Author's Note: This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's New Moon. It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. All dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which both Edward and Bella are present, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie's brilliant work of fiction.
As I wrote, I leaned on scenes and emotions depicted in Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun (the 12 chapters Stephenie published on her website. Yes, I read them!), as well as outtakes and extras she has posted on her site in my attempt to understand what is going on in that boy's head. Certain information not actually revealed until Eclipse and Breaking Dawn also played a part. Remember, this is Edward telling the story of New Moon as he experienced it. There are things that he knows long before Bella finds out. He is very protective of her, and therefore keeps a lot of what he knows to himself. I also used information gained from Q&A sessions and Personal Correspondence with Stephenie that were posted by the admins of the TwilightLexicon website. These people have done a tremendous job - check them out.
This 4th Chapter is called "Home". Edward, Bella and Alice are leaving Volterra. The chapter revolves around Edward's thoughts and emotions on the plane ride home, the arrival at Bella's house and his confrontation with Charlie while Bella sleeps in her room.
Please, let's all be very clear on this: All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I have nothing but the utmost respect for this brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe.
Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. Further chapters may follow. Thank you for your interest.
4. Home
Demetri stayed with us until we reached the reception area. "Do not leave until dark," he warned. I nodded my consent, worried about Bella, knowing that she had understood the fate of the humans who had filed into the turret room.
She started to shake, sobs building in her chest, breaking to the surface. She was clinging to me.
"Are you all right?" I asked her under my breath.
"You'd better make her sit down before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces."
"That much is obvious, thank you."
I didn't know what to do. Bella's entire body was shaking in my arms, racking with the sobs, her teeth chattering. It pained me to see her in such distress.
"Shh, Bella, shh," I tried to console her, pulling her to the far corner of the room.
"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her."
I threw Alice a frantic glance. Was that supposed to be helpful?
I sat down on the couch and pulled Bella onto my lap, tucking the woolen cloak around her to protect her from the temperature of my skin.
"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I kept chanting, still trying to calm her down.
"All those people," she sobbed against my chest.
"I know," I whispered. What else could I say? The existence of monsters had always resulted in horrifying consequences.
"It's so horrible."
It was. Though I didn't know the humans that had become the afternoon meal, none of them deserved to die this way. "Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."
I deeply regretted it. Could Bella ever forgive me for exposing her to these horrors? Would she hate me for it?
Bella rested her head against my chest, wiping her eyes with the cloak. She took a few deep breaths.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna had come over, curious. She had never seen a human leave the turret room alive.
"No," I answered her coldly. She disappeared back to her counter.
"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked, her voice rough from crying.
I told her the truth. "Yes. She knows everything."
"Does she knows they are going to kill her someday?"
"She knows it's a possibility." The woman hoped fervently that they would want to make her one of them. A monster. Like them. Like me.
I again went with the truth. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."
Bella went white. "She wants to be one of them?"
I nodded, watching her carefully, assessing her reaction. What did she think?
She shuddered in my arms. "How can she want that?" she whispered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"
How, indeed. Would this realization make her reconsider her desire to become one of us?
"Oh, Edward," she suddenly was sobbing again, scaring me.
"What's wrong," I asked anxiously. I gently patted her back, hoping this would calm her again.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer to me. It felt wonderful. I had missed her warm body in my arms for too long.
"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked me.
I understood that emotion entirely. I was feeling the same way. Happy to be with her, elated to hold her close to me. I tightened my arms around her, pulling her against my chest, the heat from her body radiating through me. "I know exactly what you mean. But we have lots of reasons to be happy," I whispered. "For one, we're alive."
"Yes," she agreed. "That's a good one."
Not nearly as good as the next one I gave her. The most important one.
"And together." Our reunion had been so wondrous, it still amazed me. Did she feel the same?
Bella nodded, her face turned up to mine.
"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I said, wondering silently if she would hate me, worrying she would send me away. Could she really want me back, after all that I had done to her? Not only had I left her, but my actions had set of a chain reaction that culminated in exposing her to the horrors she had seen. How would I cope if she did not forgive me?
"Hopefully," she replied.
"The outlook is quite good," Alice tried to assure us. I saw Jasper's face in her head. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours."
Bella's eyes stayed on my face. I stared right back at her, trying to convey with my eyes what I couldn't tell her yet. I loved her. I loved her. And for as long as she would have me, I would stay with her. I would never leave her again.
Her eyes had dark circles beneath them. I traced them with my fingertips. She must be exhausted.
"You look so tired," I whispered.
"And you look thirsty," she replied.
