When Rikku's eyes finally opened, her room was full of light. She lay still for a moment, suspended in soft post-dreaming consciousness, before reality washed over her. She gasped and threw the covers off, clambering out of bed. She wriggled into her clothes, leaving her pajamas in a messy pile on the floor. A moment later she scooped them into her pouch and raced out the door.
"I told you we'd wait for you," Braska said without turning when she reached the lobby. He took a sip of something that smelled delicious, then turned to her with a smile.
"I... I know," she said. "I believed you, it's just... I had planned to only sleep a few hours, and to be up before all you, all better and ready to go. I didn't mean to hold up your pilgrimage."
"It's all right, Rikku. Come, sit with me." He spread his hands, beckoning. "I'd like to talk to you."
She sat down next to him and swallowed hard. "This is about Shiva, isn't it?"
"It's about you," he said. "How do you feel?"
"Oh, lots and lots better." She straightened, grinning. "I could take on Sin this morning and not even break a sweat."
His smile was faint. "I'm glad you're better. But listen, this is new and strange to your body. Most summoners undergo rigorous, constant training for many years before attempting to do what you did."
She hung her head, chastised. "I didn't mean to," she said.
"I know." His hand touched her arm lightly, comforting without patronizing. "Just listen. I want you to be aware of anything odd you feel, and tell me. I don't think this has ever happened before in the history of Spira, but I'll do my best to help you through it."
She frowned. "If it's never happened before, how did you know how to help me?"
He sighed. "Sometimes trained summoners have trouble with the aeons. Someone I trained with almost died, because his body wouldn't accept the fayth. He continued to have trouble in every temple, and eventually had to give up being a summoner."
"Then you think maybe I shouldn't summon?"
"I want you to do whatever you feel is necessary. For some reason, the fayth decided to entrust you with Shiva, even though your physiology was not prepared for it. Maybe you can be a summoner, Rikku. You're stronger than anyone I've ever met. I want you to feel free to try while you're with us, as long as it poses no threat to your well-being."
Her eyes widened. "You don't mean you want me to pray in other temples, do you?"
"I want you to do whatever you feel like doing." Braska touched her arm. "If you find that you are to become Lady Summoner when I'm gone, and to lead a pilgrimage of your own to defeat the next Sin..." He smiled sadly. "Well, it wouldn't have a chance against you."
"This is getting to be way too much. I don't feel like a summoner. Anyway I'm sure there's some other way to defeat Sin, so summoners and guardians don't have to die..." She trailed off, upset.
Braska laughed softly. "Ah, Rikku, I'll never forget you. You want so much for everyone to live."
"No one deserves to die," she muttered. "I think a lot of people have died needlessly, just because we don't really understand about Sin and why he's here. The teachings say it's because of my people and our machina, but... I can't believe that. I don't think we brought Sin on ourselves. I think it's just easier for people to believe that than to try to think up some other reason, because they're used to it."
"Perhaps. Although something had to inspire the Yevon faith, all those centuries ago when Sin first appeared."
*Yeah, Yunalesca and her selfish lies,* she thought with a knot in her stomach. I still haven't figured out what to do. All this stuff about summoning has distracted me. I need to remember what I'm here for.
"I think for now," she said aloud, "I'd just like to be your guardian."
He smiled and leaned back. "That sounds good to me."
The door opened to the sounds of laughter and Jecht and Auron walked in. As soon as they saw Braska and Rikku their laughter died.
"Well!" she said brightly. "Is everyone else ready? 'Cause I'm raring to go, and time's a-wasting!"
"I'm ready." Braska rose. "If you two ruffians are quite finished..."
Amazingly, Auron actually blushed. "Yes, Lord Summoner."
Jecht grinned and nodded. "Yes, lord."
"Then shall we be off?" said Braska.
The _S.S. Liki_ was a fine ship, smaller than the Al Bhed's but large enough for their purposes.
The coruscating water calmed her as they set sail for Besaid, the sun warm around her. She spotted Auron and Jecht in easy conversation at the Liki's bow and made her way over to them. When Auron spotted her, the laughter left his face. Jecht turned; they grew silent as she approached.
"Hey," she said, trying to sound light though her heart ached, "what's with the silent treatment? You guys have been weird to me all morning."
