"Dan"...Phil's lips were moving but they didn't seem to be making the sounds his brain wanted them to. The long skinny figure on the bed swung into a sitting position and Phil backed against the door, as if startled by the movement, and jumped as he came into contact with the cool painted wood. He wished his heart would stop thudding so hard that he could feel the pulse in his neck and hear the rhythmic whoosh in his ears.

Dan took a few deep breaths, his head low but peering up at Phil eyes wide through his messy bed hair. His hands were clasped between his open knees and his head swam being raised prematurely from sleep always found him groggy, the world for a moment held a surreal quality. He wasn't quite sure for a moment if he was dreaming. A few more deep breaths as his head cleared slowly assured him that he wasn't. HIs voice cracking a little, not knowing quite what to say.

"Phil, I know you've probably come to tell me to fuck off but God it's good to see you!"

Phil's eyes never left Dan, wide and soft as they absorbed him, as if he could keep him with him forever that way, imprinted on his retina, with him always.

"I... um... I... is it true!?..."

Dan had always said you could swim in Phil's eyes, now he was drowning in them, inwardly flailing praying that he could say something, anything that would bring him back to him. What he actually said was purely for clarification. He wished it could have been something beautiful and articulate that would help heal Phil's heart instead.

"is what true?"

Phil cleared his throat "She texted me... so I phoned her... is it true?"

"I think I know what you mean Phil, but I want to be sure"

"Is it true that you threw everything away that we had and you didn't even fuck her!" Phil spat out angrily.

Shit, Dan thought, he's not going to let me back in, he even sees the fact that I couldn't have sex with someone who called herself my girlfriend as a negative. He'd wanted to be able to tell Phil this himself, he'd hoped it might ease his mind a little, maybe even help him forgive him if he was lucky. What had made her contact Phil.

"Yes, it's true... I... couldn't... I liked her, um...we had fun; but I still loved... love you... I couldn't think of her or anyone else in that way when it came to it".

Phil had found his voice now, he cleared his throat again and continued, his fists clenched nervously at his sides. He wanted to get this off his chest he had to get the words out, but he couldn't deny that his anger towards Dan had subsided a little after he'd spoken to Jen, and read the letters Dan and PJ had written.

"Is it also true that you ran out on me because panicked, you thought I wanted a house and babies... If that isn't a shitty thing to do then I don't know what is"

Dan's slightly hopeful expression faded to be replaced with one of abject misery. He buried his head in his hands, struggling to calm his breathing, fighting the urge to cry and losing, the tears surged past his defences and trickled down his cheeks all the while stuttering apologies through them. All he could think about was how Phil must have cried over the last few months, how hurt he must have been. That thought was what had tipped the balance between regaining composure and the tears winning.

Deep regret had been his constant companion the last few months. "I'm so sorry Phil, I'm not crying because I'm sorry for myself, I'm crying because I can't believe I'm the creature who did all these shitty things to the best person in the universe". He took a few more deep shuddering breaths trying to calm himself long enough to look Phil in the eyes, and at least give him the satisfaction of bawling him out. He should just take it like the almighty prick he was.

The noise of the city was a constant beat in the background, normally Phil found it soothing, today he yearned for the sounds of his childhood. Kids playing outside in the distance, birds creating a clamour just everywhere, even the sounds of the sheep grazing in the nearby fields. That would have soothed his shattered nerves right now.

Phil's shoulders slumped, he moved to the bed and thumped down on it near Dan, not because he wanted to go to him – although he did – but because all the energy and adrenalin had left him. His legs literally shook and he didn't think he could stand any longer even if he wanted to.

Turning to look at Dan confusion etched into his face, his voice low and very quiet now.

"Why Dan? we had everything... You know those houses I was looking at... Yeah? It was fun to look at them and think maybe in a few years, but they were for my brother Dan, my brother! He sent some links... wanted my opinion and asked me to look out for anything else I thought they'd like. I was excited about baby stuff because they thought they might be having one and I was going to be an uncle. I wanted to surprise you with it if and when they were sure.".

