"What's your favorite color?" We were in art when he suddenly asked me this question during a drawing exercise. I looked at him, slightly surprised and raised an eyebrow, but answered, nonetheless.
"green, definitely." Collin laughed at my response. "What's yours?"
"Pink, definitely." It was my turn to laugh. I never expected he would be so goofy. Before I knew him, he just seemed quiet and smart and the opposite of Seth and Brady. Now that I was getting to know him, I realized he's funny and playful, as well as smart, and quiet, but at the right times, not all the time. Other times, he can be loud and fun.
"Nah, it's blue. Favorite food?"
"Goldfish. You?"
He laughed again. "Pineapple. But goldfish…really? Why goldfish?"
"What are you talking about? Goldfish are cheesy and delicious."
He looked thoughtful for a minute, and then nodded. "I'll give you that one. Favorite thing about me?" I wanted to say everything, but opted against that. I may have been noticing him for a while, but he practically JUST noticed me.
I chuckled. "Uh... I don't know, your hair? "
He smiled. "That's weird"
I laughed and nodded. "I told you. What about you? What's your favorite thing about me?"
He smiled and poked my ear from across the table. "Your ears."
We both laughed and i felt my cheeks grow hot. "I passed for a moment then stopped my pencil. "Why are you talking to me for so long?" I asked playing with the pencil. Collin looked up from his own note pad and shrugged. "You make me laugh?" I smiled at him and he grinned back up at me. "Oh, and your brother wants you to come to Emily and Sams after school." I sighed.
"I don't know what's with Embry lately. All of a sudden he wants me around?"
"He's your brother"
"He's a nut"
Collin shrugged, "maybe everyone else, including me, wants you there too?" I thought for a moment and nodded at him. "Sure, i guess."
"Hey, kid. What's up?" Embry called over to me as he walked through the door.
"Hey, Em." I ducked away from his hand as he tousled my hair, almost sending me off the armrest I was sitting on. It was late fall, which meant no more swimming and a lot more video games. The rest of the boys all walked in behind Embry carrying an assortment of soda, snacks and X-Box 360 games as they headed down into the basement of Emily and Sam's house, where all the gaming systems were.
"Let's go, Ray. I need a zombie killing partner, and you have got one wicked head-shot ability." Collin said grabbing my hand. I felt my heart race when our skin made contact.
At first, I just watched them play. Then, Collin dragged me off the arm rest of the couch I sat on, and where he sat next to me, until I was practically on top of him, squished together from all the bodies in the room. He handed me a controller and told me to play.
"Are you sure you're ready for this? I'll take you down." I tried giving him a challenging smile.
"You talk as if we're not on the same team, dork." Attacking my head with both hands, he messed up my hair significantly. "Try talking trash to someone who won't be saving your butt from special infected every other second." His voice was lighthearted and joking, and I could do nothing but laugh and try to push his hands away.
Just then, the other boys finished setting everything up, and two of them came to join us on the couch made for three. The side of Collin's body was pressed up against mine, warm and firm. Not having to reach far, he patted my leg thoughtfully, glancing down and giving me another smile.
I didn't get much time to think as the game started, but for the rest of the time, I was hyper aware of how close Collin was and how much of him was touching me. Every time he spoke or laughed, I felt the vibrations he sent through the couch or straight into me. At random times, he would nudge me or tease me in a very brother-like fashion, always making me laugh or roll my eyes.
Almost two hours later, the doorbell rang.
"Oh, that's the pizza. I'll get that." Seth started to stand as he put his player on auto.
"You stay, I'll get it. I'm dead anyway." Collin offered, just as a zombie made its final blow. "Want to give me a hand, Rayna?"
I glanced at my health meter on the screen, still half full. "I'm not dead yet."
He grabbed Embry's controller out of his hand and turned the character to shoot at me. Unable to react, he killed me quickly before dumping the controller back into Embry's hands. "Dude, you totally just killed my friendly fire score."
"Dude, you totally just killed me!"
"Now you can help me with the pizza." He winked with a mischievous grin, and I found it hard to stay mad at him. Standing, he offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet. Together we went up the stairs. While he retrieved the ridiculously large stack of pizza's from the delivery man, I searched the kitchen cabinets for enough plates and napkins (not that those would get used) for everyone.
"I can't believe you actually killed me like that." I accused, a playful tone in my voice.
"You were being stubborn; I had no other choice." My back was to him as we both laughed, knowing how ridiculous his excuse was.
