8Man's Journal

by Betrayed Dreams

His future was as expected. His nature was fathomable. But his extent was unknown. He never changed. But will he? "No." (Complete)

4. An Interlude to a Tragedy

Chapter 4: An Interlude to a Tragedy

Don't own Oregairu or Watchmen

Warning: Skips ahead a day. Hikigaya is on pills.

8man's Journal, October 15, 2035.

Missed wake. Left before cremation. Skipped burial. Worst friend, I know. Totsuka deserved better. Unfortunately he had me on medication. He was a good guy, bound to make bad choices. He called me a friend. I had him killed. He made Sagami his wife and I turned her into his widow.

Tough.

Love and marriage. Short lived pleasures. Never lasts. Husbands have affairs. Wives cheat. Vise-versa. They separate, get divorced and remarry. Die in different beds. Story gets old.

Bored.

Worried.

Komachi and Taishi. Any different? Only hope. Think about them later. They are not getting married anytime soon. He has to propose. She has to accept. Many roadblocks ahead. Wish them luck on their journey and pray Komachi never suffers like Sagami. Unlike her she will have me.

Regret nothing. Totsuka was a friend. His death is on my conscience. His wife, correction his widow, can blame me all she wants. Nothing will change. Totsuka is dead. Dead stay dead. Permanently. Grief passes. Lessens over time. Scars heal. Mentality changes. Living proof, right here.

/

After marriage saw Sagami in new light. Told Totsuka he was becoming unbearably naïve when he told me he was marrying her. She was his manager. A good manager. Looked after him. Cared for him. Kept up with him. Marriage would mess things up. She would have full control over every aspect of his life, tell him where to go, what to wear, who to meet. Unbearable. He would always have her. Whenever he goes out, she would be there nagging him to come home soon and whenever he returns she would be there waiting to cross-examine him about how his day went. He would have no privacy. He would have to share his life, his home, his room with another person.

Made me gag.

Made him determined.

He said my words made him hasten his proposal. Never understood. Never bothered. He married Sagami. Good for her. But I was his best man. Wives come and go but best man stay eternal. Felt good to shoulder this responsibility. Smiled in a couple of photos. Asked Komachi for a dance but Taishi Kawasaki stole her from me. Before I could squash a bug, his older sister whisked me away towards the dance floor. Danced with Saki Kawasaki. Stepped on her toes by mistake. She mistook my mistake. Thought I was doing it on purpose. She is a dangerous dancer. Kicked me in the shin a couple of times but never missed a step while dancing. Her way of saying, not to come between her brother and my sister. Message understood. Now, bully Taishi Kawasaki only at work. Remember dance with fondness. Had a great time.

/

Sagami suffered silently. Almost mistook her at airport, the other day. She looked nothing like her. She made no biting comments. There was no hostility. She was a hollow shell. Felt bad. Should have comforted her. Should have told her everything would be fine. Said nothing. Hate change. Missed banter. Surprising. She sat beside me at front, her eyes red, her handkerchief wet. Should have kept a box of tissues. Remember Cultural Festival. She cried then. I was responsible. She cries now. I am responsible. Expected anger, rage, physical violence. A tight slap on my cheek, spit on my face, a kick to my groin. Never expected this. Like many she had a façade. Innocent, humble, ordinary. Fooled many. Proud, pompous, egotistic. Hid well. Marriage changed her. Her façade vanished. She became one. Proud of her husband, humble herself and protective of their future. They looked good together. She made me believe her. Unfortunately 'believe' hides 'lie' between 'be' and 've'.

Lies are having a field day. Investigation continues. Three pills and coffee. Good breakfast. Others worry. Concerned, they say. Other day gave a shoulder to his casket on way to crematorium. Sagami insisted. Would look bad to say no to a newly made widow. Agreed. Taishi tagged along. Unnecessary. I am fine. Functioning. Today is Sunday. I bury a part of my past. Once again I bury a part of me.

