Yuri goes to his first High School dance. Otabek is not his date.

Brace yourselves, choppy waters ahead.

4.

It isn't often that they come over to Otabek's place - it's smaller than the others, and his mom and sisters are usually nosy - but he's got it to himself for the weekend for the first time in months and they're well overdue for a guys night. It's a small group – the usual three suspects and JJ who overheard them discussing plans at lunch and decided he wanted to tag along as well. If Otabek were less tactful, he would have made it clear that JJ was in fact not invited, but ultimately let it go with a shrug and a nod after the other teen promised to buy dinner. Leo was able to get a twelve pack from his dad – the cheap, domestic kind - but beer is beer when you're 17 and Emil and JJ chipped in for pizza as promised. Otabek had just finished setting up super smash when a loud knock came from the front door. The brunet is sure it can't be his family - they're supposed to be visiting their relatives in the valley until Sunday night. When he pulls the door open, the blonde is the last person he expects to be staring back at him. Yuri's dressed in his typical lounge wear – his favorite purple hoodie on over a black tiger head t shirt and an over sized pair of black sweatpants Otabek is pretty sure are his. He's lounging against the door frame, bun flopping over from one side of his head to the other as he leans to look past Otabek, taking in the group of teens before him.

It isn't that Yuri wasn't invited - Yuri's his best friend, even if he's a few grades younger - but he had a performance early the next morning and Lilia would castrate the both of them if she knew he was staying up, eating junk food and drinking beer. "Yuri, what are you doing here? It's almost 10, don't you have to be up at 5 tomorrow? Lilia said-" but before Otabek can finish the thought, Yuri is pushing past him, walking into the apartment like he lives there which, to be fair, he kind of does.

"It's been moved to Sunday - the storm flooded the auditorium last night, so they need another day to get it all fixed up. Which means my house arrest has been lifted and I am allowed to join your guy fest." Emil tosses Yuri a beer when he comes into view and flops out across the couch, nodding to Leo in greeting. He's never met JJ before, and given the few times Otabek has mentioned him, he's surprised to see him in his friend's home. A quick glance at Otabek is enough to silently ask "what's he doing here?" but Otabek just shrugs in response - it wouldn't be the first time he'd joined in without a direct invitation. If Otabek – the kindest person in the world as far as Yuri's concerned - can't get along with him, the blonde is pretty sure he's going to have a problem too.

Otabek joins Yuri on the couch, the blonde lifting his legs automatically before placing them back down over the other's lap. The other three are on the floor, mashing buttons between bites of pizza and cursing their respective mothers whenever one of them dies. Yuri isn't bad, but these guys are pros - he's thrown off the castle three times before anyone else loses a single life. Before he can completely fail he hands the remote to Otabek. The brunette just cocks an eyebrow in response before taking the controller and wreaking havoc on the other players. He still loses, but given the deficit he started with, a second place ending is commendable. The night continues much the same until there's no more food, the beer is gone, and Otabek has reclaimed his rightful title as the King of Super Smash. They haven't had much to drink - Yuri in particular after Otabek makes him promise to limit it to one beer – but they're all still feeling a slight buzz at this point. One minute they're making fun of Emil's goatee and the next they're mocking Leo as he giggles at the messages on his phone.

Emil makes a grab for the phone, but Leo is able to quickly dodge him. "Come on dude, what's so great that you're ignoring your bros?" Leo looks down sheepishly, a blush across his cheeks. "Sorry, it's just I asked Sarah to the dance last week and she just said yes!"

JJ gives a low whistle, patting the other boy on the back. "Dang, she's in the running for Homecoming Queen isn't she? Well done sir, you have my respects." Leo's smile manages to get even bigger at the compliment. "Are you guys going?"

Emil makes a noncommittal grunt - JJ and Otabek remain silent. He turns to the newest addition to the group, realizing he's at their school now too. "What about you Yuri, you're a freshman right? It's your first one. Are you coming?"

The blonde scoffs, dances are for losers and kids trying to find a way to sneak out and have sex. Or at least that's what he's been trying to convince himself since the chances of him finding a date are worse than being struck by lightening - twice. "There's not exactly a line of openly gay guys at our school fighting to take me. Not that I need to be asked mind you. But it's pretty lame to go alone, especially since there won't be a lot of options of dance partners when I get there."

Emil laughs, rolling onto his back on the floor beside Leo. "What the hell man, I thought gay guys had a pass to dance with all the straight chicks. If anything, you're the only one in the room who won't get shot down."