Dan's jaw fell open further than he thought it could, shit Martin and Cornelia, why hadn't he thought of that! What a fucking idiot. "Oh my God Phil, I wish I'd know, that's great news, I mean about them coming nearer... are they you know … pregnant?"

"No they're not, but they're still moving" Phil snapped a little more curtly than he'd intended.

... "Um..." Dan sighed, continuing in a subdued tone "I never intended to move out if that means anything... Jen started calling herself my girlfriend, and after late nights it made sense to stay over... and I just sort of went along with it. She was so confident, it was kind of like a roller coaster ride... I got carried away a bit ... meeting some of the people i'd idolised in her own lounge as guests.. was... well ...you know... I was so selfish!"

Dan stopped talking for a moment, staring down at his hands as they tied themselves in knots. Phil didn't speak, he could see Dan was taking a moment to form what he wanted to say next.

"I was so worried... that you wanted to have a family and would see me as too young and irresponsible... so I guess subconsciously at first I was kind of acting up, pushing it to see if you would tell me to grow up, or decide if you needed some one more mature... It's dumb as fuck I know but I didn't realise how things had escalated with Jen until you started telling friends we'd broken up. By the time you made the video I'd tried to shut off my emotions and was trying to think of Jen as my girlfriend and enjoy the social side of things, even though it was tiring... you know me I'm not really the most sociable of people" He smiled sadly at Phil, who's lips twitched in the facsimile of a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes. Chastened by Phil's lack of response he continued "um... sort of try to make the most of the situation, not admit even to myself how badly I'd screwed up"...

"Have you finished?"

Phil had let Dan have full reign and allowed him ramble on. He still didn't understand how he could have reacted the way he had to his worries, they'd always talked about absolutely everything. He honestly didn't think Dan truly knew either, but he was so empty without him.

He didn't want to know about what he did with Jen, even if it wasn't sexual it still hurt... but the sound of his voice. It was like a lost piece of favourite music, the way he sounded so unintentionally … articulate when he spoke melted his heart. He knew he was weak, he knew perhaps he shouldn't waver, but being here with Dan... It felt right, he could practically feel a magnetic pull between them. All he'd read and heard did seem to mitigate Dan's behaviour, his gut was telling him Dan was seriously sorry and was truly wanted to be with him.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know Phil, or I'll shut the fuck up whatever you want, I'm not important I've hurt the one person in the world that really matters and I won't ever be able to do enough to make up for it".

Phil had mostly been staring at the floor while Dan spoke. He raised his head now and turned to look at Dan, his eyes a startling blue in contrast to the red rims. They swam with tears and his lips trembled. He looked pleadingly at Dan as if he were breaking, his head tilting to the side as he tried to speak, but nothing but a tiny almost inaudible whimper came out. His defences had crumbled, crashing down.

Reaching his hands out he took Dan's in his own. His eyes fluttering closed and gulping hard as his heart lurched at the touch. His voice was tiny, almost childlike he could hardly get the words out, when he did they were choked, staccato punctuated by shallow ragged breaths.

"All I.. I .. want ..is..you ..Dan"

Phil's face crumpled into a mask of despair as his frame shuddered as he couldn't hold the tears back any longer. He crumpled towards dan who automatically reached for him, pulling him into his chest, hugging him as if he could never let him go. Lowering his head, tears already falling again he kissed the top of Phil's head, relishing the feel of the silky black locks against his lips. A sensation he'd thought he would never feel again. Cradling him in his arms he pressed his cheek to the top of his head and began to rock, fully sobbing himself by now. Repeating "I love you so much, I'm so so sorry".

