Just as Stef expected Lena wasn't around the next two days when she dropped Brandon off. She knew it would take a while for Lena to get over the flu and just hoped she was doing okay. Lena hadn't called and really, Stef hadn't expected her too though secretly she was hoping that she would. She always enjoyed whatever little time they spent together and though her own mind was going to places she was sure it shouldn't, she knew that Lena only saw her as a friend.
It was Friday evening when her cellphone rang and an unknown number flashed across the screen.
"Stef Foster." Stef said as she folded laundry.
"Hey Stef, it's Lena." The voice Stef dreamed about said.
"Hi Lena." Stef said. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better thank you." Lena said. "I called to thank you for the other day and apologize for falling asleep like that."
"No apology necessary." Stef said. "You needed the rest."
"Well I wanted to invite you to lunch sometime." Lena said. "Just as a thank you. You never did get your coffee."
"You really don't need to Lena." Stef said though she was tempted to take the offer just so she could spend more time with her.
"I know." Lena said. "But I want to."
"Okay." Stef gave in. "I'd like that."
"Are you free tomorrow?" Lena asked. "You can bring Brandon too."
"Brandon's at Mike's this weekend but I work Saturdays. How about Sunday?" Stef asked.
"Sunday's good." Lena said and Stef could hear the smile in her voice. "Do you like Italian?"
"I do." Stef said. She actually did but she would have agreed to anything.
"There's a little place down by the pier, behind the souvenir shops." Lena explained. "It's small and nothing fancy but it has the best Italian food in the city."
"Sounds perfect." Stef said, looking forward to it. "I'll see you there or would you like me to pick you up?"
"No." Lena said. "That's okay, I've got some errands to run before I head there."
"Okay." Stef agreed. "So around one-ish?"
"Sure." Lena smiled. "See you then." She added before hanging up.
When Stef got to the restaurant it was nothing at all like what she expected. Yes, it was small and almost unnoticeable but once you entered it was like a completely different place. You would never know that you were still in the middle of the city, on a crowded road in the middle of the day. The lighting was warm, the decor was homey and the music was soft and relaxing. Stef spotted Lena at a table and headed to join her.
"How did you find this place?" Stef asked curiously as the waitress filled her a glass of wine. She'd never even heard of it.
"I was walking around one day when I first moved here and found it. I've been coming here ever since." Lena said. "It's small so they don't advertise or anything. They depend on word of mouth but the food is great. It's run by an old Italian couple who's kids have grown and they had a lot of spare time. The wife's grandmother taught her all these recipes and the husband takes care of all the money."
"Wow, you don't hear too many stories like that any more." Stef commented. "I've lived here all my life and never bothered to come down this road."
"That's usually how it is." Lena said. "It's the tourists and the new comers that go exploring."
"It's pretty full though." Stef commented, looking around.
"It's popular. It's almost like a secret." Lena smiled.
The two spent a few minutes going through the menu and discussing what to order before they called for a waitress to place it and then settled into easy conversation again.
"How long have you been in San Diego?" Stef asked.
"Two years." Lena said. "I came here when I was offered the position of assistant VP. I loved the school and I absolutely loved the layout. Working on the beach is amazing. It's one of the main reasons I applied here."
Stef smiled as Lena's face lit up.
"What about you? What made you become a cop?" Lena asked.
"My father was a cop and I wasn't exactly a girly-girl so it seemed to fit." Stef said. "I like it. I like to think I'm making a difference."
"That's how I felt when I went into teaching." Lena said. "I wanted to make a difference in the next generation."
"Do you miss teaching?" Stef asked.
"I miss working directly with the kids." Lena admitted. "But I feel like I'm making more of a difference this way. As an administrator I have more power to make decisions and have things go my way which I didn't as a teacher."
The food arrived and the two began to eat and Stef agreed with Lena wholeheartedly that it was great.
"There's a richness in it." Stef commented, taking another bite.
"Yeah, that's all the cream and cheese and butter." Lena smiled. "Not exactly for the figure conscious."
"But delicious." Stef said, taking a sip of wine.
