The elevator bell went ding, and they stepped into a corridor, dimly lit with a sickly green glow.

"Where are we? Well, what goes on down 'ere?" Donna asked.

"Let's find out," the Doctor mumbled, looking about.

"D'you think Mr. Clements knows about this place?"

"Probably part of it," Ianto said casually. "If there's an underground secret base, chances are the cover man is in on it." Donna gave Ianto a funny look. He offered her a half smile. "Always was a bit keen on James Bond movies."

"Very good. Oooh, look: transport!" The Doctor disappeared, buzzing his sonic and teasing out a duckling-row of four segways. "Come on, then! Let's go poking around."

A few minutes later, the corridor began to echo with the gales of laughter as they rolled through the damp halls on their segways. Ianto allowed himself a rueful chuckle at their situation. They honestly did look ridiculous.

The Doctor pulled them to a stop and scouted out a hatch behind a door marked with the Torchwood logo. "Wait here! Just need to get my bearings. Don't -" He looked them over sternly. " - do anything."

"You'd better come back," Donna said in a warning voice.

"Can't get rid of you if I tried," he said lightly. Donna watched his ascent as Lance tried to press her about whether or not they should be down there. Ianto wondered if Lance was a bit of a stickler for the rules, or just uncomfortable with breaking into his employer's underground base. Neither of them really took any notice of him, and the corridor was making him twitchy, pounding and echoing in a way that was uncomfortably reminiscent of stomping cyberman, at least to his mind.

He hopped back on his segway and spun in neat circles to keep himself distracted. "Ooh... mine's got a bell." He gave it an experimental ding.

Donna smiled at him, almost fondly, as though he were a precocious younger sibling. "I'm very pleased for you, Ianto."

A few moments later the Doctor dropped back down. "Thames Flood Barrier!" he announced. "We're right below it. Torchwood snuck in and built this place underneath."

"What, there's like a secret base hidden underneath a major London landmark?" Donna said skeptically.

"I know. Unheard of." He brushed past her with that flippant remark and she stared at him. He pushed through a set of doors, also marked Torchwood. "Ooh, look at this! This is stunning!" Ianto hopped off the segway and followed the others as the Doctor bounded ahead into a brightly lit laboratory, beaming at the tubes of water and shimmering metal pipes.

"A secret laboratory. A secret laboratory in an underground base beneath a major landmark behind an alien conspiracy," Ianto said dryly. "If we get invited to dinner by an evil genius with a white cat, I'll be sure to acknowledge his remarkable lack of imagination."

"But what does it all do?"

"Particle extrusion, hold on!" The Doctor delicately tapped a bubbling tube of liquid. "Brilliant," he whispered almost reverently. "They've been manufacturing huon particles." His tone became flippant again. "In case my people got rid of huons, they unravelled the atomic structure."

"Your people?" Lance queried. "Who are they? What company do you represent?"

"Ohh, I'm a... freelancer. And he's new on the job; getting work experience. But this lot, they're rebuilding them. Oh, they've been using the river! Extruding them through a flat hydrogen base til they've got the end result -" he palmed a hand-size tube of bubbles, "-huon particles in liquid form."

"And that's what inside me?" Donna asked. The Doctor inverted the tube gently and the particles inside glowed in a gold shimmer. So did Donna.

"Oh my god!"

"Genius," the Doctor breathed. "Because the particles are inert, they need something living to catalyze inside, and that's you. Saturate the body, and then..." his eyes widened. "HA! THE WEDDING!" Ianto flinched. Donna practically shot out of her skin as the Doctor spun around in glee, raking his fingers through his hair. "YES! You're getting married, that's it! Best day of your life, you're walking down the aisle -"

"Doctor," Ianto coughed.

"- your body's a battleground, there's a chemical war inside! Adrenaline, Acetylcholine, WHAM! go the endorphins-"

"Doctor!" He was still ignored. Donna's jaw hung open, trying to process the words as the Doctor bounced in place like a puppy.