/

Heavy security. Four block radius. Safest cemetery on earth. Had riot police and a swat squadron on standby, armed and prepared with water cannons, tear gas and rubber bullets. An ambulance and a fire truck are parked nearby. Rookies in crowd control. Veterans on guard duty. Snipers on rooftops. Tech-teams run surveillance. All report to Taishi Kawasaki. He reports to me. Saves me a headache.

Sagami left security threats for me. She handled everything else. Totsuka had an academy here where he taught tennis whenever he came back to Chiba. Totsuka helped them once. Now they help his widow. I only keep an eye on things. Snoop around a little. Not everything is as they seem. Media played their hand. Sagami gave a statement. I gave them a look. Flashes of cameras reflected off my dark sunglasses. I looked like something out of the Matrix. Good film. Copied a little from Ghost in the Shell. Great film. Stellar anime. Critics say they paid homage. I say it like I see it. What a rip-off. Major looks way better than all those agents. I mean look at her. Perv later.

I know why others hate me. I am what they are not but what they wish to be. Pity. I wish to be no one but wishes are seldom granted. Only one wish of mine came true. Came true in a limousine. First couple of Chiba underwent six security checkpoints. Removed driver. He ran over a dog. Not lying. Had Hayama drive. Hates driving. Dinged hood. Scratched door. Punctured a tire. Parked in a wrong place in a bad neighbourhood. Homeless kids will probably remove tires and replace them with cinderblocks. Completely normal. Afterwards, whatever is left of this once fine limousine is taken away by a tow-truck back to the impound for wrongful parking. Just following police protocol. Just doing my job. Husband and wife walked it off. They hate walking nowadays. Yukinoshita has low stamina. Rather low of me to call this another reason for their unhappy marriage. Good thing I'm shallow. Hayama received a full pat down from a homosexual police officer. Would you have me discriminate against a fellow officer only because of his choice of lifestyle? Of course not. He was thorough. Hayama blushed. Yukinoshita snickered. A moment later, table turned. Hayama smiled at Yukinoshita. A couple of sniffer dogs slobbered all over her. She is afraid of dogs. Huh. Who knew? I did? Don't think so. By time the unhappy couple reached the cemetery they really looked like they were looking forward to burying someone. Me mostly. Probably alive. But fake people have an image to maintain. They stayed put to watch the grave proceedings. I left them alone afterwards. Had my little revenge. Came nowhere close to what Hayama did, gassing me with an untested hallucinogen, but publicly humiliating him felt like a proper payback.

My escapade at Falcon Facilities was a bust. Learnt nothing of value. Risked my physical wellbeing and mental health by following breadcrumbs. Hayama assured me of my safety. Never believed him. Needed a doctor. Visited Shiromeguri-senpai. Had her run me for everything from HIV to Ebola. Everything came up negative. Felt safe. My emergency contact arrived and gave me a lift. Looked silly riding on a moped, sitting behind RumiRumi. She is extremely possessive about her bike. Next to her camera this is her most prized possession. Both of them are on the guest list. Least I could do. Sagami had no problems. Add two more to a list of over four hundred. Understandable. Totsuka was a national icon. A global figure. Saw people from across most continents attend wake. Sports personnel mostly. Tennis, soccer, cricket, field hockey, volleyball, table tennis, baseball, golf, basketball and various others, all sent representatives for this sad occasion. Nobody misses a good photo-op opportunity. Free publicity. Maybe an interview. Death is good business. Totsuka was popular way before he became a professional player. His club mates, his classmates from Sobu High, his friends from university, all made a brief appearance. His trainers and coaches dropped by and shed a tear. Sagami knew everyone. Like I said, good manager. She decided all envelopes brought by funeral attendees containing condolence money would be given away to various charities. Said she was following her husband and respecting his wishes. Totsuka loved charity. Like I said, great man and like any great man he had his share of followers and fans. Hysteria and fanaticism marked his untimely demise. Rumours spread. Everyone wanted to skip work, drink all day and weep at night like children. Men cried like babies. Women cried for blood. Kids cried foul. Foul play was suspected from beginning. Police knew this much before bringing me on board. I only opened a can of worms. Media caused controversy, made weak minded people suffer from mental breakdowns, made adrenaline junkies participate in crime sprees and made desperate people add another line in their suicide notes. Neurotics tried to emulate his manner of death. Was easy enough. No one needed help. Morgues began to fill up. Funeral homes made a killing. Police found themselves in line of fire.

