Chapter Four: Teacher's Pet
At the bronze, a girl screams. A vampire is advancing on Buffy as she backs into a pole. She throws a solid right to his face followed by a left. The vampire isn't fazed. He grabs her and throws her onto a pool table. He leans over to bite her when suddenly; Xander comes up behind him and grabs him by the shoulders, pulling him off of Buffy.
"May I cut in?" He says before bashing the vampire's head into the pool table. He turns him around and punches him in the stomach before hitting him in the face. The vampire falls to the floor, unconscious. Buffy smiles, impressed. Xander offers her his hand to help her off of the pool table. "You alright?"
"Thanks to you!" She slides off of the table and notices Xander's hand. "You hurt your hand! Will you still be able to-"
"Finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?" He gives her a wink and starts back to the stage. The vampire gets back up and growls at Buffy. Xander sees him, breaks the leg off of a chair that's been knocked over and throws the makeshift stake at the vampire. Buffy watches the stake fly into the vampire's chest, and he falls dead. She turns her gaze back on Xander. He jumps up onto stage and grabs his guitar to continue his solo.
Buffy looks up at him adoringly and advances to the stage as he plays. "You're drooling."
Xander gives her a confused look.
"Xander!" Buffy whispers. He wakes up from his daydream and shakes his head, seeing the dark room of the science class and Dr. Gregory presenting slides. She points to the corner of her mouth. "You've got a little…"
He picks up on her gesture and quickly wipes the drool off of his mouth and chin.
"Their ancestors were here long before we were." Dr. Gregory explains. "Their progeny will be here long after we are gone. The simple and ubiquitous ant." He turns off the projector, turns the lights on and begins walking up the aisle. "Now. If you read the homework you should know the two ways that ants communicate." He stops at Xander's lab table and leans on it to face Buffy. "Miss Summers."
She gives a startled look. "Ways that ants communicate."
He nods his head. "Mm-hmm."
She hesitates, put on the spot. "With other ants."
"From the homework." He says. Behind him Willow tries to get Buffy's attention. "Ants are communicating…"
Buffy sees Willow's signals. "Um, uh, uh…" Willow strokes Xander's back, indicating 'touch'. "Touch."
"Mm-hmm."
"And, um…" She looks at Willow again. She is sniffing Xander, indicating 'smell'. She looks at Willow, confused. "B.O?" Several students laugh. Willow gives her a disappointed look.
"Thank God someone finally found the courage to mention that!" Blayne says.
"That would be 'touch' and 'smell', Miss Summers." Dr. Gregory says. "Is there anything else Miss Rosenberg would like to tell you?" Willow quickly turns away in her seat. The bell rings. Dr. Gregory starts to move back to the front of the class. "Alright, chapters six through eight by tomorrow, people." He stops and looks back at Buffy. "Can I see you for a moment?"
Buffy nods.
Trinity stands from her seat. "I need to talk to you later." She says before leaving.
After the other students have left the room, Buffy leans against a lab table.
Dr. Gregory idly reviews his slides. "I gather you had a few problems at your last school?"
"Well, what teenager doesn't?"
"Cut school, get in fights, burn down the gymnasium…Principal Flutie showed me your permanent record." He walks to the front of the class, and Buffy follows him.
"Well, that fire, I mean, there was major extenuating circumstances. Actually, it's, uh, kinda funny!" She gives a nervous laugh.
"Can't wait to see what you're gonna do here." He goes to the closet, gets his other glasses from his coat and cleans them.
"Destructo Girl. That's me."
"But I suspect it's gonna be great."
"You mean, 'great' in a bad way?"
Dr. Gregory looks at her, then back at his glasses. "You have a first-rate mind and you can think on your feet. Imagine what you could accomplish if you actually did the-"
"The homework thing."
"The homework thing. I understand you probably have a good excuse for not doing it." He closes the closet and walks back to his lab table. "Amazingly enough, I don't care. I know you can excel in this class, and so I expect no less. Is that clear?"
"Yeah! Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, be smart." He looks at another slide. "And please don't listen to the principal or anyone else's negative opinion about you. Let's make 'em eat that permanent record. What do ya say?" He looks up at Buffy and gives her a little smile.
She smiles back. "Okay! Thanks."
He nods his head as she grabs her bag. "Chapters six through eight!"
Buffy looks back at him with a smile and leaves the classroom.
Dr. Gregory puts the slide down, goes over to turn off the lights and comes back to his slide-viewing plate. While he concentrates on the slides, the closet door opens. He doesn't notice until a large, green mantis claw wraps around his neck. Dr. Gregory looks up behind him and screams. The claw drags him out of his chair. His glasses break as they hit the floor. A moment later his body hits the floor as well.
Buffy sees Trinity sitting outside and takes a seat next to her. "Hey." She greets. "What did you want to talk about?"
Trinity looks at her for a moment before speaking. "I want you to teach me how to fight."
Buffy's face falters. "What?"
"I want you to train me."
"Trinity…"
The girl sighs. "Look, I may not have slayer strength, but I am stronger than the average human. I have the speed, the strength, the agility; I just…don't know how to put it to the best use. You can help me with that."
"Trinity, it isn't your job to fight all the bad guys, you could get hurt."
"Well I could get killed if I don't know how to protect myself. I want to do all I can to help Buffy. I don't just want to do research. You don't have to go on patrol by yourself all the time. Maybe when I get good enough, you can take some nights off, spend some more time with your mom."
"Trinity-"
"Imagine what could happen if you don't help me. I'm pretty headstrong. I'll take a few classes from some nobody at the 'Y' and then go try my hand at a vampire or something bigger."