"- oh, you're cooking, you're like a walking oven, a pressure cooker, a microwave, all churning away, the particles reach boiling point, SHAZAM!"

"DOCTOR!" Ianto snapped, at the precise moment that Donna slapped him.

"What did I do this time?" he yelped.

"Are you enjoying this?" Donna reproached him indignantly. He slumped just a bit, not entirely catching her drift. "Look, just tell me. These particles. Are they dangerous? Am I safe?"

"Yeees!" The Doctor tried to sound blithe and reassuring. It fooled neither of them.

"Doctor. If your lot got rid of huon particles... why did they do that?"

He sighed. "Because they were deadly."

"Oh my god," she whispered. Ianto put a hand on her shoulder, wondering why Lance was still skulking awkwardly by the door.

"I'll sort it out, Donna," the Doctor said resolutely. "Whatever's been done to you, I'll reverse it, I promise, I am not about to lose someone else."

A demonic hiss echoed through the lab and a maliciously feminine voice cackled, "Ohh, she is long since lost!" The wall cranked upwards, revealing itself to be a partition between the lab and -

"Oh, look, the secret lair itself. It's about time." Ianto kept his tone detached, positioning himself on Donna's other side. He angled his head to keep an eye on Lance, who'd backed off near the door.

"I have waited for so long... hibernating at the edge of the universe, until the secret heart was uncovered and called out to waken."

"Hmmm.. still, it's a nice lair. Lance made a run for it, by the way," Ianto muttered. Hooded pilot-fish, sans Christmas disguises, turned their weapons on them. He choked on his commentary and stepped back a pace.

The Doctor stepped forward to examine the dark, perfectly circular abyss in the ground before them. "Someone's been digging. Oh, very Torchwood. Drilled by laser." His voice echoed below. "How far down does it go?"

"Down, and down. All the way to the center of the earth."

"Really?" He said quizzically. "Seriously, what for?"

"Dinosaurs?" Donna offered.

"What?"

"Dinosaurs."

"What are you on about, dinosaurs?"

"That film, Under the Earth. 'Bout dinosaurs. Trying to help."

"That's not helping."

"Torchwood doesn't do dinosaurs," Ianto interjected. "That's an entirely separate clandestine government organization."

"Oh, I know them. Nice gang. Pet mammoth."

"A mammoth?" Donna repeated skeptically.

"And a Coelurosauravus."

"Such a sweet trio." The raspy voice mused. They blinked at each other.

"Only a madman talks to thin air," the Doctor declared.

"I'm sure you'd know," Ianto fired off before he could help himself.

"And trust me, you don't want to make me mad," the Doctor continued as though there had been no interruption. "Where are you?"

"High in the sky. Floating so high on Christmas Night."

"I didn't come all this way to talk on intercom! Come ooon, let's have a look at you!"

"Who are you with such command?"

"I'm The Doctor!"

"Prepare your best medicines, little Doctor man! For you will be sick at heart!"

Blue light flashed on the platform across from them, and a colossal figure materialized into the form of a hissing red-and-black she-spider.

"Racnoss," the Doctor whispered. "But that's impossible, you're one of the Racnoss!"

"Empress of the Racnoss!" she snarled, drawing herself up.

"Alright, that's a shade more creative than an evil genius with a cat."

"Ooh, the handsome boy is sooo brave."

Ianto looked alarmed. "I'm going to ignore that," he mumbled to himself.

"Knew this bloke who wouldn't have minded so much," the Doctor muttered slyly, turning back to address the arachnid. "But if you're the Empress, where's the rest of the Racnoss? Or? Are you the only one?"

"Such a sharp mind."

Ianto stiffened. "Oh god. Doctor?" he trailed off, staring above the spider. The Doctor followed his gaze, eyeing the source of Ianto's distress, but kept talking.

"That's it, the last of your kind." He leaned toward Donna and Ianto. "The Racnoss come from the dark times, billions of years ago. They were carnivores - omnivores. They devoured whole planets!"