Struggling a bit with the paper plates I grabbed, I tried pulling them apart to put each one in its own holder. "Hey, Ray?" Until he spoke, I didn't notice that he had moved closer to me. When I turned to look at him, he was barely a foot away. "There's something I want to ask you." Placing his hand on the counter behind me, he was now only inches away. I only came up to his chest, and had to look upward to see him.
"Yeah?" There was a bit of a nervous quiver in my voice, though I hoped frantically that he didn't notice. "What is it?"
"I would... if I were more creative, I would find a better way to ask you this, but I'm not, so... will you go to next weeks dance with me? I know it's last minute but, hey!"
I stared at him, blankly, more confused than I could ever remember being. Honestly i never even gave the dance a second thought. I never went to them, and i wasn't planning on going to this one. Partly for the fact that I didn't ever have a date. "Me? Why?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
One corner of his mouth turned upward, almost shyly. He was still so close to me. "Of course you. Like as friends. I'd rather go with you than ask some random girl I barely know. Twenty years from now, I want to look back at my high school career and know that I didn't go with some girl just because I wanted a date."
It was the sweetest rejection a girl could ever have. I'll admit my hopes were a little crushed when he said "as friends". And this barely cleared up the confusion. "Wouldn't you at least want to go with someone who looks good in a dress?" I chuckled.
"Have you ever worn a dress?"
"Not in memorable history."
"Then maybe you'll look good. You never know..." With him so close, I was far behind the capacity to refuse.
I stood looking at myself in the full length mirror behind the bathroom door. My dress was blue, but a bit duller and darker than what is normally attributed to the color. It hung rather fitted along my chest and stomach, with straps falling to the sides of my shoulders. My hair was left straight down, falling near the middle of my back. I wore very little make up and only managed one inch, black heels.
If I were being honest with myself, I would say that I actually didn't look as ridiculous as I had first thought I would. In fact, I looked pretty. Older. A bit more mature.
"Ray?" My brother tapped lightly on the door before pushing it open. "I need to go out with Sa... wow." His head came around the door and he saw me. Slowly, his eyes traveled from my shoes to my barely made-up face. "Wow, Ray. You look amazing. That dress is perfect for you. Who ever would have thought my baby sister not only would be wearing a dress, but would actually look this good in one." Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around me.
"You're beautiful, Ray. Collin should be on his way over, so listen for the door. Love you, sis." Giving me a playful pat on the head, he left and closed the door behind him.
"Ray?" I heard my name from the first floor of the house a few minutes later. Collin had long surpassed the point of letting himself in. "Rays?"
"Just one second!" Suddenly, I felt nervous. Collin had seen me a million times before, in a random assortment of attire, but I could not remember ever having cared about his opinion on the matter before. This was different. Part of dances was dressing up, showing off your personality with your dress and your hair and your makeup. I wanted the way I looked to say something about me. I wanted 'simply beautiful'. With a calming deep breath, I stepped out of my room and began down the stairs.
He was not immediately by the door, but stood a little deeper in the living room, his back to me as he looked at the pictures framed on the wall. "Collin?" Why was my voice so close to shaking?
Slowly, he turned, a polite smile on his face. Our eyes met, then he scanned downward, his smile fading gently as he did, though to an expression far from disappointment. For too long, I stood on the last step of the staircase, watching him look at me. For someone I usually only saw in torn up jeans and a t-shirt, a suit was perfect on him. Everything was black – jacket, vest, shirt, pants – except the green tie i'm sure his mom had picked out for him. I was just as lost looking at him as he seemed to be looking at me.
At the same time, we both opened out mouths to speak, then closed them to allow the other to go first. A timid, good natured laugh followed, though we were saved by the door opening.
"Watch your hands, Collin." My brother threatened, teasingly as he and Quil sat on the couch, "That's my baby sister there."
Neither my mom nor Collin's parents were in attendance, meaning it wasn't truly that's special.
Hours later I had finished a meal, all the boys had removed their jackets and many of the girls had abandoned their shoes, though I chose to keep mine on. I had danced with all of Embry's friends as per their request, and I hoped that none of their dates minded as I was twirled and twisted.
Collin would offer to dance with the abandoned date each time it happened, but only about half a song would pass by before he would ask to cut back in with his own date. "You just want to keep her all to yourself, don't you?" Brady accused when this happened to him.
"She is my date," he responded with a smile, before putting his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him.
"What is it?" I asked as my hands found their comfortable place, locked behind his neck. I saw something in his eyes that I didn't quite recognize.
"Hm?"