Jecht glanced at Auron. "Well, I guess it's because we're not really sure how to treat you now."
"Huh? What do you mean? I'm still good old Rikku, right?" She spun around, but her grin faded when she saw Auron's eyes.
"We're guardians," said Auron. "That's all we are. We protect a summoner. But... now that you're... well, you're a summoner, but you're a guardian too."
"The best guardian in all of Spira," added Jecht.
"We're just not sure whether to protect you as well, now that you have prayed to the fayth," said Auron.
"Well... but that was just a mistake," she said. "I'm not really a summoner..."
"It's no mistake," Auron said harshly. "It is a privilege and an honor to be able to summon."
"I didn't ask for this," she sighed. "I'm confused too, you know. I don't want to be a summoner, but it looks like I'm stuck with Shiva. I can take care of myself. I don't need guardians; we're here to help Lord Braska. ...But I could really use a friend or two."
"Right!" said Jecht, clapping her on the shoulder. "After all, underneath this here summoner is our old friend Rikku, the one we've come to know and cower before. That's what's really important."
She smiled, so gratified she didn't even swat his butt in response. She glanced at Auron, but underneath the curving of his lips she still saw hesitation. Her heart sank.
*No, not now, not when I was so close to reaching him. I can't believe I'm losing him over something so stupid! I wish I'd never gone into the Macalania Temple.*
When she turned to speak to Jecht, he had left the deck. Braska slipped out of the main cabin and spotted his guardians at her rail. He joined them.
"It's beautiful today," said Rikku.
"Yes..." Braska seemed distracted, so she didn't interrupt his thoughts. She glanced at Auron, but he too was lost. She rolled her eyes at their vacant stares and joined them, peering at the brightness of the horizon. The beauty seemed monotonous now. She turned to leave her taciturn companions and saw Jecht had returned, crossing the deck as he examined the sphere recorder in his hands. She skipped out of the way, her heart beating wildly.
*No way. Don't wanna be in the picture, Jecht,* she thought firmly, making herself inconspicuous against the port railing.
Jecht looked up at the Lord Summoner and remaining guardian with a pensive frown. Jecht lifted the recorder to his eye.
"After you get that aeon from Besaid," he said, "where're we going?"
Auron turned to Jecht, his near-hypnotic reverie broken. "Back the way we came," Auron answered. "Then we go north from Bevelle and climb Mount Gagazet."
Braska, too, turned at this, leaving whatever thoughts he had with the inarticulate waves. "Beyond it lies... Zanarkand."
Jecht backed up, as if trying to get a wider angle. Rikku hunched and scuttled out of the way of the recorder's scope.
"Zanarkand, huh?" he said. "It's been in ruins for a thousand years, right?"
Auron approached Jecht, his voice soft. "So the legends say. No one knows for sure. ...It could still be your Zanarkand."
Jecht smiled tightly. "Thanks for trying, Auron." He removed the recorder from his eye and looked down thoughtfully. Rikku attempted to edge away further and stumbled over the anchor. He looked up at her; his smile grew sincere.
"Hey, Spira's newest summoner-guardian." He lifted the recorder again, and she dashed forward to close her hands over the device.
"No thanks," she said. "I think this is more for the three of you than me."
"What're you talking about? These spheres are to show our kids what it was like, to share our pilgrimage with them. You're part of that, Rikku." He attempted to pry the recorder from her grasp, but her fingers clamped down.
"As a favor to me," she murmured, "don't film me. I might not wind up being a very popular person if everyone finds out who and what I am."
She felt his pulling go slack. He stared into her eyes.
"You sound like you're hiding," he said.
"I am. Please, Sir Jecht? Be my friend?"
"All right. But you know, a pretty face like yours shouldn't stay hidden forever." He reached up to cup her chin in a surprisingly fatherly gesture.
"Why, Jecht, you old softie."
He chuckled. She passed him, heading for the cabin to explore her thoughts in private. She tucked herself into a bunk and closed her eyes, seeking calm.
*One more aeon to go before the final one.* She shivered with trepidation. *I don't have much time left.*
"Smallest heap of huts I ever seen!" Jecht said of Besaid, surveying the village.
"Now, that looks like a fine place to live," was Braska's verdict. Rikku stood out of sight behind Auron, who was recording their reactions to a sphere.