"Racnoss are born starving. Is that our fault?"

"They eat people?" Donna gasped.

"H.C. Clements, did he wear those - those, um, black and white shoes?" The Doctor mumbled.

"He did! We used to laugh, we used to call him 'the fat cat in spats.'" Donna followed Ianto's gaze to the spot on the ceiling where said black and white shoes were peeking out of the spiderwebs. "Oh my God!" Donna gasped.

"Mmm, my Christmas dinner."

"You shouldn't even exist!" the Doctor snapped, before turning back to Ianto and Donna. "Way back in history the Fledgling Empires went to war against the Racnoss. They were wiped out!"

"Except for me." Movement flashed behind the Empress. Ianto and Donna both caught sight of Lance, who gestured with his finger to his lips. Ianto frowned when he saw the axe he was carrying. This wouldn't end well. Heroic gestures looked wonderful when they succeeded, but left a bloody mess when they failed. Donna stepped forward to keep the spider's attention on her.

"But that's what I've got inside me, isn't it? That huon energy thing. OI! Look at me, Lady, I'm talking! Where do I fit in? How come I get all stacked up with these huon particles? Look me in the eye and tell me!"

"The bride is so fiesty." Lance was within a few feet by now.

"Yeah, I am. And I dunno what you are, you big... thing, but a spider's just a spider, and an axe is an axe! Now do it!" Lance raised the axe above his head. The Empress raged and snarled at him. He froze... and began laughing.

"That was a good one, your face."

"Lance is funny."

"So much for the benefit of the doubt," Ianto sighed.

"What?" Donna looked confounded. The Doctor leaned in and murmured, "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what? Lance, don't be so stupid, get her!"

"God, she's thick," Lance said contemptuously. "Months I had to put up with her - months! A woman who can't even point to Germany on a map!"

"But... I don't understand," Donna mumbled.

"There's always an inside man." Ianto eyed Lance coolly. "How did you meet him?"

"I- in the office."

"He made you coffee," the Doctor continued.

"What?"

"Every day I made you coffee." Lance strutted in front of the Empress, and Ianto's lip curled in a hostile snarl.

"You had to be dosed with liquid particles for over six months," the Doctor explained. Ianto stuck his hands in his too-deep pockets, feeling hopefully for a projectile to fire at Lance's bald pate. He recovered only a handkerchief with an embroidered question mark, some candy wrappers, and a couple of tiny, glossy feathers, which was probably just as well. Chucking something at Lance would probably earn him death by pilot-fish.

"He was poisoning me?" Donna whispered.

"It was all there it the job title - head of human resources," the Doctor addressed Lance bitterly.

"This time, it's personnel!" he called back.

"And, you've just lost yourself another point for lack of style. I am keeping score," Ianto retorted. "Puns are only acceptable if our side makes them."

"But…but…we were getting married."

Lance proceeded to dash her hopes to bits. "Well, I couldn't risk you running off! I had to say yes, and then I was stuck with a woman who thinks the new high of excitement is a new flavour Pringle! Oh, I had to sit there and listen to all that yap, yap, YAP! Oh, Brad and Angelina! Is Posh pregnant? X-factor, Atkins diets, feng shui, split ends, text me, text me, text me! The never ending mountain of fat, stupid trivia! I deserve a medal!"

"Oh, is that what she's offered you?" the Doctor called scathingly. "The Empress of the Racnoss?" He made a face. "What are you, her consort?"

"Retcon me now, please," Ianto muttered.

"Better than a night with her," Lance shot back.

"But... I love you." Donna said quietly.

"That's what made it easy." Ianto growled something terribly unflattering in Welsh and began scouring the floor for pebbles. "It's like you said, Doctor," Lance continued. "The big picture. What's the point of it all if the human race is nothing? That's what the Empress can give me... the chance to go out there, to see it. The size of it all. I think you would understand that... don't you, Doctor?" Ianto risked a glance at the scowling Time Lord.

