A/N italics=thoughts, flashbacks and dreams.

An English Soldier! But how is that possible? Nom is at least twenty years old. I had just become a sea captain then and there were no reports of soldiers in this area. It's impossible! Unless they were on leave, but then who would come all the way out here just for some fun? There isn't even a decent tavern and where else would they spend their time? Hook's thoughts swirled around forming circle after circle of perplexing annoyingly inconclusive thought, until he slipped into an uneasy sleep filled with incomprehensible dreams.

Hook awoke to the infirmary but he was no longer ill. He sat up and feeling no pain made his way through the door. He blinked in the bright sun that glared down on him from above. When his vision cleared he saw that the center of the village was strangely busy with none of the hustle and bustle of usual every day life. "Hello." Hook walked around the corner searching for somebody, anybody. "Is anybody there?" he called out, a cry that fell upon the deaf desert sand. He kept on walking and stumbled upon a crowd of people. Everyone in the village was there. Hook didn't recognize the ceremony but somehow he knew it was a wedding. He looked around for the happy couple and found.....

"NO! FATIMA! DON'T LEAVE ME! FATIMAAAA!"

"Captain Hook! Captain Hook! Wake up! You're dreaming! James I'm here!" Hook awoke with a start to Fatima shaking him and calling out his name. "James I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Hook took a few breaths to calm himself and then asked attempting to sound calm and under control,

"What time is it?"

"Around midnight. I heard you screaming and came running. Will you be all right now?" Fatima's eyes searched Hook's face for some sign that he wasn't going to scream again.

"Yes. I think so. Bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you." Hook's eyes finally relaxed and became gentle with remorse. The healer in Fatima recognized a recovery and she went back to business.

"Right, well you need a change of bandages anyway so I'll go get some fresh ones and be right back okay?" Hook nodded and she left the room.

Idiot! How could you start calling out her name like that? She probably thinks that you're a nutcase stalker now as well as a murderer. You don't even love her you love Briar. Nom loves her. Great job. Absolutely brilliant. She's probably laughing at you right now. Fabulous now I have another voice to tell me how much I screwed up. Oh and talking to yourself is supposed to make things better? Stop it! Shut up! If you weren't speaking I wouldn't be talking to myself now would I? Fine I'll go but you know I'm right. Yeah yeah, brilliant deduction Sherlock Holmes. Genius. Having finished doing battle with his own personal sarcasm society Hook lay looking at the ceiling until Fatima came back in. Predictably the Creosote stung as it soaked into his wounds. But now that he knew what to expect he didn't cry out in pain. Fatima dressed his wounds and turned to leave when Hook called her back, "Wait, Fatima, I never got to finish telling you my story."

"That is true. Well while I'm here. Continue."

"I joined the navy when I was sixteen. It took me four years but eventually I became a captain in the Queen's navy. I was finally free. Sailing the world in a ship of my own with a crew of good men under me and the wind at my back. I saw every port in which the British had contact. Peru, Africa, Australia and India. It was in the Indian port of Bombay that I met Briar. I loved her from the moment I saw her shining grey eyes peering inquisitively out of her small pale face framed by shining ringlets of fire. It took her a bit longer to care for me but eventually she did. And that was it she did care. She loved me for who, not what I was. She didn't care if I were a rich man or a pauper. She could care less about status and for that I loved her. She was sweet and pure and everything that I had never seen. I took leave and spent the entire year courting her. We just fell more and more deeply in love and on May twenty first on the first fine day of spring I married her. I had never then or since seen a more beautiful sight then my Briar walking down the aisle in a dress of snow and satin. She refused to stay in Bombay while I sailed the world and I couldn't leave the navy and so she came with me. And a year into our marriage we were blessed with a son. We named him Nathanial. I loved him more than I could ever express, loved both of them more than I could ever show. And for two years we were amazingly, beautifully happy." Here Hook paused as if steeling himself for painful memories.

"But it didn't last." Fatima stated more of a confirmation than a question, Hook shook his head sadly.