Sagami called for peace. Stood on a public forum and ordered everyone to stop this nonsense. Said every lunatic calling himself a fan of his was running around desecrating her husband's memory by spreading chaos and anarchy. Her popularity took a hit but matters slowly de-escalated. Bore witness. Had she been this confident and displayed such oratory and leadership skills back then our little rooftop incident would have never had happened. But then again that led her to seek redemption. She wanted a second chance. Started small. Became manager of the tennis club and like they say the rest is history. Understand history but chemistry is beyond my level of comprehension. Was never good in the sciences and only science can explain how a chuunibyo and a fujoshi could think of taking a Ferrari to a gravesite. Zaimokuza drove. Dropped Ebina at a random street, angled away from line of vision of anyone watching from cemetery. He arrived first. Got a ticket for speeding. Ebina walked in later. Interesting. Zaimokuza and Ebina. Close? Could be. A handful of his latest works are in fantasy and sci-fi genres. Became a best seller. Fuelled his comeback. Ebina must have helped. She his muse? Maybe more. Zaimokuza is buffed up on steroids. Body fat percentage in single digits. She his type? His love life was never my concern but there is a chance of my involvement looming in near future. Ebina decides to keep Zaimokuza a secret from Hayama. His PR campaigns make tall claims. Smartest man in Japan they say. Yesterday saw demonstration. Not impressed. He gave me gas. Best he could do? I wrecked his car. No comparison. Cars are personal. That Limo had it coming. Expect him to contact my superior sometime later today. Lodge complain. Don't care. Will be worth it. He is top dog. Others are lapdogs. I'm a mangy mutt. I lose by winning.

Played favourites. Despicable, I know. Only allowed RumiRumi to capture proceedings .Trust her. Rest of her ilk are vultures. Can do anything for a good story. Have no respect towards deceased. See a casket, take photo, and make headlines. All of them want to see their article on first page of a leading newspaper. Nothing like journalistic integrity. Reporters are a lost cause. She's different. I'm to blame. A gender-bended younger version of me, made her name out of clicking photos and breaking news stories on prime time. Her mother gave her a camera when she was a kid. Asked her to make beautiful memories. She tried. Was unsuccessful. Met me by coincidence. I applied my methods. Showed her how ugly society is. Discouraged her from changing. She grew up painting ugly pictures in her mind, graduated to filming ugly sides of our society when she became an adult and made a respectful living out of working in media. Nice job mini me. Feared she would one day become like Yukinoshita. She looked like her, talked like her. Guess she fooled me. Wonderful. Earned her place in our dining table. Shy about eating free food. Should take a page out of my book. One second thought no. Keep in mind, I have a journal. Very private. She can do better. Keika-chan calls her a friend. Another painful reminder.

Both remind me of Yukinoshita and Yuigahama.

Her whereabouts are unknown. Made enemies covering for Yukinoshita. Lied for her, concealed truth and faked reports. Went missing. Fear worse. Head of PR is RIP. Refer to her in past tense. She was a nice girl. Nice girls make mistakes. She was friends with Yukinoshita and it cost her everything.

Fire Queen paid her price in full. Miura is MIA. Hiding from drug cartels and arms dealers. She was a lawyer. Rubbed people the wrong way. No one knows where she is. Hayama said she's dead. Never believe him. Never saw their bodies. Never read their obituaries. Never visited their grave. Saying they are probably somewhere abroad is a good excuse. Need to see them to believe them. Dead fish eyes spot everything. Look underneath the underneath. See movement. Press earpiece.

"Detective Taishi Kawasaki, we have an intruder on ground. She's hiding behind shrubbery at western quadrant, ten feet away from burial site. Go say hello."

"You got it onii-sama."

Taishi Kawasaki began to follow my directions. He left Komachi. Saw her worry. Saw his sisters worry. Hated it. They looked around for me. Almost gave away my position. Decided to amend orders and keep my cover intact.