Buffy's silent for a moment. "Fine." She sighs. Trinity smiles. "But don't think that I'm going to go easy on you." Trinity nods. "And if you get hurt…we stop." She sees the defiant look on Trinity's face. "Those are my conditions."
Trinity sighs. "Fine." She holds her hand out and Buffy shakes it.
At the Bronze, the band Superfine is playing.
The first date's the worst date
It's hard to know just what to do
And I take you to dinner
You don't eat, you just play with your food
Xander is on the dance floor and looks around. He makes his way to the stage and gives the singer an acknowledging nod and grin.
And there's something familiar…The singer shoots him a 'get outta here' look. About every word you say
Xander's face falls and he moves away from the stage.
It's hard to believe it's happened again
I already met you
And I already met you
You're like my last girlfriend
Yes, and the girlfriend I had before her
Xander goes over to the bar where Blayne and his friend are sitting. "Seven, including Cheryl. I'll tell you, though, her sister was lookin' to make it eight!" Blayne brags.
"Ooh, Cheryl's sister? The one in college?" A boy asks.
Blayne nods. "Home for the holidays and lookin' for love! She's not my type, though. Girls really gotta have something to go with me."
"Something like a lobotomy?" Xander interrupts, making the two boys look at him.
"Xander. How many times you score?" Blayne asks.
"Well, uh…"
"It's just a question."
"Are we talking today, or the whole week?" The two boys snicker. Xander spots Buffy, Willow and Trinity coming down the stairs. "Ooh! Duty calls." He leaves the bar and approaches the girls as Blayne and his friend watch. "Babes!" The girls look back at him. He comes up to them with his arms wide open and settles them around Buffy and Willow's shoulders.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asks.
"Work with me here." He says quietly. "Blayne had the nerve to question my manliness. I'm just gonna give him a visual."
Willow throws her arms around him tightly. "We'll show him!"
Xander looks back at Blayne, gives him a thumbs up and puts his arm back around Willow. The two boys seem impressed. Trinity discreetly rolls her eyes at the boys.
Buffy looks away, distracted. "I don't believe it."
"I know, and after all my conquests." Xander says. Buffy walks over to Angel. They look after her. "Who's that?"
Trinity shrugs while Willow speaks. "That must be Angel! I think?"
"That weird guy that warned her about all the vampires?"
"That's him, I'll bet you."
"Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!"
"You think he's buff?" Trinity asks.
"He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?"
Buffy walks up to Angel. "Well, look who's here."
"Hi." He greets.
"I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib."
"I won't be long."
"No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night. Right?"
"You're cold."
"You can take it."
Angel takes off his jacket. "I mean, you look cold." He puts his jacket around her shoulders.
"Oh, right!" Xander scoffs, watching the scene. "Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night; no one needs to be trading clothing out there!"
"A little big on me." Buffy notices cuts on Angel's arm. "What happened?"
"I didn't pay attention."
"To somebody with a big fork?"
"He's coming." He says ominously.
"The Fork Guy?"
"Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out."
"Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic!"
"I have to go." He leaves.
Buffy stares after him. "Sweet dreams to you, too."
The next morning, Buffy and Giles are walking along in front of the school.
Giles take a bite of his apple. "That's all he said? Fork Guy?"
Buffy nods. "That's all Cryptic Guy said; Fork Guy."
"I think there are too many 'guys' in your life." He laughs. They meet Willow and Trinity, who are sitting on a bench. "I'll see what I can find out." He looks up at the sky. "God, every day here is the same."
"Bright, sunny, beautiful, how ever can we escape this torment?" Buffy says sarcastically. Willow smiles at her as she sits down.
"Really." Giles says. Xander comes up behind as he turns to leave. "Good morning."
"Mornin'." He turns to the girls. "Guess what I just heard in the office? No Dr. Gregory today. Ergo, those of us who blew off our science homework aren't as dumb as we look." He reaches down and flips Willow's book closed. She has to stop it from sliding off of her lap.
"What happened, is he sick?" Buffy asks.
"They didn't say anything about sick, something about missing."
"He's missing?"
"Well, let me think. Um, the cheerleaders were modeling their new short skirts, that kinda got…yeah! Yeah, they said missing." They girls exchange a look. "Which is bad?"
"If something's wrong, yeah!"
"He's one of the only teachers that doesn't think Buffy's a felon." Trinity tells him.
"I'm really sorry, I'm sure he'll…" He sees a young new teacher walk by. "I, uh, huh…" The girls look to see what's distracting him. "Uh, huh… huh…"
The teacher walks up to Xander, who continues to stare at her. "Could you help me?" She asks. Trinity frowns, feeling an uncomfortable chill run through her.
"Uuuuuuhhhhhh…yes!" Xander says. Willow and Buffy give each other amused looks.
"I'm looking for Science…" She checks her schedule. "109."
"Oh! It's, um…" He looks around himself, trying to remember the way. He turns back to the woman and smiles. "I go there every day!" The woman laughs. He looks to the girls for help. "Oh, God, where is it?" Willow and Buffy while Trinity continues to stare at the woman.
Blayne appears and introduces himself. "Hi! Blayne Mall. I'm going there right now. It's not far from the varsity field where I took All-City last year." He gives a smug smile.
"Oh! Thank you, Blayne!" She and Blayne leave.
Xander's gaze follows them for a moment, and then he turns to the girls. "It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to." Buffy and Willow nod their heads and give each other a smile.
Buffy turns to Trinity, who stares ahead with a frown on her face. "Are you okay?" She asks.
Trinity blinks and looks at Buffy. "Yeah, just…a weird feeling." She shakes her head. "It's probably nothing."