"There was a powerful storm one of the worst I've ever seen. The rain poured onto the deck in sheets and the wind tore at the few sails we had left up. I was at the prow trying desperately to steer us into safety. And my boy, my Nathanial somehow got up on deck. No one was quite sure how but he did. And as difficult as it was for me to hang on it was ten times harder for him. He fell overboard and the wind yanked us far away from him. Briar was yelling at me to stop, to turn back. But I knew that even if I were to turn back we wouldn't find him and I couldn't risk everyone else's life for his when he was probably already lost. In a fit of rage and desperation Briar jumped after him. Had I known what she would do I would have had someone restrain her as she wasn't in her right mind. But I didn't know, didn't act and so lost her. In one night I had lost the two greatest loves of my life. After that I returned to England. I stopped coming when summoned and the navy abandoned me. For the next year of my life I frequented taverns drowning my sorrows in booze and cheap entertainment. I was set on course to kill myself this way when an old man came up to me and asked me if I wanted to see them again. And well, you can imagine what my answer was."

I downed my fifth pint of beer and was about to leave when I saw a shriveled old man come up next to me. We sat in silence for a moment before he rasped, "Hello there young man, you have lost much, haven't you?"

"What's it to you?" I slurred groggily.

"I see, you have lost your wife and child. Yes tragic wasn't it."

"How could you possibly know that?" I could feel my anger starting to rise and some inner voice told me to calm down, that he wasn't worth it.

"I have my ways. But the important thing is, would you like to see them again?"

"More than anything in this world." I answered honestly.

"Then find Neverland and you will see them once more."

"I never saw where he went after that but I felt a stirring in my soul that told me that I needed to find this Neverland that he had spoken of. For even the slightest chance that I might see Briar and Nathanial again was enough to stir me to action. I went home and got myself clean and sober and a week later returned to the Navy base to request my old job back. Seeing that I was clean and had a gleam in my eye again they granted my request for a ship and crew and within two weeks of my meeting with the man I was on the open sea once more. But this time rather than doing routine military checks I was searching for Neverland. At first it seemed like there were no leads to find this Neverland. But I redoubled my researching efforts and found some. By then most of the men believed we were chasing a fairytale. But still all went well for a time. However no ship can sail indefinitely without new supplies. And as I had spent all of our funds on old tomes describing a magical island where laughter lives and children never grow old there was only one option, piracy. At first many of the men were uncomfortable with this idea but were desperate enough to go through with it anyway and they got used to it. We all did. Before long this became our way of life. And I became crueler and more bitter with every ship we attacked. I began to enjoy ripping away children and wives as my wife and child had been taken from me. I began to relish the fighting and lived so I could see the next battle. I am not proud of what I did during that time, I murdered, I stole, I lied, I cheated, I raped, attacked and pillaged all that I could and was happy about it. No, I am not proud of what I did then but it was this path that eventually led me to Neverland. When I got there I had never seen a more beautiful place. But it soon turned ugly to me as I realized that this was not the land that the old man had promised to me. Briar and Nathanial were not here, they never had been and they never would be. I had spent ten years trying to find this place and it too had betrayed me. I finally had to accept that I would never see them again. I saw the lost boys and the Indians happy and I hated them for it. I saw Peter Pan happiest of all and hated him the more for it. What right had he to be happy while I suffered and my loves were gone? What right had he? And then after all of the traps I set and plots I make he commits the greatest offense of all he falls in love! Love that had twisted me into what I was healed him and made him more joyous than ever. I knew that I had to capture his love. Take her away as mine had been. And so I did. But the boy just couldn't accept this, heroic as he was and so he rescued her and sent me back out into the cold, unfeeling ocean. It took me five years to return to the island and I thought I could finally make myself happy if only monetarily. I stole the natives belief, sucked their souls straight out of them and would have continued to do so for much longer had Pan's daughter not arrived on the scene and stopped me. My own crew sent me out to rot with a rowboat and a single oar. I spent weeks drifting aimlessly when my rowboat was torn apart in a storm much like the one that took my Briar and Nathanial away from me. After which I assume that you found me and took me here. Now, you know my story. Judge me as you will."

A/N Phew! A decently long chapter at last! Took me long enough didn't it! Well I kept my promise I did post another chapter today it is now 11:50 pm which means that it's technically still today for another ten minutes. I apologize that it's a bit late but I got to spend my day getting poked with needles. Happy happy joy joy. But anyway here you go the latest installment of Tis Better to have Loved and Lost. And now you know why I named this story that. I hope to hear from you,

Animetor777