"Detective, take your older sister with you. She can handle this situation much better than any of us."

Detective hesitated. His voice sounded strained. Saw him take out his firearm and click off safety. He lowered his stance and began to proceed with extreme caution.

"Onii-sama this is not time for a joke. Are we in danger? Shall I evacuate the whole ground?"

"Depends on your definition of danger detective. Does my foxy kohai sound dangerous to you?"

He relaxed his stance a bit. Straightened his back. His face carried a modicum of shock.

"You mean Isshiki-senpai? How did she get in!?"

He really asks such stupid question. How do most people get in to a place?

"She scaled a wall. Laughed myself silly watching her fall off over and over again. She just found a good hiding spot a minute ago. Thought you should know."

"Thanks onii-sama. Anything else I can do?"

"Just do what I said. Take your older sister with you. She will chew her out in no time and maybe teach her a lesson about sneaking into private place where only those with invites are allowed. She is way better than both of us at handling Isshiki in her full paparazzi regalia."

"Your right onii-sama. Isshiki senpai is more afraid of my onee-san than she is afraid of me and you combined. And both of us are cops."

"Don't remind me. Ever wonder why your onee-san never wanted to be a police officer. She would have been way better than both of us."

Taishi Kawasaki tucked his firearm behind his waistband, shoved his hands deep inside both his trouser pockets and smiled, looking upward towards heaven. I recognise this grin of his. There is nothing heavenly about it. He talked into the comm. link in a low voice marred by scandalous humour.

"Onii-sama, are you by any chance fantasizing about my onee-san in your police uniform. That's pretty perverted, you know. Should I tell her? I should tell her. You two-"

"Stop moving."

"-look…eh? Stop moving. Shouldn't onii-sama be saying stop talking instead?"

"No. By all means, continue. I just want you to stand still so I can get a clean shot. Been a while since I fired one of these. Might need a little target practice. Your head looks remarkably big on the crosshairs detective, did you know that?"

"…No."

"How unfortunate. Anyway, what were you saying?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! You know me. I talk nonsense all the time. Um, I should head back to onee-san. Yeah I really should. Sorry for being disrespectful before onii-sama. Please forgive me."

"…"

"Should I take your silence as forgiveness?"

"No. I was just calculating wind speed and adjusting range. One shot, one kill. You remember, right?"

"Of course, of course, how can I forget. I will have onee-san confront Isshiki senpai right away."

He cleared his throat audibly, chuckled awkwardly and ran away in a dignified fashion. A few moments later I saw Saki Kawasaki picking Isshiki Iroha up by the scruff of her neck. She is way stronger than her. Strongest woman I know. Saw her whisper something in her ears and then without any further ado Isshiki began emptying her pockets of all electronic devices. Taishi Kawasaki volunteered to take them from her. He probably promised to have them returned after everyone left the grave. Saki Kawasaki watched her little brother do his job like a grown man. She looked proud of him. But then, why was she picking her ear with an annoyed look on her face. Moreover, why was my earpiece picking up static and chatter.

"Hey Taishi! How do you talk into these things? You just told me to put this in my ear and press this small white button at the top. If I apply anymore pressure, I will probably break this little thing in half and get it stuck inside my ear. Worthless piece of junk. Hello! Hello!"

"…"

Why you sneaky little bug! I was just trying to scare you a little. He was talking his mouth off, mentioning those lewd ideas about his onee-san. What kind of a brother is he!? He should be more respectful to his onee-san and while he's at it why should I be left out. I was just trying to teach him a lesson. Not like I would actually shoot him. Though, we are in a graveyard. There must be an empty grave around here somewhere. Not like a dead guy would complain.

"Hey Hikigaya! Hikigaya! Are you ignoring me!?"

Guess she found out.

"Of course not. There was a problem with my connection for a moment. We get that sometimes. Your brother is down there, I am up here. Wind. Turbulence. Birds. You get the idea."

"Uh-huh. Where are you lazing off anyway? You should be down here with us. Looking over Totsuka's burial like a proper best friend. He deserves this much from you."

She had a point. Of course skirting over them had become second nature for me. Rehearsed myself and repeated lines with a hint of hesitance.