In science class, the woman from earlier writes her name on the board. 'Natalie French'. Buffy, Willow, Trinity, and Xander walk in. Buffy spots Dr. Gregory's glasses on the floor and picks them up.
"What's wrong?" Willow asks.
"Dr. Gregory dropped his glasses…why wouldn't he pick them up?" She sets the glasses on the lab table and gives Natalie a glance as she walks to her stool. Trinity takes the seat next to her.
Natalie faces the class. "My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory."
"Do you know when he's coming back?"
"No, I don't, um…" She checks her roster. "Buffy. They just call and tell me where they want me."
"I'll tell you where I want you." Blayne says in a low voice.
Natalie turns to him. "Excuse me, Blayne?"
"Uh, I was just wondering if you were gonna pick up where Dr. Gregory left off."
She smiles. "Yes. His notes tell me you were right in the middle of insect life." She picks up a mantis mounted in a clear plastic box. "The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live alone. Who can tell me why? Buffy?" She puts the mantis back down.
"Well, the words 'bug-ugly' kinda spring to mind." She says, making a few students laugh.
"There is nothing ugly about these unique creatures. The reason they live alone is because they're cannibals."
"Ew!" Buffy makes a disgusted face as do the other students.
"Oh, well, it's hardly their fault." Natalie defends. "It's the way nature designed them; noble, solitary and prolific. Over 1800 species worldwide, and in nearly all of them the female is larger and more aggressive than the male."
"Nothing wrong with an aggressive female." Blayne says quietly. Trinity rolls her eyes while Buffy shoots him a look.
Natalie picks up her notebook and starts to walk around the room. "The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate…" She looks at Xander and he stares back. "To fertilize them. Once he's played his part, she covers the eggs in a protective sack and attaches it to a leaf or twig out of danger. Now, if she's done her job correctly, in a few months she'll have several hundred offspring." She has made her way back to the front of the class and puts down her notebook. "You know, we should make some model egg sacks for the science fair. Who would like to help me do that after school?" All the boys raise their hands and she gives a pleased smile. "Good!"
Buffy looks at Trinity when she sees the girl squirming in her seat. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asks. Trinity takes several deep breathes but doesn't answer. Buffy looks around before leaning closer to Trinity. "Your eyes!" She whispers.
Trinity looks at her, eyes in golden slits. "What?"
"Your eyes changed!" She looks at Trinity's hands and sees that they are turning into claws. "And your hands." She grabs them and hides them under the table. "What is going on?!"
"I don't know!" Trinity whispers harshly before standing from her seat. "Excuse me." She says, keeping her head down and her fist balled as she rushes out of the classroom.
Trinity rushes into the library, startling Giles. "Trinity?" He asks. Trinity's eyes blaze and she pants. "What's happened?"
"I've had a really bad feeling."
"What is it?"
Trinity shakes her head. "I don't know." She says. "But I think it has something to do with the new teacher."
He looks at her. "Miss French? She's lovely. In a, a common, extremely well proportioned way. She seems perfectly normal."
"I seem perfectly normal." She says and looks at her claws. "Well…not at the moment."
Giles takes his glasses off and cleans them. "Well…I-I guess we should investigate once Buffy gets out of class. You can stay here for the time being."
Trinity sighs in relief. "Thank you."
Buffy, Willow and Xander are in the lunch line.
"I saw Giles in the hallway." Willow tells them. "He says that Trinity's with him. She's fine now but he'll explain more later."
"I'm glad she's okay." Buffy says before looking at the food. "Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart."
"Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs."
"I wonder what she sees in me." Xander says. "It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism." Willow raises her eyebrows at him. She turns to Buffy and they smile. "Miss French. You two are probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man."
"Oh, I understand." Buffy says.
"Good!" He smiles.
"The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements." She finishes.
Xander looks taken aback. "What surgical improvements?"
Willow smiles at Buffy. "Well, he is young."
"And so terribly innocent!" She teases.
"Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't laugh at those who…" He struggles. "Can do."
Blayne comes up next to Xander, getting lots of food. "Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection." He leaves.
"Guess it's what they call a rehearsal!" He calls after him before turning to the girls. "Rehearsal." He laughs lamely, making them smile.
Buffy goes over to get some utensils. As she walks back Cordelia comes in through the exit and bumps into her. "Excuse you!" Cordelia says before going behind the counter, showing a piece of paper to the cafeteria workers. "Medically prescribed lunch. My doctor ships it daily… I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath." She opens a refrigerator and screams. Inside is a headless body. Buffy and Willow run to see what's wrong. Cordelia backs away from the fridge. "His head! His head!" She cries hysterically. "Oh my god, where's his head?!"
Buffy and Willow arrive to see what's inside. Buffy stares in disbelief. Xander is close behind and has to look away when he sees. Willow looks squeamish. The name on the body's lab coat is 'Dr. Gregory'.
In the library, Giles pours a glass of water. He brings it over to Buffy, who is sitting on the steps with Willow. Both girls have red rims around their eyes. "Here. Drink this."
Buffy take the class. "Thank you." She takes a sip.
"I've never seen…" Xander trails off, shaken. Giles looks at him. "I mean, I've never seen anything like…that was new."
"Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?" Willow asks.
Trinity shoots a pointed look at Giles. "Yeah, Giles, who would?"
"Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of. He was a civilized man." He tells them. "I liked him."
"So did I." Buffy says.
Willow looks up at Giles. "Well, we're gonna find out who did this. We'll find them and we'll stop them."
"Count on it." Buffy nods.
"Trinity?" Giles says. "I think that you should tell them."
