John's Blogs-100 Days Of Watson

by Melon Writes

"It's hard. Coping. You never know how much you'll miss them. You take them for granted while they're there. You miss them like hell when they've gone. You hope they'll come back. That they will walk through the door with that smile on their face and say that it's alright, and that it wasn't real. That it was fake." Set after Reichenbach. Hope you like it! Xxx

4. Monday, 23rd

Monday, 23rd.

My life can't get any worse. My past problems seem like a walk in the park compared to this. I've been kidding myself. He's gone. Gone, gone, gone. Forever.

Mycroft came earlier and he wasn't alone. His ideas accompanied him too. Mad, impossible ideas. He dropped off a letter and left. I had to meet him at the cafe down town. It was awful. He claimed that he was alive and in London. That he faked his death to save us. Memories and feelings so deep that I had hidden came up and out of me. I was babbling and I wasn't taking it all in. The next thing I remembered was getting out the car and walking back up to my apartment. I didn't remember the car journey, or the nonsense I was throwing out, but I was glad to be back and away from it all. Unfortunately, I hadn't quite got rid of my feelings.

As soon as I got inside I threw a plate at the wall. Mrs Hudson came in to see what was going on but I had thrown a towel over the mess and hidden the evidence. After a few minutes of her fussing over me, I cleared the mess and went to bed. I didn't get to sleep, so I got up and wrote this fruitless blog. People have been commenting and giving me support of kinds. Thank you for that, but there really isn't any point. I don't read them and I don't intend to start now. Sorry for any offence caused.

Mycroft texted me earlier as I was cleaning up. He told me he wasn't lying and that he really was alive. I ignored it and carried on tidying up. He sent another one saying I shouldn't hide from my feelings and emotions. He pointed out that through all my blogs, all my conversations about him, that I haven't mentioned his name once. At all. I told him I would include his name when and if I felt like it. It wasn't his buisness.

I'm just going to say this last comment to two specific people in particular; If you are reading this Mycroft, take the advice. Leave my buisness to me, not you; And if you are alive and in London, plese don't get in touch. I couldn't handle it if you came back and acted all normal. You left me alone and in the dark. That's not what friends do. I couldn't handle it, having gone through that mental torture just for nothing. It would break down any sanity I actually have left.

John.