Warning: There is some adult content in this. Nothing major but please use discretion. I continue my vow to never write a Chuck story that doesn't have a happy ending. Special thanks to BrickRoad for having the courage to let me know when I can do better. Unfortunately, she hasn't helped me to own Chuck. I still don't.
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Couples Therapy
- - - -
For a long moment, Sarah just sat and starred at Chuck standing with a huge grin on his face, unable to believe that he was really there. Finally Frank spoke.
"My goodness, Sarah," he said softly with a smile. "You've been crying for two days about how much you miss him. Why don't you give him a hug?"
Suddenly Sarah was in Chuck's arms. They both were hugging so tightly that breathing was becoming an issue but neither seemed to notice.
"I've been so worried about you." Chuck finally said without loosening his grip. "How are you doing? Are you feeling better?"
"I've missed you so much." Sarah replied softly.
"If you two could please hold that thought." Frank interrupted softly. "Chuck, Sarah has made some amazing progress. But we still have some work to do."
Chuck and Sarah were still in their embrace but both had loosened the death grip. Sarah had her head buried in Chuck's chest while he rubbed her back gently. As Sarah sighed contentedly, Frank was busy setting up a partition that divided the couch down the middle. The partition extended for a couple of feet in front of the couch.
"I hope you don't mind taking seats on the either side of the couch." Frank said. "It's designed so that you won't be able to see each other."
As Chuck and Sarah reluctantly broke their embrace and took seats on opposite sides of the partition, Frank spoke to them.
"I not sure if you notice," he said with a huge smile. "But I'm really looking forward to this. Since I've been working as a CIA therapist for the past ten years, I don't get the opportunity to work much with couples. As you might imagine, the CIA frowns on couples. But anyway, here are the ground rules. I'm going to be very strict about enforcing them. You are not to speak directly to each other, only to me. It may sound silly at times but it's for a reason and it's important. Do you both understand?"
Both Chuck and Sarah nodded their heads in agreement.
"Yes." Chuck added.
"Now, Chuck," said Frank soothingly. "Since you and I have never worked together before, I want to make sure that you know what to expect. This session is going to be worthless, or even worse than that if you're not going to be completely honest. I'm going to ask you to talk about some things that you're instincts are going to tell you to hide. But you need to be completely candid. You can't worry about being embarrassed or hurting Sarah's feelings. If you're angry, say so. If you're hurt, say so. We'll deal with those feeling as they come up. And, just so you know, I won't let you get away with hiding your true feelings anyway. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Frank," said Chuck clearly as he nodded his head in affirmation. "I'll do my best."
"Ok," said Frank clearly enjoying himself. "Let's start off with a test question. This really isn't about the therapy. It's just an exercise in being candid. Chuck, tell me about the last sexual fantasy that you had about Sarah."
"Oh, ,Frank, um, I'm not sure…" Chuck stammered.
"Come on, Chuck," Frank said with a short laugh. "You know that I'm not going to let you get away with that. You're going to sit there and tell me that you've never fantasized about Sarah sexually? If that's true, then we might be wasting our time. I also think that you're talking to the wrong therapist. Maybe I should refer you to a sexual orientation specialist."
"Ok," said Chuck with a huge sigh. "You're going to make me say it. Aren't you? I was sort of daydreaming while I was sitting in the waiting room a few minutes ago. Sarah may not have had many clothes on in my daydream. Do I have to describe what we were doing?"
"No," said Frank with a smile. "I think I can guess that part. That will do for the moment."
Frank turned to Sarah who had a huge grin on her face.
"I see that you're enjoying this." Frank said.
"I am." said Sarah with a twinkle in her eye while trying hard not to laugh. "I think that it's sweet. Why don't you ask him if I took my own clothes off or did he help?"
"That's funny." said Frank with a chuckle. "But turn about is fair play. Don't you think? Why don't tell me about the last time you fantasized about Chuck?"
Suddenly the grin disappeared. After a moment Sarah sighed.