Phil was completely overwhelmed by being in Dan's arms, he'd tried to shut himself off from him, to ignore what his heart, his mind and his body wanted, but with him here holding him close he couldn't deny this was all he wanted, what he craved. His head swam with the heady familiar scent, his heart beat like a humming bird trapped beneath his ribs. His arms snaked around Dan hugging him closer his face buried against his chest, breathing him in as if he were oxygen to a drowning man.

Dan was lost in everything that was Phil, he'd missed him so badly, and could hardly believe he was here, at least for the moment, in his arms. He felt Phil begin to tremble a quiet wrecked voice emanated from somewhere between his nipples.

"You might grow out of me, you might want to try something new again. I can't... I shouldn't... do this". Dan's heart dropped through the floor. He knew he would never ever want anyone but Phil, even when he'd thought he did he didn't. Phil was his world and if he had to spend the next seventy years proving that, he was quite happy to do it.

"Please don't think like that love, I don't blame you though, you have no reason to trust me right now, but I really could never hurt you in any way ever again. I love you so much you can't even imagine. How can I make a start on proving myself to you, would you be prepared to give me a chance if I did? I need you Phil, I want to do everything to make your life better, but I'm not going to try and coerce you it has to be your choice".

Phil slowly pulled his head away from Dan looking up into his liquid brown eyes full of worry, he melted even more, he just couldn't help it. Sitting up straight, coughing a little and attempting to tug down the edges of his crumpled blue shirt, he tried to gather himself together a little. He had pride, was Dan's reasoning and what that woman had told him enough for him to be able to salvage any dignity and be able to accept Dan back.

He stared at Dan for what seemed like hours, taking in every last detail he knew every inch of him better than he knew himself, he'd never love anyone as much. "Are you still scared Dan? If I said I did want to put roots down, get all suburban, have a family maybe would you talk to me about it or would you still run".

Dan hardly dared move incase it broke the spell, was Phil actually really considering taking him back?.. He sat up straighter and surprised himself with the steadiness of his voice. "Phil I don't want a family yet, but I want one some day and I wouldn't want it with anyone else but you. Of course I'd talk to you about it, I honestly don't know why I didn't before, but I've learnt my lesson. I'd enjoy making plans, finding compromises, and most of all loving you, making you happy".

"I don't want one yet either as I said before, it was all about my brother this time. If I thought about it before I kind of thought maybe when we were both into our thirties, whenever you were ready. In my head it was always about doing these things with you. You've always said you wanted children and I was always prepared to take your lead because it was never so important to me, I wanted them because you did... So you would talk to me?"

"Always, about everything Phil!"

"Would you swear to be mine in front of the whole world and never regret it?"

Phil didn't know where that had come from and it surprised even himself, but now he'd said it, it felt right.

Outside the door PJ and Chris grimaced at each other "ouch, Phil that's a big ask.. I mean never's a long time!". PJ glared at his boyfriend before slapping his arm and hissing "shush" at him.

Dan was surprised by this question but answered without hesitation.

"I would, nothing would make me happier!"

"Then lets do it... get married..."

Phil had not intended this to be where things led when he left their flat, but in the heat of the moment, and the want aching and growing in his belly for Dan every moment they were near led him to it. If Dan was truly sorry, if he'd got over his fear of their long term future he wouldn't recoil at the idea.

Phil wondered if Dan would hesitate, add some kind of qualifier like, if things work out this time then yes it's something we could consider. Or if he'd take it in the spirit it was meant. A promise to be stronger than before, the way a scar can be the strongest part of your skin, knitting together after a trauma to form an almost unassailable bond.

It seemed like forever before Dan responded, Phil watched carefully, seeing him almost in slow motion, not wanting to miss a flicker of his expression. In reality it was microseconds before Dan responded, hardly able to believe that he'd heard correctly.

"Are you kidding me! If you are prepared to not only give me a second chance, but the greatest gift you could ever give then I'm going to say yes Phil, not a shadow of a doubt. I would marry you right now".

