A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Life, quite literally, got in the way. Baby UnderStudy is doing her thing and making Big Brother UnderStudy crazy. Work has settled and I am now motivated to write again. Thanks so much to SagaDevotee for cracking her whip and getting me into shape to write and for her to edit repeatedly. Also many thanks to stephlite for beta'ing and her encouragement.
All things Twilight are the property and ownership of S. Meyers. I make no money from my obsession.
Chapter 4: Emerge – CPOV
It appeared that I had done something right. After the Servathon, Edward began to speak to me again. It was only a few words here and there, but it was welcomed. Our friendship was not the same as it was before. I doubted that it ever would, considering all that had transpired between us. At least he was being more hospitable and not avoiding me.
His "protectors" eased up on me as well. Emmett hadn't spoken to me since Thanksgiving. It wasn't that I talked much to him anyway. However, Rose and I had been seeing a lot more of each other. She worked in the events office on campus. It was the perfect position for her as she had planned on going into event planning once she graduated. We had been meeting to finalize the plans for the frat's last event of the year, our annual Charity Ball. She had told me she was "working on Emmett." He had taken to escorting her to lunch with me. I was not met with open hostility, but a simple grunt or head nod was all I received. I'd take it.
Pledge Black was another story. Unfortunately, I had to deal with Jacob on a regular basis. Either Edward had not talked to him or he didn't listen. I was leaning toward the latter. Jacob was extremely hard headed and the disrespect I received had worn thin. I had a chat with Aro about it and the last week had improved. He was still an exemplary pledge, so I could not kick him out. That would have probably pissed Edward off greatly. I was not trying to lose him completely again.
The light had returned to Edward's eyes and I could definitely see that he was healthier. I'd like to think it was all the leftover Thanksgiving food. I would catch him smiling and laughing more often. He was moving on and getting better just as I wanted him to. We were able to work side by side with frat duties and he even showed up for a study session for class.
He was happy and here I was sinking into a depression. I tried to keep myself busy with as much work as possible. Aro was constantly worried about me, but I wasn't. I couldn't afford to let it all go to shit now.
Edward was attending yet another study session. I had not slept the night before after seeing his email confirming he would be attending the studying session at the Buckner Library. I had booked one of the larger conference rooms to give my mind some semblance of space.
He walked in looking positively sinful. My lack of sleep had my defenses down. I couldn't block the images of the two of us together. He was wearing my favorite cologne, the same cologne from that night. Fahrenheit was an older, classic scent. However, it fit perfectly for him. He was wearing another one of his funny shirts. This one said, "You had me at bacon" inside of a heart. It made my own heart skip a beat. I had worn my "Bacon Anonymous" t-shirt when we officially met. That was the day he made me come alive.
I closed my eyes and tried to rid myself of the pressure threatening to burst forth. I felt an onslaught of emotions that made me feel as if I was drowning. I began to choke on it all, gasping for breath. I knew my heart was already pounding heavily, but it felt as it it would leap from my chest at any moment. My leg decided to join in the frenzy, bouncing ridiculously up and down. I felt overwhelmed, flushed with so many feelings that I did not want to understand. When I felt as if i was about to explode, I slammed my hand down on my desk.
"ENOUGH!" I bellowed, gripping the desk for dear life with the other hand.
I ran both hands through my hair. I chuckled manically at the action as it was something Edward did when he was frustrated.
"Carl, are you okay?" The tender sweet voice of Kate Holding asked.
"I'm fine," I said shortly.
I stood swiftly, practically running from the room. As I reached the door, I turned to see Edward's face. He looked torn and worried. I cared not to stick around to ask him what was wrong. My feet carried me to the restroom in the far corner of the library. I crashed through the doors and rested at the sink. I looked upon my reflection in the mirror and the man staring back at me was lost. I was pale and sweat was pouring off of me.
Turning the faucet on, I splashed some cold water on my face. It helped, but not much. I went to the last stall and closed myself in. Leaning against the door, I tried to calm myself as best I could. However, my body had other thoughts. I looked down to see that my erection was still present. I felt betrayed by my own body and knew there was only one to blame. Edward had did this to me. I growled out and let my hand lower to my stiffness. This was his fault.
"Edward...," I whispered his name.