"…Can I bring the picnic basket?"

She would have killed me right now. Shot me with a gun borrowed from her brother. Maybe do one of her killer karate moves on me and break my neck in the process.

"Are you hearing yourself right now!? Who brings a picnic basket to a burial ground?"

"Goths come to mind"

"Shut up!"

Saki Kawasaki had a wonderful idea today. She wanted to have a picnic lunch after our visit to the graveyard. Sundays are good for picnic. Of course I could never say no to her. I'm not nearly suicidal enough. Moreover she makes good food. Hate to admit this but she cooks better than Komachi. I have turned into a horrible brother. No wonder Taishi Kawasaki plans to take her away from me by marrying her. Regardless this picnic basket became a good prop and a proper excuse. I carried the basket like a gentleman but the funeral guests gave me a look. They looked uncomfortable about our plans for the rest of the day. Saki Kawasaki wanted to lift our spirits. She had good intentions. She woke up early and worked hard in the kitchen. But her picnic basket irked others so I decided to take it away from her. She thought I was leaving it at the back of our car. Wouldn't dream of it. Someone might steal all our food. Heard bears steal picnic baskets in jungles. A city is a jungle of cement. Hence I took the basket with me and climbed the elevator of a high rise building on the opposite side of the graveyard. Found a proper place for sniping and watched all proceedings from behind a scope. My targets were already inside the graveyard waiting for me to pick them out one by one if they decided to surprise me. I kept my fingers crossed. Here's to hoping its Hayama. Of course the only thing I killed was time. Apart from Isshiki nothing interesting has happened. Getting myself intimidated by Saki Kawasaki can hardly be called interesting when it happens to me almost every day.

"Hello!"

Alright having her shout in my comm. link is rather new.

"I can hear you fine Kawasaki. No need to raise your voice."

"Alright then. Do you want to come down from up there? And if you mention anything about a picnic basket again I would shove those rice ball you love up your-"

"Kawasaki, you are in a graveyard. Show some respect to the dead. What would they say when they hear such foul language coming from the mouth of a maiden? Do you want their ghosts to haunt you at night?"

Kawasaki is afraid of ghosts and anything remotely supernatural. Remember her visit into haunted mansion back during our school trip to Tokyo. She was scared. Horrified. Hid behind me and then ran straight out. Her childhood fears plague her still.

"…I really hate you Hikigaya."

"I can live with hate."

"I'm not a-afraid of g-ghosts."

"You sound convincing."

"I will kick your butt"

"Yes you will"

Heard her sigh. Bantering grows tiresome. She took a deep breath, looked up and found my nest. She talked in a barely audible whisper which mixed properly with the static running through our shared comm. link.

"Give me one good reason and we will never talk about this again. Why are you unwilling to share this tragic moment with us?"

She was a grown woman. Saw no tears in her eyes. She had shed her fair share. Not today. She remains strong. I only give the illusion of being strong. I'm in shambles, broken, waiting to be taken out like yesterday's trash. She deserves an answer after my world weary sighs.

"…Too many people."

"Sorry?"

"I said there are too many people. This is a circus. I have no plans of making a show out of it. I will pay my respects silently and in private. Not amongst them. I spoke to them, I watched them, and decided I have no place amongst them during this moment of paying homage. Totsuka was my friend. To them, he was just another poster boy. I would have to fake it like them if I want to participate in this sham. I hate being fake. I hope you understand"

She looked forlorn.

"I do understand. Thanks for being honest with me Hikigaya. But I hate to break it to ya, this graveyard is about to become a very busy place. After today this place would be open for public. You might have to wait a month or so before everything quiets down."

"I won't wait around for a month. I will probably think up something"

"What do you plan to do? Break in to graveyard at night? Good luck with that."

What a wonderful idea.

"Thank Kawasaki, I will do just that."

"What? Are you a complete idiot! Who breaks into a graveyard at night?"

"Someone who isn't afraid of ghosts."

