Technical Difficulties
Chapter Three
A/N: I actually feel sorry for Starscream in this one….
"Screamer had been flying over this area for a while." Sideswipe told Sam and Bumblebee as they hid in a copse of trees. "He should be along fairly soon. And when he does, we'll make our move."
"We won't have to jet-judo him if this works." said Sunstreaker "which means that not only is our paintwork safe, but the Hatchet can't have a go at us for jet-judo, because we can honestly say we didn't do any!"
Sam fidgeted: he hated waiting. Bumblebee folded back into car form to give Sam somewhere to fit, and pulled back a panel so Sam could access the Internet.. This kept Sam sufficiently occupied until Sideswipe gave him a gentle prod with the tip of one finger, then cupped his hand being his antenna.
Sam could himself hear the approaching jet. Sideswipe spread a hand, curling down one digit at a time till none were left. "Go" he whispered.
Sam could tell when Starscream, who was now visible, received the databursted image: the jet banked abruptly, and Sam could swear that the jet scream it was emitting changed to "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!" The F-22 tipped sideways, tried to compensate, overcompensated, and nosedived into a nearby field. The two Lambos were already on their way, and Bumblebee started up belatedly.
When they got there, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were back in robot form, each one kneeling on one of Starscream's shoulder-wings.
"Sam, could you explain the image to Screamer, the one that we enhanced and put in high-definition just for him?" asked Sideswipe.
Sam grinned.
"Certainly. The image is of a human with an incredibly stretchy waste disposal system." Sam told the horrified Decepticon. "Not all human butt-holes are that elastic, but his is. As the website it was originally on was called Goatse, in colloquial language, you just got Goatse'd, Starscream." Sam told him.
"Megatron had it right that time, humans are disgusting! That you find such a puerile display of your species' fleshy, oozing, organicness amusing, and feel it acceptable to inflict it on others, is absolutely revolting! You will pay for this, fleshling!" cried Starascream, struggling halfheartedly.
"Oh, don't blame me, Starscream." Sam said, putting on his best innocent look. "I only sent it to these two by accident, they are the ones who decided to share it with you."
"We've got the other Decepticon's communications codes out of your communications module too. I've sent it to all of them as well, so you'll have plenty of people around you who will agree with you when you get back." Sunstreaker said.
"Ewwwwwww! You're as disgusting as your filthy little pet, Autobots!" yelled Starscream, lashing out and back at Sunstreaker with a hand. Sunstreaker dodged the clawed appendage-but not quickly enough. Sam cringed and stuck his fingers in his ears as a sound like a fingernail being dragged down a blackboard sounded. When he looked up again, Sunstreaker was staring in barely-concealed fury at a long, deep scratch down one leg.
"You damaged my paintwork, Screamer. My beautiful paintwork!" said Sunstreaker in a low, quiet voice that Sam recognised as the angriest voice he had ever heard Sunstreaker use. "You will pay for that! Sides, hold him down!" said Sunstreaker. As Sideswipe lay across Starscream's wings to keep him grounded, Sunstreaker crawled purposefully down Starscream's body.
"Goatse, huh?" he asked "Let's see if you're the Cybertronian equivalent, shall we, Screamer? Let's see how far your exhaust pipes will stretch!" Sunstreaker gave a grin of pure evil as Starscream began to beg to be released, to say he was sorry, that they could do whatever they wanted to, anything but that.
"Uh, 'Bee, let's go." said Sam. "I don't think I want to know."
"Neither do I!" said Bumblebee, starting his engine and heading off to take Sam back home.
They could still hear Starscream's cries five minutes later.