MAX WOLF REVOLUTIONS

by Some pendejito

My very own tribute to "Christian Humber Reloaded", which is simply the best fanfiction ever in my opinion: If "My Immortal" can get many so-called "spoofs" (Which usually are the same text with a few minor changes) and homage stories written in same style, why the same thing couldn't be done with CHR, since it is much better?

4. Part 4

PART 4

THE FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

While we were walking across the red sands on Mars trying to find that evil motherfucking cunt demon Pokémon from Solomon Phoenix called Spooky, there was a big fucking earthquake, which was strong enough to break down many of the biggest ice formations on Mars, and we had to move very fast in order to don´t be smashed by all those fucking ice fragments that fell all over Mars.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Dave asked me, and I didn´t know what to answer him, but then there was another terrible earthquake, and one big motherfucking castle started to emerge from the ground in front of us.

"What the fuck?" I asked myself in a very loud voice.

THE UNDEAD ARMY FROM MARS

"What the fuck?" I asked myself in a very loud voice. "There is a motherfucking castle on Mars?"

The castle was just as a big as motherfucker Mount Everest and had at last 100 towers (That´s not counting the other 150 magical floating towers that were rotating around the castle) Then we heard a horrible shriek coming from the distance, and there was another earthquake and this time, several ghosts, demons, skeletons warriors, zombies and vampires started to appear from inside the castle, and all of them started attacking us, so we fought back, and that´s how we started smashing the heads of those undead motherfuckers.

A FUCKING FIERCE BATTLE ON MARS

We bravely fought against that evil undead army for at least eight hours, but we weren´t tired at all. However, it soon get fucking bored, because those undead creatures never died even after we killed them, so Dave and I had to reduce those bastards to dust using our magic energy.

However, an evil wizard who was hidden in one of the towers of the castle used his dark evil magic to turn all the sand and dust into giant monsters that attacked us, so Hulk and Red Hulk smashed those bastards but they quickly regenerated their destroyed bodies, so I realized that I had to kill the evil wizard who created those abominations in order to completely annihilate them.

KILLING THE EVIL WIZARD

I asked Hulk to throw me to the place where the evil wizard who created the sand and dust monsters where hidden. He doubted to do that, so I insulted him, calling him ugly and that pissed off him a lot so he throw me far away to the place where the wizard was hidden. Once there I found the wizard who tried to put a spell on me, but I was faster than him, killing the bastard instantly using just a little glimpse of my energies, which was more than enough to reduce him to a bunch of dust.

Once the wizard was dead, the giant monsters he created using his magic were disintegrated instantly, and we thought that the battle was finally over and that we won.

HOLY SHIT, MOTHERFUCKING MARS DRAGONS!

However, the battle wasn´t over yet, because Spooky appeared then, carrying on his hands the scepter that contained the evil spirit of Count Graduon and that motherfucker said:

"Fuckers, don´t think that the battle is over yet, you still haven´t won!"

I tried to kill him, but the bastard was a ghost, so he was already dead and I couldn´t kill him. Then he used his evil magic to summon a bunch of motherfucking dragons that were hibernating inside some glaciers, but when they were summoned the glaciers were defrosted and those motherfucking dragons were liberated and extended their wings to fly towards us: Those dragons were fucking incredibly big and each one of them had the size of a mountain, and each one of those motherfuckers tried to smash us with their big motherfucking claws and tails covered with corrosive acid fluids and fucking sharp spikes.

SHIT SPOOKY LOST CONTROL OF HIS DRAGONS

Spooky watched us with disdain, while we were trying to dodge all the attacks of the motherfucking Mars dragons he summoned with the help of Count Graduon: That bastard laughed at us, and said that our suffering was the funniest thing he ever saw in his entire motherfucking life. I called him "Motherfucker", but he didn´t care, and then Hulk tried to jump where he was, but one of the dragons tried to block him, but Hulk used his acid urine to melt one of the eyes of the dragon, which started to scream in pain in a horrifying manner : The pain of that beast was so intense that it started to whip with his tail everything that was close to it and in that way, the dragon ended destroying many of the towers of Spooky´s haunted castle, and that pissed off that motherfucker much to our amusement.

