The piercing scream of a siren jerks me from my sleep. The sound is so foreign, I can't even begin to process what it is. All I know is that my heart's pounding in my chest from the sudden rush of adrenaline.
Before a second had passed, the door to my room flies open and a guard runs in.
"Huh?" I say groggily as he races over to me.
"Get up, Mer!" he urges, and I do as he said. "Where are your damn shoes?"
Shoes. So I'm going somewhere. Only then did the sound make sense to me. Maxon had told me once before that there was an alarm for when the rebels came, but it had been thoroughly dismantled in a recent attack. It finally must have been repaired.
"Here," I say, finding and slipping my feet into them. "I need my robe." I point to the end of the bed, and Aspen grabs it, trying to open it for me. "Don't bother, I'll carry it."
"You need to hurry," he says. "I don't know how close they are."
I nod, heading for the door, Aspen's hand on my back. Before I hit the hallway, he jerks me toward him. I find myself in a deep, rough kiss. Aspen's hand is behind my head, holding my lips to his for one long moment.
I freeze, this isn't supposed to be happening, I wasn't supposed to see him again until I figured out what to say to him. I'm not supposed to be kissing him. This is wrong. My entire body screams at me to stop and my heart aches as I go against my vow to never hurt Maxon again.
Even while I try to move my uncooperative body, I can't deny the knowledge I possess about Aspen. I can feel the urgency in his touch. Something might go wrong, and this could be the last time I ever saw him. He wanted to make it count. So I let him, because I will always love him and I can't break his heart right before he goes into battle.
We step apart, barely taking a second to look at each other one more time. He puts his hand around my arm and pushes me out the door. "Go. Now."
I dash for the secret passage hidden at the end of the hall. Before I push the wall, I look behind me and catch sight of Aspen's back as he runs around the corner. Tomorrow, we'd need to talk tomorrow.
As quickly as I can manage, I make my way down the steep, dark stairs to the safe room reserved for the royal family.
Maxon had told me once that there were two kinds of rebels: Northern and Southern. The Northern ones were pesky, but the Southern ones were deadly. I hope whatever I'm running from is more interested in disturbing us than in killing.
As I descend the stairs, the cold set in. I want to throw on my robe, but I worry I might trip. I feel steadier as the light of the safe room comes into view. I leap from the last step, and I can see a figure standing out among the shapes of the guards. Maxon. Though it's late, he was still in his suit pants and his shirt, slightly rumpled but presentable. Always presentable, I smirk internally.
"Am I the last?" I ask, pulling on my robe as I approach.
"No," he answers, avoiding eye contact. "Kriss is still out there. So is Elise." I know he is trying to dispel any rumors, but it still hurts.
I look behind me at the darkened corridor that seems to go on forever. In either direction, I could make out the skeletons of three or four stairways stemming from their secret origins in the palace above. They were empty.
If anything Maxon had told me was true, his feelings for Kriss and Elise were limited. But there was no mistaking the concern for them in his eyes. He rubbed his temple and craned his neck, as if that would really help in the dark. We looked past each other, watching the stairs as guards milled around the door, clearly anxious to close it.
Suddenly he sighs and puts his hands on his hips. Then, with no warning at all, he embraces me. I can't help but clutch him to my chest, remembering last night's peace.
"I know you're still probably upset, and that's fine. But I'm happy you're safe."
"I'm glad you're safe, too," I whisper, trying not to rub my nose into his neck.
He holds me tighter. "I spoke to my father earlier."
"And?" I ask, nervous but hopeful.
"I explained to him that nothing happened." His voice is tight, and I know him well enough to know that's not the whole truth.
"Did he understand?"
He's quiet for a moment and my heart bangs around in my chest. My mind flashes through the worst case scenarios. Elimination. Humiliation. Incarceration.
"No." I stop breathing. "But Mother helped. She said a similar rumor was spread during her selection."
"What happened to the girl?"
"She was sent home."
I gasp, pulling out of his arms to look him in the face. "No! Maxon, you can't—"
"America, calm, my darling." Maxon interrupts. "That is not the comparison I was making. I merely meant that rumors are not uncommon. My father's only condition is that we wait until the talk ceases to continue our blatant regard."
"Oh," I say, my heart rate returning to normal. "Good."
Suddenly he gasps. "Elise."