Yuri laughs as well, enjoying the idea of steeling away the girls from their dates, shamelessly showing up the other boys in his grade with his dancing skills. "Well yeah I guess, Mila said we could go as friends and shit but it seems kind of pointless."

There's a silence after that, each boy pondering his own situation. Leo is about to ask who they've all asked when JJ turns the night on its head with a single comment.

"Has anyone ever told you you're hot? Like, really hot?" He's sitting on the ground next to Yuri, staring up at him like he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. It's the first thing JJ has said directly to Yuri the entire night, or ever for that matter, and the blonde is convinced he heard wrong. "Huh?"

Instead of explaining, he plows forward, smug grin plastered across his face. "Well you are. Any guy would be lucky to take you to the dance." Yuri's been hit on before, but it's always been a cruel joke, and he doubts this is any different. As soon as he shows any reciprocal interest JJ will shout "No Homo!" and laugh in his face. One look at Otabek and Yuri knows he has the same thought. His fists are clenched, his jaw squeezed shut tightly. If JJ had the audacity to come into Otabek's home and make his gay best friend the butt of a stupid joke then he deserved whatever silent rage was filling the Khasak teen at that minute.

JJ doesn't pick up on the growing tension, focused solely on the boy in front of him. "So, am I going to get lucky?" Yuri's jaw drops open in response to JJ's boldness, and he barely has a chance to shut it before spitting out a scandalized response. "The fuck did you just say?"

The tension in the room is palpable at this point – Emil and Leo know Otabek well enough to see he's on the verge of one of his very rare but very terrifying outbursts. They've slowly scooted away from the couch with Yuri and Otabek perched on top of it, placing as much distance between themselves and the scene unfolding before them as possible. The only person in the room who doesn't seem phased by the situation is JJ, who remains on the floor next to Yuri, casually leaning against the arm of the couch. "I'm asking if you want to go to the dance with me Yuri."

It certainly sounds honest – even Otabek has to admit – but his guard isn't going to drop that easily. Yuri on the other hand looks much less angry now and even a bit happy. After all, JJ isn't unattractive - he's fit, and he's got a sharp jaw and the undercut definitely works for him. Still, Yuri is 99% sure that JJ is straight. On the 1% chance however that he is genuinely interested, Yuri allows himself to check the boy out, weighing the options. "Are you even gay?"

"I appreciate attractive people - gender isn't an issue. So is that a yes?" Otabek decides in that moment that JJ is too fucking charming and Yuri, well Yuri has a type and charming attractive asshole sums it up pretty well. It doesn't help the situation that Yuri's never had a guy show interest before and despite the mask he's wearing in front of the others Otabek knows he's preening at the compliments and validation. It feels like hours before Yuri sits up, turning to face JJ and staring him down. He doesn't respond verbally - doesn't trust his mouth to form any coherent words - so he gives a short nod in response instead.

"Good. I'll be by to get you at 7. Wear purple, I like that color on you." There's an uneasy silence afterwards, and Emil takes the chance to announce he'll be going stag since he's in charge of manning the DJ booth the first half of the night. He, Leo and JJ turn their attention back to the game afterwards, ready for another round.

Yuri remains silent, sinking into the couch while staring at Otabek because what the fuck just happened? He's struggling to get his emotions in check - left half parts flattered and half parts irritated – after the unconventional invitation. He wants to say something, anything to Otabek, but the anger that was there hasn't left and his eyes are dark and cloudy. When they others ask him if he's going to join the next round he hands the remote to Yuri instead,silently stands and walks down the hall to his bedroom, promptly shutting the door behind him. The brunette isn't quite sure what part of the conversation got him this upset, but it stirred something deep inside him and he wants to scream and break things. The last time this happened his sister had come home in tears, explaining how a little girl at her school had told her she couldn't be the princess because her hair was thick and wavy and her skin was too dark and she was ugly. He tries to use the same tactics that had worked that day, quickly grabbing his headphones and playing the song he'd been working on last week. A few deep breaths and heavy beats later and he's still pissed but it's easier to get his heart rate under control and he thinks he can save face if he goes back sooner than later.

They don't discuss his freak out when he comes back, but Yuri feels guilty even if he can't explain why.

