Hey guys….I worked really hard on this chapter. Please r/r!!

Chapter III: Paradise Lost

After spending several hours on the plane dissolved in her own misery, Marissa had entered into her reflective, questioning mood. She hated that there was only one person who could make her feel so insecure and hurt. And, as much as she wanted to drink away her sorrows, there was something holding her back this time. It was him. His eyes were holding her back. The way things had left off at the airport so abrupt and unfinished was driving her mad. Even though he would never find out, she still didn't want to disappoint him.

She took a deep breath in and tried smoothing down her sky blue tank top. She had taken thirty minutes to decide what to wear that morning, wanting to leave a lasting impression in Ryan's mind. She had finally decided on a brown and blue geometric print knee-length skirt that she knew Ryan liked. A part of her had desperately wanted him to convince her to stay. But, he didn't, and she knew that he would never pressure her to do anything that she didn't want to do. The only thing he wanted was for her to be happy. But, right now, she wasn't happy. And, she didn't know what could change her mood.

She looked around the plane, so many faces living lives that she knew nothing about. She saw an older man, who looked like hadn't had a day of true peace in a long time, shifting in his seat, trying to make the plane seats as comfortable as possible. His mouth was slightly open as he snored quietly. Behind him sat a young mother with her two children. She looked like she was about to burst with frustration, as the older boy kept asking for more pretzels and the younger boy was crying, nothing seeming to satisfy his distress. As she soothingly patted the younger boy with one arm, she desperately tried to flag down the flight attendant with the other, needing to locate a packet of pretzels immediately.

All of these faces, lives, stories that Marissa would never know. She wondered if she would meet anyone abroad that could even come close to Ryan.

"Excuse me, m'aam," a voice said, pulling Marissa out from her brooding session. She looked towards the source of the voice, and saw an older woman sitting next to her. "They turned the seatbelt sign on again….I just thought you might want to know."

"Oh…no…that's fine. Thanks…I wasn't really paying attention," Marissa admitted.

The lady laughed quietly to herself. "I noticed," she said, as she began to blush a bit. "I hope you don't think I'm intruding…but, I couldn't help but notice that you look upset about something. May I ask if you are alright?"

Marissa sighed heavily as she broke into that same half-smile that had haunted her dreams for so many nights. If this lady could right through her, how was she ever going to be able to hide this from her dad?

"Yeah, I'll be okay," she said, wanting to put on a brave front. The lady smiled politely and nodded, knowing that she had hit a sore spot. "It's….just….," she continued, trailing off not knowing how to describe what she was feeling.

"Boy troubles?" the lady posited. Marissa looked at her somewhat surprised that she could be so transparent. As she looked into the older woman's eyes, she saw all the wisdom that must have accumulated from a lifetime of boy troubles. She saw the crystal blue clarity that only comes with age and experience. She saw the wisdom and concern of a stranger who had no doubt been where she was once before. "I thought that glassy-eyed gaze looked familiar. Whoever he is, he is not worth your tears. Trust me, I've got some years on you," she continued, smiling at the last comment.

Marissa sighed again, trying to decide whether she should divulge any more information to this woman. Maybe it would help to get a outside party's opinion.

"Oh…but, he is. He so is…," Marissa said, remembering his half-smile in her mind.

"Well, if he really is…then he'll wait for you, no matter how hard you try to push him away. There is this old saying, if you love something enough, set it free. And, if it comes back to you, then you'll know that it truly was meant to be."

Marissa had heard this saying before, but she had never really thought about how it applied to her Ryan situation. But it did.

"Yeah…I know…it's just so…..,"

"Hard?" the lady replied.

Both of the ladies shared a laugh over their unspoken frustration with the opposite sex. Marissa took this moment to really look into the woman's eyes. In them, she could see years of laughter and tears, moments of desperation and fear, and the wisdom and will to keep going. She silently hoped to herself that she would have these qualities when she got older. Something about this woman told her that she might have some good advice for her.

"So, you seem like someone who has had a little bit of experience with this topic…any other advice you care to share? I guess…I could really use it."

The lady nodded, glancing off to the side in memory. A look of remembrance and clarity washed over her face as she tried to formulate her words. She could sense that this moment could greatly influence this young girl's life.

"A very long time ago, when I was a girl no more than 18 years old, probably around the age you are now….there was a great war happening in our country. World War II….the United States was just about to enter the war that they had long been trying to avoid. Hitler and Stalin were running rampant, creating disorder everywhere, the Great Depression had all but sucked the soul out of the whole world….it was a hard, hard time to be alive."

