A phone rings somewhere in another loft. An answering machine picks it up.
"Hi. You've reached Brittany and Santana. Leave a message and don't forget "Over the Moon" - My performance, protesting the eviction of the Homeless and artists from the Eleventh Street Lot. Tonight at midnight in the lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow." The machine beeps and Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, Santana's parents, voices are heard.
"Well, Santana - We're off
I tried you at the office
And they said you're stage managing or something." Her father's voice says.
"Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem
Need her legal help too." Her mother is heard from the background.
"Call Daisy for our itinerary or Alfred at Pound Ridge
Or Eileen at the state department in a pinch
We'll be at the spa for new year's
Unless the senator changes his mind." Her father comes back.
"The hearings!" Her mother's voice says.
"Oh yes - Kitten
Mummy's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth
We'll need you - alone - by the sixth." Her father reminds her.
"Harold!" The screech is from her mother, who is impatient.
"You hear that?
It's three weeks away
And she's already nervous." Santana's father jokes.
"I am not!" is heard.
"For Mummy's sake, Kitten
No Doc Martens this time and wear a dress ...
Oh, and Kitten - have a merry." Her father starts out but then is cut off my her mother.
"And a bra!" Her mom yells,the line goes dead.
Back in Artie and Finn's loft. Kurt walks in.
"Enter Kurt Hummel, computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist, who ran naked through the Parthenon." Artie narrates.
Kurt has many food items and acoholic bevrages Blaine and himself bought.
"Bustelo - Marlboro
Banana by the bunch
A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good." Kurt and Artie sing.
"And firewood!" Kurt sings alone.
"Look!
It's Santa Claus!" Artie announces.
"Hold your applause!" Kurt says.
"Oh...hi." Finn says, smiling.
" 'Oh... hi', after seven months?" Kurt asks.
"Sorry." Finn says.
"This boy could use some Stoli." Kurt says, opening a bottle.
"O' Holy Night." They all sang.
"You struck gold at MIT?" Finn asks.
"They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality
Which I'll soon impart
To the couch potatoes at New York University
Still haven't left the house?" Kurt explains.
"I was waiting for you, don't you know?" Finn lies.
"Well, tonight's the night
Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show." Kurt says.
"No flow." Finn says, sitting on the couch. Artie sits beside him.
"Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve
Whose charity is only matched by talent, I believe
A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde
Blaine Nicholas Anderson!"
Blaine walks in wearing Santa Drag. A black wig on his head as well. Yes, Blaine is a drag queen everyone! In both of his hands are fans of $20 bills.
"Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me." Blaine sang.
"And you should hear her beat." Kurt sings.
"You earn this on the street?" Artie asks, shocked.
"It was my lucky day today on Avenue A
When a lady in a limousine drove my way
She said, "Dahling - be a dear - haven't slept in a year
I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear"
"This Akita-Evita just won't shut up
I believe if you play non-stop that pup
Will breathe its very last high-strung breath
I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death"
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
We agreed on a fee - A thousand dollar guarantee
Tax-free - and a bonus if I trim her tree
Now who could foretell that it would go so well
But sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell
After an hour - Evita - in all her glory
On the window ledge of that 23rd story
Like Thelma & Louise did when they got the blues
Swan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me."
Blaine then does an amazing dance and drum solo.
"Then back to the street where I met my sweet
Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete
The nurse took him home for some mercurochrome
And I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet
Sing it!
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me
Today for you - tomorrow for me."
They all clap and thank Blaine for the money. Then outside, they hear Jesse pull up.
"Joy to the world-
Hey, you bum - yeah, you, move over
Get your ass off that range rover." Jesse retorts to the homeless man.
"That attitude toward the homeless is just what
Brittany is protesting tonight." Artie takes out his camera and zooms in on Jesse.
"Close up: Jesse St. James, our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys - then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law in hopes of starting a cyber-studio."
Jesse shoves his hand in front of the lens.
"Brittany is protesting
Losing her performance space
Not my attitude." Jesse tells them.
"What happened to Jesse
What happened to his heart
And the ideals he once pursued?" Finn sang.
"The owner of that lot next door
Has a right to do with it as he pleases." Jesse tells them.
"Happy Birthday, Jesus." Kurt sings.
"The rent." Jesse says. They all start walking down the fire escape to him.
"You're wasting your time." Artie said.
"We're broke." Finn sang.
"And you broke your word.
This is absurd." Artie reminded him.
"There is one way you won't have to pay." Jesse told them.
"I knew it!" Finn sang, angry.
"Next door, the home of Cyberarts, you see
And now that the block is re-zoned
Our dream can become a reality
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio
I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee
That you can stay here for free
If you do me one small favor." Jesse informs them.
"What?" Artie asks.
