This is another one of those transition chapters. Look for the next
chapter to be very exciting (especially if you're a carby fan *wink wink*).
I rewrote this chapter several times, so tell me what you think of this
final version. It's not hard, there's a little button at the bottom of
this page and you just click it and type. Doesn't take very long and makes
me happy. Instant gratification! I'm back at school on Monday, so I'm not
sure when the next chapter will be up.depends on my lack of sleep tomorrow.
I'm such an insomniac, I stayed up til 2:30 this morning (Friday
night/Saturday morning) writing and such. Yeah, I'm pathetic. Please
review!
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CARTER'S POV
I hear the door open several minutes after Abby left, and hold my breathe for a moment, wondering if it's Abby coming back. Or Kem, though I'm not sure which would be worse. I'm wrong on both counts, however, because it is Susan that walks in.
"Hey." She says, and she closes the door behind her before making her way towards me. However, instead of sitting down, she leans on the side of the desk, as Abby did only moments before. "You okay?"
I force a smile and shrug before shaking my head.
"Look, I know about the two of you."
"Who?" She and I always play this game, and it always has to do with Abby. And I always lose. "She told you?"
I know that she and Susan are close. Very close in fact, best friends. I'm sometimes afraid that it was my doing because they only got close in between the time when I stopped dating Susan and started dating Abby. Not a very good period of my life, everything was confusing, almost as confusing as things are now.
"She didn't have to." This startles me. Are we that obvious? I didn't used to think so. I thought we were better hiders than that, it's always been the thing that we were good at collectively. I look up at Susan and see this look of mad rage in her eyes.
"You're mad at me?"
"Of course I am you moron. Look, I may not have known her as long as you have, but I know her pretty well now. When you came back..it ripped her apart Carter, to have to see you with Kem, happy with Kem."
"Well it's different now."
"Is it? Knowing that she can have you when it's convenient for you, but you'll still be going home to your wife that night. You're still hurting her Carter. Even when I'm with her, I can see she's upset."
"What am I supposed to do Susan? Leave my wife because I am hopelessly in love with Abby?" Both of us look at one another, waiting for the other to respond. Susan stares at me for a moment before shaking her head.
"You know, sometimes I think it would have been better if you had just stayed in Africa." Now it's out in the open. This is what this argument has been coming to. I shouldn't have gone to Africa in the first place.
"I couldn't stay here." I say quietly.
"So you just left her! You weren't even going to tell her you were going."
"I wasn't happy here anymore Susan. Neither one of us were happy anymore."
"Can I just ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you propose to her? After you showed me the ring?"
"I.I don't know. I was ready to. It was in my hand under the table, but this conversation I had with her mother just kept ringing in my ears."
"Why? What did she say?"
"She told me I couldn't expect Abby to change and I laughed at her and told her I loved Abby anyway, but she insisted that I had to love Abby even if she never changed and I don't know, I kept thinking about that. I did think I didn't care if she stayed the same person she's always been because that's the person I fell in love with. But I don't think we were ready. Maybe I was ready and maybe she was ready separately, but together.we just weren't."
"She's too good for you."
"I know. I don't deserve her."
"While I agree with that, I think you need to make a decision. You can't have both John. You need to pick which road to go down."
"Thanks."
"That's what I'm here for. Someone needs to give you the shit." Susan's serious face finally softens a little and she gives me a sad smile. "You are forever hopeless Carter."
She shakes her head slightly and then leaves me alone again in the room. Moments later, I return to the party and attempt to pretend that nothing has changed and everything is alright.
Several hours later, I'm in bed and Kem is asleep next to me. I glance at the clock on the bedside table and the time reads 2:34 am. I softly break myself from Kem's arm, which is draped over my side. I get out of bed and quietly exit the room. Tiptoeing as not to wake anyone up, I go down the stairs and into the office once again. I flip on the light as I go in, and sit down at the desk. I grab two pieces of paper and start writing.
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CARTER'S POV
I hear the door open several minutes after Abby left, and hold my breathe for a moment, wondering if it's Abby coming back. Or Kem, though I'm not sure which would be worse. I'm wrong on both counts, however, because it is Susan that walks in.
"Hey." She says, and she closes the door behind her before making her way towards me. However, instead of sitting down, she leans on the side of the desk, as Abby did only moments before. "You okay?"
I force a smile and shrug before shaking my head.
"Look, I know about the two of you."
"Who?" She and I always play this game, and it always has to do with Abby. And I always lose. "She told you?"
I know that she and Susan are close. Very close in fact, best friends. I'm sometimes afraid that it was my doing because they only got close in between the time when I stopped dating Susan and started dating Abby. Not a very good period of my life, everything was confusing, almost as confusing as things are now.
"She didn't have to." This startles me. Are we that obvious? I didn't used to think so. I thought we were better hiders than that, it's always been the thing that we were good at collectively. I look up at Susan and see this look of mad rage in her eyes.
"You're mad at me?"
"Of course I am you moron. Look, I may not have known her as long as you have, but I know her pretty well now. When you came back..it ripped her apart Carter, to have to see you with Kem, happy with Kem."
"Well it's different now."
"Is it? Knowing that she can have you when it's convenient for you, but you'll still be going home to your wife that night. You're still hurting her Carter. Even when I'm with her, I can see she's upset."
"What am I supposed to do Susan? Leave my wife because I am hopelessly in love with Abby?" Both of us look at one another, waiting for the other to respond. Susan stares at me for a moment before shaking her head.
"You know, sometimes I think it would have been better if you had just stayed in Africa." Now it's out in the open. This is what this argument has been coming to. I shouldn't have gone to Africa in the first place.
"I couldn't stay here." I say quietly.
"So you just left her! You weren't even going to tell her you were going."
"I wasn't happy here anymore Susan. Neither one of us were happy anymore."
"Can I just ask you one thing?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you propose to her? After you showed me the ring?"
"I.I don't know. I was ready to. It was in my hand under the table, but this conversation I had with her mother just kept ringing in my ears."
"Why? What did she say?"
"She told me I couldn't expect Abby to change and I laughed at her and told her I loved Abby anyway, but she insisted that I had to love Abby even if she never changed and I don't know, I kept thinking about that. I did think I didn't care if she stayed the same person she's always been because that's the person I fell in love with. But I don't think we were ready. Maybe I was ready and maybe she was ready separately, but together.we just weren't."
"She's too good for you."
"I know. I don't deserve her."
"While I agree with that, I think you need to make a decision. You can't have both John. You need to pick which road to go down."
"Thanks."
"That's what I'm here for. Someone needs to give you the shit." Susan's serious face finally softens a little and she gives me a sad smile. "You are forever hopeless Carter."
She shakes her head slightly and then leaves me alone again in the room. Moments later, I return to the party and attempt to pretend that nothing has changed and everything is alright.
Several hours later, I'm in bed and Kem is asleep next to me. I glance at the clock on the bedside table and the time reads 2:34 am. I softly break myself from Kem's arm, which is draped over my side. I get out of bed and quietly exit the room. Tiptoeing as not to wake anyone up, I go down the stairs and into the office once again. I flip on the light as I go in, and sit down at the desk. I grab two pieces of paper and start writing.
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