"Hmm," Braska mused as Jecht strolled off into the 'heap of huts.' "Auron."
"My lord?" said Auron.
"When this is over..." said Braska, "could you bring Yuna here? I want her to lead a life far away from this conflict."
"You have my word. I will bring her here."
Braska turned towards Auron, meeting the younger man's eyes. "Thank you, Auron. You are a good friend." Braska's gaze slid to Rikku, and he opened his mouth.
Her heart skipped. *Don't speak to me _please_ don't say my name,* her mind whispered urgently as her eye flicked to the recorder.
"What are you guys doin'?" Jecht called, cutting off whatever Braska was about to say. "I'm so hungry I could eat a shoopuf whole!"
"Sorry," Braska called. To Auron he said, "Well, let's go then."
Auron put away the recorder, to Rikku's great relief. *Just stay away from them when they get out that thing,* she thought.
Besaid's temple was new to Rikku, having been the earliest part of Yuna's pilgrimage, long before Rikku joined her. She puzzled over the Cloister of Trials with her summoner and fellow guardians.
"That wasn't hard at all," Jecht mused. "Certainly not like Bevelle's."
Rikku stared at the door to the Chamber of the Fayth. She couldn't keep Valefor's summoning from her mind. Braska stepped forward, pressed open the doors, and entered the chamber. She exhaled and turned away.
"Disappointed you couldn't go first?" teased Jecht.
She glared at him.
"Hey, lighten up. I was joking," he said.
"Am I going to have to put up with your summoner cracks all the way to Sin, funnyman?" She poked him.
"Maybe."
"Arrgh!" She tackled him in a fit of exasperation, throwing him to the floor. After his initial shock at her attack, his hands snaked up and started seeking ticklish spots.
"Hey!" She squirmed, eyes widening. She tried to beat him off and nearly decapitated him with the Godhand.
"Get that thing out of my face!" He grabbed it with both hands and yanked it off her arm, almost breaking her wrist.
"Oww!" she shrieked. "Oh, you are asking for it, old man."
"Bring it on, shrimp!" He flung her weapon aside and struggled to reach her armpits. She flailed back, her fingers dancing across his bare chest. He twitched convulsively, giggles welling up in him.
Auron sighed disapprovingly and loudly. Her eyes snapped up to him, flashing. She reached out with a vindictive hand and seized the hem of his robe. He glanced down, a moment's surprise on his face before she and Jecht dragged him to the floor.
"Get _off_ me!" snapped Auron. "This is not appropriate behavior to engage in within a temple of Yevon! You'll disturb Lord Braska!"
"Only if you can't keep your giggles down," Rikku hissed as she and Jecht pinned Auron down, combining forces to tickle some sense out of him.
"What in Yevon's name... Hey! Stop that! You're maniacs... ARGH!" Auron hissed through his teeth, his face turning red.
"Jackpot!" she snickered to Jecht, having found a ticklish spot on the young man's inner thigh.
"I demand... that you stop this... at once. You're acting... like children! Argharghargh... damn it!"
Rikku giggled to hear Auron swear. Finally he could fight laughter no more, and at that capitulation they released him.
"Good job!" Jecht high-fived Rikku.
Auron sat up, breathing hard, and wiped his streaming eyes with the back of his sleeve. His eyes gleamed, sword-like, at the co-conspirators. "That was totally uncalled for."
Rikku stuck her tongue out at him.
"You're so childish," he said.
"It's childish to call other people childish," she said.
"That makes no sense," he said.
"You think you're above me just 'cause you're a little older and you're a monk. Well I've got news for you -- you don't let loose once in a while, and all that anger you have in there..." she poked him in the ribs; he scrambled up and away from her reach, "might get you in serious trouble. Get some perspective, monk-man!"
"She's right, Auron," said Jecht. "You could stand to lighten up a little."
Auron opened his mouth to protest, but Rikku cut him off, scrambling to her feet to stare up at him.
"I don't think you appreciate the gravity of what we're going through," she said.
Auron gave her a short, sarcastic laugh. "I think you have it backwards, girl..."