"No, fucker, don´t destroy my castle!" screamed Spooky and after he said that he used a spell on the dragon, making it explode, and we were covered by their innards and bloods. The other dragons were angry at this, so they used their powers to destroy Spooky and his haunted castle, destroying it instantly, but the motherfucking Spooky was able to survive using Count Graduon's magic.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, YOU MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS!"

"Holy shit, I don´t like where this shit is going," I said, with a concerned look in my face.

FUCKING SPOOKY AGAINST THE DRAGONS

The dragons combined their different destructive powers to annihilate Spooky, but he protected himself using Count Graduon's magic, which created a magic shield for him. However the destructive power of the dragons was too much and it started to defrost all the ice on Mars, something that could cause the destruction of the entire planet.

"We have to return to our spaceship with the others!" Red Hulk suggested and Hulk said: "Duh, motherfucker, I bet it took you hours to think about that!"

Red Hulk didn´t like Hulk´s sarcasm, but it was no time to start a discussion and we had to run in the fastest way we could.

FUCKING SPOOKY IS EATEN BY A DRAGON

"NO! You won´t escape from me!" Spooky exclaimed when he saw us running from the battlefield. He tried to use his motherfucking evil magic to stop us, but before he could do that, one of the dragons ate him.

"Well, it seems that finally get rid of that motherfucker," Red Hulk said with relief.

"Duh, motherfucker, I bet it took you hours to think about that!" Hulk replied, sarcastically.

NOT OVER YET, MOTHERFUCKERS!

"I´m not yet dead, motherfuckers!" said one voice which came from inside the dragon. It was Spooky…He wasn´t dead yet!

A few seconds after that, Spooky used his evil magic to make the dragon explode and we once again were covered with the blood and the innards of that beast. Then, Spooky appeared in front of us, assuming his superpowered evil form which was also incredibly ugly.

"Ha, ha ha!" Spooky laughed evilly. "I now have Count Graduon's powers because I fused my body with the scepter that contained him, and now he and I are one and the same!"

"Oh shit!" Red Hulk said. "I think we are fucked!"

"Duh, motherfucker, I bet it took you hours to think about that!" Hulk replied, sarcastically, once again.

"Enough with that!" Red Hulk said, with annoyance.

THE BATTLE OF MARS DRAGONS AGAINST SUPERPOWERED MOTHERFUCKING SPOOKY

Spooky laughed at us and then announced that he was going to exterminate us using his fucking incredible new powers, but before he could use his evil spell on us, the dragons from Mars started attacking him, and that pissed him off a lot, so he used his evil magic to made the dragons explode one by one, but before he could exterminate all of those dragons, the surviving Mars dragons elevate their inner power to the infinity and were able to reach their super evolved states, becoming more powerful than ever, and joined forces to fight against Spooky.

"Fucking dragons, stop bothering me!" screamed Spooky, and he tried to use his magic to made the dragons explode, but they were too powerful for him now, and all the surviving dragons used his most destructive attack against that evil motherfucking demon Pokémon at the same time. Spooky tried to defend himself, but the collision of forces created a mega destructive wave that started to cover the whole planet, so we had only a few minutes to escape before Mars was completely destroyed.

"Holy shit, I don´t like where this is going. We better leave," I said.

ESCAPE FROM MARS

We ran away back to the spaceship owned by Hulk and his team, but the destructive wave was every second closer at us, so Hulk decided to use his super strength to throw us to the place where the spaceship landed in order to be there in a shorter time, and once we were there, he made one of his super jumps and that´s how we reached the spaceship just in time before the destructive wave could reach us.

"NOOOO, COME BACK HERE, I´M NOT DONE WITH YOU ASSHOLES!" screamed a giant face made of dust and sand (Kinda like the one from The Mummy, but this one was better, more epic and all that shit) It was Spooky! The fucking bastard wasn´t destroyed yet!

We entered the spaceship in the fastest way we could, and once we were inside of it, we told She Hulk: "Lift off this ship NOW or we are DEAD!"

"What the fuck is happening?" she asked and I told her: "No time for explanations, we need to escape from this shitty planet NOW!"

