Warning: Pretty heavy stuff in this chapter.
It had been three weeks now and slowly but surely Olivia was feeling a little more at ease in her own skin. Her bruises were very faint and almost completely healed. She had been going into the precinct for a few hours a day and completing some paper work so she wouldn't fall behind. She knew everyone was walking on eggshells around her but she was going to keep quiet. She was actually grateful for them. All of them. The whole precinct had worked together to find her before it was too late.
"Hey Liv," Cragen said casually as he walked up to her desk and stood beside her chair.
"Hey," she responded as she scribbled away onto the paper on her desk.
"Lt. Tucker is here," Cragen said quietly so the others couldn't hear, "he says it's time to give your statement." Cragen had been putting it off for as long as he could and hoped that with time it would become easier for Olivia to say. Now Tucker was here though and there wasn't putting it off any longer.
Olivia dropped her pen and swallowed the lump in her throat. She felt the knots in her stomach tie and the back of her throat burn. "Tucker's taking my statement?"
"No," Cragen assured her, "he brought someone from another precinct. It's a young woman and she reminds me a lot like you. I told Tucker that you might want to have Brian in there with you and he says that's okay."
Olivia nodded and shifted her gaze downward. She had taken thousands of statements from thousands of victims and each time another little piece of her heart broke. This was different. She was on the other side of the table now... she was the victim... she was the one who the cop would sympathize with.
"Give me five?"
Cragen nodded and stuffed his hands into his slack pockets, turning to walk away. He knew how strong Olivia was but in a way that had changed. Lewis had taken a big part of her... of who she was... and she was still working on gaining that back. He wasn't ready to listen to the details of what happened while they were rushing through the city trying to locate her. He knew the minimum but knowing everything was different. This was Olivia. This was the closest thing he had to a daughter and the best detective he had ever had the pleasure of working with.
Olivia made her way to the break room where she grabbed a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a big gulp of the cool liquid to sooth her throat. She pulled her cell out of her back pocket and dialed Brian's number.
"Everything okay?" Brian asked as soon as he picked up the phone. He knew that Olivia wouldn't call him while they were both at work unless it was important.
"Tucker is here," she explained, "he brought someone to take my statement."
"Do you want me to be there?"
"No... I just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make our lunch plans."
"I'll stop by the precinct on my break, okay?"
"Okay," Olivia whispered as the tears caught in her throat. She did want Brian there but she didn't want him to know everything that happened. It was better if she told him on her own time and not when she was talking to the police.
Brian and Olivia told each other they loved each other and then Brian had to get back to work in order to make it in time for his break and Olivia had a statement to give. She took one last drink of her water before screwing the cap back on and making her way into Cragen's office.
"I'm ready."
Tucker turned around to look at the detective who he had been keeping an eye on for years. He never imagined that this would happen to Detective Benson and he was saddened that he had to do this.
"This is Miranda," Tucker said pointing to the young red head that couldn't have been a day older than twenty-five, "she'll be taking your statement and if it's alright with your captain, that can happen in here."
"You can have the room," Cragen nodded to Olivia before grabbing a few things off of his desk and following Tucker out into the squad room.
"We can start whenever you're ready," Miranda said as she took the seat opposite Cragen's desk and Olivia. She clicked her pen open and held it inches away from the yellow legal pad.
Olivia took a deep breath and let her eyes wander around the room, looking for anything to focus on. "I don't... I don't exactly know where to start," Olivia admitted quietly.
"Why don't you start just after he tied you to the chair," Miranda said as gently as it could be said.
Olivia nodded and folded her hands in her lap, fidgeting nervously. She was now wishing that Brian was with her because she was sure it would be easier with him by her side. "Uh... he tied my hands behind my back," she began softly as the scenes played through her mind while she spoke them, "with rope. I could feel it digging into my wrists..."
Miranda nodded at Olivia to continue as she scribbled away on her pad of paper. She could see how difficult this was for Olivia and she had been advised before hand to just be patient.
"He stood in front of me with his gun," she said remembering the horrifying look on his face, "he told me that if I didn't cooperate he would shoot me right between the eyes." She took another deep breath and blinked away tears. "H-he kept playing with...with my h-hair. He told me that it was the nicest hair he had ever seen." She sniffled and reached up to touch her now shortened hair with her hand. She missed her long locks but she didn't miss the reminder they left. "He grabbed a bottle of alcohol and threw it at me. It... it spilled all over and um-um, it got in my eyes so I couldn't see." She was becoming quieter as she went on and more tears filled in her eyes and were so close to spilling over the edge. "Th-that's when he took me into my bedroom." The tears finally fell over and were now steadily streaming down her flushed cheeks as she thought about it. That horrible night would haunt her for the rest of her life. It was permanently etched into her memory.
"Then what happened?"