"It's nothing," I shrugged.
"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice."
Absolutely not. I didn't even consider her offer. I barely felt the burn. Bella had no idea how absolutely that had changed. I wanted to tell her. "Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now."
And it was the truth. During the last few hours I had realized that the potency of her scent would never tempt me again. I had found a new measure of control that I knew would not fade. Thinking I had lost her, lost her forever, had completely erased the temptation the scent of her blood had been for me.
I kept staring at her face. I had lived without it for so long. The melted chocolate of her eyes, the gentle curve of her lips. She was so beautiful. Bella was quiet in my arms, her eyes never leaving mine. I wondered what she was thinking.
"Fly out of Rome, you think? We could run, but obviously, a car would be better for Bella. I'll have to steal another. Did you see the Porsche I found in Florence? Anyway, let's wait until we are out of the city. I need to get our bags, too, before we leave," Alice was saying.
We talked back and forth about the benefits of one route against another. I wanted to get Bella home as quickly as possible. She would be able to sleep on the longest leg of our trip.
Alice would call Jasper from Rome to let them know we when were coming back, and to meet us at the airport. I was sure she would also give him the rundown of all that had transpired in the last few days.
She told me about the things I had missed in the last few months. Carlisle, teaching at Cornell, and working nights at the hospital. Jasper was studying philosophy. Emmett and Rosalie had returned from their latest honeymoon in Europe. They were all gathered at Tanya's for spring break.
"What was all that talk about singers?" she asked me suddenly.
"La tua cantante," I said.
"Yes, that."
I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer – because her blood sings for me."
Alice laughed. It was a little humorous, I supposed.
As we chatted, as often as I dared, I leaned down to brush my lips against Bella's hair, to kiss the tip of her nose, her fingertips, her wrists. I inhaled her scent, reveling in the sensation of the muted burn, luxuriating in the feeling that I was holding this girl, the only girl, in my arms again.
"Edward." Alice called me silently. "You should probably know... I spoke to Charlie, too." She ran through the conversations in her mind. I felt sick again. So much pain I had inflicted on Bella, with my lies, my arrogance; thinking that I knew enough about human nature to guess at the depth and persistence of Bella's feelings for me. My decades of experience with humans, listening to the ramblings in their heads had made me blind to the strenght of Bella's love. My erroneous convictions had almost cost me the only girl I had ever wanted, ever loved.
After hurting her so much, I deserved less than I ever had. Additionally, considering everything my irrational actions had necessitated in the last few hours, would she despise me for it? I had done so much damage. I was a monster.
But Alice's memories also gave me hope. Might I have another chance at happiness? Another chance at being with Bella?
Well, all I could now do was try. Try to gain her forgiveness. Try to explain my reasons. Tell her how very sorry I was, sorry for leaving, sorry for hurting her so badly. I suppressed a sigh.
"So, Edward," Alice thought, teasingly. "Can we all move back to Forks, then?"
I didn't respond. At the other end of the room, Alec was about to step through the door. My arms tightened on Bella for an instant, and I lifted my eyes warily in his direction. Had Aro changed his mind? Why was he sending Alec? I quickly flipped through the thoughts in Alec's head.
But it was good news.
"You're free to leave now," he told us. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."
His appearance was a grim reminder to Bella. She cringed against me.
"That won't be a problem," I replied, my voice cold with the disgust I felt for him.
Gianna, intending to be helpful, gave us directions out of the building. Needless instructions, as I knew the way out. If her competence was her only talent, it would most likely not be enough to save her from the fate she had invited when she sought out the Volturi. I couldn't feel sorry for her.
We left through the lobby at the ground floor. The festival was still in full swing all around us. Twilight had descended over the city. Street lamps were beginning to shine their light on the masses of people, still milling about the narrow streets. Many of them wore black cloaks, with plastic fangs, celebrating the vampires their ancestors had feared. "Ridiculous," I muttered to myself.
I kept Bella upright, helping her navigate the dark streets.
"I'll be right back." Alice left to get the bags and find us a car for the drive to Florence.
"Where's Alice?" Bella whispered, her voice panicky.
"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."
"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"
As usual, Bella missed nothing. I grinned. "Not till we're outside."
She was spent, I could see that, and I wound my arm around her waist to support her, as we walked to the city gate. She shuddered as we moved through the stone archway. I tightened my grip on her.
"Over here," Alice called in her head. She was waiting in a Fiat Bravo, with the engine running. I opened the back door for Bella and, after helping her inside, slid into the backseat with her. Alice could drive. I wanted nothing more than to continue holding Bella. Every touch was a reminder of how lucky I was.