The girl sighs before turning to her friends. "Something about Miss French set me off…bad." She says. "I can't pin point it but something is different."
"How do we know that it's her?" Xander asks. "Maybe whatever killed him was close by and set you off. What else do we know?"
"Oh, not a lot, um…" Buffy sniffs and wipes a tear away. "He was killed here on campus. I'm guessing the last day we saw him."
"How do you work that out?" Giles asks.
"He didn't change his clothing."
"This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but… where did they put his head?" Xander asks.
"Good point. I didn't wanna hear that." Willow says.
"Angel!" Buffy gets up. "He warned me that something was coming." She takes another sip of water as she walks over to the table.
"Yes. Yes he did, didn't he?" Giles nods. "I wish I knew what he meant. I've been trying to gather more information about the Master, our, uh, local vampire king. There was one oblique reference to a, a, a vampire who displeased the Master and cut his hand off in penance."
"Cut off his hand and replaced it with a fork?" Buffy asks.
"I don't know what he replaced it with."
"So, why would he come after a teacher?" Xander asks.
"I'm not certain he did. There was an incident two nights ago." He walks over to the counter, picks up a newspaper and returns with it. "Uh, involving a homeless person in Weatherly Park. He was practically shredded, but, uh, nothing like Dr. Gregory."
Buffy looks at the paper. "Fork Guy doesn't do heads."
"Not historically."
"And Dr. Gregory's blood wasn't drained."
"So we're back to Miss French." Trinity says. "The lady who gives the neko extra wiggins."
"We don't know that Trinity." Xander defends. "It could just be a cat thing. Maybe you saw a mouse, or someone sprayed water on you, or stole your ball of yarn." He says, making the girl glare at him. "So there's something else out there? Besides 'Silverware man'? Oh, this is fun, we're on Monster Island."
"We're on a Hellmouth. It's a center of mystical convergence." Buffy says walking towards him. "Guess it's the same thing."
"Well, unpleasant things do gravitate here, it's true, but, uh, we don't know there's anything besides this chap. He's still our likely suspect. Though we should look into Miss French as well."
"Where was that guy killed? Weatherly Park?"
"Buffy." Giles walks up to her. "I know you're upset, but, uh, this is no time to go hunting, not until we know more. Please promise me you won't do anything rash?"
"Cross my heart."
That night at the park, Buffy climbs the fence. She walks through the park, carefully looking around.
A bum suddenly comes up, startling her. "Shouldn't be out here at night, little lady. Dangerous." He leaves.
She notices another bum on the ground in front of a bench and checks him out. He's okay, just asleep. Buffy continues stalking. Dogs bark in the distance. Buffy finds some shrubbery covering a sewer access hole. She moves it aside, and Fork Guy jumps out at her. She rushes backward. He swings with his claw, but misses. She slams her straight arm into his gut, then again into his back. He swings again, but Buffy dodges him. She backhand punches him in the face, does a roundhouse kick to his jaw and backhand punches his face again. He takes another swing at Buffy, but she evades it. She front kicks him. He lunges at her, and she grabs his arm and flips him over onto his back. Buffy tries to stake him, but he rolls away and back onto his feet. She kicks him again, and he staggers backward and falls. Buffy hears voices and turns to see people with flashlights coming over the hill.
"Hold it! Police!" She hears. "Did you see that? I got nothing here!" Buffy looks back and forth between Fork Guy and the posse. The vampire runs off. "I heard it. Spread out. Let's go over here. This way, this way. Alright."
Buffy chases the vampire.
Natalie is walking home with grocery bags in her arms. The vampire stalks her and climbs over the fence. Buffy comes running up. The vampire lands behind Natalie. Buffy reaches the fence and watches. Natalie senses the vampire, stops and turns to face him. Fork Guy hisses and runs away in fear. Natalie watches him go. Buffy's eyes widen in disbelief. The vampire crosses the street, lifts a manhole cover and climbs down. Natalie continues her walk home. Fork Guy pulls the manhole cover back into place. Buffy stares at the scene, mouth agape.
The next morning in the library, Giles and Trinity look at Buffy.
"You went hunting last night." He says.
She nods. "Yes." He walks into their office and they follow behind them. "When you assured me you wouldn't." He takes a sip from his mug.
"Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on."
He opens his file cabinet. "Did you see someone with a fork?"
"More like a jumbo claw."
Giles turns to face her. "Oh. Well, uh, at least you're not hurt."
"And I saw something else. Something much more interesting than your average run-of-the-mill killer vampire." She turns to Trinity. "Looks like you were right." She turns back to Giles. "I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss French is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover."
"He what? Ran away?" He asks, confused.
Buffy nods. "He was petrified."
"Of Miss French?"
"I told you so!" Trinity says.
Buffy continues. "So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand…how many things am I afraid of?"
"Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule."
"So what's her deal?"
Giles takes his glasses off. "It seems that you were right Trinity. I think perhaps it would be a good idea if we kept an eye on her."
Buffy turns to the girl. "Do you think that you can handle being in class?"
Trinity nods. "Now that I know to have my guard up I'll be fine."
They rush down the stairs in the hall when they are stop by Principal Flutie.
He looks at Buffy. "You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you?"
"Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him-" Buffy starts
"Don't say dead! Or decapitated, or decomposing, I'd stay away from D-words altogether." He looks at Trinity. "And you young lady?"
She looks at Buffy and back. "I missed it. I had an allergic reaction in class."
"Well you should get back." He turns back to Buffy. "But you witnessed the event, so this way, please." He starts walking but Buffy stops him short.
"Well, no, I'm gonna be late for biology-"
"Extremely late!" He continues down the hallway. "You have to see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counselor."