The woman sat back, remembering slowly all of the pains that she had tried to hard to forget. Marissa could see that this was a sore spot for her, and she wandered why this stranger was divulging her life story to her.

"My family was torn apart. My parents couldn't afford to raise all 7 kids together, so we split up. I went with my brother Eric to North Carolina. Our aunt Sylvia lived there, and she had told my mom she could watch 2 older kids. She already had 5 of her own, so it was rough moving into a house that already seemed so full….but we did. I got a job at the local factory sewing parachutes out of pantyhose for $.30/hour,"

Marissa looked at her somewhat disbelieving that anyone could be paid so little for their work.

"I know…I can tell you are thinking that sounds like slave labor…but, actually back in that time, that was a decent job. So, anyway, one day, I was walking home from the factory, trying to decide if I should save up my money to go track down my scattered family, when I literally run into someone. I drop my entire contents of my purse….unmentionables included," she admits, blushing deeply, "and I'm so frustrated that I don't even look up before I start my rant on the culprit."

Flashback

"Excuse ME??!! Do you think maybe it is too difficult of a concept to try looking before walking??"

She hurriedly scrambled to stuff everything back into her purse, keeping an extra eye on her newly cashed paycheck. You never know what kind of people are out there. As she was focusing on retaining her belongings and moving on with her day, she sees a pair of strong, worn hands begin to assist her in her undertaking. She sees the tips of his green jacket, and she immediately stops what she is doing and looks up.

Her breath catches in her throat as she retains his features for the first time. He was exactly the man she had seen in her dreams. She shifted back onto the balls of her feet, absorbing everything she could about this man. He was tall, even though he was hunched down, and strong. He looked as though he could protect himself physically, but that he only went that route when necessary. His face, smooth from a clean shave, made him look youthful and innocent, while his eyes, burning intense royal blue, held a maturity that confused her. Who was this guy? She had to know.

"I'm…sorry….It wasn't all your fault…," she stuttered out, her free-wheeling tough-girl act long gone, replaced by a humble, almost schoolgirl-like nervousness.

The young man smiled at her with his perfect teeth shining. He laughed slightly at her change of behavior. He couldn't help but feel confident when she had obviously been checking him out. He silently stood up, stretching his legs to regain sensation in them, and reached out for her hand. She smiled broadly as she accepted. Their hands met as a jolt of electricity ran through their veins. They both pulled their hands away from one another, surprised to realize that the other had experienced the same thing. He could no longer contain it, as he openly laughed at their situation. He looked down, noticing another tampon still left on the ground. She followed his eyes, and quickly swooped down to grab it.

"God…you know, as if this couldn't get any more embarrassing….," she trailed, hoping that this mysterious stranger would finally respond to her. He didn't. He was too busy studying her beautiful, but tired and dirty face. There was so much pain in her face. He could tell she had been through a lot. And, that intrigued him. He had come across many girls that seemed too perfect, too fake, and that totally turned him off. This girl was not like that. She was not afraid to get herself a little dirty.

Noticing the lingering silence, she began to get more and more uncomfortable.

"Well, not much for words…huh?"

He just shrugged, slightly smiling to himself.

"Well, my name is Frances. And, I'm hoping that you speak English, because if not, then I'm just sitting here talking to myself…and, that would cap off this embarrassing moment…"

She held out her hand to shake his. He noticed the remnants of dirt under her fingernails. He pulled her hand for a closer look. She suddenly felt very insecure, wondering if he was secretly judging her.

"Look….if you are going to make some smart comment about how a lady shouldn't have dirty fingernails….then, I might have to cut you off. Because…as you can tell, I have to work to get by. I'm not some rich girl with a silver spoon up her…."

As she was talking, he smirked at how she was completely unlike anyone else he had ever met. He quickly put her hand up to his lips and kissed it. This totally caught Frances off guard. She was not expecting that, and she felt herself beginning to blush again.

"My name is James. And, yes…I do speak English. You just left me speechless for a moment," he shyly replied.

Frances was so flushed by what he had said that she was momentarily rendered speechless.

"What…so, now I have something to say, and you're the speechless one?" he questioned, laughing heartily at their role reversal.

"What?? Oh…sorry," she hesitated, trying to scramble up an excuse for her behavior, "I was…just…."