"I'm sorry," Alice apologized for the choice of car. "There wasn't much to choose from."
"No fast sports cars for miles around."
"It's fine, Alice." I grinned at her silent complaint. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."
She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."
I would forever be in her debt for racing across an ocean to save me. A new car was the least I could give her in return. "I'll get you one for Christmas," I teased her.
She turned around, flashing a huge smile. "Yellow," she said.
I kept Bella tightly in my arms. I hoped that the woolen cloak was warming her up a little. She looked comfortable, but I couldn't be sure. "You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over."
She swallowed hard. Still afraid, I guessed. I couldn't blame her. The last few hours must have been like a nightmare for her. "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."
The little liar. I could see that she was dead on her feet. I made another attempt, pressing my lips to the hollow under her ear. "Try," I whispered, expecting her to refuse.
She didn't disappoint me, shaking her head. She hadn't changed at all.
I sighed. "You're still just as stubborn."
I was quiet the rest of the way to Florence. She didn't speak, either. Maybe she was too tired, maybe she had nothing to say.
At the airport, Bella took a human minute to freshen up and brush her teeth, while Alice went on a quick shopping trip to get me some new clothes. I left the hideous cloak on a pile of trash outside of the airport. After the quick plane ride to Rome, we were sitting on the runway in the plane that would take us to Atlanta. I looked forward to the long flight, to watching Bella sleep in my arms. I hadn't been able to do that in almost seven months, and I yearned to see the peacefulness of her sleeping face.
Alice was telling Jasper about the last few days, assuring him that all was well, and confirmed that they would pick us up in Seattle the next morning.
Bella asked the flight attendant for a Coke. I knew she didn't tolerate caffeine well.
"Bella," I said, with disapproval in my voice. She should sleep.
"I don't want to sleep," she defended her choice. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I"ll have nightmares."
She was right, of course, and so I had no argument.
She kept drinking soda throughout the flight. It was heavenly to hold her in my arms, tracing the contours of her face again and again. I was marveling to have been given this second chance. She was beautiful.
Her fingers touched my face, gently, hesitantly. Carefully. I didn't know what it meant. I was afraid to ask.
I continued to kiss her hair, her forehead, her wrists...I didn't dare to kiss her lips. She loved me, but did she still want me? Would she take me back? Her demeanor had not given me a clear indication, and I didn't want to be presumptuous. My head swam with doubts.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't ask her the questions I wanted so desperately answered. I didn't know what her answers would be, and the possibility of rejection was terrifying. She might still order me away once she was safely home. I had hurt her so much.
I planned to stay with her in her room after I got her home, and watch over her while she would sleep. And if she still wanted me tomorrow, I would stay with her forever.
My family was waiting for us at the airport. "Finally, they are here."
Carlisle and Esme were standing in a quiet corner with Jasper, who had eyes for Alice only.
Esme reached for Bella and hugged her fiercely. I didn't let go of her. "Thank you so much," she said. "The poor dear, she looks exhausted."
She threw her arms around me. "You will never put me through that again," she almost growled.
I was chagrined. "Sorry, Mom," I grinned at her, regret in my eyes. They had missed me, and my long, self-imposed absence had made Esme sad.
"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."
"Hardly," Bella mumbled.
"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded."Edward – did she not sleep on the plane?"
"Let's get her home."
Bella looked mostly asleep as Esme and I helped her through the airport to the car. I stiffened when I saw Emmett and Rosalie lean against Carlisle's Mercedes. "Don't," Esme whispered to me. "She feels awful."
"She should," I said.
"It's not her fault," Bella mumbled, her words scrambled from exhaustion.
"Let her make amends," Esme begged. "We'll ride with Jasper."
"Edward, please..."
I glowered at Rosalie. It had been her pettiness, her jealousy, that triggered her phone call. Of course, my overreaction and irrational response to that call hadn't helped the situation, but still...
"Please, Edward," Bella said. I wasn't surprised. Bella knew how Rosalie felt about her, and never had much contact with her. Rosalie had ignored and avoided Bella as much as possible, still irritated that I had preferred this human girl over her immortal beauty. But this was a typical reaction for Bella – always concerned about the feelings of others, always so selfless. Even at the point of utter exhaustion.
I gently put Bella in the backseat of the car, and slid in next to her. Bella laid her head against my chest and her eyes closed. Perhaps she would sleep on the drive to Forks. Rosalie could wait a little longer to gain the forgiveness she craved.
