Tony wasn't waiting for Tim when he arrived to pick him up the next day. McGee sounded his horn but nobody appeared. Huffing a bit, Tim got out of the car to go and ring the door bell. Just as he raised his hand to press the button the door flew open to reveal Ducky,
"Was it you, Timothy, who just sounded that horn?" he demanded.
"Er, yes, Ducky. I was letting Tony know that I'd arrived."
"And you couldn't have called on your cell? Or walked up to the door? Oh no, you have to pollute the quiet atmosphere of the neighbourhood by sounding that horn. You do know that I am standing as a candidate to be the chair of our neighbourhood social committee? What chance do I have to be elected if my visitors lower the tone in such, in such ... a brutish way? Good Lord, it's like being invaded by the Visigoths."
"Ducky, I'm so sorry," gasped Tim, "I had no idea. It's just ..."
"... Just that he wants to get to work on time today," came Tony's voice behind Ducky, "after Humphrey's jaunt yesterday. Sorry, Tim, I took a bit longer to get going this morning."
Ducky switched his ire to Tony, "And you should not be going to work at all today, Anthony."
Tony opened his mouth to argue back, but Ducky tutted and said, "but I know you don't agree so I will just say again that you should take it as easy as possible today. And I would also recommend that you take some painkillers."
"I'll take it as easy as I can but the painkillers are a no-no," said Tony in a placatory way, "come on Tim, let's be going. No point in poking the Gibbs bear unnecessarily." He shepherded Tim, still apologising, back to the car.
"So what went wrong this morning?" asked McGee as they drove away.
"Director Vance kept me late last night wanting to discuss the attack on Fornell and then I just felt a bit stiff when I got up this morning."
"Was the Director mad about the fire alarm?" asked Tim anxiously.
"Well, Tim, he wasn't delighted but I think I managed to convince him that, with a name like his, it wasn't surprising that Humphrey Hutton went a bit mad."
McGee chuckled a bit in relief, "Thanks, Tony. I don't think he'll be doing anything like that again – you should have seen the look Gibbs gave him!"
"Yeah, probably best not to ask permission for another visit any time soon, though."
"Believe me, I'm not bringing them again, ever," insisted Tim, "so what are you doing today?"
"The Director wants us to work on what went wrong yesterday. No, don't worry, not the Humphrey horror but how Gladys managed to wander round with a gun in her purse."
"So, you'll be working with us? Back in the squad room?"
"Looks like it," said Tony.
"As Senior Field Agent or ADD?"
"Does it matter? I outrank you either way."
This was uncharacteristically direct for Tony; Tim didn't quite know how to respond so decided to say nothing. Tony lay his head back and tried to catch up on a bit of sleep.
NCISNCIS
Gibbs took charge when Tim and Tony arrived.
"DiNozzo, you're with us today. Director wants us to work out what happened yesterday."
Tony resisted telling Gibbs that he already knew that and just went to sit at his desk.
"So, back down to ground today, Tony," teased Ziva.
"Well, as 'not being down to earth' yesterday nearly got me shot, Ziva, that's fine by me," replied Tony, "what do you want me to do, Boss?"
"We need someone to walk the route we think our intruders took yesterday, see if we can spot any weaknesses," said Gibbs.
"I can download all the security camera footage," said Tim, " track where they went. We might be able to see if there were gaps where they weren't picked up." Gibbs nodded in approval and Tim powered up his computer to begin the work.
"DiNozzo, you do the route. McGee can tell you which way to go."
"Uh, Boss, that might be a bit tricky," he pointed to his crutches.
"Ziver, go with him," said Gibbs.
"How will that help?" asked Tony.
"She'll be able to help you if you get tired," said Gibbs.
"Come on, Tony, I promise I will not let you fall," said Ziva, " and it is a lovely day for a stroll."
Tony sighed, but put his coat back on and collected his crutches. He and Ziva started walking to the elevator but were interrupted by Ducky's arrival.
"Ah, good," he said, "I'm pleased you have made him see sense, Jethro."
"What you talking about, Duck?" asked Gibbs.
"Why, sending Anthony home to rest. I assume that Ziva is going to drive him? My dear, may I suggest a sedate mode of driving might be advisable today?"
"I am not driving Tony home, Ducky," she replied.
"No, we're going on a field trip," said Tony.
"I beg your pardon? And where is this field trip, may I ask?"
"Just round the Navy Yard," said Gibbs, "he'll be fine. It's on the flat, plenty of seats."
"Good Lord," said Ducky, "I will never understand you people. You do know that Anthony is strictly forbidden to put any weight on that leg? Gentle perambulations indoors are one thing but extended walks are out of the question. Besides he can barely walk today after that tumble yesterday."
"Ducky!" said Tony in a pained voice, "don't exaggerate, it's not that bad."
"Anthony, exaggeration is one of the permitted eccentricities of old age. Pray allow me to indulge in it. Besides, you cannot deny that you were in some discomfort this morning. Still, it is a lovely morning and the fresh air would probably do you good."
