"Yeah, that's some really weird interference. Almost sounds like someone screaming." I love snarky, hateful remarks like that. Action heroes spout stuff like that all the time and it never stops making me smile. There's nothing better than seeing the bad guy get salt rubbed into a wound. Maybe it appeals to some sort of primitive sadism in people, but we just like seeing the villain insulted. I just realized that I put an awful lot of thought into action movies. If only I could harness all that thought for something more useful.

Hah, I bet you were expecting just Die Hard with ponies! Sure I have my favorite scenes ("Welcome to the party, pal!") but I told you there would be a twist. Looks like there's more to Talon Gruber than meets the eye. Speaking of the Transformers (because I have no idea how to bring this up gracefully), did anyone see Starscream vs. Rainbow Dash? It was amazing. Look up DEATHBATTLE! On if you haven't.

If you think about it, Holly's special talent might not have anything to do with tea. She's got a tea bag cutie mark. Maybe she's just really got at video-games?

Guardsman Macintosh Apple hummed quietly to himself as he climbed back into his car. He'd been driving around all night on patrol and was eager to get back home. He waved to the watchman sitting inside at the front desk before bucking his car into reverse and slowly backing away from the building.

Something pattered against his windshield. "The hell?" Macintosh wondered aloud. Tiny drops of red were spattering against the glass as though it had started raining blood.

A dead body, larger than most ponies but still not as large as "Big" Macintosh, slammed into the car's hood and rocked the vehicle forward. Macintosh shouted and swore as he stomped on the accelerator, tires squealing in protest but rocketing him backward all the same.

A deadly barrage of gunfire rained down on him from higher up in the building. The patrol car swerved left and right, tossing the body onto the pavement and nearly crashing into a streetlight. Macintosh was lucky enough to miss it and drop off an embankment instead. He quickly leapt out of the car and took cover at the base of the embankment's wall with his radio.

"This is car twelve! I'm at the Nagitomi Building and I need backup!" Big Macintosh wiped blood from his forehead and wondered when he'd hit his head. "There are automatic weapons on the higher floors and they've made Swiss cheese out of my car! Send help!"

High above the parking lot Colt leaned out of the window, a grim smile twisting his face into something resembling a Halloween decoration. "Welcome to the party, pal!"

"Everyone please calm down!" Talon said, providing a very good example of what calm should sound like. His men were all trying to talk over each other and no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention. "I said be quiet!" Talon insisted. He was ignored again and the noise was getting so loud that the hostages might hear.

Talon stood and pounded his fists on the desk, splintering the wood and causing the room to vibrate with the force of the impact. "I asked you all to be quiet," he murmured, his voice as quiet and relaxed as ever. "Please stop talking."

Had they been asked, none of his henchmen would have been able to say what it was about his tone what was so frightening. They would, however, be able to point out his glowing eyes and the dark mist that he exhaled. The griffon's body dimmed as though a shadow had fallen over him and his feathers took on an oily sheen. Talon's hands were shaking as he sat down again, casually brushing dust from his flight vest. "Now, as I was saying, this is nothing more than a matter of inconvenient timing. I trust that no one would care to argue." He saw his men shaking their heads and smiled. "Good."

The radio sputtered to life and Talon grabbed it immediately. "I ordered radio silence!" he hissed.

"Well that's such a shame," a strange voice answered. "Who's a guy gotta kill to get a little intelligent conversation around here?"

Talon saw that his hands were still shaking and focused angrily on them for a moment. The shaking stopped almost immediately and he cleared his throat to speak. "All things aside, a good conversation might prove soothing at this point. May I ask who this is?"

"Oh, you know, just some like-minded intellectual with a chubby for small talk." Talon could pick out an obnoxious Phillydelphia accent through the radio's static. He already hated this pony. "So go on buddy, say something smart. Be clever. I'm listening."

Colt rifled through the pockets of the dead unicorn's jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Huh," he muttered, examining the foreign label. He didn't recognize the language or even the characters of the writing. "You know, these could kill you."

The radio pinned to his shirt emitted the relaxed voice that Colt had come to associate with the leader of the group. "I can certainly sympathize with your desire for conversation," Talon said. "I must admit, I'm surprised that a lowly security guard has such an insatiable thirst for intellectualism. Might I ask why you're really calling?"

"Okay, I heard a lot of big words in that," Colt said. "I managed to pick out 'security guard', which is total bullshit. Don't worry because you'll have plenty of time to make more bad guesses at who I am. I've got a bad feeling that you and I are gonna be seeing a lot of each other." He began sorting through the unicorn's bag; spare magazines for the submachine gun, a brick of Buk4 explosive clay (complete with detonation cards), and a book.

"Hey, which one of the two dogs did I just kill?" Colt lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply; it had a strange taste, but he decided that he liked it. "Can't tell if the big one was Karl, or if Karl is the one that just went base jumping." He heard an anguished howl over the radio and grinned. "Everything okay on your end, Talon? I'm picking up some really weird interference."

Talon was probably trying to control the remaining Diamond Dog, so Colt took the opportunity to examine the book closer. "Whoa," he whispered, making sure that he didn't have the Talk button pressed. He didn't want Talon to hear how worried he was. "Looks like we just took a detour into Creepytown by mistake."

The book was bound with some kind of leather, its pages were yellowed and ragged with age, and the arcane symbols on the cover seemed to squirm and writhe right before his eyes. Colt had never studied magic and was glad that he couldn't read whatever was written in the faded ink. He did, however, recognize the book as a whole for what it was. As a city guard he'd confiscated numerous items just like it.

