The coffee burns my throat as I swallow it in greedy gulps. I spent all last night tossing and turning, unable to stop thinking about meeting Mary Eunice today.
I'm not sure what to expect. The letter seemed heartfelt but I know Mary Eunice to be a master of manipulation. No matter what happens, I have to keep my guard up.
Chimes ding alerting me to the coffee shop door opening and closing, and I find my heart racing. It's exactly 9:00 and Mary Eunice just walked in. She doesn't spot me at first in the seat towards the back but I notice her right away.
Again, I'm shocked to see her wearing regular clothes. Bell bottoms that are tight around her waist leave hardly anything to the imagination and her floral blouse looks stunning. Who knew that a former nun could have such fashion sense and a great body?
Shaking my head, I try to focus back on the real reason I'm here, finding out more on the inner working of Briarcliff. Mary is walking towards me with a cautious smile on her face that distracts me yet again. God, she is disarmingly beautiful.
"I'm so glad you came, Lana." Mary's honey sweet voice pulls me from my thoughts. I need to remember that she's the enemy, not just any woman. She tortured me, even if someone else was controlling her body, she tortured me. I can't forget that.
"I wasn't sure if I was going to in all honesty. I never wanted to see you again Sister, but you were right in your letter, I really do have a need to understand."
The woman winces at the word Sister, as if she had been slapped. I can't stop a smirk from covering my face at knowing that I've caused her at least a little discomfort. Sass is my automatic reaction to feeling threatened.
"I'm no longer a woman of the lord, Lana. There is no god. I was so foolish to devote my young years to serving a nonexistent being that I thought would make me happy. Look where that got me, sitting at a coffee shop next to the woman I was forced to torment, with scars all over my body left there by the devil's wife, and absolutely no purpose in life."
She chuckles at the apparent absurdity of it all but a pang of empathy flutters through my chest for her. If I didn't have Erica to keep me grounded, surely I would have been consumed by my work with no real purpose either. I guess I'm lucky in that way, I have a reason to get up with a smile every morning.
Without thinking I reach out and lightly squeeze Mary Eunice's hand. I feel her shudder under the touch, whether it's from appreciation or disgust because she knows what I am I'm not sure. But as soon as I'm aware of what I'm doing I pull my hand away.
An uncomfortable silence falls between us. For a long time we just glance down at our drinks then to each other and back again, not saying a word. I wonder what she's thinking about. Whatever it is, it seems to be bothering her. A variety of emotions, predominantly confusion and distress, flash across her features.
Finally, Mary Eunice meets my eyes and says "I'm sorry." Her words are strong and confident, with a sense of conviction to them.
"I know." I whisper back. Somehow I do know. A reporters instincts are right 90% of the time, and my gut is telling me that she's truly sorry. Her apology doesn't make any of what happened okay, and it doesn't make me forgive her, but at least she means it.
The next few hours pass in what feels like only a minute or two. We talk easily with the conversation flowing seamlessly between Briarcliff and our lives now. Mary Eunice gives me even more documents to use for my exposé and tells me all about her life post being thrown/jumping off the staircase.
She lives alone now in a small apartment above the flower shop that she works at. It's kind of sad really. She explains how adjusting to life away from the church was painful and difficult for her. She had to invent a whole new identity as Mary Beth Simon and hasn't felt safe in six years.
At first I'm reluctant to tell her anything about my personal life, but eventually the words slip from my mouth. Besides Kit, I never talk candidly with anyone. But Mary is charming and there's something about the way she looks at me that breaks down the walls I've so carefully constructed.
When I bring up Erica, tears form at the corner of Mary Eunice's eyes. She wipes them away hastily, hoping that I hadn't seen. "Are you okay Mary?"
Sniffling she nods. Her voice cracks when she speaks. "I was pregnant once too Lana… Lilith made me violate the Monsignor but I was blessed with a baby." Mary clutches at her flat stomach, more tears gathering in her deep blue eyes. "When I was laying on the cold floor at the bottom of the staircase, I felt warm blood trickling down my legs. It pooled around me until I was drowning in it. My baby died Lana, and I wish I had died with her. I should have! The only good thing about me still being alive is that I got to apologize to you."
"Mary…" I say softly, stunned by her vulnerability. She's more broken than I ever imagined. I've never been the warm, fuzzy type who's good at comforting people, but Mary Eunice is looking at me with these huge stormy blue watery eyes and I just want to wrap her up.
Consciously this time, I hold her hand. "Briarcliff hurt you as much as it did me, didn't it?" Mary Eunice squeezes my hand and wipes away more tears nodding slowly. "It still hurts us both very day. But I promise you Mary Eunice, I'm going to burn that place to the ground."
A small half smile twitches on her face at my words. She's still holding my hand tightly and I can't pretend that I don't like it. I feel inexplicably connected to my former capture. Now she's just a broken woman who's been through similar experiences as myself.
This is so confusing for me; I'm very conflicted. Glancing over at the clock I sigh at the time. "I'm sorry Mary, I have to go pick Erica up from school."
"Will I see you again?" the younger woman looks at me hopefully. I've gotten everything I need for the exposé and I can't think of any other logical reason to meet her again, but I want to.
"I'd like that. This Friday night Erica has a playdate at a friend's house, would you want to come over?"
Mary bites her lip and nods. "I'd love to Lana! Thank you." Maybe it's the way she smiles, or how her eyes seem to sparkle that's making me blush. My cheeks are warm with a light pink tint.
Standing up in unison, the strangest thing happens. We hug. Her embrace is warm and comforting. Her skin feels good on mine. My heart beats so fast that I'm afraid she'll hear it.
"Thank you for coming again. I'm looking forward to seeing you Friday."
"Me too Mary Eunice. Does seven o'clock work?" the young woman nods and smiles widely.
I can't help but look back over my shoulder to see her again as I'm leaving. If there wasn't so many butterflies in my stomach and if my brain wasn't stilled filled with the heady sent of her perfume, I would probably be disgusted with myself for how much I like Mary Eunice.