"Ok," she said softly. "It was last night in bed. I was thinking about what could have happened that day after we got home from the beach. I think about that almost every night actually and what if I hadn't been such an idiot. And neither of us was wearing any clothes."
Now it was Chuck's turn to have a huge grin.
"I see that you're enjoying that as well." Frank said to Chuck.
"Well, Frank," said Chuck maintaining his huge grin. "Since it's the first time I've ever heard her say anything remotely like that, I'm more than enjoying it. I'm sort of stunned by it. Do you think you could have her say it again? Oh, and before I forget, sometimes I help her take her clothes off and sometimes she puts on a show for me. Right now, I'm leaning towards the show."
"Cute," Frank said as they all shared a laugh.
"But could you hold those thoughts for a while?" Frank asked. "I want to get back to that a little later. But, Chuck, first I want to tell you a story and get your reaction. Sarah, I'm going to tell him the story about Jim. Is that ok with you?"
"If you say so." said Sarah sadly after a moment's pause.
"Good," said Frank. "Chuck, this is about the agent that recruited Sarah into the CIA. His name was Jim and he approached her about joining the agency at her dad's funeral. That same day, Jim exploited her into sleeping with him by pretending that it was part of her training. How does that make you feel?"
"What!" Chuck immediately exclaimed excitedly as he stood up in alarm. "That's awful. Sarah, are you ok?"
"Chuck," Frank said firmly. "Please only talk to me."
"I'm sorry, Frank." Chuck said as he clenched his fists. "But how can I help her? Why hasn't she talked to me about this? He exploited her on the same day as her dad's funeral? That's the scummiest thing I've ever heard. She must have been hurting."
When Frank glanced at Sarah her smile very clearly said "I told you so."
"Calm down, Chuck." Frank said softly. "I think that Sarah is fine."
"Ok," Chuck continued excitedly. "But I have to do something. We need to find this Jim guy and teach him a lesson. Or, at least, I need to help Sarah find him and hurt him."
Frank glanced at Sarah again. Her smile had turned into a broad grin.
"Don't worry, Chuck." Frank said. "I think he's dead."
"Did Sarah kill him?" Chuck asked with a smile.
Sarah couldn't hold in her laugh.
"I don't think so." Frank said with a chuckle. "Sarah, did you kill him?"
"No," said Sarah still trying to contain her laughter. "I didn't kill him. He was killed in Iraq trying to get intel about a terrorist group. I think that it's very sweet that Chuck is worried about me. But I'm fine, really. It was a long time ago and I've used the experience as a valuable lesson. If anything, I'm sort of embarrassed that I was so gullible."
"But why wouldn't she tell me about this?" Chuck asked softly. "I love her. I want to help her deal with these kinds of issues. Even if it's just to listen and give her a hug, I want to be there for her. Isn't that what loving someone means?"
This time it was Frank's turn to flash the "I told you so" smile to Sarah.
"Chuck's right." Sarah said softly. "I should have told him about it. He could have made me feel better. I'm not used to having someone in my life that I can share that kind of personal stuff with. I'm sorry that I didn't. I just didn't want to rub his face in the idea of me sleeping with another man. I was afraid that it would hurt him."
"So, Chuck," said Frank. "Does it hurt you that Sarah slept with another man?"
"Well," said Chuck sadly. "I don't know about hurt, but I am sure jealous."
Sarah's smile quickly faded only to be replaced by a look of concern.
"Why would you be jealous?" Frank asked softly.
"I don't know." said Chuck slowly. "I mean I know that I have no right to be jealous. Even if she was in love with me, this was way before we had even met. It's just that I've seen Sarah work with men. I've had to watch it over and over. She seems very willing to use her um, for lack of a better term, charms to get close to men. And I'm fairly sure this is not a recent development. There are probably a lot of other times over the years that I'm not aware of. And that's her job. I get that. It's something that I'm just going to have to accept. It's a sacrifice that she's made for the greater good."
Frank nodded to let Chuck know that he understood.