"That's settled then," said Gibbs, "go on, get moving."
"Not so fast," said Ducky imperiously, "I may allow Anthony to go outside on this exploration but he is certainly not going to be walking. I will give permission so long as he travels in a wheelchair."
"Fine by me," said Gibbs.
"Hey," protested Tony, "I'm not going in a wheelchair."
"You most certainly are, Anthony," said Ducky sternly.
Tony caved under Ducky's unblinking stare, "OK. But I'm not letting Ziva drive me. I'd like to keep the rest of me in working order."
"I'd offer," said Tim, "but I'm going to be co-ordinating all this security footage."
"I could do that," offered Dorneget who had been sitting unnoticed the other side of Tim's desk, "you showed me how to do it earlier in the week."
Gibbs raised his hands in exasperation, "just get on with it. Time's wasting."
Ducky couldn't resist some advice,
"Now, Timothy, I recommend also taking that afghan with you in case Anthony gets chilled. And don't go too quickly."
"Dorney, why don't you head down to Autopsy and pick up the chariot," said Tony, "by the time you get back, McGee should have our route mapped out," and in a quieter voice he said, "and we'll leave the afghan behind."
"Come along, Edward," said Ducky, "I'll show you where it is. And may I say, Anthony, you will be taking the afghan with you."
"Edward? Who is Edward?" asked Ziva.
"Why I assume that Ned is short for Agent Dorneget's given name," said Ducky.
"Nobody calls me that," protested Ned as he followed Ducky into the elevator.
As predicted, by the time Dorneget returned, the beginning of the route had been established. Tony produced some two way radios so they could keep in contact; he then settled himself in the chair, tossed the blanket under his desk and, having decided to go for flamboyance rather than sulky acceptance, said in a cheerful voice,
"Forward, slave."
Tim groaned but then leaned forward and whispered into Tony's ear, "Remember you are mortal."
"What?" said Tony, "are you trying to freak me out here?"
"Just trying for some authenticity, Tony," said Tim a little smugly, "I'm sure I've heard either Ducky or Gibbs say that Roman generals used to have someone standing next to them in their chariots whose sole task was to whisper, 'Remember you are mortal', in their ear. To keep them from getting above themselves."
"Hah, very clever, Mc Caesar," acknowledged Tony, "I can see I'm going to have to get Ben Hur out again."
They traced the route they thought that Gladys Sanderson had taken and Ziva and Dorneget traced them on the security cameras. After a few minutes Ziva called them,
"I've just had a call from Security," she said, "the camera near you is about to be taken down for some routine maintenance."
"For how long?" asked Tony.
"About 30 minutes,"
"OK, let me call Gerard, I'll get back to you". He pulled his phone out and called Security. "Hey, Gerard, Tony DiNozzo here. What's going on with your cameras, we're trying to do a check here." He listened to the response, "OK, well can you fix the one you're doing and then delay the others for about an hour? We should have finished by then ... thanks ... let me know when you're done. Ciao."
"One of the perks of being ADD?" queried McGee.
"What? No, sometimes explaining things to people works wonders. Hey, we're going to be stuck here for about half an hour. How about wheeling me over to that coffee wagon and I'll buy you a coffee."
A few minutes later, settled with their drinks, Tony said,
"So that thing about me 'remembering that I'm mortal ..."
"It was just a joke, Tony."
"So you didn't say it because you think I'm getting above myself?"
"No, no, of course not."
"Cos I have to say, you've been a bit snippy the last couple of days."
"I guess I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop," confessed McGee.
"What does that mean?"
"Let's face it, Tony, being ADD and in charge is the sort of thing which usually would send you over the top, but ..."
"But ...?" asked Tony.
"But you've been quite ... grown-up about it."
"Gee, thanks, McGee."
"You know what I mean, you haven't rammed it down our throats or ..."
"Strutted like a peacock?"
"Exactly," said McGee, enthusiastically.
"Tim," sighed Tony, "I know I get on your nerves but, honestly, on the job, when we're working and it matters, am I ever unprofessional?" He took a sip of his coffee and watched as Tim considered this. He hoped that Tim's innate honesty would make him acknowledge the truth of what he was saying. He could almost see the cogs in Tim's mind go round as he thought about the various pranks Tony had pulled on him and then considering their timing. He waited a few minutes,
"Tim, I would never, never put anyone at risk. The job's too important. If I haven't made you realise that, then I apologise."
McGee sighed, "I guess I know that really. It's just that sometimes I get distracted by the DiNozzo effect: which, I may say, I think you do deliberately."
"Touché, McFreud, but you know I've always got your six, don't you?"
"Yes," McGee said without hesitation, "and you know I've always got yours, don't you?"
Tim was surprised when he didn't get an immediate affirmation. Tony screwed his eyes against the sun and put his sunglasses on,
"Yeah, most of the time."
"Most of the time? What does that mean?"
"It means, McGee, that sometimes you think you know better than me and don't want to follow my lead."
