Title: The demise of common sense.
Genre: Dark humour/ Comfort, if that can be…
Characters: Hatake Kakashi, Umino Iruka
Rating: T, for violence and language.
Progress : Complete, One-shot.

Summary: The correlation in-between Umino Iruka and Life.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

AN: First of all, thank you to my reviewers!

For what concerns the intermissions, they are more nebulous and experimental texts that serve only to explore the characters. They'll eventually grow to make more sense as the story unfolds so it's quite normal if they appear really strange at moment.

Anyway, this is second real installment to this series of drabbles. This one stands for #33 Expectations of the 100 challenges, and as a gift for Kakashi's birthday.

33. Expectations

Well, this hadn't been what he had expected.

The pain, yeah sure, there had always been a possibility. After all, he knew that despite his harmless paper pusher looks, one Umino Iruka was still a part-time shinobi. No, after a thought, he had to be a full time shinobi in order to manage to look that pristine after spending 7 hours a day in the deepest pits of hell. ( He was quite certain most people called said pits the "Ninja Academy", but Kakashi knew that it was just some false pretence to hide the ugliness of reality.) Heck, the guy's ponytail could even put to shame the sparkles of Gai's grin when the wind blew in the right direction…

Being a genius Shinobi as well, he had also learned to expect the unexpected. As he had previously mentioned, his entire "legendary" reputation was built on his "unexpectable" asset. He had also been outwitted many times during his carrier, so he knew both sides of the coin like the back of his glove. His whole "Look underneath the underneath" rant really meant " always be extremely suspicious, because life is a devious wench and will fuck you in the end anyway."

As an example, he had ended up screwed three weeks ago on a certain evening. Quite spectacularly at that, he might add.

He had also learned many, many things, and rearsed his entire approach of his current problem according to this new information. Of course the very next time he ended up on a certain chunin's doorstep, he ended up fucked anyway. Again. At this point, some strange correlation in-between Life and Iruka began to establish in his mind's intricate network. The results were rather blunt and graphic, but at least they were quite easy to understand. They consisted in four words: They'll screw you.

So, on the day of his birthday, it was a quite unnerved Shanrigan Kakashi that stood rigid in the middle of his spotless clean( or sterilized) kitchen. He didn't know what distressed him the most; his inner battle to fight down nervous twitches or the mere presence of the brown-eyed threat sitting at his kitchen counter.

Not to mention that he had brought food.

Kakashi was just back from a two weeks long reconnaissance mission, he needed food. It was probably the food that had undone him back when he had been standing with both feet firmly planted onto his "screw off" door mat with the firm intention to tell the infuriating school-teacher just that. But, he had waved the brown paper bag just then. The brown paper that was always associated with the blissful and most tasteful miso soup with eggplants.

When Kakashi's common sense had been cruelly slaughtered by his basic instinct, the bastard had the cheek to smirk.

It was same smirk he currently wore as he patiently and painstakingly slowly set the table for two, giving quick glances in Kakashi's general direction.

"So…" He started, after the food was craftily set as to display all of it's awful godliness to the jounin's unmasked eye. The chunin hadn't started to eat yet, apparently waiting for his host to join him. Kakashi's stomach grumbled.

" So what?" Came the jounin's gruff response as he valiantly resisted the temptation.

A sigh, the same sigh Kakashi knew Iruka gave to petulant children, escaped from the brunette before the chunin slipped back on his mellow smile and warm demeanour. "How was your mission?" He prodded innocently, as he always seemed to be.

" … Good." The reply was short, voiced in-between two mouthfuls of the heavenly meal. The crafty man also used the moment to shift his newly acquired seat closer to the chunin's one in order to have better access to his companion's bowl when the need would arise. Kakashi was only human, after all...

"Is that why you are limping?" Of course, Iruka had to use the I'm-a-teacher-and-thus-am-better-than-thou look on him. Kakashi smirked, mostly from the fact that he found the scrunched down eyebrows and narrowed eyes awfully endearing. The chunin should know better than to think it would work on a jounin; Kakashi was full grown adult. Then, Iruka started to drag his own bowl away from Kakashi's reach, and he decided that perhaps he would let it work just this once.

" ...I-I didn't twist it during the mission."

The bowl inched back closer.

" And why didn't you get it treated? If it's on the behalf of your stupid pride, Hatake…" Another warning glare later and said Hatake was eyeing his "second" bowl of miso soup warily.

" It's not."

Disbelief on the chunin's behalf, his tanned arm was still hovering protectively around his meal.

" Tsunade doesn't want me to. She said to let it heal naturally." The jounin's confession sent Iruka's second eyebrow joining the second high up on his forehead.

" I… upset her while she patched me up earlier this morning. She said something about me being lucky that she didn't send my foot flying where she thought it should go." A bright smile covered up the faint embarrassment brought by the last statement, and Kakashi was suddenly very glad he wore his mask.

" Where? In your ass or mouth?" The teacher deadpanned back, and the jounin had the decency to choke onto a particularly large swallow.

" But seriously, why did you need to see Tsunade? " He asked instead, however more carefully this time. Kakashi also noticed the playful threatening demeanour wasn't there anymore and that instead the man's bowl had joined his. " The mission wasn't supposed to be anything too dangerous… right?"

" Well, let's say the intelligence forgot to mention a thing or two on the mission scroll."

" Oh."

" I got caught."

" Oh."

Kakashi noticed only a beat later when gentle fingers started to prod underneath his vest, slowly taking out the absurd arsenal the jounin kept there in order to check for the familiar texture of bandages. The worried frown that marred the chunin's feature's proved that Kakashi let on much more of his weariness and exhaustion by this slip alone than thorough the entire meal, that or he was displeased with the actual amount of bandages he discovered. " Did you… Did you need patching very badly?"

"Kind of..." Kakashi had calculating look to his eye, searching for his (Friend? Lover? Acquaintance?)'s reaction to his words.

The hands stopped their weary exploration. " Are you alright now?"

" I guess."

Iruka's shoulders appeared to crumble under the weight of relief and Kakashi suddenly noticed how tense the man had been a few seconds ago. " Well, I'm glad you were allowed to become an even older coot."

The jounin blinked in surprise, then he remembered it was still his birthday. A deep hearty rumble, his laugh, erupted from behind his mask. Even if his shaking shoulders awoke his half-healed wounds, making him wince in pain and wrap his arms protectively around his sides, he didn't stop laughing.

" Yeah, me too." He managed to choke out at last.

Indeed, with Iruka, it was never what he expected.