"But here I am." Chuck continued. I'm totally head over heels in love with Sarah. There is literally nothing that I wouldn't do for her. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with her if she would just let me. You'll never know what I would give to be able to hold her in my arms and express my love to her. How I would cherish that. But I've never had that chance. Yet, here is another example of some other guy getting casual sex. I always looked at those guys and even though I knew she didn't feel anything for them, I always envied them. They were so lucky. They were getting something that I wanted so badly. I wanted it so badly that I ached. I'm sorry but that hurts."
Frank glanced at Sarah and noticed the tears filling her eyes.
"Why do you think that you haven't had the chance?" Frank asked.
"It's rather obvious, Frank." said Chuck with tears starting to form in his own eyes. "Isn't it? She loves her job. She'll do anything that it requires. She doesn't love me. She's not there yet. I'm scared that she'll never get there. I don't know what I'm going to do. There's no way I can compete with the greater good."
Now Sarah was silently sobbing.
"Sarah," Frank said softly. "I can see that you're emotional. But how does what Chuck just said make you feel? Is he right?"
"No." was all that Sarah could finally choke out.
"But how can you say that?" Frank asked. "You're willing to use sex to do your job, right? I mean, can't you see what Chuck is saying? You're willing to have sex with some terrorist you've never met, but not this great guy who fiercely loves you?"
"That's not even the main issue." said Chuck sadly. "Sex is just the symbol. I've told Sarah that I love her about four times. She has never said it back. The only conclusion I can come to is that she doesn't love me. At least, not yet anyway."
Sarah took a long moment to compose herself. Finally she spoke.
"It's true that I've been willing to use sex for the job." Sarah said sadly. "That's what I've been trained to do. It's the main weapon a female agent has. And when I do it, I don't feel anything for the man. That's why I couldn't let myself be with Chuck until I could tell him that I love him. I want my first time with Chuck to be special. For the first time in my life, I want it to actually mean something."
"Come on, Sarah," said Chuck angrily. "Are you saying that you never had meaningful sex with Bryce? And sex is the minor thing here. Tell me that you've never told him that you loved him. That you don't love him more than me?"
"Chuck, please," said Frank firmly. "You can only talk to me. But Sarah, he raises a good point."
"I know, Frank," said Sarah while trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I didn't enjoy some of the times with Bryce. I did. And yes, Bryce has heard me say the words. But I didn't love him. I didn't realize that until I learned what love is. And I've never had an experience in my life that is going to mean anything like my first time with Chuck will. And if he thinks that he's been looking forward to it, I'd have to say that I'm looking forward to it even more. I hope he can understand that."
"But what would you say about the bigger issue?" Frank asked gently.
"I know," Sarah said with a sigh. "It's true that I've never been able to tell Chuck that I love him using words. I think that you've helped me work through that. But it just breaks my heart to hear him say that he has doubts about how I feel. I always assumed that he knew how I feel. I've tried to tell him in other ways. I love him. I'll always love him."
"Tell me something, Chuck." said Frank. "Why haven't you moved on? I mean, if you don't think that she loves you. And she makes you constantly watch her flirt and more with other men using her job as an excuse. Why do you still want her?"
"I have no choice." said Chuck with a sad smile. "I'm totally in love with her. I'll wait forever if that is what it takes. I think I could even live with her doing her job if I only knew for sure how she felt. Moving on would mean giving up. And that scares me. It just isn't an option. The only way I'm leaving is if she tells me to go away."
"Frank," said Sarah with a sob. "Please let me talk to Chuck. He doesn't deserve to go another minute without knowing how much I love him."
"It's better for right now if you just talk to me." Frank said firmly.
"Please." Sarah pleaded. "I need to fix this. I feel terrible. Here is the most wonderful man in the world and I'm hurting him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt. He deserves to know that he'll always be the love of my life. How every night I go to sleep thinking about what our kids are going to look like. I can't lose him."
"I'm sorry, Sarah." Frank said softly. "There is something that you still need to do first before you can give yourself totally to Chuck. I think that you know what that is."
Sarah nodded.
"But don't worry too much." Frank said with a smile. "Judging by the grin on Chuck's face, I think he's getting the general idea."