot and Bruce fell back grabbing his bleeding appendage and snarling in pain.
"What the FRAK!" Batman cried, "Who on Earth shoots Batman in the foot on Christmas Day! OUCH!"
Robin turned to see Green Arrow approach, drooping his bow to his side. "You said you were going to bring back Connor, right?"
"I said ConnEr, with an e."
"Well, I saved you from your old man. Why don't you bring both Connərs back to life?"
"Aren't you dead, though?" Robin asked.
"Never stopped me before," Ollie shrugged. "Now hurry before Batman gets up."
Robin raised the glove in the air and began to use the magic of Christmas to bring Conner and Connor back, but as the glove surged with power, a tentacle lashed out from the reality monster and grabbed Robin by the arm.
"What, no wait!" he cried. The tentacle jerked him upward, and Robin found himself careening into the mouth of the creature Superman had become.
Green Arrow glanced down at Batman. "You know, now that you're short a Robin, I know a girl named Sin who might be pretty useful in that war on crime of yours."
"Screw off, Ollie," Batman snarled, pulling the arrow out of his foot.
By this time, the JSA had grown so large that the battle extended from the North Pole all the way down through Canadia and into the United States. Somewhere in New York, Jay Garrick skidded into a hole and found Cyborg half buried in the dirt. "Hey, Victor Stone!" he said aloud. "You want to join the JSA? We're on a membership drive right now."
Cyborg just stared at the communicator Jay proffered and began to weep.
A resounding thud shook Alex Luthor awake; he didn't know where he was at first, but gradually his memories and his vision returned to him. He had been jumped by that massive creature. He seemed to remember something about Superman and Rudolph's nose being a method of great and powerful transformation... But that was ridiculous.
Wasn't it?
As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, Alex tried to move and found his arms and legs restrained by something extremely durable. He looked down to see that his body was covered in crystals that were pinning his harms and legs back. He felt the wall behind him with his head and discovered that it was both soft in places and crystalline-hard in others. He also discovered that his hair had grown back to its length during the first Crisis, minus the chunk Santa had sliced off with the Falchion.
An odd side effect of being eaten by a monster, he thought.
Alex closed his eyes and began charging a burst of his anti-matter power. Soon enough, he found the strength and released it, waves of energy shattering the crystals. He fell from his position suspended on a wall and landed on some soft, moist ground that he knew to be the innards of the monster. For the first time, he noticed the smell.
Oddly, it wasn't entirely unpleasant; it was as though the sweetest cookies in the world were rotting around him, a mixture of sugar and rank. Alex thought back to summertime when he would smell apples that had fallen from trees rotting in the heat.
Then he realized that he had grown up in the Monitor's space station in a manner of days and had never experienced a summer. The memory promptly vanished.
Not far down the 'hall', as it were, really just a cavity in the body of the monster that had eaten him, he heard a noise. Alex began walking that way, and soon realized that the noise was that of a child—a whimpering child.
His first thought was that it was Supermanboy Prime, but this whining sounded a bit younger than the teenager he had been trapped in Limbo with all those years. He staggered forward and finally saw that the whimpering child was Tim Drake. Except, not the Tim Drake that had helped him collect the Holy Artifacts.
This was Tim in his younger days, maybe seven years old. Alex realized that this is what happened to him as well—he had been deaged.
Alex felt something strange towards the boy. It took him a moment to realize that it was compassion. "Are you alright, Tim?" he asked, not knowing why.
"No…" Tim said. "I don't know why, but suddenly I just somehow knew all these terrible things. Like death and suicide. And my father is gone. And my mother, and my girlfriend, and Conner. And it's just too much for me to bear."
The boy began crying, and Luthor felt the sympathy in his heart start to grow. This worried him, for sympathy and compassion were traits often displayed by the corrupt heroes of this universe. He didn't want to become like them.
"I just want my dad back," Tim said. Suddenly, a surge of energy crackled through the monster's innards, and an apparition of Jack Drake appeared.
"Tim!" it shouted, and knelt to hug his son.
"Daddy?!" Tim said. The embrace only lasted a minute before Tim smiled. Jack faded away, and Tim looked sad, but resigned. "My dad is gone," he said. "My dad wasn't a superhero, so he probably isn't coming back. But the others died before their time. We're all too young for this."
"You speak with wisdom beyond your years," Alex said, kneeling by time. And suddenly, Alex had a wonderful idea. Alex had a wonderful, evil idea. "But perhaps I've been going about this the wrong way. Of course!" he slapped his forehead, only partially for dramatic effect.. He really did feel quite stupid at this point.