"Convince Brittany to cancel her protest." Jesse says.
"Why not just get an injunction or call the cops?" Artie asks.
"I did, and they're on stand by
But my investors would rather
I handle this quietly." Jesse tells them.
"You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city
Then watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' on TV!" Finn yells.
"You want to produce films and write songs?
You need somewhere to do it!
It's what we used to dream about
Think twice before you pooh-pooh it
You'll see boys
You'll see boys
You'll see - the beauty of a studio
That lets us do our work and get paid
With condos on the top
Whose rent keeps open our shop
Just stop the protest
And you'll have it made
You'll see - or you'll pack." Jesse says, getting back in his car and drving off.
"That boy could use some prozac." Blaine says.
"Or heavy drugs."Finn insists.
"Or group hugs." Artie suggests.
"Which reminds me -
We have a detour to make tonight
Anyone who wants to can come along?" Kurt asks.
"Life support's a group for people coping with life
You don't have to stay too long." Blaine told them.
"First I've got a protest to save." Artie says.
"Finn?"Blaine asks.
"I'm not much company you'll find." Finn says.
"Behave!" Artie says.
"He'll catch up later - He's just go other things on his mind
You'll see boys." Blaine sings.
"We'll see boys." Artie and Kurt sang.
"Let it be, boys!" Finn sang.
"I like boys." Kurt announces.
"Boys like me!" Blaine smiles.
"We'll see." They all sing.
Soon, Artie finds himself in the lot were Brittany's show will be that same night. He takes his camera out and sighs.
"And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up." Artie looks up to see a Hispanic woman, who looks very very frustrated, trying to fix the cables.
""Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?" The woman talks to herself.
"Close on Mark's nose dive." Artie sighs again.
"Line out." The woman shrugs.
"Will he get out alive...?" Artie sighs. Then suddenly, the Hispanic woman looks up.
"Artie?" She asks, eyebrowas furried.
"Hi." Artie says quietly.
"I told her not to call you." The woman, who is actually Santana Lopez,sings.
"That's Brittany
But can I help since I'm here?" Artie asks.
"I've hired an engineer..." Santana tells him.
"Great!
Well, nice to have met you." Artie says, he turns to leave.
"Wait!
She's three hours late.
The samples won't delay
But the cable -"Santana starts.
"There's another way.
Say something, anything."Artie tells her.
"Test 1,2,3..."Santana says into the microphone.
"Anything but that." Artie says.
"This is weird." Santana says.
"It's weird." Artie agrees.
"Very weird." Santana says.
"Fuckin' weird." Arties agrees again.
"I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you." Santana points at him.
"Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?"Artie asks.
"As a matter of fact -" Santana nods at him.
"Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Brittany'
The Tango Brittany
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling." Artie sings.
"You're wrong." Santana tells him, walking off the stage.
"Your heart she is mangling." Artie over reacts and grabs his chest.
"It's different with me." Santana sneers.
"And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound." Artie says.
"I think I know what you mean." Santana says, scared.
"The Tango Brittany." They both sing.
"Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'?" Artie asks.
"Never." Santana says, disgusted.
"Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?" Mark asks.
"This is spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?" Santana asked him.
"Every time - so be cautious." Artie nods.
"Did she moon over other boys -?" Santana asks, even more scared.
"More than moon -" Artie tells her.
"I'm getting nauseous." Santana says. They turn to each other and starting tangoing, Artie is leading.
"Where'd you learn to tango?" Artie asked.
"With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?" Santana tells him.
"With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center." Artie replies.
All of a sudden, they switch, and Santana is leading.
"It's hard to do this backwards." Artie complains.
"You should try it in heels!
She cheated." Santana said.
"She cheated." Artie nodded.
"Brittany cheated." Santana said.
"Fuckin' cheated." Artie replied.
"I'm defeated
I should give up right now." Santana said sadly.
"Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might." Artie said.
"I'd fall for her still anyhow." Santana tells him.
"When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Make you fall." They both sing.
"So you think, 'Might as well'" Artie says.
"Dance a tango to hell." Santana says.
"At least I'll have tangoed at all
The Tango Brittany
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end - you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue." They both sing.
"Why do we love when she's mean?" Artie asked.
"And she can be so obscene." Santana said.
They stop dancing and go back on stage. Soon Artie flips a switch.
"Try the mike." Artie tells her.
"My Brittany. (reverb: ny,ny,ny,...)" Santana said into it.
"Patched." Artie said with a smile.
"Thanks." Santana says.
"You know - I feel great now!" Artie admitted.
"I feel lousy." Santana replied.
A pay phone rings and Santana answers it.
"Honey, we're...
Pookie?
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched." Santana hangs up and looks over at Artie.
"The Tango Brittany!" They both sing.