I turn to see her thin figure coming down the stairs. Where's Kriss?
"You should go inside," Maxon gently urges. "Silvia is waiting."
"We'll talk soon."
He gives me a small, hopeful smile and nods. I head into the room, with Elise following right behind. As she walks in, I notice she's crying. I put an arm around her shoulder, and she does the same to me, happy to have the company.
"Where were you?" I ask.
"I think my maid is sick. She was a little slow to help me. And then I was so frightened by the alarm, I got confused for a moment and couldn't remember where to go. I pushed on four different walls before I found the right one." Elise shakes her head at her forgetfulness.
"Don't worry," I say, hugging her. "You're safe now."
She nods her head to herself, trying to slow her breathing. Of the five of us, she was easily the most delicate.
As we go deeper, I see the king and queen sitting close together, both of them in robes and slippers. The king has a small stack of papers on his lap, as if he is going to use the time down here to work. The queen has a maid massaging one of her hands, and they both wear serious expressions.
"What, no company this time?" Silvia jokes, drawing our attention to her.
"They weren't with me," I say, suddenly worried about the safety of my maids.
She smiles gently. "I'm sure they're fine. This way."
We follow her to a row of cots set up against an uneven wall. The last time I was in this place, it was clear that the people who maintained the room weren't prepared for the chaos of all the Selected girls down here. They'd made progress since then, but it isn't completely up-to-date. There are six beds.
Celeste is curled up on the one closest to the king and queen, though we are still quite a ways from them. Natalie has settled in next to her and is braiding thin pieces of her own hair.
"I expect you to sleep. You all have a serious week ahead of you, and I can't have you planning if you're deliriously tired." Silvia walks away, probably to look for Kriss.
Elise and I both sigh. I can't believe they were going to make us go through with the whole reception thing. Wasn't this stressful enough? We let go of each other and make our way to neighboring cots. Elise is quick to tuck herself into the blankets, obviously worn out.
She rolls over, and it looks like she was asleep within seconds. I know it's true when she doesn't turn over at the bustle of noise coming from the door. I glance back and see Maxon carrying Kriss into the safe room, with Silvia close by. Immediately after she's through, the door's sealed shut.
"I tripped," she explains to Silvia, who's fretting over her. "I don't think I broke my ankle, but it really hurts."
"There are bandages in the back. We can at least wrap it," Maxon instructs. Silvia walks away quickly, passing us as she goes hunting for bandages.
"Sleep! Now!" she orders.
I sigh, and I'm the only one. Natalie takes it in stride, but Celeste seems very irritated. I check myself then. If my behavior's anything like hers, it needs to change. Though I don't want to, I crawl into my cot and face the wall.
I try not to think about Aspen fighting upstairs, or my maids maybe not making it to their hiding place fast enough. I try not to worry about the upcoming week, or the possibility of the rebels being Southern and trying to slaughter people above us as we rest. I try not to think about Kriss and Maxon, sitting in the glow of one of the few lanterns, his hands on her leg. I try not to think about how he carried her in here. I try not to think about how selfish I'm being.
But I do think about all of that. And it's so exhausting, I eventually find sleep on my cold, hard cot.
I don't know what time it was when I wake up, but it must have been hours since we've come to the safe room. I roll over, looking at Elise. She's sleeping peacefully. The king's reading his papers, whipping them through his hands so quickly, he appears to be mad at them. The queen's head rests on the back of her chair. She looks even more beautiful when she sleeps.
Natalie's still asleep, or at least she looks that way. But Celeste's awake, propped up on one arm and looking across the room. Her eyes hold a fire that she usually reserves for me. I follow her gaze over to the opposite wall, where she's watching Kriss and Maxon.
They sit side by side, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Kriss has her legs curled to her chest, looking as if she's trying to keep warm, even though she's wearing a robe. Her left ankle is wrapped in gauze and doesn't appear to be bothering her at the moment. They're speaking quietly with smiles on their faces.
I don't want to watch, so I roll back over.
By the time Silvia taps me on my shoulder to wake me, Maxon's already gone. So is Kriss.
As I emerged from the stairwell that had ushered me to safety the night before, it was all too apparent that the Southerners had been here. In the short hallway that led to my room, there was a pile of debris that I had to climb over to get to my door.