"No, I don't, and here's why: I realize that the Lord Summoner has made some tough choices, and he's resigned to a horrible fate to save Spira. The final summoning -- that's _it_, Auron. End of story. How do you think someone facing that would want to spend their last days: thinking about death, or really _living_? Don't you want to help Braska feel happy? Or will you and your grave prepossessions drag him down until he doesn't even feel alive, just an empty shell marching to his doom?"
She stopped for breath, and realized that Jecht and Braska were staring incredulously at her. She deflated. "Just a thought."
"Y'know, Rikku," said Jecht, "sometimes you make more sense than anything in this crazy world." He folded his arms and leaned against the wall to wait.
She sat down on the floor and dug out her sack to take an inventory. She hadn't expected a response from Auron, but he surprised her. After a few moments, when she'd put what she said away in her mind, he whispered just loud enough for her to hear,
"You're right."
She peered up at him, but neither his eyes nor his lips gave her any more than that.
Rikku looked up as the doors opened. Jecht and Auron straightened. Braska, pale and sweaty, emerged from the Chamber. She rose, scanning his expression. He looked exhausted.
Braska started to head back to the Cloister, his guardians following close behind, but after a moment he stopped and turned to Rikku.
"Pray now, if you will," he said.
She gulped. "My lord..."
"Auron, stay with her if she decides to enter the Chamber of the Fayth." Braska said no more; he continued on his way. Jecht shot his companions a long look before following his summoner.
"Well?" Auron said, half-challenging.
*You're a guardian, Rikki,* she thought. *Anything you can do to guard Lord Braska will help. Especially if you plan to save him.*
"I'll go." She focused on him. "You don't have to stay."
He quirked an eyebrow. "I'll stay."
She turned on her heel and marched back to the Chamber's doors. Steeling herself, she went through. She shut the doors behind her, knelt on the floor, and looked down at Valefor's sightless form. She started with the prayer gesture.
"Hi," she said. "I guess I'm sort of new to this. I don't really know what to do, or say. Anyway, I'm a guardian to the summoner that was just in here. Yesterday morning, something... well, something really weird happened to me. I was at your friend Shiva's place in Macalania, and I fell asleep." She laughed half-heartedly. "Funniest thing... but I guess you know all about it. You fayth are pretty powerful."
Her words echoed up the cylindrical walls in the silence that followed.
"Anyway, the reason I came here was because I thought maybe... I mean, I know aeons aren't much good against Sin, except the final one, but I thought that if I could summon aeons, it might help me save them. And that's what I really, really, _really_ want. They want to save Spira by sacrificing themselves, but I want to save Spira and them too."
She cleared her throat, feeling silly all of a sudden. "...You know?" she added weakly, and repeated the prayer sign for good measure.
"Anyway, I know I haven't trained and stuff and I'm probably not worthy, but I feel better just being here. I hope you don't mind.
"It's funny how important they are to me now. I mean, I didn't really know them at all, even Auron. And now the thought of losing them makes me breathe funny and my chest hurts. I love them, you know? I don't want to see them die for nothing.
"But is there anything I can do about it? Is their fate immutable? Was all this in vain?"
She bowed her head. "I want to help them. Help me help them. Please."
With a suddenness that made her gasp, pressure filled her head. She reached up to it, but before her hand touched her head the room spun around her and was replaced with blackness.
She jerked awake, vaguely aware that she'd had dreams but with no memory of what they were. She blinked. Heaviness lingered in her head, though no longer as strong as that which had knocked her unconscious. She looked up to see a fayth standing over her.
She rose to her knees and hurriedly made the sign of prayer to it. As she straightened, it nodded. She steeled herself.
"Why do you seek their lives?" it said, in that same faint hollow voice that had greeted her in Yevon Dome.
"B-because I love them. If Yunie doesn't have to die, neither do they," she said.
"Everyone dies," said the fayth. "They've chosen to die for their people."
"But it's not necessary," she said.
"You struggle so hard, little one," it said, barely taller than her head as she kneeled. "Someday soon you must accept that you cannot change everything."
"Are you saying that I can't help them?" Despair nearly throttled her mind.
"Little one."
She tried to calm her mind. "Yes?"
"Someday you will be Spira's savior. Do not give up hope if you fail today, for today's lessons turn dreams into tomorrow's strength."
"Er... can you be less vague?"