He gestured at the never-ending hole. "Can I shove him in?"

"Only if I'm not looking," the Doctor muttered back. Then he caught his eye properly and gave a tiny shake of his head. Ianto pouted, and Donna shot him a flicker of a grateful smile.

"Who is this little physician?" the Empress hissed to Lance.

"She said - Martian."

The Doctor swapped moods again, casually leaning forward, peering down the laser-drilled hole. "Oh, I'm sort of - homeless, but the point is, what's down here? The Racnoss are extinct, what's gonna help you four thousand miles down? That's just the molten core of the Earth, i'nit?"

"I think he wants us to talk," Lance said condescendingly.

"I think so too."

"Well, tough. All we need is Donna."

"Worth a shot," the Doctor shrugged.

"Mmm. A point to them, you'd be amazed by the number of villains and conspirators that fall into that one," Ianto mused idly. "Oh, and Lance? Are you aware that female spiders tend to devour their mates?" He smirked inwardly when Lance faltered.

The Empress hissed, and Ianto's malicious glee evaporated. "Kill the chattering Doctor-man and his handsome friend."

"Don't you hurt 'em!" Donna yelled, stepping in front of them.

"No, no, Donna, it's all right," the Doctor said calmly, but she didn't budge.

"No! I won't let them!"

"At arms!" the Empress commanded. The pilot-fish swiveled around and loaded their weapons.

"Ah! Now, except-" the Doctor started, putting both of his pointer fingers up.

She ignored him. "Take aim!"

"Well, I just want to point out the obvious-"

"They won't hit the bride. They're such very good shots."

Donna tried to stay in front of Ianto, but he murmured, "He's planning something. Let him talk."

"No. J-j-j-ju-jus-just hold on, hold on just a tick, just a tiny little er… tick! If you think about it, the particles activated Donna and drew her inside my space ship…so, reverse it and..." He pulled out the tube of liquid particles. " - the space ship comes to her!" He pointed the sonic at Donna and pressed the main button. She glowed the same colour as the tube.

"Fire!" the Empress screamed. Bullets shattered the air, as grey smoke surrounded them and formed the TARDIS console room. The engines ground and whooshed and they were off.

The Doctor was once again in hummingbird mode, skipping about the console and chattering effusively. "Oh, do you know what I said before, about having a time machine? Well, I lied. And now we're gonna use it. We need to find out what the Empress of the Racnoss is digging up. If something's buried at the planet's core, then it must have been there since the beginning, that's just brilliant! Molto Bene! I've always wanted to see this, we are going back further than I've ever been before..." He trailed off.

Donna was sitting on the console seat with her back to him, clutching at the question mark handkerchief from Ianto's borrowed suit. Ianto himself was leaning against the fork of one of the pillars of coral with his head back and eyes closed. The Doctor spent the next few minutes mercifully silent, while the TARDIS hummed a soothing rhythm.

"We've arrived," he said gently. "Wanna see?"

Donna wiped the last few tears from her face. "I suppose."

He swiveled the screen around. "Hang on, scanner's a bit small. Maybe your way's best." He trotted down the ramp to the doors. "Come on. You too, Ianto. No human's ever seen this: you two'll be the first."

"All I wanna see is my bed," Donna said shortly.

He smiled and pulled the doors open. "Donna Noble, Ianto Jones, welcome - to the creation of Earth." Massive boulders and a cloud of dust and pebbles drifted gently against a wave of colors; blues, reds, purples, glowing in the gentle blaze of a new-born sun.

Ianto shivered, mind suddenly blank at the incomprehensibility - that they could stop what they were doing to bear witness to a moment of impossible magnitude in, apparently, the time and effort it took to pop down to the store for milk.

"We've gone back 4.6 billion years." The Doctor's voice was hushed in reverence. "There's no solar system, not yet. Only dust, and rocks, and gas." His tone brightened. "That's the sun! Over there, brand new! Just beginning to burn."

"Where's the Earth?"