Yuri is frantically grabbing his phone and keys as he runs into the living room, brand new purple tie in hand. Lilia is out for the night and Nikolai is already asleep, leaving only Yuri, Victor and his fiance (also annoyingly named Yuuri) in the apartment. They'd moved in during summer after Victor finished grad school, promising they only needed a place until they found one of their own. Yuuri had started teaching at Lilia's studio and Victor was choreographing for a local theater, but the budget was tight. Weeks turned in to months and San Francisco rent just kept going up, so they had stayed indefinitely, taking up Victor's old room. The extra bodies were just one more reason that Yuri tried to stay at Otabek's place as often as possible.

"Victor, put this thing on my neck! I need to be ready five minutes ago!" The thin piece of fabric was thrust in his face, Yuri waiting impatiently for him to take it. "Oh Yurio, you are quite the little pork cutlet bowl tonight!"

Yuri dropped his arm, waving it in the direction of the name-stealer. "Vic stop being a creep and save that talk for your private time with Piggy." Yuuri was mortified at Yuri's nicknames for him when they'd first arrived, but he'd let go of that months before. Once he realized that Yuri wasn't nice to anyone, it felt much less personal. Victor, on the other hand, still became irate every time his younger cousin insulted the love of his life, walking away with a huff, Yuri's tie still knotted in his hand.

"Vitya leave it. It's his first dance and he's only a freshman, you're making it awkward - er, more awkward anyway." He was laying across the couch, reading a book when the blonde came storming over and handed him the tie instead.

"I'm just saying he's all done up, he even had Lilia do his braids before she left. So when is Otabek coming over to get you?" Yuri turned quickly, nearly choking himself on the tie Yuuri was currently tightening around his neck. "Wah? Beka isn't going to the dance. I begged him to, for moral support, but he said he had family commitments."

Victor's smile fell, concern creeping across his features. "So you're going alone?"

"No, I have a date old man. He should be here soon." Yuri threw himself on the couch beside Yuuri, pulling out his phone to check for JJ's message.

"Good for you Yuri." The Japanese man smiled at him, affectionately patting him on the back. His smile fell as the blonde sprung up, recoiling from the touch. "Okay JJ is here, I'll see you later, or not, don't care." He was steps from the door, one hand waving over his shoulder at them, the other clutching his phone when Victor jumped in front of him, plucking it from his grasp.

"Hey give that back you crazy asshole!" Victor remained unphased by the verbal assault, standing his ground before the teen and the door. "We'd like to meet this young man. Certainly he can come up and say hello properly." Yuri ignored him, jumping and grabbing frantically for the device held just out of his reach. "No one does that any more gramps. He's outside waiting, he texted me like 2 minutes ago I have to go. Now give me my phone before I kick you in the shins." Victor was pretty sure Yuri would actually kick in the shins if he pushed it much farther, but he thought of the boy as a younger brother and wanted to be sure he wasn't getting in over his head. "How are you getting there?"

"I told you, he's picking me up. He's a junior - he drives." Yuri sighed back at him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"An older boy, huh? I don't like it, Yuri is young and impressionable." He turned and directed the last comment over the blonde's head towards his partner.

Yuri crossed his arms and huffed out in frustration. A mumbled "I'm standing right here idiot!" fell from his lips, but Victor showed no sign of hearing it. Yuuri walked across the room then, standing before Victor, an arm outstretched. The taller man beamed, throwing his arms open wide expectantly, but instead of embracing him, Yuuri took the opportunity to snag the phone and hand it back to the blonde. "Have fun Yuri, let us know if you need us to get you later."

As soon as he was out the door, the couple moved across the living space towards the balcony. When Yuri finally came into their view, a dark haired boy got out to greet him, corsage in hand. As soon as the taller boy leaned in, Victor threw himself over the railing, cupping both hands over his mouth to help his voice travel. "Have fun Yurio! Make good choices!"

Victor may not have won the cell phone battle, but he still had a few embarrassing tricks up his sleeve.

It's just past nine when Otabek feels his phone vibrate, pulling his attention away from his most recent project. The song is a departure from his usual style - it's got a weight to it he's never wanted before, and for every hopeful melody there's a dark crescendo. It's definitely not the type of song you send someone as a romantic gesture, but it's raw and sad and he loves it the way he loves Lana Del Rey and Halsey because sometimes sad songs are the only ones that feel right. He lifts the device, lock screen coming in to view. The motorcycle on it is one he's coveted for years - a constant reminder of what he's working towards with his music and his test preps and all the after school activities. When he unlocks it, he's greeted by a photo of himself and Yuri, Greta and Lexi napping across their laps. It's his favorite photo of their little half human half cat family, but tonight he wishes it wasn't there.