"I must confess that I'm at a loss," Talon admitted. Colt forced himself to put the book away and pay attention. "You've turned into something of a hindrance to us; I wasn't expecting a nameless, gun-toting vigilante to go roaming the building. What do we call you, Mr. Grinch? Let me guess; just another colt that never learned the difference between reality and fiction. You're nothing more than a product of Equestria's crude and uncivilized media. You've grown up watching too many action movies and now you think you're Beltalong, Ash Wednesday, possibly Smokin' Ace?"

"Always liked Braeburn myself," Colt answered. "Those leather hats were so awesome!" He quickly trotted through the office, bag slung around his neck, and made for the stairs.

Talon didn't try to hide his derisive laugh. "So then you're a cowpony. Do you really think you have a chance on your own, Mr. Hero?"

Colt heard the elevator door chime just as he was slipping into the stairwell. He kept his voice low in case one of the newcomers was a Diamond Dog. "Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!"

Big Macintosh was waiting next to his totaled patrol car when backup arrived, and it arrived in spades. He was both relieved to see his fellow guardsmen and annoyed at the sheer number or sirens going off in such close proximity to one another. He was trying to talk on the radio.

"Is anyone in there?" Big Macintosh asked again. He waved to his fellow guards and watched them set up a parameter around the building. He would have helped, but a paramedic was insisting that his head injury had to be examined. Macintosh was starting to feel a little disoriented, so he didn't try to argue. "Listen, this is Sergeant Macintosh Apple of the Coltifornia City Guard. If the person who called us can hear me, holler back!"

A quiet, nervous voice filtered through the radio's speakers. "Hey, that would be me. I'd love to talk, but right now I'm a little busy trying to stay out of sight. We aren't the only ones with radios, so be careful what you say."

"Alright," Big Mac said, this time keeping his voice lower. "So you're the one giving out free skydiving lessons. I'll let you do whatever you need to do, but I gotta tell my superiors about you. You got a name?"

"Yeah. Call me…Ace, I guess."

"Like an ace in the hole," Big Macintosh laughed. "I get it. Okay then, Ace, you do what you need to. Stay safe and out of sight. Call when you can talk, okay?"

"Roger that, Mac."

"Hey, look!" Berry Punch said in a strained voice. Talon's thugs were jogging quickly back into the office that he'd been using. "Someone's still causing trouble."

Ellis and Holly were sitting next to Berry while the mother-to-be shifted uncomfortably on the cold tile floor. Ellis, as usual, was completely oblivious to anything that did not involve Ellis. He didn't seem to notice that his friend was in extreme discomfort, even when she tried to stand and her back seized up.

Holly noticed. She was doing anything to keep from worrying about Colt, which included fussing over her friend. "I'm going to talk to someone about this," she said. Berry Punch immediately protested, but Holly shushed her gently. "Just relax. I'm not going to cause any trouble, so they'll have no reason to hurt me. Stay here with Ellis, alright?"

Berry Punch glanced at Ellis, then shot Holly a look that said she would rather deal with the terrorists herself. Holly didn't blame her; Ellis had been constantly edging closer to both of them, as though expecting one of them to need a shoulder to cry on at any moment. He probably thought he was being subtle about it, which was almost as sad as the attempts themselves.

Spritz and a griffon burst into the office Talon had commandeered for his own use. Both of them seemed completely out of sorts. "The bastard wasn't kidding about Groucho. He also killed Lime Sherbet."

Talon's claws dug into the sides of the desk. "Please tell me that Sherbet's bag is not missing." When Spritz shook his head Talon clenched his fists so tightly that his claws pricked his palms and drew blood. "That is…most unfortunate." He grabbed the radio and keyed in a special channel. "Theo, how close are you to finishing?"

After a moment Theo's voice, tense and irritated, answered "Four down. Don't call me again."

"Fine. Just stop when you finish with the current seal; we will need you." Talon set the radio down and looked over at Karl, who was sitting quietly in a corner. The Diamond Dog was clenching and unclenching his paws anxiously, as though trying to imagine what it would feel like to wring a pony's neck. He didn't seem to notice the others gathered around him.

While Talon was trying to think of a way to snap Karl out of his daze a unicorn walked in escorted by two of his griffons. She was green with a tea bag cutiemark. "I'd like to talk with you about the conditions in the foyer," she began.

"I'm not feeling especially talkative," Talon said. "Get out of here."

The mare ignored him. It was impressive considering that she had no less than three submachine guns pointed at her. "There's a pregnant mare out there. Her back is killing her and that cold stone floor isn't helping. I'd like permission to move her to one of the offices so that she can lay on a couch."

Talon considered for a moment. "I don't want anypony going anywhere without an escort. I could have the couch brought out to you instead."

The unicorn nodded in agreement. "Also, you should start taking us to the bathroom in groups."

"You'll be taken, but not in groups. Everypony will go one at a time and not without an escort. Is that good enough?"

"I suppose it will have to be." The unicorn glanced behind him at a picture on the shelf. Two foals, one a green earth pony and the other a tan unicorn, laughed as their mother pushed them on a swing set. Talon stared hard at the picture for a moment, trying to figure out why it seemed so important to him.

"Mr. Takagi chose his employees well, Mrs…Tea, was it?"

The unicorn glanced back at him coldly. "It's Miss Tea," she corrected. "And thank you, Mr. Gruber, but with all due respect I hope you rot in hell."

Talon watched her leave with the griffons and allowed himself a dark little smile. "Too late, Ms. Tea. Far too late."