I have to say this day didn't turn out the way I expected...Sam got angry at me as we were buying lunch for siding with Luke...He asked me "All this for a guy who put a ring on your finger and then cheated on you"...I couldn't believe it that he figured out that Luke cheated on me...I was shocked...I thought no one knew and that my story about taking a break was plausible. I just couldn't figure out why Sam was so angry...Sam was so angry that he decided to walk back to the station...leaving me behind and I decided to chase a lead which almost got me killed. I figured out the original suspect had a storage locker and this led me to a unit in which I discovered evidence to all the previous killings...But the suspect caught me and I've never been so scared in my life...that sick bastard had my hands tied and duct tape covering my eyes. If it wasn't for Luke coming to the rescue I may have been dead but just because he saved my life doesn't mean I'm willing to forget all that happened and forgive him. I was also very angry with Sam for leaving me behind...he said he's there when it counts and he wasn't there today when I needed him. I don't know what's going on with Sam and I...I thought we were friends and at one point could have been more. This all too much to deal with...I have so much to deal with.
That night I told Traci about Luke cheating on me with Jo and I couldn't stop the tears. I've been holding it all in and it finally felt good to talk to someone about it. I need to get over this and move on...first step would be finding a new place to live..i can't stay at my dad's forever or bunk with Traci too long.
I was given a few days off to get over my ordeal at the storage locker and I'm thankful I got those few days to get my head in gear...some nights I had nightmares which disrupted my sleep and had me looking like a zombie but by the time I was back at work I was feeling much better...the first thing I noticed when I got back was that Jo was nowhere in sight..I finally heard she transferred back to the 27th division. I'm glad she's gone so I don't have a constant reminder of what happened but there was still Luke to deal with...he seemed to believe that rescuing me may have given him some brownie points...he's been calling me and boy has it gotten annoying...doesn't he realize that just because he saved me doesn't me I'm taking him back. I need to move on. Men are stupid and I want nothing to do with them right now. I'm going to focus on me and keep myself busy. Who needs men anyway...all they do is cause trouble. Surprisingly, I have to say Sam has become my rock...We've been paired up these past few days and he isn't fazed by my mood swings or crappy attitude...he's taking it in stride. I've forgiven him for ditching me that day I got caught in the storage room...we're back to our comfortable footing.
These past few days have been interesting...we picked up a blue guy for robbing a bank and found ourselves on lockdown with a possibly contagious disease...that night after shift Sam helped me let out some steam by getting me to box with him...I'm so thankful to Sam for that...he helped me release some major anger I had been holding onto...Chris, Dov and I also got selected for Mounted Unit training and boy was that interesting. My bad attitude had me doing horrible the first few days but after realizing how much fun it was I was able to relax and set a record time...it didn't hurt that the instructor was vying for a date and went easy on me...I had to turn the date down...I'm done with men for now and I'm glad to be back at the Penny with my friends. With the help of Sam and my friends I've been moving forward.
It's been a few months since Luke and I split. I'm in such a better place now. I have to say I'm so thankful for Sam but I'm worried he'll be gone soon...Lately I've been seeing Boyd around the station a lot...Boyd, Sam and Best have been closed up in Best's office looking serious a few times...I wonder what is going down...I hope Sam isn't leaving for an undercover operation...I know it's selfish but I really need him around...I don't know what I would do without him...He's such a great guy...he's got me laughing with his silly jokes and I love seeing his dimpled smile...just that smile can make my day. I'm gonna ask him today why Boyd's been around and if he's leaving to go undercover...I hope he doesn't make the decision without telling me...I mean I'm hoping he considers me important in his life enough to consult me. This morning I went with Traci to look at some places...I really liked this one place I saw and can see myself living there...I want to show it to Sam and see what he thinks...He's become very important to me and that attraction that has always been lingering at the back of my mind is taken prominent thought nowadays. But I'm not sure this is the time to make the move and get into another relationship. I have a plan...find a new place...settle in..make headway at work and then consider a relationship...so I'll leave Sam on ice for a little bit longer. Traci's advise was "The way to get over someone is to get under someone"….that girl!