"Well we don't want this to be a rushed 'band aid' marriage, so Dan we'll wait, make sure that you really want to and aren't just jumping in to try and make up for what happened". He took Dan's hand again, looking into his eyes to make sure he understood. "If you change your mind, just want to carry on living together, or … well you know" an unbearably sad expression flitted across Phil's features as he contemplated Dan changing his mind about them altogether... "Just talk to me about it ok?"

Dan nodded, returning Phil's gaze intensely. "I don't mind waiting if it will make you sure that I've thought about it properly, but I can tell you now my love that nothing will ever take me from your side again... except a freakin' big tsunami or something of course. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I want to marry you Phil".

Phil was scared, not to mention scarred but he couldn't help the surge of joy that shot through him, his face displayed a grin of pure surprise and delight. He couldn't believe that he'd said what he had but he had been working purely on gut feeling. Dan could not take his eyes from Phil, sheer disbelief flooding his system at how kind, and loving, and plain wonderful the man beside him was. He was crying again, tears of joy as he tentatively reached out to touch Phil's cheek. The gentle skin on skin contact felt as if sparks were flying across his hand, little bolts of electricity crackling along his epidermis right into his heart.

Phil sighed, his eyes closing and nuzzled into Dan's touch. His eyes fluttered open, to see Dan nearer than before just a few inches from his face. His hand still cradling Phil's cheek as if he were a rare fragile treasure, his thumb brushing gently across his cheek bone as his fingers slipped more into Phil's hairline, he felt him shiver at the touch. Their eyes were fixed on one another, pupils wide and black. Dan moved a little closer, everything in him screamed for more contact.

Phil's Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped trying to stay calm while his mind raced and his body ached. He wanted Dan pressed up against him; every inch of him in contact. As he let out a breath he dipped his forehead almost bringing it into contact with Dans. Dan whispered soft and low, his voice breaking "can I kiss you"? He prayed the answer would be yes, his lips were on fire with the need to be pressed up against Phil's.

Phil could barely speak, he raised one hand and placed it over the hand still stroking and clenching into his hair, caressing it with his thumb, raising his head back up a little making eye contact again, he whispered an urgent "Please..."

He didn't have to say another word, Dan's hand buried itself further into his hair, cradling him at the nape of his neck, his hand still clenching and massaging into the soft hair, at the same instant hot slightly bitten lips were pressed tenderly, almost hesitantly against Phil's soft pink mouth.

Phil's reached out to cradle Dan's head either side, an involuntary gasp of pleasure forced it's way out of his mouth at the gentle pressure he'd missed so much. Instinct was taking over, and Dan's tongue flickered across Phil's lower lip before tentatively dipping between his sweet slightly parted lips. Phil tensed with excitement moving his hands to the front of Dan's shirt pulling him closer as their tongues started to move in a familiar synchronised dance, that sent shivers of pleasure coursing through them both.

The kiss quickly became deep, frantic almost, all the love, frustration and yearning poured into that one act, their lips crushed together in a hot open mouthed kiss. Holding each other so tight it almost hurt, legs beginning to entangle, nothing existed outside this moment.

Eventually, they pulled apart breathless and flushed, and more than a little aroused. Phil looked almost shyly at Dan, "well, we can't make out on Chris's bed with them just outside the door listening...". Dan's eyes opened wider and his head pushed forward, a "really!?" expression on his face but unvoiced. Phil chuckled raising his hand to cover his mouth nodding silently. Dan said in his best 'nothing to see here voice', "well... um... we'd better go and tell them what's going on".

Outside the door, wide hazel eyes met surprised aquamarine ones. As one they shot across the room and started to arrange themselves in poses that were meant to convey nonchalance. As if they had been there all along. As they heard the bedroom door start to open PJ opened his laptop and glanced at Chris, smiled and looked down at his screen, his head shot up again performing a double take. His voice high and questioning one hand raised palm up gesturing vaguely towards his boyfriend. "Chris! ...Where on earth did you get a pipe!?"