Disclaimer—I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait—okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me.

I'm waiting for someone who can make me feel something like never before

— Like Ooh-aah by TWICE
.

.

Day IV, 10:58am

.

Even though she was a (highly unwanted) occupant of Natsu's apartment for only a few days, Lucy—for some strange reason—still felt she had every right to control it (and him) as if she were the queen of the world.

And Natsu was growing sick of it.

Exhibit A: nine dreadful hours ago, Natsu had been happily surfing the web for any articles pertaining to his father's company (he'd been gone for four days after all. Did it burn down? Did it explode? Did the bubonic plague spontaneously resurface and vanquish every working employee in sight? Natsu wouldn't know. He was dead) when suddenly—

"Let's get matching nipple rings."

Natsu shoved Lucy off of his couch ("how about no") and went back to scanning his screen.

"Come on," Lucy whined, poking him in his side. "If we get matching nipple rings, no one will ever doubt our relationship."

He swatted her hand away. "There are other ways to make sure that never happens, Lucy. Like, I don't know, simply not making it obvious that we're a fake couple?"

"But—"

"No."

"What about—"

"No."

"Seriously—"

"Read my lips. En-oh."

It was quiet after that. And if Natsu hadn't been distracted by an article discussing some new and rapidly growing company named Toho Corps. (a potential rival? An enemy of Ryuu Inc.? A threat to his throne as the Business World Prince? Natsu wouldn't know. He was dead), he probably would've noticed Lucy glaring the seven hells out of him.

But he was distracted, of course.

And he didn't notice, of course.

Until it was too late and Lucy was already slamming his laptop shut, tossing it aside (he could hear its soft mechanical cry of pain as it slammed into a wall), pouncing onto his lap, and hissing at him with reddened eyes.

"You," she said sharply, "will do as I say. We won't get matching nipple rings, but we will at least get matching tattoos." She snapped her fangs for good measure and Natsu raised his hands in defense, nodding furiously. "Good."

And just like that, she was smiling. All wide and bright and totally not like she was just about to visually castrate him. She tumbled off of his lap and stood before him, pulling a neon-colored flyer from her bra.

Scarlet's Octopus House, it read in a hideous Comic Sans font.

She set it down on the coffee table, dainty fingers straightening the crinkled edges with unnecessary (and possibly mocking?) grace. "I set our appointment for tomorrow evening," she chirped, skipping away.

Natsu could only sit there.

And that was the end of that.

Exhibit B: four dreadful hours ago, Natsu had been happily taking a calming shower (he needed it. God, had he needed it), when Lucy suddenly barged into his bathroom and—

"Do you have any dead bodies in your fridge?"

Natsu screamed so loudly, he was sure his neighbors would call the cops that time around (please, please call the cops this time around).

Lucy rolled her eyes, hands on her hips as she demanded, "find me some food. I haven't eaten anything in days." She eyed his silhouette through the shower curtain. "Anything decent anyways."

Ignoring how mean she was being to his poor unbeating heart, Natsu peeked his head out and frowned. "Do you mind?"

"Nah." She gave him a dismissive wave. "I talk to Erza while she showers all the time."

"No, I mean like...do you mind?" He gestured with his head at whatever he was hiding behind the shower curtain and gave her a look.

Lucy returned it with a quirk of her brow. "I just told you I don't mind."

"Forget it. Just...get out, would you?" Natsu went back to his shower, shampoo bottle already in hand (it was lemon scented. His secret favorite). "And before you ask again, no I am not getting you a fucking human body to devour. You've harmed enough defenseless civilians this week. Now buh-bye. Adios. Sayonara. This is my Me time."

And then came that deathly silence again. He should've known (fuck, he should've known), but once again, he was distracted. If he hadn't been paying so much attention to lathering his wonderfully expensive shampoo into his beautiful scalp (two scrubs to the right, thumb swivel at the back, two scrubs to the left, pinky swivel at the front, repeat) he probably would've heard Lucy carelessly knocking his hamper over as she stormed his way.

But he was distracted, of course.

And he didn't hear her of course.