Not able to withstand the tension in my body, I grasped myself tightly. I hissed at the delicious pain of it. I popped the button of my pants and practically ripped down my zipper. The pressure on my hardened cock was lessened and I didn't stop the groan that made its way from my body. I brought myself out from its confines and sighed as my hand took a solid grip.
"Oh god...," I moaned and began a slow stroke.
I let my mind go free and began to imagine my heart's desire.
I was waking up to Edward next to me. His toned body bare and nestled gently into my side. He started to kiss my own bare chest, a wicked glint in his eyes. He straddled me and gave me that crooked smile I love.
My grip tightened and my speed increased.
Edward ground his ass on my semi-hard erection and I gripped his hips to push him on me more. He batted my hands away and began to slide down my body. He bent down to to continue kissing me. I smiled and moaned at the pleasure he was giving me. My cock was now fully erect and Edward began to kiss it with reverence.
"Do you know how much I love your cock, Carlisle?" He asked.
"Why don't you show me, Edward?" I replied.
He did not wait. He took me into his mouth inch by inch. I hissed and grasped the sheets on the bed. Edward slowly took my entire length into his mouth and swallowed. I eased down his throat and I nearly came right then.
"Oh yes, suck me, Edward," I moaned, my hand increasing its speed.
He brought my tip to his lips and his tongue worked around my swollen head. That magic tongue of his licked down my shaft and swirled around it like a lollipop. I already started to leak and Edward flicked his tongue across my tip to gather it up.
"Hmmmm, you taste so fucking good," he moaned.
Edward took me back in his mouth and began a punishing pace on my cock. He would take as much of me as he could before swallowing and taking me down his tight throat. I couldn't keep my hands from going to his bronze locks. My fingers tightened in his hair and he allowed me to lead him. He knew I liked control. For as much as he made me crazy, he gave me this.
I was getting close and my head kept banging against the stall door.
"Fuck! Suck my cock, Edward. Suck it!" I growled, feeling my orgasm approaching.
I braced my free hand against the stall wall. I felt as if I was about to have a heart attack. My heart was beating wildly as my fantasy Edward was sucking me into oblivion.
"I want you Carlisle. I want all of you. Give me your cum," Edward said.
I couldn't deny him that. He already had my heart, my soul, and he would have every part of my body.
"Oh Edward. I'm gonna cum," I hissed.
"Carlisle...," Edward's voice said.
It sounded so real this time. His voice whispering my name was all I needed to fall over the edge.
"Fuck, Edward!" I moaned out.
I came so hard, streams shooting out from me into the toilet. My knees felt as if they were going to give out, so I grabbed the side of the stall to support myself. I was breathing heavily, coming to terms with my realizations and the fact I just masturbated in the library bathroom. A voice brought me out of my recovery.
"Um...Carlisle? Are you...ummm...okay?"
My eyes shot open and I begged to God that Edward had only just walked in. I prayed he hadn't heard what I was doing.
"Give me a...minute," I said, my voice broken and dry.
I cleaned up and slowly came out of the stall. There he stood, looking anxious and another emotion that I could not place. Shit! He probably heard everything.
"I was just coming to check on you. I was...ah...worried," he said.
His eyes then locked with mine and I realized what the other look was. Lust blazed from Edward's eyes. It was the same lust that consumed me when we were together.
"I'm fine. No need to worry," I said flippantly.
I went over the sink to wash my hands. Edward was standing close by and I felt his heat cover my back. I looked up into the mirror and noticed that he was staring at me... Well, not me, my ass to be exact. This turned me on again and I took a deep breath to calm myself. Edward was dangerous to my sanity and my libido. I cleared my throat and grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands.
"Are you still going to ignore this?" Edward asked.
"There is no this. I thought that had become clear," I replied, keeping my voice flat.
"You are going to try to deny everything, even after what I just heard. Why are you hiding Carlisle? Why are you denying the truth?"
Edward then reached up as if to touch my face. I flinched away from him, craving it, but knowing I couldn't do this. I backed away to the door and turned away from him. I heard his broken voice as the door slowly closed.
"So be it."
There was a desperate need to go back and kiss him madly. That wasn't an option for me. Edward was a series of wrong answers. Why couldn't he understand that? Not everyone could be like him. Not everyone had it easy. Proving to him that he no longer affected me, I stayed for the rest of the session. I would not let him win control over me again.