The spaceship successfully blasted off from Mars just in time before the entire fucking planet exploded. During the explosion, we heard a horrible scream from Spooky:

NOOOOO, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, YOU´LL SEE BITCH, THIS ISN´T THE END FUCKING MOTHERFUUUUUUCKEEEEEEEEEER!1!1!1! YOU SUCK!"

And then Mars was entirely vanished from existence, and Spooky was completely destroyed. It was a flawless victory for us.

THE REACTION ON EARTH ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF MARS

Meanwhile on Earth…

People were fucking astonished when they saw planet Mars exploding from the fucking distance. Most people were like: "What the fuck is happening?" And most of those wusses were completely scared and worried, but all the cool people from earth were not scared or worried about the random explosion of planet Mars.

Meanwhile, on S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier…

Fucking Nick Fury was fucking annoyed of seeing fucking Spiderman doing some wacky stuff on his desk to impress him, but then he was informed about the destruction of Mars and he was angry at Hulk and his team about that, so he started screaming many random profanities:

"FUCK, SHIT, PISS, CUNT, FUCKING HULK AND HIS FUCKING SHITTY PISS CUNT TEAM! WHAT THE FUCK YOU HAVE DONE NOW, FUCKING FUCKERS YOU FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, AND FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! MARS IS GONE FOREVER NOW, FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING FUCK!1!FUCK!

Spiderman was shocked of hearing so many profanities at the same time, but he didn´t say nothing anyway.

XAVIER AND AMANDA ARE FOUND

After the explosion of planet Mars, and once we were going back to planet Earth in the spaceship owned by Hulk and his team I said myself in a very loud voice, while facepalming: "HOLY SHIT, I FORGOT ABOUT XAVIER AND AMANDA, THEY WERE TRAPPED INSIDE THE MAGIC MIRROR THAT WAS INSIDE SPOOKY´S HAUNTED CASTLE, BUT THE CASTLE WAS DESTROYED BY THE MARS DRAGONS, SO NOW THEY ARE DEAD, WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO NOW?!"

"Hey, idiot, look at this…" fucking Harry Grimoire told me in a taunting tone, and I was ready to punch him in his fucking nerdy face, but to my surprise XAVIER AND AMANDA WERE INSIDE THE SPACESHIP, AT HIS SIDE! HOLY SHIT!

"Hello, master!" Both robots said politely. They were still trapped inside the magic mirror, but I didn´t care about that, because they were still alive. I was so happy that I just hugged the mirror as a complete dumbass mofo.

FUCKING HARRY GRIMOIRE WASN´T FUCKING COMPLETELY USELESS AFTER ALL, FUCK

"How the fuck you did this, fucking Harry Grimoire?" I asked him in a very educate manner, so he answered me: "I used my magic to magically teleport myself inside Spooky´s castle, and while he was distracted fighting against you, I stole the mirror, and I used my magic to teleport myself back to the ship."

"But I thought you were left completely exhausted and almost without any kind of vital energy…" I said.

"I was, but then I got better after sleeping a few hours." Fucking Harry Grimoire answered me, and then I remembered that Dave, Hulk, Red Hulk and I bravely fought against that evil undead army for at least eight hours, so fucking Harry Grimoire had enough time to recover himself. Holy shit, I guess that fucking Harry Grimoire wasn´t entirely fucking useless after all!

RELEASING XAVIER AND AMANDA

Xavier and Amanda were safe in the ship, but they were still trapped inside the Dark Mirror Hole, so I asked fucking Harry Grimoire about how we were going to release them of the evil magical trap.

"I don´t know!" fucking Harry Grimoire answered me. "Who the fuck you think I am? Mandrake the Magician?"

"B-But you are a wizard!" Dave told him, and fucking Harry Grimoire answered him:

"Yeah, but I´m not fucking almighty. If I was, do you think that fucking John Talbain would be still alive?"

His answer angered me a lot, and I want to punch fucking Harry Grimoire in the face, but then Xavier and Amanda talked to me:

"Master, Spooky told us that the only way to break the spell of the Dark Mirror Hole is combining the power of the seven Sonichu balls, which are on earth."