"…hate you"

"I know"

/

Believed Taishi Kawasaki when he said he had everything covered. Have to believe someone. Gave him instructions and told him to call me when necessary. Left the car at his disposal. He needs to drive the others around here. After a small walk, found myself standing on my first battleground. This park holds memories. Here I learnt to play baseball by my lonesome. By myself. Used a lesson taught from this same ground to help the service club on one of their earliest request. Remember request. Totsuka's request. My miracle shot. Zaimokuza said I manipulated the sea breeze itself. Yeah he would say that. But my match winning shot, which brought Hayama and Miura to a sliding halt, was inspired from this sacred ground. Back then I won the match but lost the game. Will this time be any different?

Not one of my happiest moments. Not one of my best years. Horrible things happened and I came close to losing everyone once again. Gained notoriety and infamy through proper police work. Made sergeant five years ago. Taishi Kawasaki made detective three years ago. Both of us made our fair share of enemies. Thought we could protect ourselves. We could. But not others. Komachi and Keika had been kidnapped. Received no calls demanding ransom. Felt completely helpless. All this manpower and resources at my fingertips and I never felt more powerless. Taishi Kawasaki was in charge of this manhunt. Disobeyed countless police protocols. Both of us were beyond care. Saki Kawasaki went against our decision and began making her own inquiries. All three of us went our separate ways. We decided this was the only possible way to cover more ground. Unfortunately there was a fourth member in our search party who joined in uninvited. Tsurumi wanted to help. She had received a message from an unknown number. She texted me but I failed to reply. I had no time check my phone. Stupid I know. Should have found a way to keep in touch with everyone. But at that chaotic moment I didn't have the benefit of hindsight. None of us did. We were not thinking properly, we were behaving irrationally and running around in circles. By some stroke of luck news about a raging fire spreading in Sobu High reached my ears. Knew they were there.

Found myself at peace standing before an orange inferno. Three fire trucks tried to salvage burnt structures from my past. Wished them luck in their endeavour and dived in recklessly into a cloud of smoke and soot. A couple of firemen tried to stop me. Showed them my eyes, my badge, my gun. They knew crazy when they saw one.

Suffered minor burns but almost died from excessive smoke inhalation. Sprinkler system inside Sobu High had an upgrade. Everything was connected into an online server. Any decent hacker could tamper with them just to get a sick laugh. Had to manually override them from basement. Felt miserable on by inability to hack into computers. Turned sprinklers on and continued my search through an artificial rain falling over a manmade fire.

Solved an arson case once. Remembered charcoal black bodies displaying white teeth. Remembered using dental records to identify victims. Later had trouble digesting food. Smell from crime scene was a bad reminder

Komachi, Keika and Tsurumi remained unharmed. They suffered from mild dehydration. Nothing serious. They kept a cool head over their shoulders and kept out of trouble when the fire began to spread. They had no help. School was closed for the holidays. They only had their wits to guide them. Drew SOS on windows and doors within their reach. Unfortunately their signal was barely visible to anyone who stayed outside. Only I was foolish enough to walk into a burning building. This was my old high school, burning before my very own dead fish eyes. Knew every corridor and passageway of this institution and my morbid imagination made me run down an old forgotten path. Found them in service club, huddled together, shaking in terror. My suit had caught on fire and my leather shoes had begun to liquefy. Discarded suit and walked towards this scared bunch wearing charred clothes and grey socks. Sat with them. They held me. Heard them cry. Grew frustrated. Threw a table out a window. Big mistake. Protected these three from a flame backlash. Something about drastic changes in air pressure. Don't remember clearly. Grew lightheaded. With last bit of strength headed for a nearby window. Used a chair to fight fire. Needed firemen to pay attention. They already had my attention. A table flying out of a burning building is hard to miss.