The following afternoon, I met with Rose to over the Charity Ball planning. She was a whirlwind and I fought to keep up her. At this point, I kept my answers to yes and as you wish. Anything more would result in getting my head bit off. I could not deny Rose's efficiency, which was why I compiled so. However my "confrontation" with Edward yesterday had me in a bitter mood. Apparently, I was letting him control me after all.
Rose came rushing to our usual lunch table in the back of our favorite cafe. I noticed that Emmett wasn't with her this time. He had been attending our lunch meetings in the past, as if I posed some threat to Rosalie. After the first few meetings I assume he became comfortable and would just stay to eat and then leave. He had become a bit of levity when Rose and I became extremely focussed on planning. I began to see what a nice guy he truly was.
Rose took a deep breath as she plopped down in her seat. Her normally composed demeanor was gone and it honestly looked good on her. She quickly grabbed the hair tie from her wrist and threw her disheveled hair into a messy bun. It was then that I noticed why she was late. The evidence was clear on neck, red and plentiful. I was instantly jealous, but i wasn't sure if it was because she could have someone to do that to her or that it was a Masen that had savored her.
Rose was late by a mere five minutes and I greeted her as if I had been waiting an hour.
"You might want to keep your necking to a respectable time if you are meeting clients," I snapped.
"Meeting clients? Cullen, this is big function for the frat, yes. But this isn't fucking dinner at the White House. Give me a break!" She whisper yelled at me.
I was knocked down a peg or two by that. Her glare helped as well and I felt guilty with how rude I was.
"I apologize. I seem to be...on edge today. I know I would be lost without you," I bowed my head to her.
Looking up, I saw her roll her eyes and curtsied as best she could from her seat. We both giggled and all was forgiven. Things were always simple with Rose. She wasn't as forgiving with others. I was lucky.
"That's more like it. And yes, Emmett is why I am late," she smirked.
It was my turn to roll my eyes. I did not want to hear about her escapades.
"I assume that is why he is not in attendance."
"Not one to brag, Cullen, but yes. It was only fair as he did keep me up most of the night with his Cirque de Masen. He does this thing where he lifts my leg," she spoke, attempting to demonstrate the position from her chair.
"Ummm...Rose! I believe you. No need to elaborate on your mating rituals."
"Still haven't made hedgeway with your own mating rituals?"
"There is no hedgeway to be made," I attempted to say with finality.
"Poor Cullen too repressed to get a Masen of his own. If Edward can do even an eighth of what Emmett can do, you are missing out."
I sighed and let the conversation go. Rose didn't understand. No one did really. I wasn't going to try to explain it to her either. Once Rose realized I was not speaking further on the topic, we dived into working on the Nu Alpha Tau Charity Ball. There were still so many details to cover and there was much work to do. Rose was handling a lot of the setup and food, while I was taking care of the finalized guest list and entertainment.
We were wrapping up and I came across the sample program Rose had created. Edward was presenting the Pledges gift that night. I ran my fingers across his name. Maybe, just maybe I could have one more taste of him. A fleeting kiss, a brush of my fingers across his ripped abs, a lick of his ear, or perhaps just to breath in the scent of his glorious...
"CULLEN! Wake the fuck up! You are rubbing a hole through my damn sample," Rose snapped, slapping my hand and snatching up the program.
"I'm sorry. I was distracted."
"Drooling more like it. Look, if you like Edward this much, maybe you should give it a shot, but I must warn you. The boy has had a tough go at his heart and deserves someone that will be true to him."
My head whipped up at this. Everyone kept telling me to watch it with him. Why?! What had happened to Edward?
"Rose, I know it is wrong to ask, but I must know. What happened at his last school?"
I knew my eyes were pleading to her. I said please again and watched as her resolve crumbled.
"If Emmett knew I said anything, he would shit a brick. Look, Edward has been hurt before," I nodded at this, a fact that seemed evident. "At his old school he wasn't out. He wanted to be, but the place was like strictly religious and dark ages type shit. He fell for some guy, ya know the type. Full of himself, gorgeous, unavailable."
Rose stared at me harder then. I knew she was also referring to me. I wouldn't say that I was full of myself.
"Well, Edward and the guy apparently hit it off, but this guy didn't want much of being public. Edward wasn't ready either, but it hurt, ya know? Keeping himself in the dark, being like a dirty little secret. They were together for months, dating off campus etc. He and Emmett grew up in a house that was all for loving who you are no matter who you love. Edward felt like he was betraying that. So he came out. He tried to get his boyfriend to come out as well. He was just kicked to the curb like yesterday's news."