Once again there was nothing but the sound of cutlery on plates until Stef broke the silence.
"So how come you never had kids?" Stef asked curiously. "You seem to love them."
"I do." Lena said. "And I want them but the timing hasn't been right. I was dating someone who I planned to settle down with but she cheated on me and we went our separate ways." Lena said it in casual conversation, never even registering that Stef had thought she was straight all this time.
But Stef's mind froze at the word 'she'. Suddenly she realized that all the looks Lena had given her, the extra time they spent talking and the way Lena made her feel wasn't all in her head. Her heart started pounding at the thought that now she actually had a chance. She had been dreaming of this since she met Lena all those months ago but convinced herself that Lena was straight and that helped her stick to her 'strictly men' rule but now suddenly doors were opened and all Stef had to do was take the first step through - though that thought terrified her.
Lena looked up when Stef remained silent for too long and noticed the rather shocked expression but she could also see the look in Stef's eyes that told her that Stef was also feeling the same thing. What she wasn't sure of was whether Stef had felt like this before or just hearing that Lena was gay made her curious. She'd been that girl once, the one who wasn't quite comfortable with what she was feeling and nervous about taking a chance.
"You're gay." Stef finally said, her voice soft and breathy.
"Yes." Lena said flatly, not willing to apologize for it but at the same time not trying to scare Stef away either.
Stef continued to stare at Lena but her gaze shifted from her eyes to her mouth. Stef wanted to kiss her but she had no idea how to. Stef tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat and then licked her lips to keep her mouth from going completely dry before she took a chance. She leaned in across the small table and kissed the lips she'd been fantasizing about for ages.
Lena was too surprised to do anything. She couldn't think, she couldn't breath and she certainly couldn't pull away.
Stef was completely lost in the soft, full lips kissing her own. Immediately she knew this was what she'd been missing her whole life. There were no fireworks or stars or music in her head - just a racing heart and the realization that she wanted to be kissed by this woman forever. Right or wrong this was who she was and now she just had to find a way to accept it.
But all too quickly Lena pulled away, a look of disappointment filling her face. Stef wanted to ask her what was wrong but before she could find the words Lena was dumping a couple of twenties on the table and getting up, mumbling something about it being wrong to get involved with a parent.
Seconds later she was gone and Stef was left sitting there in shock at what had just happened. Too many things were going through her head at once - she realized that she was in the wrong relationship, she was terrified of how to deal with it all and the person that helped her figure it out had just disappeared in what seemed like a flash.
Through the rest of Sunday Stef was in a daze. She had no idea what was happening. She had spent the last ten years convincing herself that she was straight but now she knew there was no going back. She was gay and she wanted Lena but the problem was that Lena didn't seem to want her. She wanted to call Lena, talk to her and find out what was happening but she couldn't find the courage. She wasn't sure what to say and she wasn't ready to be rejected again.
So, when she dropped Brandon off on Monday morning, she planned on avoiding Lena completely and just heading straight to work but to her surprise it was Lena that approached her.
"I need to apologize for yesterday." Lena said, before giving Stef a chance to even say hello. "It was wrong of me to just leave like that but we just can't be together. You're the parent of a child in school and I'm an employee and it's a bad idea. Besides, you're married to a man and I want more than just a fling." Lena stood only for a second before nodding once in approval and then heading back into the school.
Stef didn't know how to respond. Everything Lena said was true except for the married part - technically she was married but she was separated for almost a year now and regardless of what happened between her and Lena, she knew her marriage to Mike was now over. She was gay and she was falling for Lena. She could make things right. She just had to find the courage to come out to her parents, her husband, her son and everyone else and then she would be a free woman. The only thing she couldn't change was the fact that she was Brandon's mom but she was pretty certain that that particular part wasn't what really bothered Lena.
With the decision made Stef headed into work, barely concentrating but instead, thinking of how she was going to tell people about her new lifestyle. It was going to be hard and awkward and in some cases probably destructive but Stef knew she had to do this - if she wanted Lena then this was the obstacle she had to overcome.