"But I really don't need-" But she interrupted. She looks over her shoulder and shoots Trinity a helpless look as she follow him.
"We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug." He jumps back. "But not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching."
"But, I really, really don't-"
"No, you have to talk to a counselor and start the healing. You have to heal."
"But Mr. Flutie, I-"
"Heal!" He sits her down in a chair outside of the counselor's office and paces off. Buffy leans back in the chair and looks bummed.
Then she hears Cordelia inside the office. "I don't know what to say, it was really, I mean, one minute you're in your normal life, and then who's in the fridge?" The girl says. It really gets to you, a thing like that. It was… let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know?" Buffy's face scrunches at the girls venting. "Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats!"
Trinity waits outside the science class. She looks at her hand and sees her claws out.
Natalie is giving a pop quiz, and is walking along the aisle. "Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test." She comes up behind Xander. "I think you meant 'pollination' for number fourteen." She whispers and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'll see you here after school."
Buffy comes running to the class and sees Trinity. "Why aren't you in there?" She asks.
Trinity holds her hand up, showing the claws. "I can't or I'm going to attack her."
Buffy looks through the door window. "Oh, great, a pop quiz." She groans. Natalie suddenly straightens up and turns head around 180 degrees. Buffy's eyes widen and she rolls away from the window.
"What?" Trinity asks.
Buffy, Willow, and Trinity walk into the library. "No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We are talking full-on Exorcist twist." Buffy explains.
"Ouch!" Willow says.
"Which reminds me, how come Blayne, who worked with her one-on- one yesterday, isn't here today?"
"Inquiring minds wanna know."
Trinity looks at Giles. "Any luck?" She asks as Willow sits down in front of the PC and begins a search.
"Um, I've not found any creature as yet that strikes terror in a vampire's heart." He says.
"Or sets off the instincts of a neko?"
"Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way around." Buffy tells him.
"Nothing human can do that." He says.
"No, nothing human. There are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her." She turns and hops up the stairs to the stacks.
Giles takes off his glasses. "What are you going to do?"
"My homework." She continues up into the stacks. Willow looks up at her and smiles, then continues her search. Buffy comes running back. "Where are the books on bugs?"
In the science classroom, Natalie is at the desk spreading butter on a slice of bread. She's about to open a plastic container when she hears Xander come in and looks up.
"Hi!" He smiles.
"Oh, Hi! I was just grabbing a snack. Can I fix you something?"
"No thanks, I never…eat when I'm making egg sacks." He sees the model. "Wow, if this were real the bugs would be-"
"As big as you!" She finishes.
"Yeah! So! Where do we start?"
"Oh, Xander." She gets up. "I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me."
"Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's Lavelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life." They laugh.
"I have a teacher's conference in half an hour, and I left the paint and paper-mache at home. I don't suppose you'd like to come to my place tonight to work on it there?"
He gulps. "Come to, uh…your place." He flashes to his guitar solo for a moment.
"7:30? Here's my address." She writes it down. Xander can't believe his luck. She hand him the address. "I'll see you tonight?"
"Yeah!" He answers, his voice high and squeaky. He walks out the classroom and pumps his fist into the air. "Ooh, yes!"
Back inside the classroom, Natalie opens the container. It's full of crickets. She dumps them onto the buttered bread and folds the slice in half. She takes a crunchy bite.
Buffy comes out of the stacks with a book. "Dig this; 'The praying mantis can rotate its head 180 degrees while waiting for its next meal to walk by.'" She slams the book shut. "Ha!" She looks up but is met with silence. "Well, c'mon, guys. Ha!"
"Well, Miss French is sort of big. For a bug?" Willow says hesitantly.
"And she is, by and large, woman shaped." Giles adds.
Trinity shrugs. "I believe you. Cats don't like praying mantis's."
Buffy sends her a smile and makes her way down the stairs. "Okay. Factoid 1: Only the praying mantis can rotate its head like that. Factoid 2: A pretty whacked-out vampire is scared to death of her. Factoid 3: Her fashion sense screams predator."
"It's the shoulder pads." Willow says.
Buffy nods. "Exactly."
"If you're right, then she'd have to be a shape shifter or a perception distorter." Giles explains. "On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford, Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology mythology."
"Entoma-who?"
"Bugs and fairy tales." He simplifies.
"I knew that."
"If I recall correctly, poor old Carlyle, just before he went mad, claimed there was some beast…"
The PC beeps and Willow's eyes widen. "Buffy, 911! Blayne's mom called the school. He never came home last night."
"The boy who worked with Miss French yesterday?" Giles asks.
"Yeah! If Miss French is responsible for… Xander's supposed to be helping her right now! He's got a crush on a giant insect!"
"Okay, don't panic, I'll warn him. But I need you to hack onto the coroner's office for me." Buffy tells her.
"Well, what are we looking for?"
"Autopsy on Dr. Gregory. I've been trying to figures out these marks that I saw on his corpse… I'm thinking they were teeth. And, uh, these cuddlies?" She points to a picture of a mantis. "Should definitely be brushing after every meal." Willow begins typing and Buffy turns to Giles. "And you were saying something about a beast?"
Giles gets up to go to his office. "Oh, uh, yeah, I just need to make one transatlantic telephone call." He stops and turns back. "Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal?" The girls answer simultaneously.
"Exactly!"
"Of course!"
"Absolutely!"
"Right." He frowns before turning away. "Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you."
"Good idea." Buffy nods before heading towards the library doors. She turns to Trinity when she notices the girl following her. "Where are you going?"
"To help. We're going to kill her right?"
"No, it's the middle of the day. We're not going to do anything. You're not coming."