My poor Edward. I guess he wasn't mine anymore. Was he ever mine to begin with?
"Edward was ridiculed, embarrassed, and to top it all off...his classes sucked. He was told that the school had pre-med classes. Those were all lies by the recruiter. They didn't even have the program," Rose finished in a grand huff.
Just as she was about to continue, a tone rang from her phone. Rose looked down at her phone, a smile gracing her face. It must have been Emmett. Before Edward and I had slept together, I was like that when I received his texts. We were just friends then, but I couldn't help the joy that radiated through me. From what Rose was telling me, I was doing to him what some other man had done before. However, I was only with him once. I didn't make him believe that there could be more. That was Edward's own assumption.
He was a trap.
I could not get trapped.
There is no future with him.
Why did all of that feel like a lie?
"...and then he decided to leave and come here with Emmett. That's his story. Now you see why Emmett is so rough with you."
"But it doesn't explain why Edward wants to be with me. He has been hurt before. I am clearly not interested," I said, looking away as I spoke.
"Maybe he sees something more. Maybe he sees something else that he didn't see in this other person."
"Whatever. We have work to do. I will see you next week Rose."
I got up and gave her a kiss on the cheek, paying the bill as I left. Edward shouldn't want me. I would break him all over again.
*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*TPE*~*
In the following days, I immersed myself in the planning for the ball. Nearly 95% of our alums would be in attendance and I needed the event to go as flawless as possible. It was a great way to network and see how the pledges held up against them. We were now down to four, having kicked out hot-headed Ryan and Ted, who was failing two classes. It was going to be in the KWU ballroom and had the best caterer on the East Coast. Everything was decorated and all set. Now all we had to do was get there.
I had hired a shuttle bus service for the frat. Most of us would end up drinking and it was best to have safety precautions in place. I was at the door waiting for the last few stragglers to make their way down. Struggling with my bow tie, I made a very loud huff and ripped the damn thing off in frustration.
"Let me get that for you," said Edward, walking tentatively in front of me as if he would frighten me away.
"Um...thank you," I replied.
"I know how important this night is for you. I know you want to look your best."
"I want all of us to look our best."
With that, Edward finished tying my bowtie and walked off. I looked at him in awe. He looked absolutely fantastic in his tuxedo. His hair was still in a disarray, but it worked for him. He was sure of himself and confident. He didn't deny himself what he wanted, or who he wanted to be. However, his nose was slightly bent possibly from being broken. He cracked his knuckles. All. The. Time. He also could be forgetful of names, even if you told him five times. Edward was perfection, a flawed perfection that I envied and even longed for.
Once we arrived, the ballroom was bustling. As we were about to sit, I noticed someone approaching Edward and Jacob. I recognized him from some of my pre-med classes. I moved closer to get a better view and was instantly enraged. It was Seth "The Swoon" Clearwater. If there was anyone on campus that matched Aro's libido, it was Seth's. He slept with everyone, except Esme and me. Aro had knocked that notch on his bedpost the second night on campus.
I watched as Edward led Seth to the seat next to him and touched his arm. My rage was boiling. I knocked back the scotch I had been nursing. The immediate burn simmered by anger, but strengthened my courage for what I was about to do. It was time to go over and greet everyone. I was in no way claiming my territory. I was just protecting Edward from a being hurt. That's all. That's it. Not jealous at all.
Liar. Liar. Pants on fire.
I shook my head to stop the thoughts. I was not jealous. Just a frat brother protecting a pledge. I reached the table and caught Jacob's eyes first. They narrowed and his lips turned up into a smirk. Edward's head snapped up next and I couldn't quite read him.
"Good evening everyone," I said politely.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Carlisle Cullen. Where's that hellcat of yours, Esme isn't?" Seth spoke, standing up to greet me.
I made sure my handshake was firm. He pulled back his hand, rubbing it lightly.
"Seth is here as Edward's date. Isn't that nice, Carlisle?" Jacob said, his smirk still in place.
Pledges were not allowed to bring dates to this event. I made that very clear to them. This was time for them to network and assist where needed.
"No, Carlisle. It is... It's not... I mean...," Edward fumbled.