Olivia licked her lips and she could taste the salty tears. "He pushed me onto my bed," she forced out, "and he... he uh- he..." The memories were still all too fresh and she was barely handling talking about it.
"He what?" Miranda pushed with a small smile that was more of a grimace on her face.
Olivia just shook her head as the tears continued to cascade like raindrops during a thunderstorm. She could hear his voice in her head yelling at her to follow his orders and she could smell the alcohol on his breath. Her shoulders began shaking and she buried her face in her hands. "I need Brian," she sobbed, "please. Somebody call Brian."
Miranda quickly left the room and found Cragen, letting him know that Olivia was asking for Brian. Miranda knew that Brian was her boyfriend but that was about all she knew. Cragen dialed the number from Olivia's desk phone and hoped he would be able to make it.
"Olivia needs you," Cragen said into the receiver as Brian picked up.
"I'm on my way right now," Brian said and the next thing Cragen heard was the dial tone. He knew that Brian would arrive in a matter of seconds because there was no way he was going to let Olivia go through this alone again.
"Would like me to get you something to drink?" Miranda tried to ask the still sobbing Olivia.
"W-here's Brian?" she hiccuped.
"I'm here!" he said busting through the door with sweat drenched all over him. He was still in his work clothes and if it wouldn't have been for that he would have definitely gotten a ticket.
Brian rushed over to her side and took her sobbing form into his arms. Miranda left, giving them some privacy.
"It's alright, Liv," Brian whispered into her ear, "I'm here. It's okay."
Olivia just sobbed harder into shoulder. Her tears were forming a small puddle and Brian was sure they wouldn't let up soon. He wished that Olivia could just be finished with this; all of it. She shouldn't have to keep thinking about it because every time she did it sent her three steps back. She was trying so hard to move on!
"I just want to go home," Olivia whispered as her tears slowed down and her body shook a little less.
"Okay, Sweetie," Brian said as he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. He took his jacket off and placed it around Olivia's shoulder, trying to give her a sense of safety. "Let's go." He wrapped his arm around her back protectively and kept her face buried into him, afraid of what Tucker would say if he saw them leaving.
"Wait!" Tucker said as he figured out that Nick and Fin were trying to distract him by keeping him talking. "Where are you going?!"
"She's going home," Brian seethed through gritted teeth. He didn't even bother looking back, he just kept walking forward with Olivia holding onto him tight.
Later that evening, Olivia was resting on the couch covered in a blanket and was just about asleep when there was a knock on the door. Brian looked at her and then hopped out of his recliner to answer it.
"Who is it?"
"It's Don."
Brian opened the door and in walked Captain Cragen with a look of pity on his face. That was the one thing Olivia hated. She didn't want people's pity.
"I just wanted to see if you were okay," Cragen said genuinely as he stood just a few inches inside the door with his hands stuffed into his coat pockets.
Olivia opened her mouth to say something but she closed it. She wasn't okay and she wasn't going to lie anymore. "No," she finally blurted as she sat up weakly. "I'm not okay. I force victims to give their statements everyday and what do I look like when I can't even give my own?" She had that high pitch edge to her voice again and her eyes immediately turned glossy pink.
"You look like someone who has been through hell and back," Cragen said honestly, "but I know that you can get through it. Olivia Benson you are one of the strongest people I know and I'm not just saying that; I mean that."
"Brian and SVU are the only things I have left," she said sadly, "what happens I can't work SVU anymore and I become so screwed up that Brian can't love me anymore?"
Brian, who was standing just feet away from Olivia, felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He didn't understand how Olivia could honestly think that he would leave her; ever. He was here to stay.
"The day you stop working SVU is the day you die," Cragen answered, "and I don't see that happening anytime in the near future."
"Uh... I gotta... I forgot something at work," Brian said heading for the table to grab his keys, "I'll be back soon." He took off without another word.
Olivia just sat there, dumbfounded. "See," she chuckled, "he hates me," she stated, "because I can't even sleep in bed with him. He hates me..."
"He doesn't," Cragen assured as he made his way further into the apartment. "He does not hate you, Liv. He loves you and if you can't see that right now then you will. You didn't see his face when he found out you were missing."
Olivia bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
"He just needed to clear his head," Cragen went on to say, "this is a lot for him too and I know it's hard for you but all he wants to do is help you feel better. That's all he cares about. So to hear you say that he isn't going to love you anymore hurts him."
Olivia sniffed and attempted at wiping her eyes, "So what do I do?"
"You just let him help you."
"I know," Cragen assured her, "and Brian knows too. He'll be back shortly after he's cleared his head and everything between you two will be fine."
Olivia sighed and leaned back on the couch, letting her head gently thump the wall. She was tired; exhausted. Everything made her tired lately and she just wished that she could wake up from the nightmare her life had become.