/

Three girls got rescued. A day was saved. Everyone rejoiced. At the moment when everyone thought this terrible ordeal was finally over I lost my mind. Something snapped. I heard it. I saw it. I felt it. Lashed out at these girls who I saved not a moment ago. Told Komachi she was a horrible little sister, told her she was irresponsible and selfish. Felt oddly satisfied on hitting her with a wet handkerchief. Keika tried to stop me. Silenced her with a look. Told her she thinks nothing about the wellbeing of her sister and brother. Felt nice watching her tear up and cry before me. Tsurumi had a go at me. Broke her camera and accused her of only thinking about what makes a good story, not caring about who lived and who died. Accused her of acting like a foolish little girl who thought she could do anything. She should have tried to contact me. Disregarded her claims about sending me a text. Said she didn't try hard enough. Made three girls cry. Felt great. Found Taishi Kawasaki at a random street in Chiba. He had no idea of what was happening. Punched him in the gut. Told him he was a rubbish brother. He was not able to protect anyone and always depended on me and his older sister. Left him lying on the street, hurt and injured. Should have stopped there. But no. Saki Kawasaki remained. She came looking for me. She was not in a good mood. Heard what I did to others. She wanted to say her piece. Surprised her. Took my gun out and placed it on the small of her back. Took her outside into some random back alley covered in waste and garbage. For the first time saw her beautiful eyes full of fear. Not hatred only fear. Never knew what went through her mind. Didn't care back then and I'm too ashamed to ask right now. I gave her a cruel smile. Told her to stand with her back braced against a filthy wall. She looked helpless. Gave her my gun. Held her dainty little hands and told her how to hold a gun, how to take aim and shoot. She stood their gawking at me, tears in her eyes now freely flowing. She used both hands to hold my gun. Her hands were shaking. I opened my mouth, swallowed the tip of the barrel and told her to shoot me. We stayed like this for moment. My dead fish eyes stared into her deep purple ones. After five minutes her knees gave out. She sat there in a pile of garbage, holding my gun, my life in her hand. She looked horrible. A complete mess. Took pity. Called her brother, told him to pick her up and then walked away. Gave Saki Kawasaki another chance. Told her it was easy to shoot someone in the back. She let me live. I never understood why. Went away for two weeks, found myself suspended, lost my virginity, came back seeking forgiveness on bent knees, with willingness to kiss their shoes and worship the ground they walk. Eagerly underwent numerous trials and tribulations to check my resolve. All of them forgave me. Saki Kawasaki lied for me. I never understood why.

/

Spread a blanket on green grass and waited patiently. Picnic basket before me. Ate a rice ball and read a novel. Phone buzzed. Saw digital clock. Burial was over. All the guests must be taking their leave by now. Swallowed food before answering phone. A bug could wait for a minute.

"What happened now?"

"Onii-sama you won't believe who showed up at the last moment."

Brilliant. Finally something going my way.

"Well, tell me already? Was it Yuigahama or Miura?"

"Eh? You were expecting them to show up. But aren't they, you know?"

"Dead"

"Yeah."

"I will believe it when I see their bodies on an autopsy table. Till then I believe both of them are just missing. Anyway enough talk about missing people. Tell me about this person who showed up?"

"Oh right. It was Tobe-senpai"

Tobe Kakeru. Had his name added to my special list of guests. Besides Ebina, he is the only surviving member from Hayama's old clique. He is a disgraced washed up, has been soccer player who was disqualified for experimenting with muscle enhancement drugs before a tryout. He settled in Spain and leads a life engulfed in debauchery. Had no way to contact him. Ooka cheated in baseball. Rumour says a big time bookie had him killed. Yamato played rugby. He was a bit of a womanizer. Fooled around with the wrong girl. An overprotective father with a lot of money had him killed. Working theory around police headquarters is someone is killing off Japanese sportsmen one by one. Some argue this is a form of hate crime. No wonder they need me. There are similarities and I would be lying if I said I was not looking into their deaths but problem is they all happened abroad. Not much to go on. Waiting for foreign law enforcement bodies to call me back, have them send over their old case files is a very time consuming process. Having Tobe around will certainly speed things up. For one thing he is alive. He better stay that way before he and I could have a little chat. Need to makes sense of his actions

"What did he do? Did he talk to anyone?"

"He talked to Sagami for a bit, tried speaking to Ebina but she gave him the cold shoulder."

"Understandable. Did he talk to Hayama?"

"Yeah. Shook his hand and everything. Even greeted his wife"

Warning bells went off.

"Was he respectful?"