"Well, Edward? Which is it?"
"Oh, Carlisle. Calm down there friend," Mr. Swoon himself said, resting his hand on my shoulder. I eyed it distastefully and he quickly removed it. "I mean that it is not Edward's fault. I was coming tonight as well. Edward mentioned at opening at his table when we had dinner earlier this week. No harm, right?
I simply nodded, not wanting to cause a scene and do what my soul has been craving. It would not have been wise to claim Edward was mine, throw him over my shoulder and leave the event in true caveman fashion. No, that was not even possible when I couldn't even claim my own identity.
I decided it was time to get focused on why I was here in the first place. I went up to the podium to greet the guests and make introductions. I barely made it through as my eyes kept finding Seth whispering in Edward's ear, touching his hand and his beautiful bronze hair. After I finished the opening, the music started and dinner was served. I quickly found my table and sat down next to Esme. She rested her hand on mine and I calmed. However, it did not last long as I watched the pledges table from across the ballroom. I didn't know if I was happy or sad that I wasn't sitting with them. Everyone was laughing and hanging on Seth's every word. I heard Esme mutter something about me having a green eyed monster. I rolled my eyes at her and enter the conversations going around the table.
When dinner ended, the dancing started. It the past it was my favorite part of the evening. Like before, I twirled Esme around the floor while schmoozing with the alums in attendance. This time was different as I couldn't pay much attention. My eyes were solely trained on Sethward with their whispered conversations and touches.
"Carlisle Cullen, have you paid attention to anything I have said?" She whisper yelled.
I could not reply as what happened next stopped me dead in my ball change. Seth had brought Edward out onto the dance floor. All eyes went to them, but everything continued. No outcries, no fainting, no big scenes.
Could it be so simple? Why could I not be so brazen? So Sure?
Esme shook me and I resumed the dance. The room continued on as if nothing happened and Seth and Edward were caught in their own bubble. Seth led and Edward easily allowed him. The green eyed monster was definitely rising in me and I was almost fearful of my next actions. I excused myself from Esme and went to sulk alone at our table. It was empty and I was glad as I was not up to conversation. Esme had followed and by the scowl on her face, I knew I was in for it. She sat softly next to me, a complete contrast of her facial expression.
"Don't they make a lovely couple," she said sweetly. "It's a shame that couldn't be you right now."
I couldn't believe she would be so mean. She knew this was my best decision.
"Isn't there a professor here looking to slum it?" I said with every bit of anger.
"Got up on the wrong side of your sexual orientation?" She asked. "You have no one to blame but your own sorry ass. Get a life, a true one."
Esme got up and left the ballroom completely. I was too angry now, but I knew I would have to apologize later. I sat the rest of the night, brooding. It seemed to be the only thing I could do. No one bothered me as they were probably put off by my mumbling and groaning. Aro simply shook his head at me and represented our frat wonderfully. My current disposition would not have been appropriate for speaking.
When the night ended, I decided to walk back to the frat. I was so confused. I thought the five miles would give me some clarity. Unfortunately, I was left asking more questions.
Could I change? Could I be out? What about my career? What about my father? Are Seth and Edward serious? Had I lost him?
My mind turned over all night, flipping through these questions and their possible answers. Sleep was lost to me and so were the days to follow. I decided to stay on campus for Christmas break. It was a shitty move on my part and my father was furious. He didn't even call me to wish me a Happy Holiday. I never missed a Christmas, but my heart wasn't in it. Plus, Esme and I were still at odds since the Charity Ball. I would not give in and she was tired of trying to convince me. Every time we talked, she had tried to change my mind about coming out. She didn't understand that I couldn't take the risks she wanted me too. I thought we would get over it, but the call I got the day after Christmas rocked my world.
"Hello?" I asked in my cell.
There was nothing but sniffles and wails. I checked the phone and noticed it was Esme's parent's number.
"MeMe? What's wrong? What happened?" I said, panicking.
"CJ, you're not marrying my baby?!"
There was only one person that called me CJ. Mrs. Eleanor Beatrice Platt, mother of my best friend, Esme, wife of Desmond Theodore Platt, and bane of my existence for the past twenty-two years. CJ was short for Caius Jr. I was not a junior. I was Carlisle Caius Cullen. Not CJ. She didn't care what I wanted and always called me that name.