"Long day?" he interrupted, sensing her hesitation. She nodded. "Would you like me to walk you home?"

Frances felt that butterfly sensation again turning her stomach into knots. She again nodded and started to walk towards her house, knowing that this day would be one that she would remember for a long time to come.

Present Day

"So what happened?" Marissa asked, wanting to know what had come of this relationship.

Frances lost herself again in thought, remembering that horrible day.

"He…he was in the military. We had progressed from taking walks home to Friday night drive-in movies. James was the most well-mannered, understanding kind man that I had ever met before. I soon fell completely head over heels for him, as did he for me. But, we purposefully took it slow since we both knew how much it hurt to get your heart broken. He hadn't even tried to kiss me when we found out….," she said, vividly remembering her emotions from that day.

"Found out what?"

Frances heaved a sigh, and then continued, "That he was going to war. So, we decided to do what any young, crazy couple did back then when faced with the thought of war tearing them apart…..we got married."

"You got married before ever even kissing each other?" Marissa couldn't believe that things had been so different back then. She wondered if she and Ryan could have made it without having any of that physical closeness that she had craved so badly.

Frances blushed a little, "Oh that all changed our wedding night!"

Marissa laughed at the way Frances blurted out this statement. Obviously, waiting for physical contact had been just as difficult for her as it would have been for Marissa.

"It was so amazing…we were young, in love…and stupid…," she completed, her tone taking on a more serious note.

There was a moment of silence as Frances realized that to tell this story to a young girl obviously in need of guidance, she was going to have to re-live the hard part too.

"He left for war in 1944, right about the time that things were heating up. A few weeks after he left, I discovered that I was pregnant…..I was so scared…18, pregnant, and all alone. If I hadn't received letters every day from him reassuring me that we were doing the right thing, and that it all would work out for the best in the end, then I truly think I would have gone mad. But, I continued to work at the factory, picking up a 2nd job waitressing at the local diner."

"So, then…..you had the baby? Was it a boy or a girl?" Marissa asked.

Frances face began to beam with pride. "A boy….Jonathon James Atwood…he was the apple of mine and his father's eye…a true miracle if there ever was one."

Did she just say Atwood? That one word immediately perked Marissa's ears. It really seemed like he was everywhere.

Frances noticed the change in her audience and quickly stopped talking.

"I'm…sorry, I was still listening…but, did you just say Atwood?" Marissa pondered, needing to know if this woman could possibly be related to her Ryan.

"Yes…yes I did…honey, are you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Frances replied, quickly dropping into old habits and checking Marissa's temperature.

Marissa couldn't believe it. Was this supposed to be some kind of a sign? She had to know if this woman could possibly tell her something about Ryan.

"Oh…no…I'm sorry…it's just…the guy…the one that I was telling you about earlier…the boy troubles?"

Frances nodded her head, curious as to where she was going with this.

Marissa continued, "Well, his last name is Atwood."

Frances' eyes widened at this revelation. She began to think that maybe fate had brought her together with this bright-eyed girl for a reason.

"Really? Do you know what his mother and father's names are, by any chance?"

Marissa thought about it for a minute, realizing that she and Ryan had never really talked about his family more than necessary.

"Um…well, he has a brother," she shuddered at the memory of the last time she had spent time with Trey, "his name is Trey….and, I think his mom's name is Dawn…I don't know, I guess we never really talked that much about his family. But, he was adopted by the Cohen's, my old next door neighbors. That's how I met him."

"So, I'm guessing that you two didn't have much time to talk….you were busy, doing other things?" Frances quipped, amused by the younger girl's embarrassment.

"Well, I guess…it's not really like you are thinking…it's just, we went through so much so quick, there just wasn't any time for those simple formalities. You know?"

Frances knew exactly what she had meant, suddenly being brought back into her original story.

"Well, if he is truly an Atwood, then he's got to be as stubborn as all hell."

Marissa laughed and showed in the look she gave Frances that she was absolutely right on the money.

"So, anyways, back to the story…when Jonathon was around 1 year old, I took him to the park to play in the sandbox. I had been really missing James, and it was starting to take a toll on our relationship. Contrary to popular belief, in our case, absence did not make the heart grow fonder. His letters grew shorter and further in between. He started to sound distant and almost cold. It was like he was losing his soul over there. Well, this one day at the park, I could feel that something wasn't right. That was when I noticed 2 men in full military dress walking towards me. I….I began to hyperventilate , knowing in my heart that they were headed in my direction….,"

Flashback

Frances hurriedly grabbed Jonathon from his place in the sandbox. This couldn't really be happening, could it? The moment she had prayed would never happen to her, the day she had had so many nightmares about, was finally coming to fruition. The men approached her quietly, trying to guide her to a more private section of the park.