"Yeah onii-sama. You don't have to worry. He wouldn't try anything with this much police around."

Good to know

"Alright. Is he gone?"

"Yeah. He talked to Isshiki-senpai for a bit and exchanged contact details with her. Looks like she will be getting an interview out of him. Do you want me to have him followed onii-sama. I could set up a small surveillance team, have him watched twenty-four/seven."

"No need. He has done nothing wrong. Yet. If we showed our hand right away we will spook him. I need him in Chiba. He could break this case wide open. Leave him to me detective. I will get his whereabouts from Isshiki and pay him a visit."

"You don't want to involve others, do you?"

"No. You are a decent detective. I trust you to not tell others. I want to keep this close to the chest. Anyway when are you guys dropping by? I found a perfect picnic spot. It's close to a duck pond and beneath the shade of a big tree. Very quiet and tranquil atmosphere. Everyone will love it."

"We will be there shortly. Don't eat all the food onii-sama. You don't want one-san angry now do you?"

"Nobody does. Drive safe"

Wow. Sounded almost like a normal conversation. Have a moment to myself. Been a while since I made a proper entry in my mental journal. This time I have a book with me. There is no dead dog, no panic attack, and no gaseous substance messing with my mind. I am in complete control. I begin my entry:

"Prince Djoker received proper burial on a Sunday. Hate his tabloid name. Good weather forecast. Fit for a game of tennis. Totsuka was a dear friend of mine. His death made me suffer yet again. Tied knots in my stomach. Made my head hurt. Everyone cared about him but no one stepped forward to shed light on the circumstances surrounding his unnatural death. Everyone is wrong. They are throwing mud on his name, tearing down what he stood for. There is no right, no wrong. There is only a dead body and a case number. I have to be objective. Easier said than done. He was my friend. This is personal. Suffered from burns, recovered from illness and lived through misery. I will survive. I will see this through. I have to. His death matter to me. I'm selfish. I don't care where this investigation goes, whose head ends up on the chopping board, I will see this through till the end. I will not change who I am. I am a rotten and corrupt individual. I live off of others forgiveness. I thrive on second chance. I never fail to disappoint. I have a reputation to maintain. I will keep my, dare I say it, closed ones away from harm Protect them with my life. I might even drop this case if I figure they are in danger. Totsuka is already dead. There is nothing I can do to bring him back. I will not sacrifice another one of my own. Komachi, Tsurumi and all three Kawasakis' will be safe. Their protection comes first. Sorry my friend. But you are dead to me. Literally. I cannot place your needs above those of the living. Hope you understand. If you don't then don't wait for me. By some miracle I still believe in heaven and hell. You are in heaven, hopefully and when I died I will be in hell. We shall never meet again. It is for the best. I am not seeking retribution, this is not about closure. I am stating my intent. You will have my skills at your disposal but I am unwilling to pay the ultimate price. I have lost too many people. I am willing to loss myself to guarantee their safety. I will not kill myself. Hopefully my cowardice can be forgiven. If not, stand in line. I have millions of haters who despise him, who would love to see me dead. Totsuka will never be one of them. Not even in death. I have little time. I plan to enjoy myself today, have a little picnic with people who care about me. Let me have my moment of peace. I will resume my search shortly after sheltering myself beneath warmth and kindness by swallowing a good meal consisting of my favourite rice balls. Let me have a little interlude in this tragedy I call life."

/

A/N: Channelling a blended version of Rorschach and 8man right now. This chapter was a little different. Like I said at the 'warning' 8man is heavily medicated. Sorry for skipping scenes like the one at Falcon Facilities. Remember this is a series of one shots. I said so in summary. Felt bad but there is nothing I can do about it right now. Don't hate me.

On a side note I love Matrix and Ghost in the Shell. Blame 8man if you have a problem. Don't hate me. Wow I'm repeating myself.

Anyway, I think this will be a proper length for all my chapters in this story. Loved every review. Thanks everyone. Keep reviewing. Means a lot. Hopefully next chapter would be completed a little sooner.

Only five more chapters to go.

Won't betray your dreams.

Next chapter: Visited His Grave at Night