Until it was too damn late and Lucy was already flinging his curtain open, silencing his screech of surprise with a squeeze of her hand around his throat (he could faintly hear his radical side telling him to karate chop her in the spleen, but then his rational side quickly reminded him that he never even took karate so he'd probably just end up hurting himself), pushing him against the shower wall, and hissing at him with those way-too-familiar-by-this-point reddened eyes.

"I," she said sharply, "will get what I want. I won't make you get a human body for me today, but you will get me a bird or a mouse or something." She licked her fangs for good measure and Natsu meeped, bowing his head. "Good."

Déjà vu, Natsu thought numbly as Lucy smiled that disarming smile once again and back-stepped out of his tub.

She winked at him, giving his body a creepy once-over ("I knew you were muscular") before twirling out of his bathroom with an elegant wave and an unbefitting sugary sweet giggle of sunshine and flowers.

Natsu could only stand there, shielding his family jewels with quivering hands.

And that was the end of that.

Exhibit C took place two hours ago (and, in retrospect, honestly wasn't that bad). Natsu had been staring blankly at himself in his bedroom mirror, lips set in a grim line as an existential crisis raged within him (why am I still alive, why did I come back, what's my life...afterlife purpose, when did I even buy this mirror), when suddenly—

"Hey. Let me suck on you."

Natsu flinched, eyes breaking away from his (gory 80's slasher fic-esque) reflection. "You could've worded that sentence in any other way, and yet…"

"Whatever." Lucy staggered to his side and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, leaning her weight on him. "I feel like shit. I...really really feel like shit," she groaned, her lips forming the words into his back. "I'm positively starving."

Natsu made a sound of realization. "Is that why you've been such a bi—"

"Please don't finish that sentence. I don't wanna have to kill you," she warily brought a hand up to caress his neck, "again."

A shiver ran down Natsu's spine, and he quickly slapped Lucy's hand away, spinning around to glare down at her. "Stop bringing that up. Please."

"I feel like I should apologize, but I am just way too hungry to be nice right now. So...as I said before," she stood on the tips of her toes (recently painted a gross olive green) and held his gaze, "let me suck on you."

His answer came instantly. "No."

But Lucy apparently took that as an eager yes omg take me now, my vampire queen and buried her face into Natsu's neck anyways, nuzzling the pale skin as she inhaled deeply. "Thank you. I owe you one."

"What? But I said no—"

She bit him just above his reinforcements, the pain (should he even dub it as pain?) dull and waning with each of her needy swallows. Natsu could only stand there, his hands shaking as they rested on her waist.

After a few moments: "are you…" he blinked dumbly, "are you done?"

And Lucy replied with a soft moan, arms tightening around him.

Natsu couldn't speak Feeding Vampire, so he simply muttered an alrighty then and continued to let Lucy have her wild way with him. He honestly couldn't tell whether or not he was angry that Lucy was using him this way. Or scared that he was just letting it happen. Or relieved that, after satisfying her thirst, Lucy wouldn't boss him around as harshly anymore. Maybe he was all three combined? Maybe one more than the other two. Maybe two more than one. God, he didn't know. He just…

"Okay. Okay, I'm done." Lucy sighed, her breath cold as it ghosted across his skin, effectively tearing him from his thoughts. She reluctantly pulled away, eyes closed and lips tinted a deep ebony. She nodded slowly before peeking up at him (Natsu nearly cried in relief when he finally saw those two shining chocolate orbs).

(Were they always that pretty?)

Natsu awkwardly cleared his throat and took two giant steps back. "So…uh, you good now?"

"Oh no, of course not. I need to feed on at least three bodies to be completely good." She laughed right in his stupefied face. "But! You did help me settle down, so thanks for that, I guess. Didn't mean to get so grumpy with you. It just happens when I'm hungry."

"Haha, then that means you were..." Natsu wiggled his eyebrows, "hangry."

And Lucy took two giant steps back of her own, face crumbling with disappointment. "Scratch that. I take back my apology. You deserve all the pain I put you through if you dare to make corny jokes like that."

Natsu held a hand to his chest. "Aw. And here I thought we were finally becoming friends."

"Friends?" Lucy seemed to be testing the word out. "But friends don't give each other handjobs."

Natsu choked on air. "Woah! Hey. Hey!" And he pointed a finger at her. "No. Bad Lucy. That was merely a moment of weakness on my part. Because y-you...you seduced me—yeah. Yeah, with your magical vampire charms. The Natsu Dragneel would never ever do something so...so…"

"We should do it again some time."