"What?! But you said-"
"This is dangerous and you're not ready."
"I'm the one who found out about her in the first place while you all were convinced it was Fork Guy!"
"Trinity, we're not going after her right now, I gotta warn Xander, we'll deal with this later." She leaves.
Buffy catches up with Xander. "Hey!"
"Hey!" He smiles.
"So, how'd it go with Miss French?"
"Well, it's a bit demanding being her absolute favorite guy in the universe, but I'll muddle through."
"Xander, she's not what she seems."
"I know, she's so much more."
"Okay, um… I'm gonna have to tell you something about her, and I'm gonna need you to really listen, okay?"
"Okay."
"I don't think she's human."
"I see. So if she's not human she's…?"
"Technically? A big bug." She tells him, making him laugh. "This sounds really weird, I'm aware of that…"
"It doesn't sound weird at all, I completely understand. I've met someone, and you're jealous."
"What?"
"Look, there's nothing I can do about it. Uh, there's just this certain chemical thing between Miss French and me."
"I know, I read all about it, it's call, um, a pheromone. It's a chemical attractant that insects give off."
"She's not an insect! She's a woman, okay? And hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway?"
"What does that have to do with-"
"Nothing! It just kinda bugs me. Look, I really gotta…" He walks off.
Buffy turns and watches him go. "Wha…?"
That night at Natalie's house, she pours two martinis. The doorbell rings and she smiles, smoothing down her low cut dress before going to answer it. "Hi! Come on in!" She greets. Xander stares at her cleavage as he enters. "Should I change? Is, is this too…" She closes the door.
"No, no, it's, the most beautiful chest… dress I've ever seen."
She smiles and goes back into the living room. Xander follows. "Thank you. That's sweet. Martini?" She offer it him one. "Oh, I'm sorry, would you like something else?" Xander quickly accepts the drink, making her laugh. "I just need to relax a little, I'm kinda nervous around you." She sits down. "You're probably cool as a cucumber!"
Xander sits down as well. "I like cucumbers. Like in that Greek salad thing with the yogurt. Do you like Greek food? I'm exempting Schwarma, of course, I mean, what's that all about? It's a big meat hive." They laugh, he nervously, she playfully. Xander gulps down the martini. "Hhhhhhho! Hello!"
"Cheers." She clinks their glasses. "Can I ask you a personal question?" She puts her glass down and scoots closer to Xander. "Have you ever been with a woman before?"
"You mean, like, in, uh, the same room?"
"You know what I mean."
"Oh, that, uh…w ell, let me think. Um…" He trails off as Natalie runs her fingers though his hair and around his ear. "Yeah, there was, uh… several!" She continues her stroke down to Xander's chin. "I mean, and, uh, quite a few times…and then there was, uh…oh, she was incredibly…no. Uh-uh."
"I know. I can tell."
"You can?"
"Oh, I like it. You might say, I…need it."
"Oh! Well, needs should, uh, y'know…needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day, or…" He hears a muffled yell. "Do you hear…?"
She shakes her head. "No."
"Sounds like someone crying."
"I don't hear anything." She takes his hand. "Your hands are so hot!"
Xander flashes to his dream.
"Oh, you hurt your hand!" Buffy says.
Xander comes back. The drink is beginning to affect him. He leans back on the couch. "Buffy. I love Buffy. Wow! So that's a martini, huh?"
"Mm-hmm." She nods.
He sits back up. "Do you hear-"
"Would you like to touch me with those hands?"
He looks at Natalie's hands. "Your hands are sss… really…" He hands morph. "Serrated. Oh, wow, that martini, I… I really think I have to…" Xander falls to the floor, unconscious. Two mantis claws drag him away by his feet.
Xander wakes up in the basement, locked in a cage. He grabs the bars and pulls himself up. He sees Natalie as a giant mantis preparing her nest. "Miss… French?"
"Please, call me Natalie."
Xander backs away to the other side of the cage.
At the library, Giles is on the phone. "Frankly, madam, I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor do I care. Now, unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the telephone immediately. This is a matter of life and death!"
Willow stops typing. "Got it! Coroner's report, complete with…yuck!" She says. "Color pictures."
Trinity and Buffy look over her shoulder. "There are teeth marks. Which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head." Buffy says.
"Okay, I-I don't like this."
"Huh! It's the way they feed, head first. It's also the way they mate. The female bites off the male's head while they're-"
"No, no, no! See? Xander's, I like his head! I-it's where you find his eyes, and his hair, and his adorable smile-"
"Hey, hey, take it easy, Willow." Trinity puts a hand on her shoulder.
Buffy nods. "Xander is not in any immediate danger. I saw him leave school. He's probably safe at home right now."
Xander backs up in his cage and is surprised by Blayne when he reaches the far corner. "Ah! Blayne!"
"Oh god! Oh god!" Blayne cries.
"Are you all right?"
"Oh god!" He pants. "You gotta get me outta here! You gotta! She, she, she gets you, and, uh…"
"What?"
"…she, she…"
"What does she do?"
"Oh god! Oh, oh, no!"
"Blayne! What does she do?"
"She, she… she, she takes you outta the cage, and she ties you up, and, and… she… she starts movin', and throbbin', and these eggs come shootin' out of her! And then…"
"What?"
"And then…"
"Then what?"
"She mates with you!"
"She…"
"That's not the worst part!"
"That's not?"
"You seen her teeth? Right while she's, you know, right in the middle of… I saw her do it! I don't wanna die like that!"
"Blayne! Blayne! Chill! It's okay. It's gonna be okay. We'll get outta this."
"You gotta plan? What is it?" He asks hopefully.