"Exactly where on earth?" She-Hulk asked. "Can you be more specific?"

"We don´t know! Spooky only told us that information to taunt us, because he was an evil motherfucker!"

I was surprised to hear them saying the "m" word, but I didn´t said anything.

BACK TO EARTH

"I think that first we should return to earth, and then we will find the way to find those 'balls'…" Red Hulk said, and Hulk snorted.

"Heh, you said 'balls', motherfucker…" and Red Hulk grunted with annoyance.

Even when we all found funny the fact that Red Hulk said "balls", we still agreed with his idea to return first to earth, and then start the search of the Sonichu "Balls". Heh heh.

MEETING THE MOTHERFUCKING NICK FURY

Our spaceship returned to earth, and there we met the motherfucking Nick Fury who was also accompanied by Spiderman, who was doing wacky stuff at his side. Motherfucking Nick Fury was fucking angry, and once our spaceship landed on earth, he started yelling at us:

"FUCKING STUPID FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID? WHY THE FUCK YOU MADE THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANET MARS EXPLODE, WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?!"

"Hey motherfucker," I told him, and that pissed Nick Fury off a lot, "Do you have any fucking idea about what the fuck happened in Mars? About the terrible enemies we have to fight there? YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA?"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER?" Nick Fury answered me, and I was ready to punch him in the face, but then Hulk and his team gave Nick Fury a very detailed report about what happened in Mars, including our long and epic battle against Spooky and his undead army.

Nick Fury read it, but didn´t believe it, so he started yelling at us once again:

"FUCKING IDIOTS, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I´M GOING TO BE FUCKING STUPID TO BELIEVE THIS FUCKING IMMENSE AMOUNT OF FUCKING BULLSHIT? THIS FUCKING REPORT IS NOTHING BUT A FUCKING LARGE HEAP OF FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT AND NOTHING MORE!"

His angry reaction stretched the Hulk's patience, so Hulk told Nick Fury to fuck off:

"I had enough of you, motherfucking Nick Fury," Hulk said. "It´s not my fucking problem if you don´t believe us about what happened in Mars, we told you the truth, and if you don´t want to believe it, well, that´s your fucking problem!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY, FUCKING BITCH?" Nick Fury said in a very taunting tone, but Hulk just punched him in the face. Fortunately for him, Hulk only used a tiny bit of his strength against him, so Nick Fury survived, but lost many of his teeth and his nose was broken.

"FUCKING BITCH, YOU CAN´T FUCKING DO THIS TO ME, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!" Nick Fury said, but Hulk just ignored him.

ANOTHER FUCKING NEW JOURNEY STARTS

After that incident we left the place, and Hulk and his team decided to quit their job at S.H.I.E.L.D., because Nick Fury was fucking annoying. I told them that Dave and I will have to start the search of the Sonichu Balls in order to release our friends Xavier and Amanda from the Dark Mirror Hole.

"Can we go with you?" Hulk and his team asked me. "We could help you, at least until we find another job…"

"Yeah, whatever…" I answered them, and that´s how we started the search of the Sonichu balls accompanied by Hulk and his team. Oh, and fucking Harry Grimoire went with us, because he didn´t have anything more to do.

OBLIGATORY FILLER BEACH CHAPTER

We were tired of so much bullshit happening lately, so we went to the beach, were we had some fun and played some volleyball, and then Hulk lost his swimming suit while he was swimming and everybody laughed, except Nick Fury because he was still upset because I called him "Motherfucker" the other day.

Fucking Harry Grimoire videotaped the whole event and uploaded it to Youtube, but the video was removed two days later due some "inappropriate content" bullshit policy of that website.

SOME STUPID FILLER CHAPTER

One night Xavier and Amanda watched The Silence of Lambs while eating some fries. Amanda was scared of Buffallo Bill, but Xavier told her: "Don´t worry Amanda, Buffalo is not real." Amanda said: "Oh, ok then." Then they said "good night" to each other and went to sleep.

That was the whole fucking episode, fuckmunch. Nothing more happened.

To be continued in part 5…