Emmett was driving. Rosalie turned around to face me. "I'm so sorry, Edward. Really, I am. I didn't mean for this to happen. I... just wanted you to come home."
"Edward," she began.
"I know," I cut her off, still angry.
"Bella?" Rosalie said, turning towards her. Bella's eyelids fluttered open.
"Yes, Rosalie?" she asked, her face wary.
Rosalie's words came out in a rush. "I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."
"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled. "It's not your fault at all."
I disagreed. Rosalie was at least partially to blame.
"I'm the one who jumped of the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you." Bella was so tired, her words were garbled.
I had anticipated that reaction, too. Bella had, in typical fashion, taken the blame on herself, trying to make my sister feel better about what she had done. As usual, I was in awe of her selflessness.
Well, if Bella could forgive her, then maybe so should I. Bella's reaction to Rosalie's words gave me hope that perhaps she would forgive me, too. Of course, my actions had been so much more hurtful...
"It doesn't count until she's conscious," Emmett laughed.
"I'm conscious," Bella sighed in reply. "Barely, love," I thought, looking down at her.
"Let her sleep," I said, attempting to end the conversation. Bella should rest. I would hold her and keep her safe.
When we arrived at Bella's house, she was still sleeping. I carried her from the car to the sidewalk. Charlie, having watched our arrival through the window, rushed out of the house towards us, a mixture of ire and concern in his head. Anger, predominantly, but he had obviously been very worried. "Bella," he shouted as soon as he was out of the door. Bella stirred in my arms. "Charlie," she mumbled. She looked confused.
"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and you're safe. Just sleep."
"What is he doing here? This is all his fault. Rotten kid." Charlie was understandably irate. "I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," he shouted at me.
"Stop it, Dad," Bella mumbled. He didn't hear her. Charlie looked at his daughter, suddenly worried again. "What's wrong with her?" he demanded.
I tried to reassure him. "She just very tired, Charlie. Please let her sleep."
"Don't tell me what to do!" he yelled in my face. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"
The thought of letting her leave my arms hurt, but this was her father. He was completely justified in his anger. I tried to pass Bella off to Charlie, but she clung to me, her fingers locking on my shirt.
"Cut it out, Dad," she said a little louder. She opened her eyes and stared at him. "Be mad at me."
"You bet I will be," Charlie answered. "Get inside."
"Kay. Let me down."
I gently put her feet down, holding her up. She slowly moved forward, but I could see her body swaying from the effort. She leaned forward, and I was at her side in an instant to prevent the fall. I cradled her in my arms again.
"Just let me get her upstairs," I begged Charlie. "Then I'll leave."
"No," Bella said, her voice panicky. Her heart sped up, as if she was afraid. She didn't want me to leave? Hope swelled my silent heart again.
"I won't be far," I promised her, whispering in her ear.
I took her up the stairs to her room and gently laid her on her bed. She was fast asleep. I was glad. I carefully unlocked her fingers where they still held on to me, then took off her shoes and covered her with her quilt. I kissed her forehead before I left her room. "I'll be right back," I whispered low.
I went back downstairs to face Charlie who had walked back into the house. Emmett and Rosalie were waiting for me in the car.
"Get out of my house," he said. I stepped out onto the front porch. Charlie stayed right behind me.
"I don't want to see your face here again," he said fiercely. "You stay away from her, you hear me?
"Do you have any idea what you did to her? Leaving her like that, without a word, without a phone call, for all these months?"
His thoughts all swirled around Bella. The constant pain he had seen in her face every day, his pain at being unable to help her, not knowing what he could do to make her happy again.
"I am sorry, Charlie," I said. I deserved his anger. There was nothing I could do except to tell him how deeply I regretted what I had done. "I am so sorry. It was wrong, so wrong, to leave her. Please, give me the chance to make it up to her, and to you."
"I don't think so," he yelled, his face red with his anger. "Don't you ever step through my door again. I will not let her be hurt like that again."
I hung my head in shame.
"Please," I replied. "I am sorry."
I looked at him. "I'm sorry, Charlie," I said once more.
"Leave," he said, starting to calm down. "Just leave." Without another word, he went back in the house and slammed the door. As soon as I was certain that he couldn't see me, I waived goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie, then flashed up the front of the house, and slid Bella's window open. For the first time since I had left, I silently entered the tranquility of the only sanctuary in my world.
Fervent desire that she still loved me, still wanted me, was radiating in every frozen pore. I might still have a chance. Even though I did not deserve it, she might forgive me. Everything I had seen in Bella's face, in her actions had given me hope that she would take me back. And for as long as she would have me, I would be by her side. I would never leave her again.