"Just, uh, let me perfect it!"
His face falls, giving up hope. "Oh god…oh god, oh god, oh god."
Giles is talking with Carlyle on the phone in his office. "I-I understand, Carlyle. Yes… I-I'll take every precaution. Uh, absolutely, i-i-it sounds exactly like the creature you described. Y-you were right all along about everything. Well, n-no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pekinese, but… uh…try to rest, old man. Yes…ta! Bye now!" He hangs up and comes out of his office. Willow, Trinity, and Buffy are at the PC. "Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswold's. Then he went hunting for it.
"It being…?" Buffy asks.
"Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or, or virgin-thief, appears in, in many cultures. The Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who, who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um…"
"Giles, while we're young!"
"Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest."
"Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh… I mean, he's probably-"
"Gonna die!" Willow and Trinity say. Willow goes to the phone.
"Okay, okay." Buffy walks around Giles. "So this thing is breeding and we need to find it and snuff it." She faces him. "Any tips on the snuffing part?"
"Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade." He tells her. Willow is on the phone in the background behind Buffy talking to Xander's mom.
"Slice and Dice." Trinity nods.
"Well, whatever you do, it had better be certain and swift. This beast is extremely dangerous." He warns Buffy.
"Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around." She says.
"Yes, in a straitjacket, howling his innards out day and night."
"Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops!"
"Sorry…"
Willow walks over. "Xander's not home! He told his mom he was going to his teacher's house to work on a science project. He didn't tell her where."
Buffy turns to Willow. "See if you can get her address off the substitute rolls." She looks at Trinity. "You're coming with me." She turns to Giles. "And you need to record bat sonar, and fast!"
He nods. "Bat sonar, right. What?"
"Bats eat them." She leads Giles to the stairs. "The mantis hears sonar, its entire nervous system goes kaplooey."
"Where am I gonna find the-"
"In the vid library? There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home, go!" She looks at Trinity. "I guess we'll handle the armory."
Xander and Blayne are in their cages. Xander is working on one of the bars.
"Don't do anything to make her mad!" Blayne says but his face brightens when Xander pulls the bar out. "Hey, alright, now I can get outta my cage!" His face falls. "Into yours. What'd you do that for?"
"A weapon!" Xander says.
Blayne sees Natalie coming. "I think you're gonna need it."
Xander looks up and is startled. He drops the bar.
In the library, Miss French's record is coming out of the printer. Buffy and Trinity come in.
"Getting the address." Willow tells them.
Buffy nods. "Great! Giles?"
He holds up a tape recorder. "Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled."
Buffy takes the tape recorder. "Let's roll!" They all head for the door.
"According to Miss French's personnel records, she was born in 1907." Willow says.
Trinity looks at her. "She's, like, 90 years old!"
"And extremely well preserved." Giles says.
Natalie looks back and forth between the boys.
"Oh god!" Blayne goes through the hole into Xander's cage. "Uh, he did that, he broke the cage, take him, not me, take him!"
Giles, Buffy, Trinity, and Willow pull up to Miss French's house. They get out and run up to the door.
"What now, exactly? We can't just kick the door down." Giles says.
Buffy scoffs. "Yeah, that would be wrong." She gets ready to kick, but the door opens.
An old lady looks at them. "Hello, dear! I thought I heard…are you selling something? Because I'd like to help you out, but…you see, I'm on a fixed income."
"I'm looking for Miss French."
The old lady nods. "I'm Miss French."
"Natalie French, the substitute biology teacher?"
She laughs. "Goodness, that's me! I taught for over thirty years. I retired in 1972."
Buffy turns to Giles. "I can't believe this! She used Miss French's records to get into the school. She could be anywhere!"
"No, dear! I'm right here!" The old lady says.
Xander watches Natalie with wide eyes. "What's she doing?"
"I think it's eeny, meeny, miney…" Blayne trails off.
"Moe?" Xander says, a terrified look on his face.
Natalie opens the door to the cage.
Xander crawls out on his butt, bar in hand. "I'm comin', I'm comin'." Just as he gets out, he swings the bar and hits Natalie as he gets up. She staggers. He runs for the stairs. Halfway up Natalie trips him with her claw, and he tumbles back down the stairs.
Giles, Willow, Trinity, and Buffy are going back to the car.
"What do we do now?" Willow asks.
"Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind." Giles says.
"I saw her walking past this park with her grocery bags. She lives in this neighborhood." Buffy tells them.
"I'm gonna start banging on doors." Willow goes to head for the next house but Buffy stops her.
"Wait, no, we do not have time for that!"
"We have to do something!"
"We will." She looks at Trinity. "Can you sense her?"
Trinity shakes her head. "I'd have to be really close. I didn't notice her at school until she walked up to us. And I didn't freak out until we were in a closed room together."
Buffy pauses in thought. "I have an idea."
Buffy lifts up the manhole she saw Claw Guy go in and starts to climb down. "I won't be long."
"Wha…Buffy?" Giles asks.
Xander is tied up with leather straps. Natalie is in his face.
"Oh, yeah, here it comes!" Blayne cries.
"What? What's happening?!" Xander asks.
"How do you like your eggs, bro, over easy or sunny side up?"
"Eggs? She's gonna lay some…" He sees her lay some eggs and flashes to Natalie's lecture in science class.
"The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate to fertilize them." Natalie explains.
Xander looks at the mantis, terrified.
"Come on, Buffy!" Willow shouts into the manhole.
There are sounds of Claw Guy swinging his arm and ropes whipping through the air. Buffy pushes Claw Guy out of the bushes. His arms are tied behind his back.
"You!" He glares.
"Me." She shoves him down the street.
