"I've been looking for you, everywhere. Literally everywhere." I say, stepping into his office. He has ice against his hand. I'm worried about his hand, but it's not the matter right now. He punched Mark and that was the biggest gossip.
He looks away, sighing. He then meets my eyes, but I don't see any kindness within them. He's fully angry. "You called him, didn't you?"
I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, standing in front of him and his pissed expression I just manage to be truly frank and spontaneous; "What makes you think that? I haven't talked to him in months." I say, pissed. To be honest, I hate that he assumes whatever he thinks might have happened.
He breathes, "I don't believe you. I shouldn't anyway..."
"Oh, don't use the 'you cheated on me' card right now, Derek. I didn't call him. He came here. I didn't do anything." I snap at him. Come on, could he stop using that excuse to whatever bad could happen or to each fight we've had. He had to drop it.
"But you did do something, you screwed him." He says.
"Not anymore! I haven't been in bed with anyone else than you in the past months."
"I don't have a reason to believe you." He keeps on holding the ice to his hand. I look down to his hand.
"Are you alright though?" I ask. I'm being caring and considerate. I approach my hand to touch it... but...
He moves his hand away, fast. "It's fine." He lies to me.
"Derek, can you please believe me? I didn't call him. I wouldn't." I explain myself. My voice sounds so weak. Why do I sound weak? Maybe that chat Mark gave me in the elevator left me shaking.
"I'll think about it." His time is lighter.
"Thank you." I say, thankful at least he thinks about it, or considers it. "Are you sure it's fine? It looks a little swollen."
He shakes his head a bit. "It's alright. The ice will help." Derek nods. I nod, sighing.
There's a small silence, but I decide to break it. I wanted to stay in there and keep on talking to my husband, but it was already late for my surgery. "Wish I cousin stay... but I have a surgery."
"Go, I'll be fine." Derek assures me.
"Okay. Page me if you need me, or anything." I say, walking away. I'm gonna leave him there, but before stepping a foot out of his office I turn around. "Are we okay?" I ask. Too shy.
"Why wouldn't we?" He asks, grinning a little. ~ well I don't know Derek, maybe because your ex best friend came all the way from New York to annoy us both and you think he's just annoying you when he's also making me feel incredibly annoyed.~ He works on grinning... Almost like he doesn't want to hurt me and he decides to hurt himself by lying to not only me but to himself.
He goes home, why would he wait for me? I have my car here anyways. It's been a long day, Mark Sloan around. Not only around me but Derek. And Meredith...
I don't know what to feel. Should I keep on feeling betrayed because Derek punched Mark exactly when he was talking to Meredith, or did he punch Mark because he slept with me? I'm confused, hoping the punch wasn't because of the twelve year old kid. It was enough to see her around with my husband, but knowing he was caring more about her than me... that could break me.
I leave the hospital and I swear I could feel my nose freeze a little. It's so cold and rainy out here. I drive my car to the ferryboats, I stay inside of my car, not in the mood to go out there and remind myself how much Derek loves the ferryboats view, specially overnight, when there's a lot of tiny lights.
I was... not depressed, maybe disappointed I pushed Derek into this direction. I should have kept my legs closed.
The ferryboats lands, and I drive. A silent drive, my thoughts all over my head. Suddenly I remember that time...
"Stop saying that!" I laughed.
"What? That you're an amazing wife? Am I making you feel too loved? 'Cause I'll not apologize because of that."
He used to tease me all the time, in a kind and romantic way. Every night. I remember that night we were celebrating my first solo surgery and we were incredibly happy and proud. I liked to pretend I was the spotlight of the whole event, but actually... for me, his company was the spotlight of the night. I miss that... knowing there's someone I can count on.
I arrive there.
"Derek?" I knock on the door, third time now. I'm had a long shift, unexpected mothers in labor that needed me there, typical emergencies, interns asking for help to do things that don't have anything to do with neonatal or obstetrics. Paperwork, lots and lots of it; paperwork I couldn't finish in the commodity of my home, because I've been living in a small trailer. In conclusion, I lost a lot of time and energy, which made me leave the hospital two hours after my shift ended.
"Hello?!" I knock again. I wasn't going to drive back to the hospital just to get my keys. I'm tired of waiting, my body is exhausted. I walk to the right side of the trailer, spotting an opened window, the window next to our bed. This is so awkward. I feel pretty damn stupid.
"Derek!" I say, in a louder tone, expecting to be heard. There's light on inside. "Derek, please open the door!" I keep on insisting.
"Addison?" He sounds sleepy. I hear him moving the covers away from him.
"Could you open the door for me, please? I'm freezing out here." I beg.
Wish it could be our land, our trailer. But here in Seattle everything is his. His land, his trailer, his new friends, his intern.
He sounds groggy, "Alright." He says, taking a deep breath. I walk quickly on my heels to the front door, just right before he opens it.
"Thank you." I say, taking a deep and sharp breath. I enter that hell of a 'home' I have to live in. I close the door. "Sorry if I woke you up." I apologize for being human and committing mistakes, well, it's nothing new. He doesn't respond to that, instead he ignores it.
He sighs. "When I gave you a copy of the key, I expected you to use it." He says, in a negative way. An annoyed tone I recognize, perfectly.
"I forgot it at the hospital." I say, sighing, it's been a long day. He goes back to bed, ignoring the fact that I would also like someone to ask me about my day. I take my coat off and I leave my purse on the tiny kitchen table.
I sit on the edge of the bed, he gets comfortable, covering himself with the warm covers. He groans, a tired kind of groan. He turns the lights off, leaving me in the middle of the darkness, in the middle of the way to take my shoes off. "Derek, What the hell?!" I exclaimed. He has to be kidding me.
"Goodnight, Addison." He says.
"Derek, are you seriously doing this because you're pissed at Mark being in Seattle?" I snap. He turns the lights on.
"You know what? Maybe you should go to wherever Mark is staying, I'm sure he'll turn the lights on for you to get ready to bed." Derek snaps at me. I open my mouth in amusement, I want to say something, but I decide to keep my mouth shut. Before I could do any other movement he turned the lights off.
I stood up from bed and walked to the bathroom, turning on the light, not bothering on making him feel as bad as he made me feel.
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