"You look uncomfortable or... I don't know... like you're stressing about something. What is it?"
"Oh, it's nothing." Even if he hadn't broken eye contact with me in that moment, I would have known he was lying.
"Please tell me."
There was a minute hesitation before he gave me a weary smile. "Notice how all the guys are fighting over you, tonight? They're all really eager to dance with you." I definitely hadn't thought of it as fighting, nor had I recognized any of them as having wanted to dance with me for any reason other than for the sake of fun.
"I think you're exaggerating a bit there."
His eyes were on me, the full force of their green unleashed. Yet they were still gentle and unaccusing. "I think you are underestimating how amazing you look." My heart stopped as I struggled to remember how to breath. The sincerity of his words rose goosebumps along my spine. His whole face lightened then and fell back into the fun smile I was more accustomed to.
All at once, I was aware of how close our bodies were, of his hand on my waist and my own hands touching the skin of his neck. I found myself studying his face, no longer overtaken by baby fat, but well chiseled and defined, though some of the boyish charm remained. "I'm really glad I asked you to come. I never could have had this much fun with anyone else."
Before I could respond, Seth came up behind Collin. "Bonfire tomorrow. Embry said she could come," he nodded towards me giving Collin a knowing look. Collin's jaw tensed and he looked almost frightened.
"Hey Collin?" I said as we were walking out of the school where the dance was held, the only school to speak of in our small reservation, I pulled on his arm to slow him down. He looked down at me, confusion across his features. "Who is that?" Collin followed my gaze across the dark parking lot to a black haired boy who stood next to a restored classic car. The boy was looking at me, without hesitation, and it was not the first time that night I had noticed him doing so.
"Dean." Collin's voice was flat as he answered my question, showing an obvious dislike that was uncharacteristic of him. "He's a junior. Trouble maker, always has been."
"Why is he looking at me?"
"I don't know, but I don't like it. Come on, let's go." The harshness eased a bit as he urged me toward his car, but I couldn't help glancing back at the dark eyes that followed me across the lot.
"WOOO! We're done, boys!" Brady yelled. All the dates, likely to their dismay, had already been dropped off, and the rest of us lounged in our formal-wear on the grass at Emily and Sam's/ Again, I was the lone girl, though I did not let this bother me as I hopped around barefoot, mushing my toes into the dirt.
"We still have finals, dumbass." Seth laughed in response as he took another sip from his soda.
"Ray. Ray Ray Ray." Brady slung his arm around my shoulder and leaned down close to me. "Have I told you tonight how utterly stunning you look tonight?" His fingers toyed with the strap of my dress, though in a playful rather than creepy way. The words were all too familiarly slurred.
"I think you've had a few times too many, Brady."
"No seriously. You are... wow... you're not twelve years old any more."
"Hey, man, don't monopolize the only girl here. Selfish much." Seth sauntered over putting an arm around my shoulder from the other direction. "She needs to know that she has options."
"In case you two have forgotten," Collin managed to wiggle me out from between both of them with a single movement, "she is still my date. If anyone is going to monopolize her, I technically have dibs." Rolling their eyes, they stepped away and went for more drinks.
"I'd offer you my jacket, but I know you'd refuse."
"Then just be cold." We said together, his in a mocking tone, and the harmony of our laughter relaxed me a bit. "How about a compromise?" Removing his arms from the sleeves of his coat, he wrapped them around my middle and pulled me closer. My heart stopped in my chest at his touch, gentle and warm, yet firm. "Pull it closed," he whispered against my ear, momentarily leaving me almost completely unable to translate his speech to thought.
Luckily, my hands moved on their own, and reached to wrap the front of his coat around my own body. Slowly, I allowed my body to relax until my full weight was against his firm body.
"You really did look amazing tonight, Ray. You still do." The whispered words were just for me, again spoken right into my ear. He moved his knees in closer, and I was wrapped in his body even more. I couldn't remember ever having felt so comfortable before.
Even as my heart raced, my eyes grew heavier and heavier. My body was slumping further against his. One Collin's hands came up and ran through the hair that fell across my face. "You must be really tired. It's almost two in the morning."
"I'm fine." I mumbled, none too convincingly.
"It's okay to go to sleep." I didn't want to. I wanted to stay awake and make the night last forever. I wanted to be able to remind myself that it wasn't a dream. But it was getting harder and harder to resist the pull against my eyes and the fuzzy stage my thoughts floated toward. His arms wrapped tighter. "Go to sleep, Rays. I'll hold you until you do. I'll always be here to hold you..."