Shell-shocked I sat there. The echo from the door resonating in my head. I sat staring into space, I couldn't process it, it just wouldn't compute. Slowly my emotions came back to me, all the bitterness that I had only moments ago unleashed but it felt like an eternity.

I sat wallowing in my despair for the better part of the morning, only moving when the suns rays became too bright to bear. I was being selfish and I knew it deep down. But like the spoilt child that I was, I wasn't going to let it go quite so easily.

I was sulking, mooning about around the room like a child who's had her favourite toy taken away. I even contemplated suicide but I didn't have the guts for things like that. I was too much of a coward. When things get tough or I can't cope, I simply run. I never could stand and face things.

It wasn't true. It wasn't. He was wrong, they were all wrong. I was the victim here, not them! I was the one shut out of it all. ME.

I was trying desperately hard to convince myself of these facts, almost too hard.

I would have to go and apologise sooner or later, some of things I said were well below par. 'Par' God, that's a typical Arthur word. Stupid Arthur. Why can't I stay mad at you? Why?

Is it because you're right? You are a coward

Shut up. Shut up. It is, isn't it? No. No way. I'm the- You know it, you just wont admit it, because then you'll have to face up to the truth and you never could do that could you. You never could. You coward. No. I am not a coward. I stood up for people and had to watch The Gentlemen die because of it. That wasn't bravery for their sake, it's because you were afraid of what they'd do to you. Not like when you were growing up. Not like when you watched me dieing and didn't do a thing about it, you knew what he was doing and you never said a word. You just ran away like you always do.

You Coward.

No, mum. I promise you mum, I promise you. I never knew. I never knew.

It was true, I hadn't known that my father had been beating my mother, she always had these excuses and I would always believe them, I couldn't see any reason for her to lie to me, we had never had secrets we were thick as thieves. Until I came home to our house swarming with police and my father was dragged away for murder. I testified by video link and never stayed for the verdict. I just left, headed for another place and enrolled at a university. I ran away. Something I've been doing ever since.

It was a bitter pill to swallow. Self-realisation. Also having had the voice of my mother inside my head was the biggest heartache of all. Arthur's face flashed before my eyes, I had hurt him. I had done that. I needed to set it right, but first I needed to find Dom. I needed to hear his side of the story, maybe then I can clear my head enough to talk to Arthur and tell him the truth. Make him understand why. I wasn't looking for forgiveness now, just understanding. If I could achieve that, it would be enough, wouldn't it?

The next morning dawned bleak and gloomy, the weather seemed to match my mood and a heavy sense of foreboding settled in the pit of my stomach. I dressed in a grey turtleneck sweater and a pencil skirt, it covered most of the scars and would hopefully give off a more settled appearance then I had last night.

Dom was never an easy man to find, I suppose owing to the fact that he was on the run from the police had made him even more cautious but as I had found him once I would not stop until I found him again. The pursuit took me five days, the old warehouse they had used before had been abandoned and replaced with another in a far more remote location. When I arrived there were five bodies inside the place, Arthur included. So I bided my time and caught Dom as he was leaving.

He was surprised, guarded even when I approached him. He was always very easy to read, his body language and those soft eyes always gave him away. He was angry, disappointed in me. That I had just disappeared with no trace from their lives and I accepted everything he had to throw at me. After all, there was really no one else to blame. The bitterness and anger threatened to come creeping back in again and I had to fight hard to swallow my pride. I can tell you now, it wasn't easy. So many times I wanted to but in, shout the odds, set him straight on how I saw it but this wasn't about me, it was about the truth, about Mol.

It was the haunting look on his face, the way it visibly drained of all life as he told his sorry tale. He was lost, floundering in water too deep. How long had he been like this? Surely Arthur would have done something to try and help, or maybe that was it. Maybe he didn't want to be helped; maybe it was something he had to help himself out of? Knowing all that and being unable to go home to his children. Not being able to see them. The thought alone was tearing me up inside, who knows what it was doing inside of him.

As he finished telling his story I enveloped him in a hug, unable to express in words what I felt towards him. I was upset that I hadn't been there; I should have been there. If things had been different then… oh what's the use in wondering what ifs. A few tears slipped from my eyes as I thought of all the months Dom had endured with Mols questionable insanity before she had finally taken her life, convinced that she would wake up in what she believed was reality.

Dom wiped the few tears from my face with his thumbs, smiling at me sadly. "What happened to us all Els? Where'd it all go wrong?"

"I, I don't know" I replied shakily, a few more tears escaping, I couldn't bear to look in those eyes any longer. I took a step back, taking a deep breath as I did so.

"Still look at you, the last time I saw you, you were a bundle of energy, the life and soul of the party, couldn't keep you still for a minute, unless of course Arthur was there" We both smiled lightly at the memory "Now look, nice clothes, proper hair colour, you almost look like a grown up" Again we shared a small smile.

"About Arthur, if I wanted to get in contact with him, do you think he'd agree to see me again?" I didn't want to risk mentioning the other night, just in case he hadn't said anything.

"Els, Gee, I'm not sure, he spent a long time looking for you, he was broken when you went, even more then Mol, the rest of us you know, we got that you'd never stick around too long, you just weren't that kind of person, but still the way you left, it wasn't right, he wasn't right for along time. I don't know what it'd do to him, just turning up out of the blue like this"

"Well could you at least let him know that I'm around, give him my number and let him do what he wants with it, what's the harm in that?"

"I dunno Els-"

"Can you at least try?"

"I'll… I'll try but I can't promise anything"

"Thank you Dom, you don't know how much it means to me"

He just smiled sadly; we embraced again and said our goodbyes, heading our separate ways. For now.