His answer came instantly. "Okay." But then he furiously shook his head, eyes bulging out of their sockets as he eyed Lucy up and down. "Vampire charms," he squeaked, "gaht-damn vampire charms," and practically ran from his room.

In his haste to retreat, he missed Lucy's small smile and her quiet whisper of, "yeah. Definitely hot sauce."

Exhibit D happened roughly an hour later when Natsu foolishly thought he'd be safe from anymore misfortunes because Lucy was okay and didn't want to make him her dinner anymore and god had he wished he'd been right. Just for once.

His doorbell was being rung incessantly by whomever was on the other side (which really should've been no one because, according to his father, Dragneel's were too superior to the rest of the world to ever get visitors), and while Natsu was commanding Lucy to "step away from the door because it could be an assassin hired by Toho Corp. since they totally want to dethrone me," Lucy simply stuck her tongue out at him and pranced over to the door.

"He could have a gun!" Natsu attempted one more time.

Lucy smirked and slowly reached for the locks.

"Or...or a knife!"

She unlocked both of them at once.

"Hell, Lucy he could even have pepper spray. Get away from—"

And before she could open it herself, the door violently swung open with a mighty metallic moan and—

"Zombie!"

Natsu suddenly went blind.

His chest began to tickle as something sharp penetrated his skin.

And the distant sound of a gun being fired reached his ears before he fainted into a heap of flesh.

Oh, how ironic it was.

Natsu was finally right.

Natsu never wanted to be right ever again.

"Lucy...baby, I am so sorry."

This was the third time he'd been knocked out in his own home. The second time he was waking up like this (all achy and full of confusion and regrets). But the very first time he ever heard this...voice.

"I just—when Erza called me and told me you were stuck with a zombie, I...I freaked out, okay?" The man's voice quivered, and if Natsu actually gave a fuck about who this dude was, he'd probably give him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "I haven't heard from you in forever, Lucy. Imagine how scared I was when I found out an abomination like... that was holding my princess hostage." Okay, scratch that. This guy could go to hell.

Natsu heard Lucy sigh, "Ultear—"

"It's Gray."

"Right. Look. It's nice of you to care about me so much. Really, I'm so grateful to have a friend like you. But you shouldn't have shot, stabbed, and maced the poor kid with pepper spray. I'm running out of thread, you know. Plus, you didn't even say hi first. That's my boyfriend right there."

"B-boyfriend?!" UltearGrayLyon (whoever whatever) sputtered. "What do you mean boyfriend? You...you can't possibly be dating him. Not only is it gross, but it's also a huge step down from—"

"Don't even say that guy's name," Lucy growled, and Natsu mentally cheered because haha he wasn't the only being bullied by Lucy today. "Let's just drop this subject, alright? Natsu is my boyfriend and I really like him. Try to he nice when he wakes up, okay?"

"Make me."

"Lyon—"

"It's Gray," the man corrected and Lucy gave him an awkward laugh.

"Right. You just have so many names that I sometimes forget which is your real one."

"It's fine. Common mistake." He snorted, and Natsu could feel him eyeing his prone body with utter hatred and disgust. "Just like your current taste in men."

"Yuichi—"

"It's Gray." This man was so patient.

"Be nice."

"I don't have to be nice yet. He's not even awake."

Natsu took that golden opportunity one would only find in movies to open his eyes and let out a loud and extremely fake yawn. He sat up from his place on the living room floor (fucking typical that no one would think to move him somewhere more comfortable) and gave UltearLyonGrayYuichi a stupid grin. "Hi."

The man jumped at the sound of Natsu's voice, twisting in his seat to gawk at his rising from. "H-how long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to know that you don't like me, short enough to not know why you're in my house."

UltearLyonGrayYuichi cleared his throat and somehow possessed the decency to look embarrassed. "Uh...yeah," he began and scratched the back of his neck, "my apologies. I didn't mean for your first impression of me to be so...negative."

"Well," Natsu held out his hand, a polite smile (that took him years to perfect) gracing his features, "since your first impression of me was negative, I'd say it's only fair that I also think you're a gross abomination who doesn't deserve Lucy's time, correct?"