Buffy is pushing Claw Guy down the sidewalk in front of her. Giles, Trinity, and Willow follow. "Come on! Come on, where is she? Which house is it? I know you're afraid of her, I saw you! Come on!" Buffy yells. Claw Guy begins to react to Natalie's presence. "Come on. What? What is it? This is her, isn't it, this is her house? This is it! Better than radar!" She lets go of him. Claw Guy cuts the ropes with his blades.
"Buffy!" Trinity yells.
He swings at Buffy, but she leans back in time, only to trip and fall backward over the miniature picket fence running along the walk to the house. Claw Guy jumps to follow. She crawls backward on her butt until she hits the fence on the other side of the lawn. She rips a picket from the fence and thrusts it into Claw Guy as he takes another swing at her. He falls over dead. Giles breathes a sigh of relief.
Natalie advances on Xander. "Kiss me!" She laughs. "Kiss me!"
"Can I just say one thing?" He asks. "HEEEELLLLP! HEEEELLLLP!"
Buffy smashes the basement window and slides in.
"Uh, hey, o-over here, hello! In the cage!" Blayne calls.
She pulls her bag though the window. "Let him go!" She orders running down the stairs and sets the bag down. Willow and Trinity climb in the window as well. Buffy pulls two cans of insect spray from the bag and sprays Natalie in the face. Giles climbs in as the girls run behind Buffy to open the cage. The spray disorients Natalie. Giles comes down the stairs now too. Buffy points him at Xander.
"Help me! Help me!" Blayne yells.
"Get them outta here!" She pulls the tape recorder and a machete from her bag.
"Hey, help me! Help me!"
Giles undoes the leather straps holding Xander. Natalie retreats to the back of her nest.
Buffy starts to close in on her. "Remember Dr. Gregory? You scarfed his head? Yeah, well, he taught me, you do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happens to your nervous system when you hear this!" She plays the tape. It's Giles' voice. Buffy stares at the machine in disbelief.
"….extremely important to file not simply alphabetically…"
She turns to him. "Giles!"
He on the floor, pointing at Natalie. "I-it's the wrong side!"
Natalie knocks the tape recorder and machete from Buffy's hands. Giles watches the recorder fly over him, hit the ground and slide under a refrigerator. He scrambles to get it. Buffy turns her attention back on Natalie.
Trinity hisses and swings her claws at the mantis, who begins to advance on her but Xander sprays a can of bug spray into her face.
Buffy pushes them way from danger, and Natalie takes the opportunity to knock her down. Buffy raises herself onto her hands and one leg, and with the other does two crouching side kicks to Natalie's legs to keep her at bay. Giles searches under the refrigerator. Buffy kicks again. She sees the machete on the floor and grabs it. Giles has the recorder now, jumps around on the floor with the recorder in front of him and plays the tape. The sounds of bat sonar severely hurt and disorient Natalie. She flails her claws around.
"Bat sonar. Makes your whole nervous system go to Hell. You can go there with it!" She slashes at Natalie fiercely and repeatedly with the machete, hacking her to pieces. She's winded afterward. Giles gets up. Willow runs over to Xander. Blayne is out of his cage. They look at the carnage.
"Well, I… I'd say it's deceased." Giles says.
Trinity nods. "And dissected."
Xander turns to Buffy. "You okay?"
"Yeah." She says.
"Just for the record, you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you!" Buffy lowers her head. He turns to the others. "And thank you guys, too."
"Yeah, really!" Blayne nods.
"Pleasure." Giles says.
"I'm really glad you're okay. It's so unfair how she only went after virgins." Willow tells them.
Xander laughs and looks back and forth between the girls. "What?"
"I mean, here you guys are, doing the right thing, the smart thing, when a lot of other boys your age…"
"Flag down on that play, babe. I am not-" Blayne says but Trinity interrupts him.
"She only eats virgins." She says.
"Well, you see, that's the She-Mantis' modus operandi. Uh, she only preys on the pure." Giles elaborates.
"Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day!" Xander says sarcastically.
"My dad's a lawyer. Anyone repeats this to anybody, they're gonna find themselves facing a lawsuit."
"Blayne! Shut up!"
"I don't think it's bad, I think it's really…" Willow hesitates when Xander holds up the machete. "Sweet! It's certainly nothing I'll ever bring up again."
Xander takes the machete over to Natalie's nest, looks it over and starts hacking away at it.
At the Bronze, Buffy is at the bar wearing Angel's jacket. Angel comes up behind her. Buffy senses him and looks up at him.
He smiles. "I heard a rumor there was, uh, one less vampire walking around making a nuisance of himself."
"There is. Guess I should thank you for the tip." She tells him.
"Pleasure's mine."
"Course, it would make things easier if I knew how to get in touch with you."
"I'll be around."
"Or who you were?" Angel just smiles and moves around to the other side of her. "Well…anyway, you can have your jacket back."
"It looks better on you." He turns and leaves. Buffy stares after him. Angel gives another look back and disappears into the crowd.
"Oh boy." She whispers to herself.
In science class the next day, there's a new science teacher.
"All midterm papers will be exactly six pages long. No more, no less. One third of your grade will be dependent on those papers. No more, no less." He explains as Buffy daydreams.
The bell rings. Buffy comes back to Earth. Everyone gets up and leaves. On the way out Buffy sees Dr. Gregory's glasses still on the lab bench where she left them. She picks them up and remembers him. She sees Dr. Gregory's jacket still hanging on the hook on the closet door and goes over to put the glasses in a pocket. She closes the door, missing the cluster of She-Mantis eggs attached underneath the lower shelf. One of the eggs hatch.