"That's not true, Tony. I'd never deliberately put you in danger," McGee said hotly.
"Not what I said, Tim. On the job, you should follow my lead, trust what I'm doing. You can query it afterwards."
"I do," insisted Tim.
Tony's cell rang at that moment. "OK, all up and running again? We'll let you know when we're done." He switched on the radio, "Ziva, Dorney, we're going again. Keep watching. OK, Tim, let's get back to work. Which way are we going?"
Tim pushed Tony back on to the path. After a few yards, Tony asked Tim to stop, "I want to smell those roses."
"Come on, Tony, we haven't got time for that," scolded Tim.
Tony jammed the brake on anyway which meant that Tim stopped suddenly and nearly fell over. A couple of guards burst out laughing and Tim scowled at them. Tony bent down and picked one of the roses, and said, "I feel I should go a wooing, a wooing I should go," he then put the rose between his teeth and smiled what was probably intended to be a beguiling smile.
"Tony, come on," said Tim, "this isn't the time for doing this. You've been taking those painkillers again, haven't you?" He bent down to release the brake but Tony slapped his hand away, and started singing at the top of his voice, "La donna è mobile, La donna è mobile". It seemed that Tony only knew one line from Verdi's opera but he didn't seem to mind and kept repeating it. Everyone but Tim seemed to find it funny. He tried to remonstrate with Tony but having no success walked off and called Gibbs.
Gibbs arrived in a surprisingly short space of time. McGee went up to him,
"Boss, I'm sorry. I tried to stop him but I think he's been taking those painkillers. Don't be mad with him, I don't think he knows what he's doing."
Gibbs, quite unjustly, thought McGee, simply glared at him and then walked over to the serenading Tony and said something in his ear. Tony nodded sadly, waved his arms in a theatrical gesture of farewell and allowed Gibbs to release the brake and wheel him away. McGee hurried after them.
"Nice work, DiNozzo," said Gibbs when they had gone some distance.
"Nice work?" said McGee, "nice work?"
"Did you see, Boss?" asked Tony, "d'you think that's what happened yesterday?"
"I saw," said Gibbs grimly, "I think we need to have a chat with Gerard." He took out his cell and walked off to make the call.
"See what?" asked McGee desperately.
"How easily the guards were distracted," said Tony, "they thought it was just harmless old me, so they watched me and stopped looking at anyone else. I guess they saw someone in the wrong place yesterday but didn't bother doing anything about it because she looked like a harmless old lady."
"Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?" wailed McGee.
"Tim," said Tony sadly, "you'd just said that, on the job, you always follow my lead. I said 'let's get back to work' and you didn't follow my lead. Which I could understand but you were as bad as the guards. I bet you couldn't describe any of the people who I serenaded because you were so wrapped up in being annoyed with me."
"That's not fair, Tony," said McGee.
"I know, McGee, I know."
"I thought you were on pain-killers," said McGee.
"Why? You heard me tell Ducky I wouldn't take any and you've been with me ever since we got to work. When was I supposed to have taken them?"
"Are you going to tell Gibbs?" asked Tim.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Tim, do you really think this is something he doesn't already know? Come on, wheel me back, I think this is done for the day."
"Tony?"
"Yes, Tim?"
"I didn't realise that's what I did. I thought I was doing the right thing."
"I know, Tim, I know. We'll work on it."
NCISNCIS
Tony was on his own at Ducky's house that evening as Ducky was at a bridge tournament. He was just considering whether or not to sully Ducky's dining room with takeout when he heard someone letting themselves in.
"Only me," called Palmer.
"Ducky's not here," replied Tony, "I'm in the bedroom."
Jimmy appeared at the doorway, "I know, Thursday night is bridge night."
"So what are you doing here, Palmer?"
"It's Breena's weekly social with the Embalmers' Glee Club."
"Is that an actual real thing?" asked Tony.
"Oh yes, they take it very seriously. They've got a benefit concert coming up. I'll be round to sell tickets soon."
"The Embalmers' Glee Club Benefit Concert", mused Tony, "what are they raising money for?" Jimmy began to reply, but Tony interrupted him, "no, save it as a surprise. So, once again, what are you doing here, Jimmy?"
"Dr Mallard has been waxing lyrical about the authentic Scottish food he's been cooking for you ..."
"And you were hoping for leftovers?" asked Tony.
"Goodness no," said Jimmy, "no, I thought you might be longing for some good old fat and sugar."
"Palmer, you are a prince among men. But I thought your body was a temple?"
"Let's just say I'm renting it out it to a pizzeria tonight."
"And?"
"And I thought you might like some company."
"As ADD or SFA?" asked Tony with a hint of bitterness.
"How about just as Tony?"
"That'll do," said Tony managing a smile.
"Great. So long as you don't tell Dr Mallard that I brought pizza to his house. I don't think the neighbourhood social committee would approve!"
AN – this went a bit more sombre than I'd expected ... and I like McGee really.