"Enough. You will have my summoning." It stepped forward, and she was again startled by the suddenness with which it entered her. She collapsed on the floor. She'd hoped this time would be less painful, now that she knew what to expect -- but if anything, it was worse. Her insides wrenched around. If she'd had the strength, she would have retched. Her body couldn't even writhe in pain.
When the pain subsided and her body was returned to her control, it started shaking. She crawled over to the wall and dug her fingers into the grooves between stone. A sliver of the energy she normally commanded allowed her to stand -- barely. She reached for the doors, then paused.
*Auron's out there.*
She closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. She sought calm in her mind's darkness. When she felt a little steadier, she pushed open the doors.
Auron stood where he'd been leaning against the wall, his solicitude evident. She gave him the strongest smile she could.
"Okay," she said. "I'm finished. Let's find Jecht and get into some trouble, huh?"
"The fayth joined with you?" he said.
"Yuppity yup," she said, striding for the cloister as fast as she dared. He matched her pace.
"How do you feel?" he said.
"Like a million gold."
"Rikku," he admonished. "This is serious. I'm trying to find out if you're all right."
"Don't _worry_ about me," she scolded. "I'm worth four of you with one hand tied behind my back."
"You don't take me seriously."
"No more than you deserve."
"I deserve a little respect from you."
"Oh, I respect you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Er..." *Oops. Nice one, Rikki. You managed to nearly shove your entire leg down your own throat.* "I meant _you_ wouldn't be here. I would have told you to scram and leave me alone to my vigil. But I like you, and I think like me you have the potential to be a nice person."
"Someone certainly has a high estimation of herself."
She whirled on him, but when her vision stopped spinning she saw a grin on his face. She laughed in astonishment. "You're making fun of me!"
"It's my turn."
"You mean you're not even upset? Not a little?"
"By you?" He reached up and ruffled her hair.
The gesture made her flush with heat. "Don't do that, monk-man. I'm warning you."
"Or else what?" He was still grinning, and her fists clenched.
"I will not be patronized by a man who can't even keep..." She stopped speaking and exhaled all the breath she'd drawn in, stricken by how close he could get her to slipping with her knowledge of the future. "Damn you!" she snapped.
"Now you know how I feel!" he said. "You continually run me down, tell me I'm too serious, that you're stronger than me. You and Jecht humiliated me today!"
Stunned, she realized his eyes had a sheen to them. She dropped her hands. "Oh, damn."
He turned away.
Her fingers went numb. *I understand now.* She reached up to him, but refrained from touching his back.
Her eyes slid closed to shut out distractions as she sought the right words. Silence swirled around them until she could find a way to begin.
"My mom never cried," she said. "No matter what happened, she was always strong. When she died, my dad was a wreck -- angry, sad, depressed by turns. One night he told me that what made him hurt the most was that even when he was sobbing his eyes out by her side, holding her hand while she barely clung to life, she still smiled at him and told him everything was okay. He knew it wasn't. He wanted so badly to hear her say it, to admit that she was going to die and share the sorrow of the truth.
"It didn't make any sense to me, of course. I'm just like my dad, Auron. I go to pieces when bad things happen -- but I'm also learning what it's like to be my mom. I know what it's like now to want things to seem better than they are, and try to make light of any situation, even when it's not appropriate. And like my dad, I get angry if things are really bad."
She had to stop then. Her hand had moved so close to him she could feel his jacket just under her fingertips, but she still wasn't touching it.
"You're fragile too, Auron. Just like me," she whispered. "I didn't know that you were angry because you're scared too. I didn't know. I didn't know you were just like me."
"Damn it, I'm not like you," he snapped, but his voice quavered. He didn't turn around.
"I don't want you to die," she whispered. Her hand finally touched him. He flinched, but she didn't pull back. He didn't throw her off.
"I... I don't want Lord Braska to die," said Auron.
"I know."
"But what can I do? The final summoning is the only way to defeat Sin and save Spira."
*No,* she railed inside. *The final summoning is a lie!* But she couldn't bring herself to say it. "I feel helpless too," she whispered.
He didn't respond.
"It makes me so mad... I trained so hard, fought so many, and for what?" she said. "More deaths? A temporary Calm? This can't be all there is."
He gave her more silence. She looked up at the back of his head.
*This can't be all there is.*
He turned from her touch, walked heavily through the Cloister. She trailed him, echoing his pensive silence.