"Mama Platt, what are you talking about?" I asked her.
"Esme told us today that you two broke up years ago and was only playing the farce for our benefit," she whimpered into the phone.
I couldn't believe Esme had done this to me! This was not part of my plan.
"Were you two ever together?"
For some reason, I didn't want to lie. The truth, well some of it, was already out there anyway.
"No, we weren't."
There was more crying and wailing. I then heard another voice, slightly muted. There was rustling and movement. The voice of my former best friend.
"Sorry Cullen, it was for your own good. Now my story is out. I left nothing out. They know everything from my end. Mom is on her cell with your mother now. So it's only a matter of time for you," she stated smugly into the phone.
I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I began to process the feelings stirring in my chest. It felt like some of the weight that had been pressing down on me had been lifted. It was relief and freedom. Yet, there were still some truths left to be told. I was not happy Esme did this, but maybe I needed this push in the right direction. Esme and I had planned to "break-up," just later down the line. It wasn't fair to her to continue this way. Now that there was no way of turning back, maybe I could move forward. I deserved to be happy.
"You meddling, backstabbing...best friend anyone could ever ask for," I said strongly.
Esme's loud laughter echoed through the phone and I couldn't help but join in.
"There's still hope for you yet. So are you going to go after Edward?"
"We are not dishing about boys! And no, I am not going after him. It's too late for that. Plus, I still don't know what I am doing. You pre-outted me!"
"Carlie, you can't hide forever, honey."
She was right. Deep down I knew I couldn't hide forever. I would eventually find someone that wanted to date me. It would be more lies and sneaking around. I hadn't really thought about this part of my long life goal. There would be my career, but no happiness. No love. No Edward. I knew that there was no way I was going to live like a monk when I came back home to practice. I had needs. Still, it was inevitable that someone was bound to catch me with another man.
"You're right Esme, but I still need to think."
We chatted some more and I waited for the call to come from my parents. However, it didn't come.
New Year 's Day was lonely and quiet. I brought it in with Esme and Marcus. I was the epitome of the third wheel. I left soon after midnight, trudging my way through the fresh fallen snow, and found myself watching the sunrise over the quad. The bench where I sat was cold, but my heart was steadily warming with thoughts of Edward. My breaths may have been chilled, but my soul was on fire. I had figured out that the longer I fought to deny my feelings and need for him, the more I would ache. I decided that I still would not act on anything. He was not mine and I was sure he and Seth enjoyed bringing in the New Year.
I huffed loudly, the air escaping from my sour mood. The sun had risen completely and I began to make my way back to the frat. A new year had come and I wondered whether a new me was even possible. I felt like I was stuck with my plan, this structured goal. It didn't seem like it was truly possible. Wasn't it worth the risk if it meant I could be happy? I would like to meet the man inside of me that really wants to be who the man he was destined to be.
I was almost home when the sound of laughter carried on the air. I recognized one of those laughs anywhere. It was Edward. My Edward. He was getting his bags from Seth's car. Why did he come back so early? I caught Edward's gaze for a second before Seth pulled him towards him in a heated kiss. I watched as Edward's eyes close, reveling in the moment. I wanted it to be me. I wanted Edward's lips on mine, tasting him, bringing him pleasure. Memories of the sounds of his moans echoed in my mind.
Not being able to take it anymore, I looked away. Gathering my wits, I turned back to the scene only to become more hurt and angry. Edward's cheeks were flushed, but his eyes didn't match the occasion. There was a slight sadness to them as he turned to look at me.. I didn't understand. Seth caressed his cheek and wrapped his hand around Edward's waist. He was undeserving of Edward. Edward deserved better. Not someone that was just going to use him and cast him aside. Yet that person could not be me, as I had done that very thing.
Seth pulled Edward closer, presumably to kiss him again. Edward pushed him away, his eyes catching mine. For some reason this made me stand up taller. Could I be the man he wanted me to be? Was I deserving of him? Edward held something in his eyes now that resembled...hope. For what, I knew not. Perhaps...perhaps there was still a chance for me.
A fire rose up within me and I felt crazed. I wanted him. I wanted Edward to be mine. I wanted his kisses. I wanted his touch. I desired him for his wacky t-shirts, his knuckle cracking, his smile and his crooked nose. I had spent so much time wasted on being depressed without him when I could have had him all along. The ache to have him spurred me on. I began to march the rest of the way across the quad towards them. I was determined. Edward's eyes widened and whispered something to Seth. Seth looked over to me and the smirk on his face made me want to speed the rest the way across the 30 feet between us and rip his head off.