"I...I guess." The man blushed and shook Natsu's hand. "Gray Fullbuster. I'm Lucy's friend of thirty-three years."

Natsu hid his surprise behind a mask of professionalism (just like Papa D taught ya). "Natsu Dragneel. I'm Lucy's boyfriend of six years."

At his strong declaration, Lucy nearly choked on the carton of strawberry milk (wink wink, nudge nudge) Gray had bought her. "S-six—what?"

Gray's eyebrows lowered in suspicion and Lucy hastily caught herself.

"I mean, don't you mean seven years, Natsu honey darling pie? Our anniversary was four months ago!"

"My, how could I have forgotten. I'm such a silly man when it comes down to you, Lucy sweetie pumpkin cake."

They both laughed (Natsu internally cried).

And Gray simply pouted. "Wow. So that's how long I've been out of the loop. I didn't even know you got over L—"

Lucy cut him off with an elbow jab into his arm. "Upupup. Don't say his name."

"Oh, come now, baby. You've already got this guy here," as monstrous as he is, "why are you still upset hearing L—"

"Newton, shut up," the vampire whispered hotly, and elbowed him again.

The ebony-haired man keeled over with laughter, eyes watering as he wheezed, "it's Gray."

Natsu looked on at the pair as they continued to go back and forth, Gray threatening to say the dreaded name of Lucy's stolen crush aloud (not that he was curious about that. Nope. Nuh-uh) and Lucy elbowing random parts of his body. Natsu probably would've found the sight amusing (and maybe even a little comforting because wow this was the most normal thing he'd seen in awhile) if things didn't suddenly get really fucking weird after that.

It happened in the blink of an eye.

One moment, Natsu was gearing up to genuinely smile at Gray and Lucy's childish antics.

The next, Lucy was accidentally elbowing Gray in the head.

Before (believe him when he said in the blink of an eye) Natsu wasn't looking at Gray anymore.

"Shit, I didn't mean to hit you there! Are you okay? Oh, don't tell me…" Lucy gently shook her friend's limp body, hands gripping at his shoulders. "Gray. You good? Gray?"

Natsu was sure Gray Fullbuster had just died (would it be too soon to celebrate?), and in a way, he was right. Because, within a second, Lucy's wrists were locked in a shiny pair of handcuffs, she was bent over the back of his sofa, and standing over her with a heroic glint in his eyes was a silver-haired man that strangely resembled Natsu's building receptionist.

"Lyon Vastia, agent 60-A of the Tok Squad," he announced into his wristwatch (a communicator, Natsu noted). He spread her legs with his knee, his unoccupied hand struggling to keep Lucy's jerking body still. "Miss Heartfilia, you are under arrest for code violation 0126 of sector J in your supernatural handbook, biting of a public figure without consent; code violation 0206 of sector Y, murdering of a public figure without permission; code violation 0218 of sector C, failure to report misconduct to higher-up officials; and code violation 0604 of sector M, failure to report discovery of previously unfounded supernatural creature to higher-up officials. You have the right to remain—"

Lucy quickly shut him up by flipping her lithe body around and kicking him square in the nuts.

Gray—no. Lyon's eyes rolled back into his head at the burst of pain, and his body crashed onto the floor in a twitching mess.

Natsu narrowed his eyes. "What the actual hell."

Lucy merely shrugged, taking another long sip from her carton. "Gray's a soul-shifter. Sort of triggered his change when I jabbed him in the temple. This happens a lot, trust me."

"No thanks."

She pretended as if he said nothing at all as she stepped over a whimpering Lyon and closed the distance between them. "The whole arrest-thing was new. I haven't seen Lyon in a while, so maybe he's just venting because he missed me."

Natsu took a step back as Lucy got closer. "That didn't sound like venting. That sounded like a legitimate warrant for your arrest."

"Are you a cop?"

"No."

"Then he was just venting." Lucy grabbed onto Natsu's collar with her teeth, dragging him towards her as she gave him a mischievous look. "Now...how's about we put these cuffs to better use, huh?"

Natsu gulped.

Natsu groaned.

"Not gonna lie, this isn't what I had in mind, but I am not complaining."

Exhibit E lasted for twelve long excruciating hours.