When he opens the message, he's surprised and relieved to find a text from Mila and not the blonde in question.

MB: Yuri told me you weren't going tonight either.

It's not completely uncommon for Mila to text him, but they weren't nearly as close to each other as they each were to Yuri. Still, he appreciated her sass and ability to be the only other person capable of keeping their mutual best friend in check.

No, staying home to watch my siblings. You?

MB: Vlad is too old and my girlfriends all had dates.

Ah, that's too bad.

MB: You're too nice Otabek.

He isn't sure what sparked the conversation, but he really wants to get back to his work. Just as he moves to put the phone away, another, more relevant text arrives.

MB: You know Yuri was pretty disappointed you didn't go with them.

Yuri had begged him for weeks to go, but the more he thought about seeing Yuri there with JJ the quicker he realized it was best for everyone if he stayed home. If his initial reaction to Yuri being asked was any indication, actually witnessing the date would not have ended well.

He has a date - why would it matter?

MB: Do you want to know why Yuri agreed to go with JJ?

The question is painful because yes, Otabek desperately wants to know because why would someone as funny and clever and great as Yuri agree to go to the dance with someone as slimy as JJ? Still, if Yuri didn't tell him then there's probably a reason, and he doesn't want to break that trust.

If he wanted to tell me, he would have.

There's a pause, and Otabek thinks that Mila has taken the hint, but when she finally does response it comes in the form of text after text, as if she's trying desperately to get Otabek's attention.

MB: He agreed to go with JJ because he was the first guy to show any interest in him.

MB: Guys hit on him as a joke all the time, but JJ was serious about it.

MB: Yuri is my best friend too you know, and I love him, but he's got more issues than Vogue. So it's not a huge surprise he jumped at the first guy to ask him out.

MB: Still, I don't know if JJ is good for him.

It isn't that Otabek doesn't agree because he very much does, but it feels wrong to have this conversation behind Yuri's back. It was one thing, him feeling this way and keeping it to himself, but if he vents it to MIla then he can't go back to pretending it doesn't bother him just as much.

Why are you telling me this?

MB: I'll cut to the chase. We both know you stayed home because you didn't want to see Yuri with JJ.

MB: I know you try really hard to come off cool and aloof, but I know you care about him more than you let on.

MB: I'm not telling you this because I think you should make a move - that's your call. But Yuri is going to cling to JJ as long as he gives him attention - even if they're a bad match. And watching that is going to suck for you.

It's the first time anyone has ever called him out on his feelings - the ones he was convinced no one else knew about - for Yuri. He isn't sure when it started, but he's aware that there's a dampness on his cheeks that implies he's crying. His breathing isn't right either - it's too short and too desperate. The room is a bit brighter than usual, and he's pretty sure he can't hear anything other than the beating of his own heart. He looks around, realizing that he's lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling. The entire experience feels foreign to him, and in a way it's like he's watching from the outside instead of experiencing it himself. A panic attack - that's what the doctor had told him the first time he'd had one back in Almaty. They don't come often, but when they do there's no warning, and they leave him completely incapacitated. When the sound returns, and the lights dim - when his heart rate slows and he can hear himself taking deeper breaths - he glaces over to find his phone, forgotten by his side on the floor. There's one unread message there, but it isn't what he'd expected to find.

MB: I'm just saying, if it your secret ever gets too heavy to shoulder alone, I'm here to help you carry it. Ok?

He hadn't wanted to acknowledge the feelings, didn't want to put words to them that would make them real. It was easier thinking that he just thought JJ was a dick than admitting he was jealous of him. Still, if he ever does decide he needs an outlet, knowing Mila is there is a kindness he hadn't expected.

Alright. Thanks.

They delete the messages immediately after.

Otabek decides to turn in for the night, slowly packing up his computer and putting away his gear when the phone buzzes again. He thinks Mila must not have been done afterall, but the message isn't from her.

Yuri: Beks can u come get me? I'm at Emily's place. I dunno where though?

The message is from Yuri and it is completely out of character for him. Before giving it a second though, Otabek is tugging on his shoes, grabbing a jacket and throwing his wallet and keys in his pocket while listening to Yuri's phone ring over and over on the other end of the line. He finally picks up on the third try, just as Otabek slips into the driver seat of his mother's sedan.

"Yuri what's the matter? Are you okay, are you safe? Who is Emily?" The questions fly out of his mouth, one after the other in a single breath. It quiet for a few seconds before a very inebriated Yuri finally responds. "Yeah I'm just a lil sick. I'm at Emil's place. Can you get me? Vic won't let me hear the end of it if he finds out I drank too much."