"All around us. In the dust."

"Really puts the wedding in perspective," Donna muttered. "Lance was right. We're just... tiny."

"No, but that's what you do," the Doctor said warmly, nudging her in the shoulder. "The human race, making sense out of chaos! Marking it out with weddings, and Christmases, and calendars. This whole process is beautiful. But only if it's being observed."

"So we came out of all this?"

"Isn't that brilliant?" A boulder glided past the doors of the TARDIS.

"I think that's the Isle of Wight," Donna laughed softly.

"Eventually, gravity takes hold," the Doctor explained enthusiastically. "Say, one big rock, heavier than the others, starts to pull all the other rocks towards it. All the dust and gas and elements get pulled in, everything, piling in until you get..."

"The Earth."

"But the question is... what was that first rock?" On cue, a mass of spikes drifted out of the dust. "The Racnoss," the Doctor whispered. He wheeled around and scampered to the console, rotating a lever. "Hold on. The Racnoss are hiding from the war. What's it doing?"

"Exactly what you said," Donna called back. The rocks and boulders were drawn to the cluster of spikes like a magnet.

"Ohhh, they didn't just bury something at the center of the Earth, they became the center of the Earth! The first rock..." The console made a crashing noise behind them and the ship jolted.

"What was that?" The Doctor pulled them away from the doors.

"Trouble," he replied. The room was rocking and shifting. Ianto tried to keep his balance, and ended up clinging to one of the rails. The Doctor stumbled and was tossed to the floor.

"What the hell's it doing?" Donna protested.

"That little trick of mine? Particles pulling particles? Well, it works in reverse, and they're pulling us back!"

"Well, can't you stop it?"

"Haven't you got a handbrake?" Ianto pressed.

"Can't you reverse, or warp, or... beam, or something?" Donna grasped for other options.

"Backseat drivers," the Doctor muttered to himself. "OH! Wait a minute!" He grabbed a surfboard-like object that was pulsing with blue lights and set it up on the console. "The extrapolator! Can't stop us, but it should give us a good bump! And... NOW!" He banged on it with a mallet, and the TARDIS dematerialized again. They trio burst out the doors into one of the dim corridors.

"We're about two hundred yards to the right. Come on!" They reached another Authorized Personnel Only doors.

"What's the plan, Doctor?" Ianto asked as the alien put a stethoscope to the door.

"I dunno, I make it up as I go along. But trust me, I've got a history."

"Oh, so you're Indiana Jones now. Well, that's incredibly reassuring."

"D'you mind? Seriously, all the sarcasm?"

"It's a coping mechanism."

"Oh, fine. 'S better than panicking, I suppose." Oh, he would say that. Right then, right when Ianto saw the pilot-fish. Between the robots and the dim green lighting, his mind shot back to Canary Wharf and he choked on his own words, no sound coming out.

"But I still don't understand," Donna cut in. "I'm full of particles, but what for?" She didn't even manage a squeak when the other scavenger clamped a hand around her mouth and dragged both her and Ianto away.

"There's a Racnoss web at the center of the Earth, but my people unravelled their power source." The Doctor explained, still with his ear to the wall, entirely oblivious. "The huon particles ceased to exist and the Racnoss were stuck, they just stayed in hibernation for billions of years, frozen, dead, kaput! So you're the new key, brand new particles, living particles, they need you to open it, and you have never been so quiet... ARGH!" The corridor was deserted. He spun in a circle in frustration, before pulsing the door open and stared down the barrel of a pilot-fish gun.

"My bike's got a bell" was an adorable moment from the Torchwood Radio episode Lost Souls. The clandestine government organization that deals with dinosaurs is the Anomaly Research Center from Primeval. Also, the line about heroic gestures was paraphrased from an episode of Primeval. Cookies to you if you got all of these, but let me know if they're a distraction. I can keep them to a minimum if necessary. And with that in mind, please review, let me know what is and isn't working, I would love to see feedback. Cheers!