Five minutes after Lucy gave him a look that promised an afternoon of sooooo much pleasure (pleasure that he sooooo wouldn't enjoy of course because it was caused by evil vampire charms), three minutes after Lucy managed to escape her handcuffs that would be used for "fun experiments of the near future," one minute after a fierce make-out session, and two-point-nine seconds after both of their shirts hit the floor, a stampeding parade of crisply-suited men bumrushed his apartment and deemed it a quarantined zone.

They locked Lucy and Natsu in the laundry room (which of course was the smallest room in his house, besides the goddamn closets). Taped it off with caution signs. And warned them through the door not to do anything remotely alarming that may force someone to burst in and shoot their heads off. Their words, not his.

Natsu probably wouldn't have been that upset about the whole situation had Lyon not been tossed in there with them (now Gray after hitting his head against the sink whilst being literally tossed in) and had the three of them not been handcuffed...

...to each other.

"Mm," Lucy hummed, "me and Natsu. Handcuffed together. In a tight space. Ooo, and with a spectator. This is so kinky.

Natsu closed his eyes. "Please stop."

"This is all my fault," Gray heaved. "If Lyon hadn't taken over, he wouldn't have reported your crimes to Headquarters, and I wouldn't be stuck here with you and Frankenstein over there." At Lucy's glare, Gray hurriedly amended his words. "Not that there's anything wrong with being stuck with you and your freak, baby."

Natsu expertly ignored him. "Lucy, do you know who those guys are out there? I'm pretty sure they're here for you."

Before Lucy could answer (probably with a one-sided shrug and a snort), Gray cut her off, tone bored as he breezily replied, "those are just Lyon's annoying fuckboys." Natsu didn't know what he expected to hear, but yeah. It definitely wasn't that. "They all work for the J-SPN Department, you see—sort of like the police department those humans have, except made for the supernatural, way more annoying, really stupid, and boy do they hate me. You know they once tried to arrest my other self for indecent exposure? Like. She's a stripper. That's her job. So you best believe she put up a fight when they barged into her nightclub and—"

"Okay wow. Wow. Shut up," Natsu interrupted with a grimace. He mentally swore that if his hands weren't tied behind his back, he would've definitely cut his ears off with how much Gray was blabbering. "I just wanted to know one thing. Now I've learned that you're a part-time stripper. Thank you. Totally needed that image in my head."

Gray looked positively appalled. "I'm not a stripper. Ultear is."

"Well, you're all the same to me," Lucy supplied and Natsu wished he could high-five her.

"Well, we aren't," Gray instantly shot back (as if he'd had this argument with Lucy a million times already). "We just share the same...being, I guess." At Lucy and Natsu's uninterested expressions, he shifted his body awkwardly. "Look, I don't know how we work, alright? It's hard to explain. We're all connected, yeah, but we don't have similar bodies. Or identities. And we definitely don't have similar minds. If we did, Lyon's fuckboys would be much nicer to me, I would know more about supernatural history like Ultear does, Newton would legally change his name, Yuichi would become a voice actor for a gum commercial or something with how sexy his voice is, and—"

Natsu unmuted his cochleas and sat up. "Hold up, what? Repeat that!"

"Yuichi has a sexy voice so he—"

"No," Natsu growled (he could now see why Gray and Lucy were friends), "the part before that!"

"...Newton has an outdated name so—"

By this point, Natsu looked ready to implode at her best friend's density, so Lucy carefully stepped in and explained, "I think he's referring to the Ultear bit, Lyon."

"It's Gray. And why Ultear? Supernatural history is a boring topic to expound on."

"Yeah, maybe to you, but to me, it's kind of important." He wiggled his constricted arms for emphasis. "Or did you forget that we're quarantined in my fucking laundry room because those idiots out there don't understand what I am?"

"Oh, is that why? I thought it was because of your creepy hair color."

"Gray, stop it," Lucy scolded lightly. Natsu was so relieved to have her around. "Keep messing around with him and he's going to eat your brain." Nevermind. Just fuck it. Why must he always speak too soon?

"I don't know what Ultear knows though," the soul-shifter said. "We only meet up when we're asleep, and even then she doesn't tell me much."

Natsu scoffed. "Useless stripper boy."

"Baby," Gray whined, "Freakazoid is making fun of me."