Mine! Mine! Mine!
My mind chanted over and over.
I was almost to them when my phone rang loudly from my pocket.
Mother's right here
Mother will protect you
Darling, here's what I suggest
Skip the drama
Stay with mama
Mother knows best
I froze in my tracks. The tune started to play again and it drained the rage right from me. I wasn't sure if I was thankful or pissed. Who knew how I would have acted if I stormed over to Edward, punched Seth in his smirk riddled face, and throw Edward over my shoulder growling, "MINE!" I took a deep breath and pushed down the angry caveman as I pulled my phone out my pocket.
"Hello mother. It is nice to finally hear from you." I snapped at her somewhat, partly for the interruption and the other for not calling me over the holidays.
"Don't take that tone with me young man! I am your mother and will be respected as such!" She yelled.
"A mother would have called her son to wish him Happy Holidays and even Happy New Year."
"The phone works both ways Carlisle Caius Athens Drake Cullen! I have been trying to calm your father since you told him you were not coming home for the holidays. I have been eyeballs deep in his ire. So don't you talk to me about what a mother would have done!"
Good Lord, my had called me by my full name. She was probably two seconds off hoping the next flight to pull me across her knees.
"I am sorry mother. I am so sorry," I said as I sighed.
I looked up to Edward who probably had heard my raised voice. He mouthed if I was okay. I shook my head no. I was far from okay. He looked to make his way toward me and I just raised my hand. I could not talk to him until I settled. I gave him one last pleading look and walked away. Hopefully not for the last time.
"Now, are you calm enough to have a conversation with me?"
"Yes mother. I am indeed sorry. It has been a rather trying time for me."
"Well, I must say I thought it was going to be you that came clean about you and Esme," she said.
"You knew?!"
My charming mother could only snort in reply.
"How?"
"A mother knows, my boy. It didn't help that I had caught Esme in our barn with half the boys from your high school class."
I couldn't help but laugh at that. My nerves began to settle even more. My mother was a godsend.
"What else have you noticed?"
I didn't want to say it, but if i was going to come out to anyone, my mother would be the one.
"That you never looked at Esme the way your father does me. That you kissed Liam Nelson behind the grocery store the summer after your freshman year."
The line went quiet and I freaked. She knew. All this time, she knew.
"Why did you never tell me you knew?" I whispered to her in a voice resembling that of a small boy.
My tears began to fall and I barely made it onto the bench next to me.
"I was scared, my boy. I didn't want you to think I was spying on you. I didn't want to lose you. I had hoped you'd come to me. I wouldn't have judge you. Don't you know a mother will always love her boy?"
And I sobbed on the phone to my mother. She shushed me and tried to comfort me through the phone. I longed for her embrace, the smell of her jasmine and orange tea scent cocooning me. When I calmed, I told her everything. Well, I glossed over the sex part, but she got the point. She sighed heavily and I waited to see what she would say.
"You're an idiot!" She yelled.
I rolled my eyes and agreed with her.
"Plans change, Carlisle. People change. People can also forgive. We Drakes don't give up and the Cullens never surrender. You have strong bloodlines in you. Go for the gusto, my boy."
"What about dad?" I asked worriedly.
"Don't worry about your father. He knows not to mess with me."
"What about coming back there after school?"
"Oh you're just full of questions, aren't ya?" She laughed and I joined her, feeling so refreshed. "Don't worry about us. Live your life. We will be here. If Belle Fourche is the place you really want to be, then come. But you have your whole life ahead of you."
"Thank you, mother. For everything."
"It's why I am here. Never forget it. Now, tell me more about this Edward. He sounds like a hottie to me."
I couldn't help but guffaw loudly. This was just what I needed. My mother had saved me from coming off like a maniac, attacking Seth and possibly saying something ridiculous to Edward. I needed to do things right for me, the way my soul has been asking for some time. It was time for a new me, the real me. I only hoped Edward would accept him.
A/N: Thank for sticking with me. How did you enjoy Carlisle? Ready for him to get his man? So glad I was able to get his head out his ass. Only one more regular chapter after this before we hear from Edward in the epi. Lubs ya!