"Since your return to Poplar you have been isolative, and distant," Trixie points out.
"Just grieving, I suppose," Patsy attempts to brush off Trixie's comment. She clenches her jaw, in an effort to maintain her stoic appearance.
"That is certainly what I thought at first glance," Trixie admits.
Patsy furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"
"While somethings remain unspoken, I feel as if I cannot keep this to myself."
"Keep what to yourself?" Her heart skips a beat.
"I am worried about you."
"I will be fine," she lies.
"What if you are not?"
Patsy falls silent, as she attempts to process the thought.
"None of us here are dupes. While I can admit all of us at some point, or another, have acted foolishly, none of us are fools."
"Trixie, if you have something to say just spit it out."
"How long are you going to keep up this charade?"
Patsy does not respond. Her insides churn in silence.
"How long are you going to pretend that there is no elephant in the room? I share a room with you. You sleep a few mere feet away from me. Do you think I haven't noticed the subtle, and not so subtle details? Your attempts to pretend you acquired new uniforms, because yours were worn out. Tip toeing out of the room to go to the lavatory in the wee hours of the morning. I do not ask questions about your personal life, but it is evident to me that something life changing happened while you were gone, and you are really struggling."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to admit to what has obviously thrown quite a wrench in things."
"I am not ready," she pauses, "for everyone to know."
"We are the only two people in this room," Trixie points out, "Whatever you say does not leave this room. I can certainly appreciate the delicate nature of the situation."
She purses her lips, as her hand comes to rest on top of her covers, at her abdomen. She inhales deeply, and her nostrils flare. Finally she meets Trixie's gaze once again.
"It seems as if I am not alone."
"No one is alone," Trixie calls her out.
"What I am trying to say is that apparently, I find myself in the family way," she explains, feeling a hint of relief.
Trixie nods, "How long were you planning on keeping that a secret, exactly?"
"As long as humanly possible," she breathes a sigh of relief.
"How long have you been keeping this secret?"
"Months," she answers flatly.
"How many months? You returned nearly three months ago."
"It happened a few months before I returned."
"What are you going to do?"
Patsy falls silent. Trixie vacates her seat, and takes a seat on Patsy's bed, next to her. Before Patsy can respond her tear ducts have betrayed her. Trixie hugs her to her side.
"It is going to be okay," she muses.
"It is most certainly not okay. None of this is okay," Patsy argues, "I made a colossal mistake, and I can't take it back. I can't fix it, and I most certainly cannot erase it."
"What about the other party involved? Did you tell him?"
"He is unreachable."
"Unreachable?"
"I have no way to get a hold of him."
"Do you have an address, or a phone number?"
"It wouldn't matter if I did," she responds.
"Why not?"
"He is unreachable."
"Unreachable? I still do not understand what you mean by that. Is he travelling abroad?"
"As far abroad as you can get."
Trixie furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"
"He cannot be contacted by anyone. A couple of weeks before my father died I received word that he had been in a car accident, and succumbed to his injuries."
Trixie's hand claps over her own mouth, "I am so sorry."
"It wasn't as if I was in love with him. He was a childhood friend. When he came to visit my father I was filled with a sense of ease, maybe even a sense of nostalgia. I allowed myself to be swept up in a swirl of emotions and alcohol, and now here I am."
"I understand."
"I don't know what I am supposed to say, or do. All I know is that I can't stop what is going to happen next, and it terrifies me."
"Let me ask you, if this gentleman were still around, would you reach out to him? Would you pursue something further?"
"I suppose I would have considered telling him. I guess that he had a right to know. I don't feel that an unplanned pregnancy is a reason to tie yourself to someone legally for the rest of your life, especially if you don't have those kind of feelings towards them. It isn't fair to make all parties involved miserable."
"I don't disagree."
"This is not something that I ever anticipated."
"Is it something that you want?"
"Not particularly," she admits, as her cheeks grow red with shame.
Trixie pats her hand, "It is okay to admit that. It is okay to feel that way. What is your plan? You can't keep this to yourself forever."
"I feel terrible, because I…" she trails off.
"It isn't something that you want to do?"
"Precisely."
"No one is saying that you have to."
"There is no getting out of it, at least in part."
"After the inevitable separation there is nothing saying you have to continue on the typical path."
"What kind of person am I, if I don't?"
"The kind who doesn't make a child feel like a burden their entire life. Look, I can't tell you what to do. I just know that resentment grows deep dysfunction is bound to follow."
"Sometimes I think that it would have been easier, if I had never come back."
"If you feel that way, then why did you come back?"
She swallows hard, "Everything I have is here. Everyone I care about is here," she chooses her words wisely.
"So let us help you."
"This is not your burden to carry."
"You do not have to do this alone."
"You are not the only one who knows. Others have noticed."
"What others?"
"The first to notice was someone who is particularly fond of pastries."
Trixie grins, "She does have the most experience in such matters."
"Sister Julienne very politely suggested that I not take on as many extra duties as I had been."
"That is wise. I want you to know, that when the time comes, I will be right here."