"No…No!!!" was all Frances could manage to utter before breaking down into full-body sobs. Jonathon immediately started crying, sensing that something was troubling his mother even though he was not yet old enough to comprehend.

"Mrs. Atwood…my name is Sgt. Earl Mendelsohn…" the man began, trying to devoid his voice of any emotion. This was the part of the job he hated the most.

"No…please, don't say it!!"

"Mrs. Atwood, we are sorry to inform you that your husband was killed in the line of duty. We would like to give him the full funeral arrangements, and give you our sincerest form of apology."

"No you DON'T….you aren't sorry!! You are just glad that you made it high enough on the chain so that you don't have to fight the war. You just have to tell other families the bad news….GO AWAY!!" she screamed, needing to get out of there. The looks of shock and pity were overtaking the familiar faces at the park. She knew any moment now one of the other mothers was going to try and come over and comfort her. But, that was the exact last thing she wanted.

She scooped Jonathon up, attempting in vein to quell his fears with a motherly kiss, but he knew better. She grabbed her bad and silently walked in the other direction. What was she going to do now?

"M'aam?"

She turned around to see the other soldier walking toward her with a piece of paper.

"I'm sorry we had to meet like this. My name is Staff Sgt. Michael Bray. I was in the same unit with your husband. He was my best friend over there."

Frances smiled through her tears, feeling somewhat comforted that someone else here was feeling pain over his death too.

"He wanted me to give this to you….just in case…I'm sorry it had to be like this."

She timidly reached for the letter, part of her wanting to rip it up and curse the man who had made her fall for him just a few short years before. But, the other part of her wanted to read his sweet last words and mourn his death forever.

"Thanks..I appreciate it," she muttered quickly before regaining her stuff and heading home.

Frances rushed home, too overwhelmed with emotion to think about anything other than the letter her dead husband had left for her. Once she was able to calm Jonathon down, she put him upstairs for his nap. She quietly uncorked a bottle of wine that she had been saving for her husband's return and poured herself a drink. Snuggled under their favorite quilt, she stared at the letter for what seemed like hours before she finally was able to open it.

My dearest Frances,

I guess if you are reading this, it means that I didn't make it. I don't even know where to begin, because the thought of you and Jonathon living without me is almost too hard to bear. But, this was the risk that I knew when I signed up. As proud as I am to be serving my country, I can't help but wish that I had met you before I enlisted. Because, baby, if I had, I would have never signed up for anything that would entail being away from you.

My sweet Frances, I knew I loved you that very first day. The dirt under your fingernails, the frustrated, unaffected tone you had, everything…you were so different. I had never met anyone like you, and I knew I would regret it if I didn't make you mine. You have been more than a man could ask for…loving, stubborn, frustrating, caring…everything my dream wife would be and more. And, it saddens me beyond words to think that I could leave you and our perfect son alone forever.

Frances, as hard as this is to write, please listen when I say to love again. Don't mourn this for too long, for I only want you to be happy. Find Jonny a good father that can give him the things that I couldn't.

I have to go now. My commander is giving me the 'It's time to go..now!' look…I'm so sorry and know that I will be watching down on you forever.

Your always,

James

Present Day

Marissa could not stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. Frances, however, had yet to shed a tear. She just sat in a trance, with a slight knowing smile on her lips.

"Oh God…..that is so sad."

"It's okay…honey, believe me, I've had many years to struggle and finally accept it. Thankfully, I had my beautiful son to remind me every day that there was something that James had left me with. A reminder of him. But, I guess my point is…that you never know when this rollercoaster that we call life is over. So, if you really think you have found that person but the timing doesn't seem right, let them explore alone, but always keep them close enough so that when they finally figure out what they want, you won't be too far away."

Those words really hit Marissa like a ton of bricks. Was she really just wasting time when she knew that Ryan was it? Should she stay with her dad?

Marissa thanked Frances and told her that she would pass along her phone number to Ryan whenever she got the chance. The plane shortly thereafter landed, and Marissa, with her racing mind not letting her get one minute of peace, ascended from the plane to face the next chapter of her life.