Lucy gave Natsu a disapproving frown, and if she could, he was sure she would've waggled her finger at him. "Boyfriend, don't make fun of Gray. He's our only way out of here."

"He started it," Natsu grumbled petulantly.

"Nuh-uh, you did by defiling my precious princess."

"Oh no, Lucy is anything but a princess, buddy," Natsu snapped and Gray reeled back in second-hand offense. "She nearly broke my trachea earlier today because she wanted to eat a fucking bird!"

Lucy reeled back in first-hand offense. "I told you I was hungry!"

"I told you I was showering!"

"You made her see you naked?!" Gray screeched. "Pervert! Poisoning my Lucy's pure eyes with your hideous corpse body!"

"I'm the pervert? You're a stripper!" Natsu barked, disregarding Gray's irritated reminder that Ultear was the stripper. "And pure? Pure? I laugh at your ignorance!" He laughed. "I'll have you know, Lucy gave me an awesome handjob in a movie theater yesterday and we've made out twice already! Both instances started by her initiation!"

"Egad!" Gray was three seconds away from having a heart attack in his brain. He turned his attention to Lucy, eyes beseeching. "Tell me it's not true, baby. Tell me you didn't do such filthy things with that garbage creature!"

Lucy didn't answer him, instead focusing on Natsu and the oh shit I did not just say that expression on his face. "Weren't we supposed to not bring that up anymore?"

Natsu bit his lip. "Um."

"Wait, you thought it was awesome?"

"Um."

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Gray burst his way back into the conversation, legs flailing all over the place. "Answer the question, Lucy!"

The vampire turned a deaf ear to her friend yet again (to his utter dismay), smirking at Natsu's frozen features. "Man...I really wish my hands weren't tied right now."

And that's when Gray officially lost his sanity ("Nooooooooooo!") as well as his consciousness. Natsu shook his head at the limp sausage of a man passed out in front of him. He secretly hoped that wasn't how he appeared whenever he fainted, all lame and silly-looking. Such a pitiful picture.

It took hours for Gray to finally wake up from his stress-induced coma, as Lucy gently called it (and he had the nerve to call her princess), and when he did, he was once again no longer Gray.

Natsu rolled his eyes at the rousing form of a slim short-haired woman, clothes baggy and sliding down her shoulders. This must be Ultear, he thought wearily, and by Lucy's loud squeal of delight, he was correct.

It took a while for the introductions to get out of the way. Lucy had refused to stop talking about trivial things (like her one trip to the zoo that she totally wished Ultear could've gone on and how shitty Natsu's human blood tasted and oh my god do you like my pedicure? I did it myself) and by the time Ultear even noticed she was in an unfamiliar setting, handcuffed to and sitting near some dude she never even met before, Natsu was preparing to bite his tongue off and hope for the best.

"Oh. Oh my," Ultear whispered in awe. Her eyes slowly roamed down his body, blinking rapidly in wonder, before finally landing on the two bitemarks embedded into his neck. "Oooh my. This is strange."

You're strange, Natsu wanted to retort, but kept his mouth shut as Ultear continued to gape at him.

"He's a zombie," she eventually said, as if neither Lucy nor Natsu knew that. She glanced between them, failing miserably to keep her amazement at bay. "You killed him, didn't you? And he didn't die. He came back...like this. And now he's a zombie."

Lucy nodded in affirmation and asked her wise friend of wisdom if she had any clue as to what was going on.

"Okay." Ultear licked her lips. "This phenomenon is very uncommon. Hell, the last time it happened was probably hundreds of years ago. To see this now...well damn, I might need a drink."

"Do you like laundry detergent?" Natsu bitterly offered and Lucy kicked his foot.

But Ultear payed no mind to his words (or maybe she hadn't even heard him) because she was still staring at him as if he were the greatest thing since buttered toast. "Before I was an...entertainer," she smiled faintly, "I was a seamstress down in the countryside. I heard a lot of stories from the old men there that everyone had sworn went senile, and the legend of zombies was definitely a popular one. I didn't believe them at first, of course, but seeing you...wow. You're amazing."

Natsu could feel Lucy straighten her back at Ultear's unabashed compliment (combo'd with her glittering eyes and light swoons), but the normally fiesty vampire didn't say a word.