"Of course what?"
"It's Christmas! The wishes of children are Santa's most important priority. And since this is the magic it uses, the magic that this monster consumed…"
Alex grabbed Tim and shook the poor child. "Tiny Tim! It's all up to you now! Make a wish, make the purest, brightest, most child-like Christmas wish ever!"
"Like for a new X-Box?" Tim asked.
"No! Wish for a perfect Earth!" Alex spat. "Make Baby Jesus proud!"
Tim closed his eyes and his restraints crumbled away with a faint glow. He thought long and hard. "I can wish," he said. "I can feel the power. Superman must know who I am."
"Then do it! Make a wish!"
"I'll wish for the best Earth possible," Tiny Tim said. "But it won't be perfect. No Earth can be perfect as long as there are people."
"Well I suppose—" Alex began to stammer.
"I mean, if Earth was perfect, we wouldn't even need Christmas. The whole point of Christmas is that the world was screwed up and Baby Jesus needed to come and fix it, right?"
"Well, technically speaking YES, but—"
Alex was again interrupted by Tim: "A perfect Earth wouldn't need a Christmas, or a Superman, or anything like that. There would be no holidays, because we'd never need a day off and we'd celebrate all the time. There wouldn't be a Hanukah because we wouldn't need oil to burn our candles. They'd light up for us."
"But—"
"That must be why I was allowed to get the Holy Items even though they would be used for evil. Also, if we've made the best Earth possible, there's one more thing we won't need."
Alex stooped down to listen and to make sure Tim was finally done talking. "And what's that?" he asked.
Tim finally looked up, opening his eyes. They were stark white and radiating light. Tim smirked.
"You."
The glow spread to the entirely of Tim's body, and the boy floated off the ground, his shirt fluttering as the energy radiating from his body caused the air in the chamber to swirl around.
Light exploded from within Tiny Tim, and Alex felt his hands start tingling. He looked down to see them being slowly deconstructed molecule by molecule and pulled into the vortex that Tim's body had become.
"All I want for Christmas this year," Tim said, "is for the world to be right again. Not perfect, not happy all the time. Just right. The way it was and would be before people started punching history and trying to change it."
Alex felt his body continue to break up, and soon, everything was consumed by white.
Outside, Batman and Santa stared with their mouths agape as Superman's newly monstrous form began to glow white and pulse with energy. Red cracks ran up and down his flesh, as though lava was getting ready to burst out from all sides. But it wasn't lava that came out when Superman finally exploded, but a red-white beam of energy that sent fractures throughout the entire universe, pulses that arced from here to Tamaran and back in the blink of an eye.
And slowly, the 52 worlds began to draw together, spiraling into an unstoppable vortex of space and time and matter and energy until finally the concoction reached critical mass.
KRAKA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
December 25th
New New Earth
Static swirled through his mind, and he twisted slightly, perceiving that whatever he was, he had a body. Slowly he felt his eyes open and saw the ceiling. It was warm, and there was something rather heavy and warm on top of him.
"Tim?" asked a soft voice. "Are you awake?"
Tim Drake sat up slowly and looked down. He was on a bed—his own bed at Titans Tower, he realized. And on top of him was draped the purple-clad form of Stephanie Brown—the Spoiler. She looked up at him with out her hooded cloak or mask on, smiling. "I've been awake for a few minutes," she said. "I didn't want to move until I knew you were."
Tim shook his head, as strange memories and events began rushing through his mind. Santa Claus, the world blowing up. Pikachu…
What did it all mean?
"Tim?" asked Stephanie. "Are you okay?"
"I. I'm fine," he said. "I just had a bad dream. A really weird bad dream. My memories are a bit shaky right now. Um…" He glanced down at her and ran his eyes down her body, then over to his. "I mean, we're in costume and all but… did we have sex?"
Spoiler's eyes show wide. "No!" she said, suddenly slightly red, pressing both her hands together at the fingers and then tapping them together nervously. "I mean, not that I'd be opposed to the proposition, I don't guess, if you wanted to. But um… No. We were just watchingIt's a Wonderful Life together and I guess we kind of fell asleep." Spoiler reached to the other end of the table and handed Tim a bowl of popcorn. "It's cold, but it's still pretty good," she said. "Cheddar-flavored goodness."
"Thanks, but I'm not hungry yet," Robin said. "At least, not for popcorn." He leaned forward, sensing Stephanie urging him on, and kissed her on the lips. "Mm. Your mouth tastes like cheddar."
"Not the best pick up line you've ever used," Spoiler said, reciprocating the kiss.