He knows Emil - not Emily - lives in the Sunset, so it shouldn't take him too long to get there. "Stay there -drink water, make sure you aren't alone. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

He pulls up nine minutes and three debatable yellow lights later to find Yuri sitting out front with Emil, glass of water in hand. Emil looks realtively sober, and even though Otabek is upset, he wants to give his friend the benefit of the doubt.

"What happened? Why is Yura so drunk? You know he's a light weight Emil!" The blonde boy doesn't seem to care about the conversation happening next to him, too focused on the purple tie slipping between his fingers.

"Look Otabek I'm sorry man. Honestly, I didn't even know Yuri was here until a few minutes ago when he came in and said he needed water and someone to wait with him for you. I thought he went home after the dance because I hadn't seen him with JJ when he showed up." He paused then, debating if he should add the last part in. "JJ passed out in my living room half an hour ago, so I guess they've been here drinking for a while. We only had beer and vodka, but I don't know what he drank. Sorry, really, that's all I know." Otabek reaches out to squeeze his friends shoulder in reassurance - he can't be mad at Emil that Yuri crashed the house party and drank too much. He can be mad at JJ however, and he's going to let him know that the next time they meet. "Thank you Emil, good night."

He manages to get Yuri into the car and buckled up quickly enough, but he's still too angry to talk to him. They're half way home, sitting at a red light, when he notices the younger teen struggling with his phone. "What are you trying to do? You're awful at drink texting."

Yuri manages to scowl and give an eye roll in response before flopping over against the car door. "Trying to tell Victor I'm staying at your place so he doesn't lose his shit and send the cops after me." He sounds a bit better now, but he's definitely still not sobered up.

Otabek pulls the car over on a side street, throwing it into park before holding his hand out. "Give me your phone." It's a demand, not a question, and Yuri hands it over with no resistance. A few seconds later Otabek shoots off a text before shoving it into his pocket and pulling back onto the road.

Staying at Beks place tonight. Be home in the morning.

When they finally park outside their own apartment, he checks the phone again. He's not surprised to find a prompt response from Victor.

Notmybrother: You have your own bed down the hall, why not just come home?

It's a fair question, and he's not sure how Yuri would respond to it. Probably with a lot of cursing and insults, he thinks. "He wants to know why you don't just go home. It is down the hall after all."

Yuri has both hands woven in his hair, rubbing his temples to ease what Otabek assumes is the start of a terrible headache. "Fuck. Just, just tell him I'm pissed off and needed to vent to you. I don't know. Tonight was a fucking disaster." Otabek hums in acknowledgement before sending a short response he thinks sums it up well enough.

Dance sucked.

Notmybrother: Ok, say hi to Otabek. See you tomorrow.

Otabek knows Victor isn't perfect - far from it - but he seems to understand Yuri well enough to know when to leave him be. When the pair finally make their way into Otabek's room, Yuri throws off his dress clothes without a second thought, grabbing a shirt and paints out of Otabek's bottom drawer like he has countless times before. They're too big to share the bed now, so Yuri set to work rolling out the sleeping roll they keep shoved in the corner for this very purpose while Otabek gets him some water and advil. It isn't until they're both in bed that Otabek finds his voice.

"Yuri, I... Yuri, what happened tonight? You don't even like alcohol, why did you get so drunk? Did he, did JJ pressure you to drink?" He's stumbling over his words and his voice sounds so sad and small but he has to ask, has to understand why Yuri would behave so carelessly. He doesn't care that Yuri decided to drink - he and his friends did it all the time - but Yuri's always made it clear he wasn't interested in "getting wasted" and Otabek has always respected that boundary.

"No. He didn't. I asked to go along to the party because the dance sucked and I spent the entire night waiting for JJ to actually fucking dance with me, but he acted like we were just two dudes who went together. He barely even held my hand. I just thought, fuck I thought he liked me, you know? And I thought maybe if we went to the party and drank a bit he'd relax and not be so uptight about being there with a guy... about being there with me." Yuri's voice is barely a whisper at the end, and Otabek suddenly feels very small for asking his friend to talk about things when he's clearly still a bit drunk because Yuri isn't one to share so openly. "But then he left to talk to someone and I played a game with these other guys and next thing I knew I was way drunker than I meant to be and I didn't want him to see me like that, you know? I didn't want him to realize I was just some dumb freshman. So I went outside and I texted you instead."