That was a good thing, right?

"You guys aren't what most think you are," Ultear continued, blind to everything and everyone but the man seated across from her. "You aren't corpses, per se, because you are alive. You're simply...tainted with death. I mean, you can move, think, talk, bleed. Gosh, if anything, you're closer to being human than vampires are."

Lucy pouted. "Should I feel offended?"

"No, just jealous," Natsu sang proudly right before Lucy shoved him with her shoulder.

Ultear watched his body teeter too far to the left and into the floor with an amused laugh. However, she quickly regained her composure with a cough, voice serious once again. "From what I've heard, zombies aren't harmful creatures. You don't kill for fun like most supernatural creatures do and you only eat when you really need to."

Natsu peered up at her from where his cheek became one with his tiles. "So…"

"So yes, you will have to eat a brain at some point." Natsu looked as if he wanted to cry, vomit, and jump out of a window at the same time (what a nauseating sight that would be), but Ultear soon attempted to reassure him, "just one would leave you sated for a few months though, unlike vampires who need to eat every few days."

"Again with the comparisons?" Lucy complained with an irritable scrunch of her nose.

"Bet you wish you were a zombie, huh?" Natsu cackled right before Lucy flopped her body down onto his. He let out an oof at the sudden weight and was ever so thankful that he no longer needed air in his lungs for he surely would've lost all of it at that very moment.

"Don't get too happy though," came Ultear's husky voice. Natsu twisted his body around to get a proper look at her, Lucy dragged along with him. "Zombies are extremely weak. Their limps can literally break off at any moment, so I suggest—"

"Been there, done that."

Ultear's brows raised. "Oh. Oh well then...um." She stumbled to find the right words to say. "T-there's not much else that I know about zombies that I can remember at the moment. Sorry."

"No, don't be." Natsu grinned thankfully. "You've been more of a help to me than any of the other weirdos I've met so far."

"I-it's no big deal," Ultear stammered, a light blush decorating her cheeks (something Lucy would've had to have been blind to miss). "I'm glad I could help."

"So I'm safe, right? Meaning we shouldn't be quarantined anymore?"

The older woman shrugged, her jacket barely hanging on. "Pretty much."

"Great," Lucy suddenly exclaimed before facing the door and yelling at the top of her lungs, "hey fuckboys! Open up!"

Natsu wanted to smack himself. "Lucy, that's not going to make them—"

The door opened and a head peeked into the room. "Somebody call?" The guard looked around the room curiously before his eyes spotted Ultear seated in a corner. "Oh. You're here."

She tilted her head his way. "Wassup Mickey."

The man opened his mouth to say something but Lucy (being the impatient vampire she was) spoke before he could. "You," she called to him, "this girl knows a lot of stuff. She can tell you all you need to know about zombies and why they shouldn't be locked up in their laundry rooms for supposed safety purposes."

"Is that so?" Mickey asked and pushed the door open a bit wider, revealing his group of men huddled around him. At their eager expressions, Lucy and Natsu knew they were going to finally be let out (Gray was right. They were a bunch of idiots).

An hour or two passed before Natsu was given the all clear by Lyon's fuckboys. Upon learning that he was a "specimen as rare as a human of royal blood" (genius words by the genius Ultear), they were more than happy to free him and his friends from their enchanted handcuffs.

One of them even asked for his autograph.

After they had emptied his way too small for this shit apartment of the dozen well-suited beefcakes, they could all finally take a much needed breath of air. The trio sighed as they all plopped onto Natsu's couch, their feet kicked up onto the coffee table, uncaring of the neon green flyer they were re-crinckling.

"So…" Ultear crooned as she oh so subtly leaned her head on Natsu's shoulder. "I could tell you more about the supernatural world one day...if you'd like."

Natsu lifted his other shoulder in nonchalance (that Lucy quickly lowered back down with her own head). "That'd actually be really cool. You're the best, Ultear," he said, his smile geuine as he went on. "Kind of wish I met you before Gray and that other psycho."