"I knew that mistletoe would be good for something," she said when they were done, pointing upward.
Robin smiled. "I didn't even see it."
Later that day, everyone who had ever been a Teen Titan showed up for a Christmas lunch, save for the one or two that absolutely refused to celebrate Christmas with the rest. (Which, as it turned out, consisted precisely of the Titans the author doesn't know much about. Funny coincidence, that.)
While Bart Allen and Liberty Belle—the grown up version of Jesse Quick—exchanged humorous stories about Wally West, Tim Drake patrolled the halls of the Tower, talking to everyone he met. His memories gradually fell into place as if there was nothing wrong.
"Conner!" he cried, wrapping the teen in a hug. "Oh, man, it feels like you've been dead for two years!"
"Are you kidding?" Superboy asked with a smile. "They couldn't keep me in the grave for six months."
Raven sighed. "Technically you were never dead. You were just in the Kryptonian death-like coma that Superman fell into. IT just took you longer to recover because you were only half-Kryptonian."
On the other side of the room, Risk gave Cyborg a great big hug. "Man, these new arms you built for me are great, pal!" he said. "I will cherish them forever. Of course, I do expect something new next year."
"No problem there," Cyborg said. "Turns out that hole I was buried a few months ago in led me to a huge gold mine. I'm pretty much loaded."
While Prysm and Blue Beetle chatted in a corner, Robin found Cassie Sandsmark—Wonder Girl—in the back. "Hey Cassie, about that kiss."
Wonder Girl arched an eyebrow. "I thought I had Zatanna mind-wipe you about that! I was drunk, and I regret the whole thing. End of story." Cassie stormed off and Robin scratched his head, staring at the wall confused.
Across the room, Ravager was furious. "KID DEVIL!" she bellowed. "Eddie! You little punk! What am I supposed to do with this!?" She held out a pair of 3D glasses and a new Gamestation 580 game that worked with them. "They require BOTH eyes to work!"
"Hah!" Argent slapped Rose on the back. "Never could catch a break."
"It gets worse," Ravager said. "He gave Jericho Sing Star for the Playstation 2."
Argent fell over and began laughing at the top of her lungs. Most people just gave her odd looks, but Robin shook his head and smiled. Suddenly, Risk was beside him. "Hey, check it out, my arms have an MP3 player in them. Wanna listen to Garth Brooks?"
Robin shook his head. "Sorry, Risk. I don't like... Country Music just isn't really my cup of tea. Thanks for the offer."
Risk shrugged. "Your loss, bro."
The arms started up the opening chords to Longneck Bottle and Robin shuffled away before Risk could change his mind and return. Stephanie joined his side, now in full costume. "Having fun, Boy Virgin?"
"I'm starting to clear up," he said. "Wanna go to the roof and talk about the past few years in excruciating detail?"
"Sure, I guess." Spoiler said. "These years are supposed to be the best years of our life, but something tells me that the best is yet to come."
"I don't doubt it," Robin said as they left the Titans Tower common room. He cast one glance back in at the gathered Titans. "I don't doubt it one bit."
Disclaimer:The scene in which Robin steals the Myrrh was written by Legend Maker. The opinions expressed therein do not necessarily reflect her opinion or the author's opinion of the Catholic Church. Robin may or may not actually be Lutheran. In fact, he may be Catholic, but having him be Lutheran made a better joke.
Disclaimer 2: No profit was gleaned off the creation of this fanfic. No animals or Pokemon were harmed. The dead Pikachu was achieved through special effects. Chuck Norris did not appear in this story. The would-be inductee into the JSA was in fact, his fictional cousin of similar power, Chuck Noris.
Disclaimer 3: I wish you a Merry Christmas. If you did not have a Merry Christmas, please consult your physician, psychologist, or pastor rather than complain to me.
Hypothetical Cast
David Tennant as Jeremy Saxon
George Newbern as Superman
Adam West as Batman
Kevin Conroy as Batman
Frankie Muniz as Batman
Scott Menville as Robin/Tim Drake
Tara Strong as Tiny Tim/Raven
Billy West as Alexander Luthor
Dante Basco as Kid Crusader
Bill S. Preston as Booster Gold
Ron Pearlman as Santa Claus
Alan Moore as Alan More
Sinbad as Sinbad
Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach
Pikachu as Himself
Somewhere deep within the nothingness.
Alex Luthor floated suspended in a sea of white. He didn't know how long he'd been there or how long he'd be there yet. But next to him, he had Pikachu. And that was all that really mattered in the end.