He wants to reassure him that he has nothing to be embarassed about. He wants to tell him that JJ is a fucking idiot for not dancing with him or treating him like a proper date. He wants to tell him he deserves someone better, someone who will cherish him like the fallen angel he is. He really wants to tell him that if he ever so much as sees JJ talk to him again, he's going to knock him out cold. He wants to say a lot of things, but Yuri is drunk and Otabek is scared and instead he says "Get some sleep Yuri."

Yuri wakes up in the morning feeling not great, but also not nearly as bad as he had expected. It probably has to do with the water and medicine Otabek had forced him to take before they went to bed and the fact he's young enough to bounce back form these things. Still, if he was unsure before, he's convinced now that Vodka and beer should not be mixed. Otabek is still asleep, so he does his best to silently slip out into the hall and back to his own place. He notices an unread text message, and hopes that Victor wasn't pissed he stayed over.

JJ: Hey, I hope you're okay. Emil said you left last night and Otabek came and got you. I'm really sorry about last night - I was a total dick and you didn't deserve that. When we got there I just kind of lost my nerve, you know? I know I don't deserve a second chance, but if you're willing to give me, I'd like to take you out tonight on a proper date, no alcohol or awkward school dances involved.

Yuri knows that there are red flags everywhere, but he can't get the way JJ had smiled at him when he first picked him up out of his mind. Maybe having his first gay date be at a public school dance was just too much after all. Besides, it's only one date, and he'd promised no alcohol.

Be here at 6. Dinner and a movie. I like milk chocolates with caramel centers. You're paying for everything.

When JJ shows up that night he's got a box of See's candies in one hand and flowers in the other. He gives Yuri a kiss on the cheek and opens the door to his car. Before he gets a chance to get in on the other side, Otabek motions for him to come over.

"JJ, let me make myself 100% clear. Yuri is my best friend and he has been through more shit in his 15 years than most go through in a lifetime. If you ever do something like that again and leave him in a dangerous situation, it will be the last time you ever speak to him. Do we have an understanding?" Otabek is intimidating on a regular day, but he's terrifying when he's driven to protect the people he loves.

JJ's jaw has fallen open slightly, his eyes wide with fear. "Wow dude, that's like the most I've ever heard you speak at once. I'm sorry Otabek, it was an honest mistake. I really do like Yuri okay? I didn't mean for anything bad to happen to him." He's sincere, but Otabek doesn't back down. "You're two years older JJ. Don't forget that."

JJ nods and turns to leave, joining Yuri in the car. Neither of them ever tell Yuri what was said during that conversation.

It's a few weeks later when Otabek catches JJ with Yuri pinned against a wall in the hallway, one hand tangled in his hair, the other gripping his waist. He walks by silently, then turns into the closest bathroom and punches the wall so hard it leaves his knuckles bloody and the ceramic tiles cracked. He realizes that his reaction may have been a bit over the top, but it was better than punching JJ square in the face. Realistically, he can't break things every time he sees them together, but right now it feels like he won't be able to handle the fury he feels any other way. He's pissed, because he wants those hands to be his hands. He wants to run his fingers through the soft blonde locks like he had when he'd braided Yuri's hair only now he wants to ball a fist in it and crash his mouth against his. He wants his hand on that hip, holding him in place so there isn't any space between them. He wants to melt into him, feel every ridge of his body pressing up against the pliant one beneath him. It's so fucked up because Yuri is happy and he really wants his best friend to be happy, but a louder part of him doesn't want him to be happy unless he's the source of it. He knew it would be difficult, but he never expected this to hurt so much. Every feeling he's hidden is crashing down on him, wave after wave, relentless, drowning him and he can't deny it anymore, the way he feels about Yuri. But he can't tell him either, can't shatter the other teen's happiness just because he's suffering. But the pain and the anger are eating at him, leaving him hollow and if he leaves it like that, festering, he knows that won't end well either. Maybe Mila is right and JJ isn't a good fit, but it's Yuri's choice not his and he respects him too much to say anything. Yuri has to be the once to decide JJ is wrong for him, and when he does, Otabek will be there to show him just how right he could be for him instead.

He takes a few minutes to calm down, taking deep breaths and splashing his face with cold water. When he goes back into the hallway, the couple is gone.

He texts Mila that night and tells her everything instead.

Sorry for using JJ, but I needed a fuckboi villan and JJ just screams fuckboi.

I also think that it's usually Yuri pining after a taken Otabek, and I wanted to explore it being the other way.

See you next level!