"Yeah. That would've been nice." Ultear fluttered her lashes cutely and the unbefitting sugary sweet smile of sunshine and flowers that Lucy sent her way went unnoticed by the both of them. "You know, Natsu...you're kinda cute for a zombie. Think we can maybe, I don't know, go—"

Out of nowhere, Natsu's television remote went zooming past his vision at the fucking speed of light and straight into the middle of Ultear's forehead. The skin there was a dangerous shade of red as the perfect weapon of choice dropped to the carpet. Ultear's eyes crossed and rolled back into her skull as she gracelessly fell into the couch pillows.

"Dear, where ever did that come from?"

Natsu whirled on the innocently whistling vampire seated to his left. And then Gray was up and glaring at her from behind him, a lovely button-pad shaped bruise forming right above his nose. "Lucy, what the fuck?!" they both screamed.

"Gray, go and tell Ultear that she sucks on so many different levels," Lucy demanded with a sneer, "and that Natsu is mine."

"W-what are you implying, Lucy? That Ultear...no." The soul-shifter gagged. "No way. No—"

"Boyfriend." Lucy planted her palms on Natsu's chest, face so close to his that he could see his reflection in those annoyingly beautiful eyes of hers. "Kiss me. Now."

Natsu mouth fell open. "But wait I—" and whatever words he wanted to say were smothered by Lucy's soft lips against his. Although he would never admit it, especially to himself (he shall forever blame the vampire charms), Natsu found himself melting into her arms, returning her kiss as if he were born to do so (don't quote him on that, please and thank you).

From somewhere behind them, Gray was sobbing something intelligible into the night sky. "My corneas! Gah, baby why?!"

(It was music to Natsu's ears).

So yeah, even though she wasa (highly unwanted) occupant of Natsu's apartment for only a few days, Lucy—for some strange strange reason—still felt she had every right to control it (and him) as if she were the queen of the world...no, the universe.

And by now...Natsu was growing used to it.

.

Day V, 1:42am

.

.

💀 ɞ 👿 To Be Continued 👿 ʚ 💀

Author's Note: Um. I love you guys? Okay, look. I can explain.

Well, no not really. But just know that I never forgot about this story in the seven months I've been gone. Actually, I've been writing and re-writing this same damn chapter this entire time, and I never liked how it came out. Seriously, I have so many duds. I might upload them one day so you can see how much I struggled writing this. But hey. I'm back now. Maybe not for long (heheheh) but I am back. If you've read my profile, I officially decided to just screw it and upload whatever I write for this story so I won't make you guys wait so long. So...if this chapter is trash (which I really think it is OTL) then I'm sorry!

Moving on.

Author's Response: woohoo! Most reviews last chapter (lol probably because I've been gone for over half a year. Myyyy baaaaad~)

ImFaMOOSE — thank you for reviewing! I wonder if you'll come back lol

Poopsickle. Stick — can I just say you have the best username ever?

TheDorkyCelestialFlame — I appreciate that you enjoy my awful humor XD I wish my friends thought like you!

Meowie07 — I'm late (again, shocker shocker) but here you go~

Artkid — what a lovely review! Thank you so much. And did I really nail it? Woooow never thought I'd hear that, but thanks again anyways. You're so nice X0

ftx777x — hope it still is

NaLuxBuckets — you've waited so long. I'm so sorry TT

Guest — she dyes it. I really need to clarify that better. I suck at explaining junk :(

artistofthemind — so I've been told! Seriously don't believe it though

midpervy — I WILL NEVER WRITE A FULL BLOWN LEMON. Noooo way. Then I'd really be embarrassing myself lol. Thank you for your sweet review. I'll be updating my other stories soon, so please wait patiently for those 3

BaconDaUnicorn — nope! Maybe a little, but not all the way! I can't just drop this story. It's my baby...even though I neglect it a whole bunch. Woops

Yourstruly — lmaooooo you know, it's your review that really motivated me to finally re-write this chapter and upload it. I thought, "damn has it really been that long?" and eyed my calendar so hard XP So thank you for your review. I truly appreciate it

CuteKitty264 — is it still amazing? ;(

XxxxangelwithashotgunxxxX — BAM! Hitting you with this ninja update!

zafira. simbala — here you go :)

EhrienYuan01 — THANK YOU! I HAVE NOW FINALLY UPDATED! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

And there we go, folks! Man, I haven't done any of this is a long while. Anyways, remember my loves, stay tuned for chapter five and review if you wanna!

chu~